第 66 节
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to every domestic forbearance; so long as—if I may be allowed the
expression; so long as you have an object。 I mean while the woman
you love lives; and lives for you。 All the privilege I claim for my
own sex (it is not a very enviable one; you need not covet it) is that
of loving longest; when existence or when hope is gone。”
She could not immediately have uttered another sentence; her
heart was too full; her breath too much oppressed。
“You are a good soul;” cried Captain Harville; putting his hand
on her arm; quite affectionately。 “There is no quarreling with
you。—And when I think of Benwick; my tongue is tied。”
Their attention was called towards the others。—Mrs。 Croft was
taking leave。
“Here; Frederick; you and I part company; I believe;” said she。
“I am going home; and you have an engagement with your
friend。—To…night we may have the pleasure of all meeting again at
your party;” (turning to Anne)。 “We had your sister’s card
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yesterday; and I understood Frederick had a card too; though I did
not see it—and you are disengaged; Frederick; are you not; as well
as ourselves?”
Captain Wentworth was folding up a letter in great haste; and
either could not or would not answer fully。
“Yes;” said he; “very true; here we separate; but Harville and I
shall soon be after you; that is; Harville; if you are ready; I am in
half a minute。 I know you will not be sorry to be off。 I shall be at
your service in half a minute。”
Mrs。 Croft left them; and Captain Wentworth; having sealed his
letter with great rapidity; was indeed ready; and had even a
hurried; agitated air; which shewed impatience to be gone。 Anne
knew not how to understand it。 She had the kindest “Good
morning; God bless you!” from Captain Harville; but from him not
a word; nor a look! He had passed out of the room without a look!
She had only time; however; to move closer to the table where
he had been writing; when footsteps were heard returning; the
door opened; it was himself。 He begged their pardon; but he had
forgotten his gloves; and instantly crossing the room to the writing
table; he drew out a letter from under the scattered paper; placed
it before Anne with eyes of glowing entreaty fixed on her for a
time; and hastily collecting his gloves; was again out of the room;
almost before Mrs。 Musgrove was aware of his being in it—the
work of an instant!
The revolution which one instant had made in Anne; was
almost beyond expression。 The letter; with a direction hardly
legible; to “Miss A。 E。—;” was evidently the one which he had been
folding so hastily。 While supposed to be writing only to Captain
Benwick; he had been also addressing her! On the contents of that
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letter depended all which this world could do for her。 Anything
was possible; anything might be defied rather than suspense。 Mrs。
Musgrove had little arrangements of her own at her own table; to
their protection she must trust; and sinking into the chair which
he had occupied; succeeding to the very spot where he had leaned
and written; her eyes devoured the following words:
“I can listen no longer in silence。 I must speak to you by such
means as are within my reach。 You pierce my soul。 I am half
agony; half hope。 Tell me not that I am too late; that such precious
feelings are gone for ever。 I offer myself to you again with a heart
even more your own than when you almost broke it; eight years
and a half ago。 Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman;
that his love has an earlier death。 I have loved none but you。
Unjust I may have been; weak and resentful I have been; but
never inconstant。 You alone have brought me to Bath。 For you
alone; I think and plan。—Have you not seen this? Can you fail to
have understood my wishes?—I had not waited even these ten
days; could I have read your feelings; as I think you must have
penetrated mine。 I can hardly write。 I am every instant hearing
something which overpowers me。 You sink your voice; but I can
distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on
others。—Too good; too excellent creature! You do us justice;
indeed。 You do believe that there is true attachment and
constancy among men。 Believe it to be most fervent; most
undeviating; in
F。 W。
“I must go; uncertain of my fate; but I shall return hither; or
follow your party; as soon as possible。 A word; a look; will be
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enough to decide whether I enter your father’s house this evening
or never。”
Such a letter was not to be soon recovered from。 Half an hour’s
solitude and reflection might have tranquillized her; but the ten
minutes only which now passed before she was interrupted; with
all the restraints of her situation; could do nothing towards
tranquillity。 Every moment rather brought fresh agitation。 It was
overpowering happiness。 And before she was beyond the first
stage of full sensation; Charles; Mary; and Henrietta all came in。
The absolute necessity of seeming like herself produced then an
immediate struggle; but after a while she could do no more。 She
began not to understand a word they said; and was obliged to
plead indisposition and excuse herself。 They could then see that
she looked very ill—were shocked and concerned—and would not
stir without her for the world。 This was dreadful! Would they only
have gone away; and left her in the quiet possession of that room it
would have been her cure; but to have them all standing or
waiting around her was distracting; and in desperation; she said
she would go home。
“By all means; my dear;” cried Mrs。 Musgrove; “go home
directly; and take care of yourself; that you may be fit for the
evening。 I wish Sarah was here to doctor you; but I am no doctor
myself。 Charles; ring and order a chair。 She must not walk。”
But the chair would never do。 Worse than all! To lose the
possibility of speaking two words to Captain Wentworth in the
course of her quiet; solitary progress up the town (and she felt
almost certain of meeting him) could not be borne。 The chair was
earnestly protested against; and Mrs。 Musgrove; who thought only
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of one sort of illness; having assured herself with some anxiety;
that there had been no fall in the case; that Anne had not at any
time lately slipped down; and got a blow on her head; that she was
perfectly convinced of having had no fall; could part with her
cheerfully; and depend on finding her better at night。
Anxious to omit no possible precaution; Anne struggled; and
said;
“I am afraid; ma’am; that it is not perfectly understood。 Pray be
so good as to mention to the other gentlemen that we hope to see
your whole party this evening。 I am afraid there had been some
mistake; and I wish you particularly to assure Captain Harville
and Captain Wentworth; that we hope to see them both。”
“Oh! my dear; it is quite understood; I give you my