第 142 节
作者:不受约束      更新:2021-05-04 17:23      字数:9192
  impression that I was a Bandit; and we all three went in; as happy
  and loving as could be。 I soon carried desolation into the bosom of
  our joys—not that I meant to do it; but that I was so full of the
  subject—by asking Dora; without the smallest preparation; if she
  could love a beggar?
  My pretty; little; startled Dora! Her only association with the
  word was a yellow face and a nightcap; or a pair of crutches; or a
  wooden leg; or a dog with a decanter…stand in his mouth; or
  something of that kind; and she stared at me with the most
  delightful wonder。
  ‘How can you ask me anything so foolish?’ pouted Dora。 ‘Love a
  beggar!’
  ‘Dora; my own dearest!’ said I。 ‘I am a beggar!’
  ‘How can you be such a silly thing;’ replied Dora; slapping my
  hand; ‘as to sit there; telling such stories? I’ll make Jip bite you!’
  Her childish way was the most delicious way in the world to me;
  but it was necessary to be explicit; and I solemnly repeated:
  ‘Dora; my own life; I am your ruined David!’
  ‘I declare I’ll make Jip bite you!’ said Dora; shaking her curls; ‘if
  you are so ridiculous。’
  But I looked so serious; that Dora left off shaking her curls; and
  laid her trembling little hand upon my shoulder; and first looked
  scared and anxious; then began to cry。 That was dreadful。 I fell
  upon my knees before the sofa; caressing her; and imploring her
  not to rend my heart; but; for some time; poor little Dora did
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  nothing but exclaim Oh dear! Oh dear! And oh; she was so
  frightened! And where was Julia Mills! And oh; take her to Julia
  Mills; and go away; please! until I was almost beside myself。
  At last; after an agony of supplication and protestation; I got
  Dora to look at me; with a horrified expression of face; which I
  gradually soothed until it was only loving; and her soft; pretty
  cheek was lying against mine。 Then I told her; with my arms
  clasped round her; how I loved her; so dearly; and so dearly; how I
  felt it right to offer to release her from her engagement; because
  now I was poor; how I never could bear it; or recover it; if I lost
  her; how I had no fears of poverty; if she had none; my arm being
  nerved and my heart inspired by her; how I was already working
  with a courage such as none but lovers knew; how I had begun to
  be practical; and look into the future; how a crust well earned was
  sweeter far than a feast inherited; and much more to the same
  purpose; which I delivered in a burst of passionate eloquence
  quite surprising to myself; though I had been thinking about it;
  day and night; ever since my aunt had astonished me。
  ‘Is your heart mine still; dear Dora?’ said I; rapturously; for I
  knew by her clinging to me that it was。
  ‘Oh; yes!’ cried Dora。 ‘Oh; yes; it’s all yours。 Oh; don’t be
  dreadful!’
  I dreadful! To Dora!
  ‘Don’t talk about being poor; and working hard!’ said Dora;
  nestling closer to me。 ‘Oh; don’t; don’t!’
  ‘My dearest love;’ said I; ‘the crust well…earned—’
  ‘Oh; yes; but I don’t want to hear any more about crusts!’ said
  Dora。 ‘And Jip must have a mutton…chop every day at twelve; or
  he’ll die。’
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  I was charmed with her childish; winning way。 I fondly
  explained to Dora that Jip should have his mutton…chop with his
  accustomed regularity。 I drew a picture of our frugal home; made
  independent by my labour—sketching in the little house I had
  seen at Highgate; and my aunt in her room upstairs。
  ‘I am not dreadful now; Dora?’ said I; tenderly。
  ‘Oh; no; no!’ cried Dora。 ‘But I hope your aunt will keep in her
  own room a good deal。 And I hope she’s not a scolding old thing!’
  If it were possible for me to love Dora more than ever; I am sure
  I did。 But I felt she was a little impracticable。 It damped my newborn ardour; to find that ardour so difficult of communication to
  her。 I made another trial。 When she was quite herself again; and
  was curling Jip’s ears; as he lay upon her lap; I became grave; and
  said:
  ‘My own! May I mention something?’
  ‘Oh; please don’t be practical!’ said Dora; coaxingly。 ‘Because it
  frightens me so!’
  ‘Sweetheart!’ I returned; ‘there is nothing to alarm you in all
  this。 I want you to think of it quite differently。 I want to make it
  nerve you; and inspire you; Dora!’
  ‘Oh; but that’s so shocking!’ cried Dora。
  ‘My love; no。 Perseverance and strength of character will
  enable us to bear much worse things。’
  ‘But I haven’t got any strength at all;’ said Dora; shaking her
  curls。 ‘Have I; Jip? Oh; do kiss Jip; and be agreeable!’
  It was impossible to resist kissing Jip; when she held him up to
  me for that purpose; putting her own bright; rosy little mouth into
  kissing form; as she directed the operation; which she insisted
  should be performed symmetrically; on the centre of his nose。 I
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  did as she bade me—rewarding myself afterwards for my
  obedience—and she charmed me out of my graver character for I
  don’t know how long。
  ‘But; Dora; my beloved!’ said I; at last resuming it; ‘I was going
  to mention something。’
  The judge of the Prerogative Court might have fallen in love
  with her; to see her fold her little hands and hold them up; begging
  and praying me not to be dreadful any more。
  ‘Indeed I am not going to be; my darling!’ I assured her。 ‘But;
  Dora; my love; if you will sometimes think;—not despondingly; you
  know; far from that!—but if you will sometimes think—just to
  encourage yourself—that you are engaged to a poor man—’
  ‘Don’t; don’t! Pray don’t!’ cried Dora。 ‘It’s so very dreadful!’
  ‘My soul; not at all!’ said I; cheerfully。 ‘If you will sometimes
  think of that; and look about now and then at your papa’s
  housekeeping; and endeavour to acquire a little habit—of
  accounts; for instance—’
  Poor little Dora received this suggestion with something that
  was half a sob and half a scream。
  ‘—It would be so useful to us afterwards;’ I went on。 ‘And if you
  would promise me to read a little—a little Cookery Book that I
  would send you; it would be so excellent for both of us。 For our
  path in life; my Dora;’ said I; warming with the subject; ‘is stony
  and rugged now; and it rests with us to smooth it。 We must fight
  our way onward。 We must be brave。 There are obstacles to be met;
  and we must meet; and crush them!’
  I was going on at a great rate; with a clenched hand; and a most
  enthusiastic countenance; but it was quite unnecessary to
  proceed。 I had said enough。 I had done it again。 Oh; she was so
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  frightened! Oh; where was Julia Mills! Oh; take her to Julia Mills;
  and go away; please! So that; in short; I was quite distracted; and
  raved about the drawing…room。
  I thought I had killed her; this time。 I sprinkled water on her
  face。 I went down on my knees。 I plucked at my hair。 I denounced
  myself as a remorseless brute and a ruthless beast。 I implored her
  forgiveness。 I besought her to look up。 I ravaged Miss Mills’s workbox for a smelling…bottle; and in my agony of mind applied an
  ivory needle…case instead; and dropped all the needles over Dora。 I
  shook my fists at Jip; who was as frantic as myself。 I did every wild
  extravagance that could be done; and was a long way beyond the
  end of my wits when Miss Mills came into the room。
  ‘Who has done this?’ exclaimed Miss Mills; succouring her
  friend。
  I replied; ‘I; Miss Mills! I have done it! Behold the destroyer!’—
  or words to that effect—and hid my face from the light; in the sofa
  cushion。
  At first Miss Mills thought it was a quarrel; and that we were
  verging on the Desert of Sahara; but she soon found out how
  matters stood; for my dear affectionate little Dora; embracing her;
  began exclaiming that I was ‘a poor labourer’; and then cried for
  me; and embraced me; and asked me would I let her give me all
  her money to keep; and then fell on Miss Mills’s neck; sobbing as if
  her tender heart were broken。
  Miss Mills must have been born to be a blessing to us。 She
  ascertained from me in a few words what it was all about;
  comforted Dora; and gradually convinced her that I was not a
  labourer—from my manner of stating the case I believe Dora
  concluded that I was a navigator; and went balancing myself up
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  and down a plank all day with a wheelbarrow—and so brought us
  together in peace。 When we were quite composed; and Dora had
  gone up…stairs to put some rose…water to her eyes; Miss Mills rang
  for tea。 In the ensuing interval; I told Miss Mills that she was
  evermore my friend; and that my heart must cease to vibrate ere I
  could forget her sympathy。
  I then expounded to Miss Mills what I had endeavoured; so very
  unsuccessfully; to expound to Dora。 Miss Mills replied; on general
  principles; that the Cottage of content was better