第 73 节
作者:绝对601      更新:2022-04-16 12:12      字数:9245
  considered   that   his   excessive   Intimacy   at   Uppercross   must   have
  its danger of ill consequence in many ways; and that while trying
  whether he could attach himself to either of the Girls; he might be
  exciting unpleasant reports; if not; raising unrequited regard!—He
  found; too late; that he had entangled himself—and that precisely
  as he became   thoroughly  satisfied   of  his not caring  for  Louisa at
  all; he must regard himself as bound to her; if her feelings for him;
  were   what   the   Harvilles   supposed。—It   determined   him   to   leave
  Lyme—& await her  perfect  recovery  elsewhere。   He   would   gladly
  weaken;  by  any fair      means;   whatever  sentiments   or  speculations
  concerning        him    might     exist;    and    he    went     therefore     into
  Shropshire       meaning      after   a  while;   to  return    to  the   Crofts    at
  Kellynch;      &   act  as   he   found    requisite。—He       had   remained      in
  Shropshire;       lamenting     the   Blindness     of  his   own    Pride;   &   the
  Blunders of his own Calculations; till at once released from Louisa
  by the astonishing felicity of her engagement with Benwick。 Bath;
  Bath—had instantly followed; in Thought; & not long after; in fact。
  To  Bath;   to  arrive   with   Hope;   to   be   torn   by   Jealousy  at   the   first
  sight of Mr E。; to experience all the changes of each at the Concert;
  to be miserable by this morning’s circumstantial report; to be now;
  more   happy   than   Language   could   express;   or   any   heart   but   his
  own be capable of。
  He was very eager & very delightful in the description of what
  he   had   felt   at   the   Concert。—The   Evening   seemed   to   have   been
  made      up   of  exquisite    moments;—the         moment      of  her   stepping
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  forward in the Octagon Room to speak to him—the moment of Mr
  E。’s   appearing     &   tearing   her  away;    &   one   or  two   subsequent
  moments; marked by returning hope; or increasing Despondence;
  were all dwelt on with energy。 ‘To see you; cried he; in the midst of
  those who could not be my well…wishers; to see your Cousin close
  by you—conversing & smiling—& feel all the horrible Eligibilities
  & Proprieties of the Match!—to consider it as the certain wish of
  every  being  who  could   hope  to  influence  you—even; if   your   own
  feelings were reluctant; or indifferent—to consider what powerful
  supports would be his!—Was not it enough to make the fool of me;
  which   my   behaviour   expressed?—How   could   I   look   on   without
  agony?—Was   not   the   very   sight       of  the  Friend   who    sat  behind
  you?—was not the recollection of what had been—the knowledge
  of   her   Influence—the   indelible;   immoveable   Impression   of   what
  Persuasion had once done; was not it all against me?’
  ‘You should have distinguished—replied Anne—You should not
  have    suspected     me  now;—The        case   so  different;   &  my    age  so
  different!—If      I was    wrong;      in  yielding    to   Persuasion     once;
  remember that it was to Persuasion exerted on the side of Safety;
  not of Risk。 When I yielded; I thought it was to Duty。—But no Duty
  could be called in aid here。—In marrying a Man indifferent to me;
  all Risk would have been incurred; & all Duty violated。’—‘Perhaps
  I ought to have reasoned thus; he replied; but I could not。—I could
  not   derive    benefit   from   the  later   knowledge     of   your  Character
  which     I  had   acquired;    I  could   not   bring   it  into  play;   it  was
  overwhelmed;   buried;   lost   in   those   earlier   feelings;   which   I   had
  been smarting under Year after Year。—I could think of you only as
  one    who   had   yielded;    who   had   given     me   up;   who   had   been
  influenced by any one rather than by me—I saw you with the very
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  Person      who   had    guided    you   in  that  year   of  Misery—I      had    no
  reason to think her of less authority now;—the force of Habit was
  to be added。’—‘I should have thought; said Anne; that my Manner
  to   yourself;   might   have   spared   you   much;   or   all   of   this。’—‘No—
  No—Your manner might be only the ease; which your engagement
  to another Man would give。—I left you with this belief。—And yet—
  I   was   determined   to   see   you   again。—My   spirits   rallied   with   the
  morning; & I felt that I had still a motive for remaining here。—The
  Admirals news indeed; was a revulsion。 Since that moment; I have
  been decided what to do—and had it been confirmed; this would
  have been my last day in Bath。’
  There   was   time   for   all   this   to   pass—with   such   Interruptions
  only    as  enhanced      the   charm    of  the   communication—and            Bath
  could scarcely contain any other two Beings at once so rationally
  &    so   rapturously     happy     as  during    that   evening     occupied     the
  Sopha of Mrs Croft’s Drawing room in Gay St。
  Capt。   W。   had   taken   care   to   meet   the   Admiral   as   he   returned
  into   the   house;   to   satisfy   him   as   to   Mr   E。   &   Kellynch;—and   the
  delicacy     of  the   Admiral’s     good    nature     kept   him    from    saying
  another   word   on   the   subject   to   Anne。—He   was   quite   concerned
  lest he might have been giving her pain by touching a tender part。
  Who could say?—She might be liking her  Cousin; better  than   he
  liked    her。—And   indeed;   upon        recollection;    if  they  had    been   to
  marry at all why should they have waited so long?
  When      the   Evening     closed;   it  is  probable     that   the  Admiral
  received      some    new     ideas   from    his   Wife;—whose        particularly
  friendly   manner   in   parting       with   her;  gave    Anne    the   gratifying
  persuasion of her seeing & approving。
  It had been such a day to Anne!—the hours which had passed
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  since   her   leaving   Camden   Place;   had   done   so   much!—She   was
  almost     bewildered;      almost    too  happy     in  looking    back。—It     was
  necessary   to   sit   up   half   the   Night   &   lie   awake   the   remainder   to
  comprehend         with   composure      her   present    state;   &   pay   for  the
  overplus of Bliss; by Headake & Fatigue。
  CHAPTER 11
  WHO   can   be   in   doubt   of   what   followed?—When   any   two   Young
  People   take   it  into  their   heads   to   marry;   they   are   pretty   sure   by
  perseverance to carry their point—be they ever so poor; or ever so
  imprudent; or ever so  little likely  to  be necessary  to  each  other’s
  ultimate comfort。 This may be bad Morality to conclude with; but I
  believe it to be Truth—and if such parties succeed; how should a
  Capt。 W。  & an Anne   E。;   with  the   advantage   of   maturity  of   Mind;
  consciousness        of  Right;   &   one    Independant       Fortune     between
  them; fail of  hearing  down   every  opposition?  They  might  in   fact;
  have   born   down   a   great deal   more   than   they  met  with;   for  there
  was   little   to   distress   them   beyond   the   want   of   Graciousness      &
  Warmth。 Sir W。 made no objection; & Elizabeth did nothing worse
  than look cold & unconcerned。 Capt。 W。—with £25;000—& as high
  in   his   Profession    as  Merit   &   Activity   could   place    him;   was   no
  longer nobody。 He was now esteemed quite worthy to address the
  Daughter       of  a  foolish   spendthrift     Baronet;     who    had    not   had
  Principle or sense enough to maintain himself in the Situation in
  which Providence had placed him; & who could give his Daughter
  but a small part of the share of ten Thousand pounds which must
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  be her’s hereafter。—Sir Walter indeed tho’ he had no affection for
  his   Daughter  &   no  vanity  flattered   to  make   him   really   happy   on
  the occasion; was very far from thinking it a bad match for her。—
  On the contrary when he saw more of