第 43 节
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管他三七二十一 更新:2021-12-07 09:25 字数:9321
little yard; where he had so walked and waited; became a temple to
her; and she came out and sat in it; and now first felt to the full
how much he had suffered therewith what fortitude。 She crept
about the house; and kissed the chair he had sat in; and every
much…used place and thing of the departed。
Her shallow nature deepened and deepened under this bereavement; of
which; she said to herself; with a shudder; she was the cause。 And
this is the course of nature; there is nothing like suffering to
enlighten the giddy brain; widen the narrow mind; improve the
trivial heart。
As her regrets were tender and deep; so her vows of repentance were
sincere。 Oh; what a wife she would make when he came back! how
thoughtful! how prudent! how loyal! and never have a secret。 She
who had once said; 〃What is the use of your writing? nobody will
publish it;〃 now collected and perused every written scrap。 With
simple affection she even locked up his very waste…paper basket;
full of fragments he had torn; or useless papers he had thrown
there; before he went to Plymouth。
In the drawer of his writing…table she found his diary。 It was a
thick quarto: it began with their marriage; and ended with his
leaving homefor then he took another volume。 This diary became
her Bible; she studied it daily; till her tears hid his lines。 The
entries were very miscellaneous; very exact; it was a map of their
married life。 But what she studied most was his observations on
her own character; so scientific; yet so kindly; and his scholar…
like and wise reflections。 The book was an unconscious picture of
a great mind she had hitherto but glanced at: now she saw it all
plain before her; saw it; understood it; adored it; mourned it。
Such women are shallow; not for want of a head upon their
shoulders; but of ATTENTION。 They do not really study anything:
they have been taught at their schools the bad art of skimming; but
let their hearts compel their brains to think and think; the result
is considerable。 The deepest philosopher never fathomed a
character more thoroughly than this poor child fathomed her
philosopher; when she had read his journal ten or eleven times; and
bedewed it with a thousand tears。
One passage almost cut her more intelligent heart in twain:
〃This dark day I have done a thing incredible。 I have spoken with
brutal harshness to the innocent creature I have sworn to protect。
She had run in debt; through inexperience; and that unhappy
timidity which makes women conceal an error till it ramifies; by
concealment; into a fault; and I must storm and rave at her; till
she actually fainted away。 Brute! Ruffian! Monster! And she;
how did she punish me; poor lamb? By soft and tender wordslike a
lady; as she is。 Oh; my sweet Rosa; I wish you could know how you
are avenged。 Talk of the scourgethe cat! I would be thankful
for two dozen lashes。 Ah! there is no need; I think; to punish a
man who has been cruel to a woman。 Let him alone。 He will punish
himself more than you can; if he is really a man。〃
From the date of that entry; this self…reproach and self…torture
kept cropping up every now and then in the diary; and it appeared
to have been not entirely without its influence in sending Staines
to sea; though the main reason he gave was that his Rosa might have
the comforts and luxuries she had enjoyed before she married him。
One day; while she was crying over this diary; Uncle Philip called;
but not to comfort her; I promise you。 He burst on her; irate; to
take her to task。 He had returned; learned Christopher's
departure; and settled the reason in his own mind: that uxorious
fool was gone to sea by a natural reaction; his eyes were open to
his wife at last; and he was sick of her folly; so he had fled to
distant climes; as who would not; that could?
〃SO; ma'am;〃 said he; 〃my nephew is gone to sea; I findall in a
hurry。 Pray may I ask what he has done that for?〃
It was a very simple question; yet it did not elicit a very plain
answer。 She only stared at this abrupt inquisitor; and then cried;
piteously; 〃Oh; Uncle Philip!〃 and burst out sobbing。
〃Why; what is the matter?〃
〃You WILL hate me now。 He is gone to make money for ME; and I
would rather have lived on a crust。 Uncledon't hate me。 I'm a
poor; bereaved; heart…broken creature; that repents。〃
〃Repents! heigho! why; what have you been up to now; ma'am? No
great harm; I'll be bound。 Flirting a little with some FOOLeh?〃
〃Flirting! Me! a married woman。〃
〃Oh; to be sure; I forgot。 Why; surely he has not deserted you。〃
〃My Christopher desert me! He loves me too well; far more than I
deserve; but not more than I will。 Uncle Philip; I am too confused
and wretched to tell you all that has happened; but I know you love
him; though you had a tiff: uncle; he called on you; to shake hands
and ask your forgiveness; poor fellow! He was so sorry you were
away。 Please read his dear diary: it will tell you all; better
than his poor foolish wife can。 I know it by heart。 I'll show you
where you and he quarrelled about me。 There; see。〃 And she showed
him the passage with her finger。 〃He never told me it was that; or
I would have come and begged your pardon on my knees。 But see how
sorry he was。 There; see。 And now I'll show you another place;
where my Christopher speaks of your many; many acts of kindness。
There; see。 And now please let me show you how he longed for
reconciliation。 There; see。 And it is the same through the book。
And now I'll show you how grieved he was to go without your
blessing。 I told him I was sure you would give him that; and him
going away。 Ah; me! will he ever return? Uncle dear; don't hate
me。 What shall I do; now he is gone; if you disown me? Why; you
are the only Staines left me to love。〃
〃Disown you; ma'am! that I'll never do。 You are a good…hearted
young woman; I find。 There; run and dry your eyes; and let me read
Christopher's diary all through。 Then I shall see how the land
lies。〃
Rosa complied with his proposal; and left him alone while she
bathed her eyes; and tried to compose herself; for she was all
trembling at this sudden irruption。
When she returned to the drawing…room; he was walking about;
looking grave and thoughtful。
〃It is the old story;〃 said he; rather gently: 〃a MISUNDERSTANDING。
How wise our ancestors were that first used that word to mean a
quarrel! for; look into twenty quarrels; and you shall detect a
score of mis…under…standings。 Yet our American cousins must go and
substitute the un…ideaed word 'difficulty'; that is wonderful。 I
had no quarrel with him: delighted to see either of you。 But I had
called twice on him; so I thought he ought to get over his temper;
and call on a tried friend like me。 A misunderstanding! Now; my
dear; let us have no more of these misunderstandings。 You will
always be welcome at my house; and I shall often come here and look
after you and your interests。 What do you mean to do; I wonder?〃
〃Sir; I am to go home to my father; if he will be troubled with me。
I have written to him。〃
〃And what is to become of the Bijou?〃
〃My Christie thought I should like to part with it; and the
furniturebut his own writing…desk and his chair; no; I never
will; and his little clock。 Oh! oh! oh!But I remember what you
said about agents; and I don't know what to do; for I shall be
away。〃
〃Then; leave it to me。 I'll come and live here with one servant;
and I'll soon sell it for you。〃
〃You; Uncle Philip!〃
〃Well; why not?〃 said he roughly。
〃That will be a great trouble and discomfort to you; I'm afraid。〃
〃If I find it so; I'll soon drop it。 I'm not the fool to put
myself out for anybody。 When you are ready to go out; send me
word; and I'll come in。〃
Soon after this he bustled off。 He gave her a sort of hurried kiss
at parting; as if he was ashamed of it; and wanted it over as
quickly as possible。
Next day her father came; condoled with her politely; assured her
there was nothing to cry about; husbands were a sort of
functionaries that generally went to sea at some part of their
career; and no harm ever came of it。 On the contrary; 〃Absence
makes the heart grow fonder;〃 said this judicious parent。
This sentiment happened to be just a little too true; and set the
daughter crying bitterly。 But she fought against it。 〃Oh no!〃
said she; 〃I MUSTN'T。 I will not be always crying in Kent Villa。〃
〃Lord forbid!〃
〃I shall get over it in timea little。〃
〃Why; of course you will。 But as to your coming to Kent Villa; I
am afraid you would not be very comfortable there。 You know I am
superannuated。 Only got my pension now。〃
〃I know that; papa: andwhy; that is one of the reasons。 I have a
good income now; and I thought if we put our means together〃
〃Oh; that is a very different thing。 You will want a carriage; I
suppose。 I have put mine down。〃
〃No carriage; no horse; no footman; no luxury of any kind till my
Christie comes back。 I abhor dress; I abhor expense; I loathe
everything I once liked too well; I detest every folly that has
parted us; and I hate myself worst of all。 Oh! oh! oh! Forgive me
for crying