第 73 节
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considered that his excessive Intimacy at Uppercross must have
its danger of ill consequence in many ways; and that while trying
whether he could attach himself to either of the Girls; he might be
exciting unpleasant reports; if not; raising unrequited regard!—He
found; too late; that he had entangled himself—and that precisely
as he became thoroughly satisfied of his not caring for Louisa at
all; he must regard himself as bound to her; if her feelings for him;
were what the Harvilles supposed。—It determined him to leave
Lyme—& await her perfect recovery elsewhere。 He would gladly
weaken; by any fair means; whatever sentiments or speculations
concerning him might exist; and he went therefore into
Shropshire meaning after a while; to return to the Crofts at
Kellynch; & act as he found requisite。—He had remained in
Shropshire; lamenting the Blindness of his own Pride; & the
Blunders of his own Calculations; till at once released from Louisa
by the astonishing felicity of her engagement with Benwick。 Bath;
Bath—had instantly followed; in Thought; & not long after; in fact。
To Bath; to arrive with Hope; to be torn by Jealousy at the first
sight of Mr E。; to experience all the changes of each at the Concert;
to be miserable by this morning’s circumstantial report; to be now;
more happy than Language could express; or any heart but his
own be capable of。
He was very eager & very delightful in the description of what
he had felt at the Concert。—The Evening seemed to have been
made up of exquisite moments;—the moment of her stepping
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forward in the Octagon Room to speak to him—the moment of Mr
E。’s appearing & tearing her away; & one or two subsequent
moments; marked by returning hope; or increasing Despondence;
were all dwelt on with energy。 ‘To see you; cried he; in the midst of
those who could not be my well…wishers; to see your Cousin close
by you—conversing & smiling—& feel all the horrible Eligibilities
& Proprieties of the Match!—to consider it as the certain wish of
every being who could hope to influence you—even; if your own
feelings were reluctant; or indifferent—to consider what powerful
supports would be his!—Was not it enough to make the fool of me;
which my behaviour expressed?—How could I look on without
agony?—Was not the very sight of the Friend who sat behind
you?—was not the recollection of what had been—the knowledge
of her Influence—the indelible; immoveable Impression of what
Persuasion had once done; was not it all against me?’
‘You should have distinguished—replied Anne—You should not
have suspected me now;—The case so different; & my age so
different!—If I was wrong; in yielding to Persuasion once;
remember that it was to Persuasion exerted on the side of Safety;
not of Risk。 When I yielded; I thought it was to Duty。—But no Duty
could be called in aid here。—In marrying a Man indifferent to me;
all Risk would have been incurred; & all Duty violated。’—‘Perhaps
I ought to have reasoned thus; he replied; but I could not。—I could
not derive benefit from the later knowledge of your Character
which I had acquired; I could not bring it into play; it was
overwhelmed; buried; lost in those earlier feelings; which I had
been smarting under Year after Year。—I could think of you only as
one who had yielded; who had given me up; who had been
influenced by any one rather than by me—I saw you with the very
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Person who had guided you in that year of Misery—I had no
reason to think her of less authority now;—the force of Habit was
to be added。’—‘I should have thought; said Anne; that my Manner
to yourself; might have spared you much; or all of this。’—‘No—
No—Your manner might be only the ease; which your engagement
to another Man would give。—I left you with this belief。—And yet—
I was determined to see you again。—My spirits rallied with the
morning; & I felt that I had still a motive for remaining here。—The
Admirals news indeed; was a revulsion。 Since that moment; I have
been decided what to do—and had it been confirmed; this would
have been my last day in Bath。’
There was time for all this to pass—with such Interruptions
only as enhanced the charm of the communication—and Bath
could scarcely contain any other two Beings at once so rationally
& so rapturously happy as during that evening occupied the
Sopha of Mrs Croft’s Drawing room in Gay St。
Capt。 W。 had taken care to meet the Admiral as he returned
into the house; to satisfy him as to Mr E。 & Kellynch;—and the
delicacy of the Admiral’s good nature kept him from saying
another word on the subject to Anne。—He was quite concerned
lest he might have been giving her pain by touching a tender part。
Who could say?—She might be liking her Cousin; better than he
liked her。—And indeed; upon recollection; if they had been to
marry at all why should they have waited so long?
When the Evening closed; it is probable that the Admiral
received some new ideas from his Wife;—whose particularly
friendly manner in parting with her; gave Anne the gratifying
persuasion of her seeing & approving。
It had been such a day to Anne!—the hours which had passed
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since her leaving Camden Place; had done so much!—She was
almost bewildered; almost too happy in looking back。—It was
necessary to sit up half the Night & lie awake the remainder to
comprehend with composure her present state; & pay for the
overplus of Bliss; by Headake & Fatigue。
CHAPTER 11
WHO can be in doubt of what followed?—When any two Young
People take it into their heads to marry; they are pretty sure by
perseverance to carry their point—be they ever so poor; or ever so
imprudent; or ever so little likely to be necessary to each other’s
ultimate comfort。 This may be bad Morality to conclude with; but I
believe it to be Truth—and if such parties succeed; how should a
Capt。 W。 & an Anne E。; with the advantage of maturity of Mind;
consciousness of Right; & one Independant Fortune between
them; fail of hearing down every opposition? They might in fact;
have born down a great deal more than they met with; for there
was little to distress them beyond the want of Graciousness &
Warmth。 Sir W。 made no objection; & Elizabeth did nothing worse
than look cold & unconcerned。 Capt。 W。—with £25;000—& as high
in his Profession as Merit & Activity could place him; was no
longer nobody。 He was now esteemed quite worthy to address the
Daughter of a foolish spendthrift Baronet; who had not had
Principle or sense enough to maintain himself in the Situation in
which Providence had placed him; & who could give his Daughter
but a small part of the share of ten Thousand pounds which must
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be her’s hereafter。—Sir Walter indeed tho’ he had no affection for
his Daughter & no vanity flattered to make him really happy on
the occasion; was very far from thinking it a bad match for her。—
On the contrary when he saw more of