第 63 节
作者:
铲除不公 更新:2021-10-21 08:52 字数:9322
XXXVII。 REACTION
There was no letter from Bob; though December had passed; and the
new year was two weeks old。 His movements were; however; pretty
accurately registered in the papers; which John still brought; but
which Anne no longer read。 During the second week in December the
Victory sailed for Sheerness; and on the 9th of the following
January the public funeral of Lord Nelson took place in St。 Paul's。
Then there came a meagre line addressed to the family in general。
Bob's new Portsmouth attachment was not mentioned; but he told them
he had been one of the eight…and…forty seamen who walked two…and…two
in the funeral procession; and that Captain Hardy had borne the
banner of emblems on the same occasion。 The crew was soon to be
paid off at Chatham; when he thought of returning to Portsmouth for
a few days to see a valued friend。 After that he should come home。
But the spring advanced without bringing him; and John watched Anne
Garland's desolation with augmenting desire to do something towards
consoling her。 The old feelings; so religiously held in check; were
stimulated to rebelliousness; though they did not show themselves in
any direct manner as yet。
The miller; in the meantime; who seldom interfered in such matters;
was observed to look meaningly at Anne and the trumpet…major from
day to day; and by…and…by he spoke privately to John。
His words were short and to the point: Anne was very melancholy;
she had thought too much of Bob。 Now 'twas plain that they had lost
him for many years to come。 Well; he had always felt that of the
two he would rather John married her。 Now John might settle down
there; and succeed where Bob had failed。 'So if you could get her;
my sonny; to think less of him and more of thyself; it would be a
good thing for all。'
An inward excitement had risen in John; but he suppressed it and
said firmly
'Fairness to Bob before everything!'
'He hev forgot her; and there's an end on't。'
'She's not forgot him。'
'Well; well; think it over。'
This discourse was the cause of his penning a letter to his brother。
He begged for a distinct statement whether; as John at first
supposed; Bob's verbal renunciation of Anne on the quay had been
only a momentary ebullition of friendship; which it would be cruel
to take literally; or whether; as seemed now; it had passed from a
hasty resolve to a standing purpose; persevered in for his own
pleasure; with not a care for the result on poor Anne。
John waited anxiously for the answer; but no answer came; and the
silence seemed even more significant than a letter of assurance
could have been of his absolution from further support to a claim
which Bob himself had so clearly renounced。 Thus it happened that
paternal pressure; brotherly indifference; and his own released
impulse operated in one delightful direction; and the trumpet…major
once more approached Anne as in the old time。
But it was not till she had been left to herself for a full five
months; and the blue…bells and ragged…robins of the following year
were again making themselves common to the rambling eye; that he
directly addressed her。 She was tying up a group of tall flowering
plants in the garden: she knew that he was behind her; but she did
not turn。 She had subsided into a placid dignity which enabled her
when watched to perform any little action with seeming composure
very different from the flutter of her inexperienced days。
'Are you never going to turn round?' he at length asked
good…humouredly。
She then did turn; and looked at him for a moment without speaking;
a certain suspicion looming in her eyes; as if suggested by his
perceptible want of ease。
'How like summer it is getting to feel; is it not?' she said。
John admitted that it was getting to feel like summer: and; bending
his gaze upon her with an earnestness which no longer left any doubt
of his subject; went on to ask
'Have you ever in these last weeks thought of how it used to be
between us?'
She replied quickly; 'O; John; you shouldn't begin that again。 I am
almost another woman now!'
'Well; that's all the more reason why I should; isn't it?'
Anne looked thoughtfully to the other end of the garden; faintly
shaking her head; 'I don't quite see it like that;' she returned。
'You feel yourself quite free; don't you?'
'QUITE free!' she said instantly; and with proud distinctness; her
eyes fell; and she repeated more slowly; 'Quite free。' Then her
thoughts seemed to fly from herself to him。 'But you are not?'
'I am not?'
'Miss Johnson!'
'Othat woman! You know as well as I that was all make…up; and
that I never for a moment thought of her。'
'I had an idea you were acting; but I wasn't sure。'
'Well; that's nothing now。 Anne; I want to relieve your life; to
cheer you in some way; to make some amends for my brother's bad
conduct。 If you cannot love me; liking will be well enough。 I have
thought over every side of it so many timesfor months have I been
thinking it overand I am at last sure that I do right to put it to
you in this way。 That I don't wrong Bob I am quite convinced。 As
far as he is concerned we be both free。 Had I not been sure of that
I would never have spoken。 Father wants me to take on the mill; and
it will please him if you can give me one little hope; it will make
the house go on altogether better if you can think o' me。'
'You are generous and good; John;' she said; as a big round tear
bowled helter…skelter down her face and hat…strings。
'I am not that; I fear I am quite the opposite;' he said; without
looking at her。 'It would be all gain to me But you have not
answered my question。'
She lifted her eyes。 'John; I cannot!' she said; with a cheerless
smile。 'Positively I cannot。 Will you make me a promise?'
'What is it?'
'I want you to promise first Yes; it is dreadfully unreasonable;'
she added; in a mild distress。 'But do promise!'
John by this time seemed to have a feeling that it was all up with
him for the present。 'I promise;' he said listlessly。
'It is that you won't speak to me about this for EVER so long;' she
returned; with emphatic kindliness。
'Very good;' he replied; 'very good。 Dear Anne; you don't think I
have been unmanly or unfair in starting this anew?'
Anne looked into his face without a smile。 'You have been perfectly
natural;' she murmured。 'And so I think have I。'
John; mournfully: 'You will not avoid me for this; or be afraid of
me? I will not break my word。 I will not worry you any more。'
'Thank you; John。 You need not have said worry; it isn't that。'
'Well; I am very blind and stupid。 I have been hurting your heart
all the time without knowing it。 It is my fate; I suppose。 Men who
love women the very best always blunder and give more pain than
those who love them less。'
Anne laid one of her hands on the other as she softly replied;
looking down at them; 'No one loves me as well as you; John; nobody
in the world is so worthy to be loved; and yet I cannot anyhow love
you rightly。' And lifting her eyes; 'But I do so feel for you that
I will try as hard as I can to think about you。'
'Well; that is something;' he said; smiling。 'You say I must not
speak about it again for ever so long; how long?'
'Now that's not fair;' Anne retorted; going down the garden; and
leaving him alone。
About a week passed。 Then one afternoon the miller walked up to
Anne indoors; a weighty topic being expressed in his tread。
'I was so glad; my honey;' he began; with a knowing smile; 'to see
that from the mill…window last week。' He flung a nod in the
direction of the garden。
Anne innocently inquired what it could be。
'Jack and you in the garden together;' he continued laying his hand
gently on her shoulder and stroking it。 'It would so please me; my
dear little girl; if you could get to like him better than that
weathercock; Master Bob。'
Anne shook her head; not in forcible negation; but to imply a kind
of neutrality。
'Can't you? Come now;' said the miller。
She threw back her head with a little laugh of grievance。 'How you
all beset me!' she expostulated。 'It makes me feel very wicked in
not obeying you; and being faithfulfaithful to' But she could
not trust that side of the subject to words。 'Why would it please
you so much?' she asked。
'John is as steady and staunch a fellow as ever blowed a trumpet。
I've always thought you might do better with him than with Bob。 Now
I've a plan for taking him into the mill; and letting him have a
comfortable time o't after his long knocking about; but so much
depends upon you that I must bide a bit till I see what your
pleasure is about the poor fellow。 Mind; my dear; I don't want to
force ye; I only just ask ye。'
Anne meditatively regarded the miller from under her shady eyelids;
the fingers of one hand playing a silent tattoo on her bosom。 'I
don't know what to say to you;' she answered brusquely; and went
away。
But these discourses were not without their effect upon the
extremely conscientious mind of Anne。 They were; moreover; much
helped by an incident which took place one evening in the autumn of
th