第 15 节
作者:
风雅颂 更新:2021-10-16 18:44 字数:9320
under such circumstances; to beard the Warden in solitary。 Or he
may be both; and; in addition; he may have faith。 I know now that I
had the faith and so acted on it。 I believed what Morrell had told
me。 I believed in the lordship of the mind over the body。 I
believed that not even a hundred days in the jacket could kill me。
Captain Jamie must have sensed this faith that informed me; for he
said:
〃I remember a Swede that went crazy twenty years ago。 That was
before your time; Warden。 He'd killed a man in a quarrel over
twenty…five cents and got life for it。 He was a cook。 He got
religion。 He said that a golden chariot was coming to take him to
heaven; and he sat down on top the red…hot range and sang hymns and
hosannahs while he cooked。 They dragged him off; but he croaked two
days afterward in hospital。 He was cooked to the bone。 And to the
end he swore he'd never felt the heat。 Couldn't get a squeal out of
him。〃
〃We'll make Standing squeal;〃 said the Warden。
〃Since you are so sure of it; why don't you accept my proposition?〃
I challenged。
The Warden was so angry that it would have been ludicrous to me had
I not been in so desperate plight。 His face was convulsed。 He
clenched his hands; and; for a moment; it seemed that he was about
to fall upon me and give me a beating。 Then; with an effort; he
controlled himself。
〃All right; Standing;〃 he snarled。 〃I'll go you。 But you bet your
sweet life you'll have to go some to smile ten days from now。 Roll
him over; boys; and cinch him till you hear his ribs crack。
Hutchins; show him you know how to do it。〃
And they rolled me over and laced me as I had never been laced
before。 The head trusty certainly demonstrated his ability。 I
tried to steal what little space I could。 Little it was; for I had
long since shed my flesh; while my muscles were attenuated to mere
strings。 I had neither the strength nor bulk to steal more than a
little; and the little I stole I swear I managed by sheer expansion
at the joints of the bones of my frame。 And of this little I was
robbed by Hutchins; who; in the old days before he was made head
trusty; had learned all the tricks of the jacket from the inside of
the jacket。
You see; Hutchins was a cur at heart; or a creature who had once
been a man; but who had been broken on the wheel。 He possessed ten
or twelve thousand dollars; and his freedom was in sight if he
obeyed orders。 Later; I learned that there was a girl who had
remained true to him; and who was even then waiting for him。 The
woman factor explains many things of men。
If ever a man deliberately committed murder; Al Hutchins did that
morning in solitary at the Warden's bidding。 He robbed me of the
little space I stole。 And; having robbed me of that; my body was
defenceless; and; with his foot in my back while he drew the lacing
light; he constricted me as no man had ever before succeeded in
doing。 So severe was this constriction of my frail frame upon my
vital organs that I felt; there and then; immediately; that death
was upon me。 And still the miracle of faith was mine。 I did not
believe that I was going to die。 I knewI say I KNEWthat I was
not going to die。 My head was swimming; and my heart was pounding
from my toenails to the hair…roots in my scalp。
〃That's pretty tight;〃 Captain Jamie urged reluctantly。
〃The hell it is;〃 said Doctor Jackson。 〃I tell you nothing can hurt
him。 He's a wooz。 He ought to have been dead long ago。〃
Warden Atherton; after a hard struggle; managed to insert his
forefinger between the lacing and my back。 He brought his foot to
bear upon me; with the weight of his body added to his foot; and
pulled; but failed to get any fraction of an inch of slack。
〃I take my hat off to you; Hutchins;〃 he said。 〃You know your job。
Now roll him over and let's look at him。〃
They rolled me over on my back。 I stared up at them with bulging
eyes。 This I know: Had they laced me in such fashion the first
time I went into the jacket; I would surely have died in the first
ten minutes。 But I was well trained。 I had behind me the thousands
of hours in the jacket; and; plus that; I had faith in what Morrell
had told me。
〃Now; laugh; damn you; laugh;〃 said the Warden to me。 〃Start that
smile you've been bragging about。
So; while my lungs panted for a little air; while my heart
threatened to burst; while my mind reeled; nevertheless I was able
to smile up into the Warden's face。
CHAPTER XI
The door clanged; shutting out all but a little light; and I was
left alone on my back。 By the tricks I had long since learned in
the jacket; I managed to writhe myself across the floor an inch at a
time until the edge of the sole of my right shoe touched the door。
There was an immense cheer in this。 I was not utterly alone。 If
the need arose; I could at least rap knuckle talk to Morrell。
But Warden Atherton must have left strict injunctions on the guards;
for; though I managed to call Morrell and tell him I intended trying
the experiment; he was prevented by the guards from replying。 Me
they could only curse; for; in so far as I was in the jacket for a
ten days' bout; I was beyond all threat of punishment。
I remember remarking at the time my serenity of mind。 The customary
pain of the jacket was in my body; but my mind was so passive that I
was no more aware of the pain than was I aware of the floor beneath
me or the walls around me。 Never was a man in better mental and
spiritual condition for such an experiment。 Of course; this was
largely due to my extreme weakness。 But there was more to it。 I
had long schooled myself to be oblivious to pain。 I had neither
doubts nor fears。 All the content of my mind seemed to be an
absolute faith in the over…lordship of the mind。 This passivity was
almost dream…like; and yet; in its way; it was positive almost to a
pitch of exaltation。
I began my concentration of will。 Even then my body was numbing and
prickling through the loss of circulation。 I directed my will to
the little toe of my right foot; and I willed that toe to cease to
be alive in my consciousness。 I willed that toe to dieto die so
far as I; its lord; and a different thing entirely from it; was
concerned。 There was the hard struggle。 Morrell had warned me that
it would be so。 But there was no flicker of doubt to disturb my
faith。 I knew that that toe would die; and I knew when it was dead。
Joint by joint it had died under the compulsion of my will。
The rest was easy; but slow; I will admit。 Joint by joint; toe by
toe; all the toes of both my feet ceased to be。 And joint by joint;
the process went on。 Came the time when my flesh below the ankles
had ceased。 Came the time when all below my knees had ceased。
Such was the pitch of my perfect exaltation; that I knew not the
slightest prod of rejoicing at my success。 I knew nothing save that
I was making my body die。 All that was I was devoted to that sole
task。 I performed the work as thoroughly as any mason laying
bricks; and I regarded the work as just about as commonplace as
would a brick…mason regard his work。
At the end of an hour my body was dead to the hips; and from the
hips up; joint by joint; I continued to will the ascending death。
It was when I reached the level of my heart that the first blurring
and dizzying of my consciousness' occurred。 For fear that I should
lose consciousness; I willed to hold the death I had gained; and
shifted my concentration to my fingers。 My brain cleared again; and
the death of my arms to the shoulders was most rapidly accomplished。
At this stage my body was all dead; so far as I was concerned; save
my head and a little patch of my chest。 No longer did the pound and
smash of my compressed heart echo in my brain。 My heart was beating
steadily but feebly。 The joy of it; had I dared joy at such a
moment; would have been the cessation of sensations。
At this point my experience differs from Morrell's。 Still willing
automatically; I began to grow dreamy; as one does in that
borderland between sleeping and waking。 Also; it seemed as if a
prodigious enlargement of my brain was taking place within the skull
itself that did not enlarge。 There were occasional glintings and
flashings of light as if even I; the overlord; had ceased for a
moment and the next moment was again myself; still the tenant of the
fleshly tenement that I was making to die。
Most perplexing was the seeming enlargement of brain。 Without
having passed through the wall of skull; nevertheless it seemed to
me that the periphery of my brain was already outside my skull and
still expanding。 Along with this was one of the most remarkable
sensations or experiences that I have ever encountered。 Time and
space; in so far as they were the stuff of my consciousness;