第 71 节
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Doubts—a perplexity; an agitation which she could not see the end
of—and she was in Gay St & still so much engrossed; that she
started on being addressed by Admiral Croft; as if he were a
person unlikely to be met there。 It was within a few steps of his
own door。—‘You are going to call upon my wife; said he; she will
be very glad to see you。’—Anne denied it。 ‘No—she really had not
time; she was in her way home’—but while she spoke; the Admiral
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had stepped back & knocked at the door; calling out; ‘Yes; yes; do
go in; she is all alone; go in & rest yourself。’—Anne felt so little
disposed at this time to be in company of any sort; that it vexed
her to be thus constrained—but she was obliged to stop。 ‘Since
you are so very kind; said she; I will just ask Mrs Croft how she
does; but I really cannot stay 5 minutes。—You are sure she is quite
alone。’—The possibility of Capt。 W。 had occurred—and most
fearfully anxious was she to be assured—either that he was within
or that he was not; which; might have been a question。—‘Oh! yes;
quite alone—Nobody but her Mantuamaker with her; & they have
been shut up together this half hour; so it must be over soon。’—
‘Her Mantuamaker!—then I am sure my calling now; would be
most inconvenient。—Indeed you must allow me to leave my Card
& be so good as to explain it afterwards to Mrs C。’ ‘No; no; not at
all; not at all。 She will be very happy to see you。 Mind—I will not
swear that she has not something particular to say to you—but
that will all come out in the right place。 I give no hints。—Why; Miss
Elliot; we begin to hear strange things of you—(smiling in her
face)—But you have not much the Look of it—as Grave as a little
Judge。’—Anne blushed。—‘Aye; aye; that will do。 Now; it is right。 I
thought we were not mistaken。’ She was left to guess at the
direction of his Suspicions;—the first wild idea had been of some
disclosure from his Brother in law—but she was ashamed the next
moment—& felt how far more probable that he should be meaning
Mr E。—The door was opened—& the Man evidently beginning to
deny his Mistress; when the sight of his Master stopped him。 The
Admiral enjoyed the joke exceedingly。 Anne thought his triumph
over Stephen rather too long。 At last however; he was able to
invite her upstairs; & stepping before her said—‘I will just go up
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with you myself & shew you in—。 I cannot stay; because I must go
to the P。 Office; but if you will only sit down for 5 minutes I am
sure Sophy will come—and you will find nobody to disturb you—
there is nobody but Frederick here—’ opening the door as he
spoke。—Such a person to be passed over as a Nobody to her!—
After being allowed to feel quite secure—indifferent—at her ease;
to have it burst on her that she was to be the next moment in the
same room with him!—No time for recollection!—for planning
behaviour; or regulating manners!—There was time only to turn
pale; before she had passed through the door; & met the
astonished eyes of Capt。 W。 who was sitting by the fire pretending
to read & prepared for no greater surprise than the Admiral’s
hasty return。—Equally unexpected was the meeting; on each side。
There was nothing to be done however; but to stifle feelings & be
quietly polite;—and the Admiral was too much on the alert; to
leave any troublesome pause。—He repeated again what he had
said before about his wife & everybody—insisted on Anne’s sitting
down & being perfectly comfortable; was sorry he must leave her
himself; but was sure Mrs Croft would be down very soon; &
would go upstairs & give her notice directly。—Anne was sitting
down; but now she arose again—to entreat him not to interrupt
Mrs C。—& re…urge the wish of going away & calling another
time。—But the Admiral would not hear of it;—and if she did not
return to the charge with unconquerable Perseverance; or did not
with a more passive Determination walk quietly out of the room—
(as certainly she might have done) may she not be pardoned?—If
she had no horror of a few minutes Tete a Tete with Capt。 W。; may
she not be pardoned for not wishing to give him the idea that she
had?—She reseated herself; & the Admiral took leave; but on
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reaching the door; said; ‘Frederick; a word with you; if you
please。’—Capt。 W。 went to him; and instantly; before they were
well out of the room; the Admiral continued—‘As I am going to
leave you together; it is but fair I should give you something to talk
of—& so; if you please—’ Here the door was very firmly closed; she
could guess by which of the two; and she lost entirely what
immediately followed; but it was impossible for her not to
distinguish parts of the rest; for the Admiral on the strength of the
Door’s being shut was speaking without any management of voice;
tho’ she could hear his companion trying to check him。—She
could not doubt their being speaking of her。 She heard her own
name & Kellynch repeatedly—she was very much distressed。 She
knew not what to do; or what to expect—and among other agonies
felt the possibility of Capt。 W。’s not returning into the room at all;
which after her consenting to stay would have been—too bad for
Language。—They seemed to be talking of the Admiral’s Lease of
Kellynch。 She heard him say something of ‘the Lease being signed
or not signed’—that was not likely to be a very agitating subject—
but then followed ‘I hate to be at an uncertainty—I must know at
once—Sophy thinks the same。’ Then; in a lower tone; Capt。 W。
seemed remonstrating—wanting to be excused—wanting to put
something off。 ‘Phoo; Phoo—answered the Admiral; now is the
Time。 If you will not speak; I will stop & speak myself。’—‘Very well
Sir; very well Sir; followed with some impatience from his
companion; opening the door as he spoke。—‘You will then—you
promise you will?’ replied the Admiral; in all the power of his
natural voice; unbroken even by one thin door。—‘Yes; Sir—Yes。’
And the Admiral was hastily left; the door was closed; and the
moment arrived in which Anne was alone with Capt。 W。 She could
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not attempt to see how he looked; but he walked immediately to a
window; as if irresolute & embarrassed;—and for about the space
of 5 seconds; she repented what she had done—censured it as
unwise; blushed over it as indelicate。—She longed to be able to
speak of the weather or the Concert—but could only compass the
relief of taking a Newspaper in her hand。—The distressing pause
was soon over however; he turned round in half a minute; and
coming towards the Table where she sat; said; in a voice of effort
& constraint—‘You must have heard too much already Madam to
be in any doubt of my having promised Admiral Croft to speak to
you on some particular subject—& this conviction determines me
to do it—however repugnant to my—to all my sense of propriety;
to be taking so great a liberty。—You wiil acquit me of
Impertinence I trust; by considering me as speaking only for
another;