〃How　do　you　mean；　my　good　friend？〃
  〃Nay；〃　said　Fairscribe；　〃there　is　ill　luck　in　averring　till　one　is　sure　of　his　facts。　　I　will　look　back　on　a　file　of　newspapers；　and　to…morrow　you　shall　hear　from　me。　　Come；　help　yourselfI　have　seen　you　fill　your　glass　higher。〃
  〃And　shall　see　it　again；〃　said　I；　pouring　out　what　remained　of　our　bottle　of　claret；　〃the　wine　is　capital；　and　so　shall　our　toast　be〃To　your　fireside；　my　good　friend。　　And　now　we　shall　go　beg　a　Scots　song　without　foreign　graces　from　my　little　siren；　Miss　Katie。〃
  The　next　day；　accordingly；　I　received　a　parcel　from　Mr。　Fairscribe　with　a　newspaper　enclosed；　among　the　advertisements　of　which　one　was　marked　with　a　cross　as　requiring　my　attention。　　I　read；　to　my　surprise：
  〃DESIRABLE　ESTATE　FOR　SALE。
  〃By　order　of　the　Lords　of　Council　and　Session；　will　be　exposed　to　sale　in　the　New　Sessions　House　of　Edinburgh；　on　Wednesday；　the　25th　November；　18；　all　and　whole　the　lands　and　barony　of　Glentanner；　now　called　Castle　Treddles；　lying　in　the　Middle　Ward　of　Clydesdale；　and　shire　of　Lanark；　with　the　teinds；　parsonage　and　vicarage；　fishings　in　the　Clyde；　woods；　mosses；　moors；　and　pasturages；〃　etc。；　etc。
  The　advertisement　went　on　to　set　forth　the　advantages　of　the　soil；　situation；　natural　beauties；　and　capabilities　of　improvement；　not　forgetting　its　being　a　freehold　estate；　with　the　particular　polypus　capacity　of　being　sliced　up　into　two；　three；　or；　with　a　little　assistance；　four　freehold　qualifications；　and　a　hint　that　the　county　was　likely　to　be　eagerly　contested　between　two　great　families。　　The　upset　price　at　which　〃the　said　lands　and　barony　and　others〃　were　to　be　exposed　was　thirty　years'　purchase　of　the　proven　rental；　which　was　about　a　fourth　more　than　the　property　had　fetched　at　the　last　sale。　　This；　which　was　mentioned；　I　suppose；　to　show　the　improvable　character　of　the　land；　would　have　given　another　some　pain。　　But　let　me　speak　truth　of　myself　in　good　as　in　evilit　pained　not　me。　　I　was　only　angry　that　Fairscribe；　who　knew　something　generally　of　the　extent　of　my　funds；　should　have　tantalized　me　by　sending　me　information　that　my　family　property　was　in　the　market；　since　he　must　have　known　that　the　price　was　far　out　of　my　reach。
  But　a　letter　dropped　from　the　parcel　on　the　floor；　which　attracted　my　eye；　and　explained　the　riddle。　　A　client　of　Mr。　Fairscribe's；　a　moneyed　man；　thought　of　buying　Glentanner；　merely　as　an　investment　of　moneyit　was　even　unlikely　he　would　ever　see　it；　and　so　the　price　of　the　whole　being　some　thousand　pounds　beyond　what　cash　he　had　on　hand；　this　accommodating　Dives　would　gladly　take　a　partner　in　the　sale　for　any　detached　farm；　and　would　make　no　objection　to　its　including　the　most　desirable　part　of　the　estate　in　point　of　beauty；　provided　the　price　was　made　adequate。　　Mr。　Fairscribe　would　take　care　I　was　not　imposed　on　in　the　matter；　and　said　in　his　card　he　believed；　if　I　really　wished　to　make　such　a　purchase；　I　had　better　go　out　and　look　at　the　premises；　advising　me；　at　the　same　time；　to　keep　a　strict　incognitoan　advice　somewhat　superfluous；　since　I　am　naturally　of　a　retired　and　reserved　disposition。
  CHAPTER　III。
  MR。　CROFTANGRY；　INTER　ALIA；　REVISITS　GLENTANNER。
  Then　sing　of　stage…coaches；　　　And　fear　no　reproaches　　　　　For　riding　in　one；　　　But　daily　be　jogging；　　　Whilst；　whistling　and　flogging；　　　Whilst；　whistling　and　flogging；　　　The　coachman　drives　on。　　　　　　　　　　FARQUHAR。
  Disguised　in　a　grey　surtout　which　had　seen　service；　a　white　castor　on　my　head；　and　a　stout　Indian　cane　in　my　hand；　the　next　week　saw　me　on　the　top　of　a　mail…coach　driving　to　the　westward。
  I　like　mail…coaches；　and　I　hate　them。　　I　like　them　for　my　convenience；　but　I　detest　them　for　setting　the　whole　world　a…　gadding；　instead　of　sitting　quietly　still　minding　their　own　business；　and　preserving　the　stamp　of　originality　of　character　which　nature　or　education　may　have　impressed　on　them。　　Off　they　go；　jingling　against　each　other　in　the　rattling　vehicle　till　they　have　no　more　variety　of　stamp　in　them　than　so　many　smooth　shillingsthe　same　even　in　their　Welsh　wigs　and　greatcoats；　each　without　more　individuality　than　belongs　to　a　partner　of　the　company；　as　the　waiter　calls　them；　of　the　North　Coach。
  Worthy　Mr。　Piper；　best　of　contractors　who　ever　furnished　four　frampal　jades　for　public　use；　I　bless　you　when　I　set　out　on　a　journey　myself；　the　neat　coaches　under　your　contract　render　the　intercourse；　from　Johnnie　Groat's　House　to　Ladykirk　and　Cornhill　Bridge；　safe；　pleasant；　and　cheap。　　But；　Mr。　Piper；　you　who　are　a　shrewd　arithmetician；　did　it　never　occur　to　you　to　calculate　how　many　fools'　heads；　which　might　have　produced　an　idea　or　two　in　the　year；　if　suffered　to　remain　in　quiet；　get　effectually　addled　by　jolting　to　and　fro　in　these　flying　chariots　of　yours；　how　many　decent　countrymen　become　conceited　bumpkins　after　a　cattle…show　dinner　in　the　capital；　which　they　could　not　have　attended　save　for　your　means；　how　many　decent　country　parsons　return　critics　and　spouters；　by　way　of　importing　the　newest　taste　from　Edinburgh？　　And　how　will　your　conscience　answer　one　day　for　carrying　so　many　bonny　lasses　to　barter　modesty　for　conceit　and　levity　at　the　metropolitan　Vanity　Fair？
  Consider；　too；　the　low　rate　to　which　you　reduce　human　intellect。　I　do　not　believe　your　habitual　customers　have　their　ideas　more　enlarged　than　one　of　your　coach…horses。　　They　KNOWS　the　road；　like　the　English　postilion；　and　they　know　nothing　besides。　　They　date；　like　the　carriers　at　Gadshill；　from　the　death　of　Robin　Ostler；　＇See　Act　II。　Scene　1　of　the　First　Part　of　Shakespeare's　Henry　IV。＇　the　succession　of　guards　forms　a　dynasty　in　their　eyes；　coachmen　are　their　ministers　of　state；　and　an　upset　is　to　them　a　greater　incident　than　a　change　of　administration。　　Their　only　point　of　interest　on　the　road　is　to　save　the　time；　and　see　whether　the　coach　keeps　the　hour。　　This　is　surely　a　miserable　degradation　of　human　intellect。　　Take　my　advice；　my　good　sir；　and　disinterestedly　contrive　that　once　or　twice　a　quarter　your　most　dexterous　whip　shall　overturn　a　coachful　of　these　superfluous　travellers；　IN　TERROREM　to　those　who；　as　Horace　says；　〃delight　in　the　dust　raised　by　your　chariots。〃
  Your　current　and　customary　mail…coach　passenger；　too；　gets　abominably　selfish；　schemes　successfully　for　the　best　seat；　the　freshest　egg；　the　right　cut　of　the　sirloin。　　The　mode　of　travelling　is　death　to　all　the　courtesies　and　kindnesses　of　life；　and　goes　a　great　way　to　demoralize　the　character；　and　cause　it　to　retrograde　to　barbarism。　　You　allow　us　excellent　dinners；　but　only　twenty　minutes　to　eat　them。　　And　what　is　the　consequence？　Bashful　beauty　sits　on　the　one　side　of　us；　timid　childhood　on　the　other；　respectable；　yet　somewhat　feeble；　old　age　is　placed　on　our　front；　and　all　require　those　acts　of　politeness　which　ought　to　put　every　degree　upon　a　level　at　the　convivial　board。　　But　have　we　timewe　the　strong　and　active　of　the　partyto　perform　the　duties　of　the　table　to　the　more　retired　and　bashful；　to　whom　these　little　attentions　are　due？　　The　lady　should　be　pressed　to　her　chicken；　the　old　man　helped　to　his　favourite　and　tender　slice；　the　child　to　his　tart。　　But　not　a　fraction　of　a　minute　have　we　to　bestow　on　any　other　person　than　ourselves；　and　the　PRUT…PRUTTUT…TUT　of　the　guard's　discordant　note　summons　us　to　the　coach；　the　weaker　party　having　gone　without　their　dinner；　and　the　able…bodied　and　active　threatened　with　indigestion；　from　having　swallowed　victuals　like　a　Lei'stershire　clown　bolting　bacon。
  On　the　memorable　occasion　I　am　speaking　of　I　lost　my　breakfast；　sheerly　from　obeying　the　commands　of　a　respectable…looking　old　lady；　who　once　required　me　to　ring　the　bell；　and　another　time　to　help　the　tea…kettle。　　I　have　some　reason　to　think　she　was　literally　an　OLD…STAGER；　who　laughed　in　her　sleeve　at　my　complaisance；　so　that　I　have　sworn　in　my　secret　soul　revenge　upon　her　sex；　and　all　such　errant　damsels　of　whatever　age　and　degree　whom　I　may　encounter　in　my　travels。　　I　mean　all　this　without　the　least　ill…will　to　my　friend　the　contractor；　who；　I　think；　has　approached　as　near　as　any　one　is　like　to　do　towards　accomplishing　the　modest　wish　cf　the　Amatus　and　Amata　of　the　Peri　Bathous；
  〃Ye　gods；　annihilate　but　time　and　space；　　　　And　make　two　lovers　happy。〃
  I　intend　to　give　Mr。　P。　his　full　revenge　when　I　come　to　discuss　the　more　recent　enormity　of　steamboats；　meanwhile；　I　shall　only　say　of　both　these　modes　of　conveyance；　that
  〃There　is　no　living　with　them　or　without　them。〃
  I　am；　perhaps；　more　critical　on　themail…coach　on　this　particular　occasion；　that　I　did　not　meet　all　the　respect　from　the　worshipful　company　in　his　Majesty's　carriage　that　I　think　I　was　entitled　to。　　I　must　say　it　for　myself　that　I　bear；　in　my　own　opinion　at　least；　not　a　vulgar　point　about　me。　　My　face　has　seen　service；　but　there　is　still　a　good　set　of　teeth；　an　aquiline　nose；　and　a　quick；　grey　eye；　set　a　little　too　deep　under　the　eyebrow；　and　a　cue　of　the　kind　once　called　military　may　serve　to　show　that　my　civil　occupations　have　been　sometimes　mixed　with　those　of　war。　　Nevertheless；　two　idle　young　fellows　in　the　vehicle；　or　rather　on　the　top　of　it；　were　so　much　amused　with　the　deliberation　which　I　used　in　ascending　to　the　same　place　of　eminence；　that　I　tho