第 18 节
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state could no longer supply his aunt with a pretence for absenting
herself; and this was but the beginning of other dinings and other
meetings。
Whether former feelings were to be renewed must be brought
to the proof; former times must undoubtedly be brought to the
recollection of each; they could not but be reverted to; the year of
their engagement could not but be named by him; in the little
narratives or descriptions which conversation called forth。 His
profession qualified him; his disposition lead him; to talk; and
“That was in the year six;” “That happened before I went to sea in
the year six;” occurred in the course of the first evening they spent
together: and though his voice did not falter; and though she had
no reason to suppose his eye wandering towards her while he
spoke; Anne felt the utter impossibility; from her knowledge of his
mind; that he could be unvisited by remembrance any more than
herself。 There must be the same immediate association of thought;
though she was very far from conceiving it to be of equal pain。
They had no conversation together; no intercourse but what the
commonest civility required。 Once so much to each other! Now
nothing! There had been a time; when of all the large party now
filling the drawing…room at Uppercross; they would have found it
most difficult to cease to speak to one another。 With the exception;
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perhaps; of Admiral and Mrs。 Croft; who seemed particularly
attached and happy; (Anne could allow no other exceptions even
among the married couples) there could have been no two hearts
so open; no tastes so similar; no feelings so in unison; no
countenances so beloved。 Now they were as strangers; nay; worse
than strangers; for they could never become acquainted。 It was a
perpetual estrangement。
When he talked; she heard the same voice; and discerned the
same mind。 There was a very general ignorance of all naval
matters throughout the party; and he was very much questioned;
and especially by the two Miss Musgroves; who seemed hardly to
have any eyes but for him; as to the manner of living on board;
daily regulations; food; hours; &c。; and their surprise at his
accounts; at learning the degree of accommodation and
arrangement which was practicable; drew from him some pleasant
ridicule; which reminded Anne of the early days when she too had
been ignorant; and she too had been accused of supposing sailors
to be living on board without anything to eat; or any cook to dress
it if there were; or any servant to wait; or any knife and fork to use。
From thus listening and thinking; she was roused by a whisper
of Mrs。 Musgrove’s who; overcome by fond regrets; could not help
saying;
“Ah! Miss Anne; if it had pleased Heaven to spare my poor son;
I dare say he would have been just such another by this time。”
Anne suppressed a smile; and listened kindly; while Mrs。
Musgrove relieved her heart a little more; and for a few minutes;
therefore; could not keep pace with the conversation of the
others。—When she could let her attention take its natural course
again; she found the Miss Musgroves just fetching the navy…list—
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(their own navy list; the first that had ever been at Uppercross);
and sitting down together to pore over it; with the professed view
of finding out the ships that Captain Wentworth had commanded。
“Your first was the Asp; I remember; we will look for the Asp。”
“You will not find her there。—Quite worn out and broken up。 I
was the last man who commanded her。—Hardly fit for service
then。—Reported fit for home service for a year or two; and so I
was sent off to the West Indies。”
The girls looked all amazement。
“The Admiralty;” he continued; “entertain themselves now and
then; with sending a few hundred men to sea; in a ship not fit to be
employed。 But they have a great many to provide for; and among
the thousands that may just as well go to the bottom as not; it is
impossible for them to distinguish the very set who may be least
missed。”
“Phoo! phoo!” cried the Admiral; “what stuff these young
fellows talk! Never was a better sloop than the Asp in her day。—
For an old built sloop; you would not see her equal。 Lucky fellow
to get her!—He knows there must have been twenty better men
than himself applying for her at the same time。 Lucky fellow to get
anything so soon; with no more interest than his。”
“I felt my luck; Admiral; I assure you;” replied Captain
Wentworth; seriously。—“I was as well satisfied with my
appointment as you can desire。 It was a great object with me at
that time to be at sea;—a very great object; I wanted to be doing
something。”
“To be sure you did。—What should a young fellow like you do
ashore for half a year together?—If a man had not a wife; he soon
wants to be afloat again。”
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“But; Captain Wentworth;” cried Louisa; “how vexed you must
have been when you came to the Asp; to see what an old thing
they had given you。”
“I knew pretty well what she was before that day;” said he;
smiling。 “I had no more discoveries to make than you would have
as to the fashion and strength of any old pelisse; which you had
seen lent about among half your acquaintance ever since you
could remember; and which at last; on some very wet day; is lent
to yourself。—Ah! she was a dear old Asp to me。 She did all that I
wanted。 I knew she would。—I knew that we should either go to the
bottom together; or that she would be the making of me; and I
never had two days of foul weather all the time I was at sea in her;
and after taking privateers enough to be very entertaining; I had
the good luck in my passage home the next autumn; to fall in with
the very French frigate I wanted。—I brought her into Plymouth;
and here another instance of luck。 We had not been six hours in
the Sound; when a gale came on; which lasted four days and
nights; and which would have done for poor old Asp in half the
time; our touch with the Great Nation not having much improved
our condition。 Four…and…twenty hours later; and I should only
have been a gallant Captain Wentworth; in a small paragraph at
one corner of the newspapers; and being lost in only a sloop;
nobody would have thought about me。” Anne’s shudderings were
to herself alone; but the Miss Musgroves could be as open as they
were sincere; in their exclamations of pity and horror。
“And so then; I suppose;” said Mrs。 Musgrove; in a low voice; as
if thinking aloud; “so then he went away to the Laconia; and there
he met with our poor boy。—Charles; my dear;” (beckoning him to
her); “do ask Captain Wentworth where it was he first met with
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your poor brother。 I always forgot。”
“It was at Gibraltar; mother; I know。 Dick had been left ill at
Gibraltar; with a recommendation from his former captain to
Captain Wentworth。”
“Oh!—but; Charles; tell Captain Wentworth; he need not be
afraid of mentioning poor Dick before me; for it would be rather a
pleasure to hear him talked of by such a good friend。”
Charles; being somewhat more mindful of the probabilities of
the case; only nodded in reply; and walked awa