第 63 节
作者:铲除不公      更新:2021-10-21 08:52      字数:9322
  XXXVII。  REACTION
  There was no letter from Bob; though December had passed; and the
  new year was two weeks old。  His movements were; however; pretty
  accurately registered in the papers; which John still brought; but
  which Anne no longer read。  During the second week in December the
  Victory sailed for Sheerness; and on the 9th of the following
  January the public funeral of Lord Nelson took place in St。 Paul's。
  Then there came a meagre line addressed to the family in general。
  Bob's new Portsmouth attachment was not mentioned; but he told them
  he had been one of the eight…and…forty seamen who walked two…and…two
  in the funeral procession; and that Captain Hardy had borne the
  banner of emblems on the same occasion。  The crew was soon to be
  paid off at Chatham; when he thought of returning to Portsmouth for
  a few days to see a valued friend。  After that he should come home。
  But the spring advanced without bringing him; and John watched Anne
  Garland's desolation with augmenting desire to do something towards
  consoling her。  The old feelings; so religiously held in check; were
  stimulated to rebelliousness; though they did not show themselves in
  any direct manner as yet。
  The miller; in the meantime; who seldom interfered in such matters;
  was observed to look meaningly at Anne and the trumpet…major from
  day to day; and by…and…by he spoke privately to John。
  His words were short and to the point:  Anne was very melancholy;
  she had thought too much of Bob。  Now 'twas plain that they had lost
  him for many years to come。  Well; he had always felt that of the
  two he would rather John married her。  Now John might settle down
  there; and succeed where Bob had failed。  'So if you could get her;
  my sonny; to think less of him and more of thyself; it would be a
  good thing for all。'
  An inward excitement had risen in John; but he suppressed it and
  said firmly
  'Fairness to Bob before everything!'
  'He hev forgot her; and there's an end on't。'
  'She's not forgot him。'
  'Well; well; think it over。'
  This discourse was the cause of his penning a letter to his brother。
  He begged for a distinct statement whether; as John at first
  supposed; Bob's verbal renunciation of Anne on the quay had been
  only a momentary ebullition of friendship; which it would be cruel
  to take literally; or whether; as seemed now; it had passed from a
  hasty resolve to a standing purpose; persevered in for his own
  pleasure; with not a care for the result on poor Anne。
  John waited anxiously for the answer; but no answer came; and the
  silence seemed even more significant than a letter of assurance
  could have been of his absolution from further support to a claim
  which Bob himself had so clearly renounced。  Thus it happened that
  paternal pressure; brotherly indifference; and his own released
  impulse operated in one delightful direction; and the trumpet…major
  once more approached Anne as in the old time。
  But it was not till she had been left to herself for a full five
  months; and the blue…bells and ragged…robins of the following year
  were again making themselves common to the rambling eye; that he
  directly addressed her。  She was tying up a group of tall flowering
  plants in the garden:  she knew that he was behind her; but she did
  not turn。  She had subsided into a placid dignity which enabled her
  when watched to perform any little action with seeming composure
  very different from the flutter of her inexperienced days。
  'Are you never going to turn round?' he at length asked
  good…humouredly。
  She then did turn; and looked at him for a moment without speaking;
  a certain suspicion looming in her eyes; as if suggested by his
  perceptible want of ease。
  'How like summer it is getting to feel; is it not?' she said。
  John admitted that it was getting to feel like summer:  and; bending
  his gaze upon her with an earnestness which no longer left any doubt
  of his subject; went on to ask
  'Have you ever in these last weeks thought of how it used to be
  between us?'
  She replied quickly; 'O; John; you shouldn't begin that again。  I am
  almost another woman now!'
  'Well; that's all the more reason why I should; isn't it?'
  Anne looked thoughtfully to the other end of the garden; faintly
  shaking her head; 'I don't quite see it like that;' she returned。
  'You feel yourself quite free; don't you?'
  'QUITE free!' she said instantly; and with proud distinctness; her
  eyes fell; and she repeated more slowly; 'Quite free。'  Then her
  thoughts seemed to fly from herself to him。  'But you are not?'
  'I am not?'
  'Miss Johnson!'
  'Othat woman!  You know as well as I that was all make…up; and
  that I never for a moment thought of her。'
  'I had an idea you were acting; but I wasn't sure。'
  'Well; that's nothing now。  Anne; I want to relieve your life; to
  cheer you in some way; to make some amends for my brother's bad
  conduct。  If you cannot love me; liking will be well enough。  I have
  thought over every side of it so many timesfor months have I been
  thinking it overand I am at last sure that I do right to put it to
  you in this way。  That I don't wrong Bob I am quite convinced。  As
  far as he is concerned we be both free。  Had I not been sure of that
  I would never have spoken。  Father wants me to take on the mill; and
  it will please him if you can give me one little hope; it will make
  the house go on altogether better if you can think o' me。'
  'You are generous and good; John;' she said; as a big round tear
  bowled helter…skelter down her face and hat…strings。
  'I am not that; I fear I am quite the opposite;' he said; without
  looking at her。  'It would be all gain to me  But you have not
  answered my question。'
  She lifted her eyes。  'John; I cannot!' she said; with a cheerless
  smile。  'Positively I cannot。  Will you make me a promise?'
  'What is it?'
  'I want you to promise first  Yes; it is dreadfully unreasonable;'
  she added; in a mild distress。  'But do promise!'
  John by this time seemed to have a feeling that it was all up with
  him for the present。  'I promise;' he said listlessly。
  'It is that you won't speak to me about this for EVER so long;' she
  returned; with emphatic kindliness。
  'Very good;' he replied; 'very good。  Dear Anne; you don't think I
  have been unmanly or unfair in starting this anew?'
  Anne looked into his face without a smile。  'You have been perfectly
  natural;' she murmured。  'And so I think have I。'
  John; mournfully:  'You will not avoid me for this; or be afraid of
  me?  I will not break my word。  I will not worry you any more。'
  'Thank you; John。  You need not have said worry; it isn't that。'
  'Well; I am very blind and stupid。  I have been hurting your heart
  all the time without knowing it。  It is my fate; I suppose。  Men who
  love women the very best always blunder and give more pain than
  those who love them less。'
  Anne laid one of her hands on the other as she softly replied;
  looking down at them; 'No one loves me as well as you; John; nobody
  in the world is so worthy to be loved; and yet I cannot anyhow love
  you rightly。'  And lifting her eyes; 'But I do so feel for you that
  I will try as hard as I can to think about you。'
  'Well; that is something;' he said; smiling。  'You say I must not
  speak about it again for ever so long; how long?'
  'Now that's not fair;' Anne retorted; going down the garden; and
  leaving him alone。
  About a week passed。  Then one afternoon the miller walked up to
  Anne indoors; a weighty topic being expressed in his tread。
  'I was so glad; my honey;' he began; with a knowing smile; 'to see
  that from the mill…window last week。'  He flung a nod in the
  direction of the garden。
  Anne innocently inquired what it could be。
  'Jack and you in the garden together;' he continued laying his hand
  gently on her shoulder and stroking it。  'It would so please me; my
  dear little girl; if you could get to like him better than that
  weathercock; Master Bob。'
  Anne shook her head; not in forcible negation; but to imply a kind
  of neutrality。
  'Can't you?  Come now;' said the miller。
  She threw back her head with a little laugh of grievance。  'How you
  all beset me!' she expostulated。  'It makes me feel very wicked in
  not obeying you; and being faithfulfaithful to'  But she could
  not trust that side of the subject to words。  'Why would it please
  you so much?' she asked。
  'John is as steady and staunch a fellow as ever blowed a trumpet。
  I've always thought you might do better with him than with Bob。  Now
  I've a plan for taking him into the mill; and letting him have a
  comfortable time o't after his long knocking about; but so much
  depends upon you that I must bide a bit till I see what your
  pleasure is about the poor fellow。  Mind; my dear; I don't want to
  force ye; I only just ask ye。'
  Anne meditatively regarded the miller from under her shady eyelids;
  the fingers of one hand playing a silent tattoo on her bosom。  'I
  don't know what to say to you;' she answered brusquely; and went
  away。
  But these discourses were not without their effect upon the
  extremely conscientious mind of Anne。  They were; moreover; much
  helped by an incident which took place one evening in the autumn of
  th