第 118 节
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不受约束 更新:2021-05-04 17:23 字数:9138
morning; and was in the churchyard when it came; attended only
by Peggotty and her brother。 The mad gentleman looked on; out of
my little window; Mr。 Chillip’s baby wagged its heavy head; and
rolled its goggle eyes; at the clergyman; over its nurse’s shoulder;
Mr。 Omer breathed short in the background; no one else was
there; and it was very quiet。 We walked about the churchyard for
an hour; after all was over; and pulled some young leaves from the
tree above my mother’s grave。
A dread falls on me here。 A cloud is lowering on the distant
town; towards which I retraced my solitary steps。 I fear to
approach it。 I cannot bear to think of what did come; upon that
memorable night; of what must come again; if I go on。
It is no worse; because I write of it。 It would be no better; if I
stopped my most unwilling hand。 It is done。 Nothing can undo it;
nothing can make it otherwise than as it was。
My old nurse was to go to London with me next day; on the
business of the will。 Little Emily was passing that day at Mr。
Omer’s。 We were all to meet in the old boathouse that night。 Ham
would bring Emily at the usual hour。 I would walk back at my
leisure。 The brother and sister would return as they had come;
and be expecting us; when the day closed in; at the fireside。
I parted from them at the wicket…gate; where visionary Strap
had rested with Roderick Random’s knapsack in the days of yore;
and; instead of going straight back; walked a little distance on the
road to Lowestoft。 Then I turned; and walked back towards
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Yarmouth。 I stayed to dine at a decent alehouse; some mile or two
from the Ferry I have mentioned before; and thus the day wore
away; and it was evening when I reached it。 Rain was falling
heavily by that time; and it was a wild night; but there was a moon
behind the clouds; and it was not dark。
I was soon within sight of Mr。 Peggotty’s house; and of the light
within it shining through the window。 A little floundering across
the sand; which was heavy; brought me to the door; and I went in。
It looked very comfortable indeed。 Mr。 Peggotty had smoked his
evening pipe and there were preparations for some supper by and
by。 The fire was bright; the ashes were thrown up; the locker was
ready for little Emily in her old place。 In her own old place sat
Peggotty; once more; looking (but for her dress) as if she had
never left it。 She had fallen back; already; on the society of the
work…box with St。 Paul’s upon the lid; the yard…measure in the
cottage; and the bit of wax…candle; and there they all were; just as
if they had never been disturbed。 Mrs。 Gummidge appeared to be
fretting a little; in her old corner; and consequently looked quite
natural; too。
‘You’re first of the lot; Mas’r Davy!’ said Mr。 Peggotty with a
happy face。 ‘Doen’t keep in that coat; sir; if it’s wet。’
‘Thank you; Mr。 Peggotty;’ said I; giving him my outer coat to
hang up。 ‘It’s quite dry。’
‘So ’tis!’ said Mr。 Peggotty; feeling my shoulders。 ‘As a chip! Sit
ye down; sir。 It ain’t o’ no use saying welcome to you; but you’re
welcome; kind and hearty。’
‘Thank you; Mr。 Peggotty; I am sure of that。 Well; Peggotty!’
said I; giving her a kiss。 ‘And how are you; old woman?’
‘Ha; ha!’ laughed Mr。 Peggotty; sitting down beside us; and
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rubbing his hands in his sense of relief from recent trouble; and in
the genuine heartiness of his nature; ‘there’s not a woman in the
wureld; sir—as I tell her—that need to feel more easy in her mind
than her! She done her dooty by the departed; and the departed
know’d it; and the departed done what was right by her; as she
done what was right by the departed;—and—and—and it’s all
right!’
Mrs。 Gummidge groaned。
‘Cheer up; my pritty mawther!’ said Mr。 Peggotty。 (But he
shook his head aside at us; evidently sensible of the tendency of
the late occurrences to recall the memory of the old one。) ‘Doen’t
be down! Cheer up; for your own self; on’y a little bit; and see if a
good deal more doen’t come nat’ral!’
‘Not to me; Dan’l;’ returned Mrs。 Gummidge。 ‘Nothink’s nat’ral
to me but to be lone and lorn。’
‘No; no;’ said Mr。 Peggotty; soothing her sorrows。
‘Yes; yes; Dan’l!’ said Mrs。 Gummidge。 ‘I ain’t a person to live
with them as has had money left。 Thinks go too contrary with me。
I had better be a riddance。’
‘Why; how should I ever spend it without you?’ said Mr。
Peggotty; with an air of serious remonstrance。 ‘What are you a
talking on? Doen’t I want you more now; than ever I did?’
‘I know’d I was never wanted before!’ cried Mrs。 Gummidge;
with a pitiable whimper; ‘and now I’m told so! How could I expect
to be wanted; being so lone and lorn; and so contrary!’
Mr。 Peggotty seemed very much shocked at himself for having
made a speech capable of this unfeeling construction; but was
prevented from replying; by Peggotty’s pulling his sleeve; and
shaking her head。 After looking at Mrs。 Gummidge for some
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moments; in sore distress of mind; he glanced at the Dutch clock;
rose; snuffed the candle; and put it in the window。
‘Theer!’said Mr。 Peggotty; cheerily。 ‘Theer we are; Missis
Gummidge!’ Mrs。 Gummidge slightly groaned。 ‘Lighted up;
accordin’ to custom! You’re a wonderin’ what that’s fur; sir! Well;
it’s fur our little Em’ly。 You see; the path ain’t over light or
cheerful arter dark; and when I’m here at the hour as she’s a
comin’ home; I puts the light in the winder。 That; you see;’ said
Mr。 Peggotty; bending over me with great glee; ‘meets two objects。
She says; says Em’ly; “Theer’s home!” she says。 And likewise; says
Em’ly; “My uncle’s theer!” Fur if I ain’t theer; I never have no light
showed。’
‘You’re a baby!’ said Peggotty; very fond of him for it; if she
thought so。
‘Well;’ returned Mr。 Peggotty; standing with his legs pretty wide
apart; and rubbing his hands up and down them in his
comfortable satisfaction; as he looked alternately at us and at the
fire。 ‘I doen’t know but I am。 Not; you see; to look at。’
‘Not azackly;’ observed Peggotty。
‘No;’ laughed Mr。 Peggotty; ‘not to look at; but to—to consider
on; you know。 I doen’t care; bless you! Now I tell you。 When I go a
looking and looking about that theer pritty house of our Em’ly’s;
I’m—I’m Gormed;’ said Mr。 Peggotty; with sudden emphasis—
‘theer! I can’t say more—if I doen’t feel as if the littlest things was
her; a’most。 I takes ’em up and I put ’em down; and I touches of
’em as delicate as if they was our Em’ly。 So ’tis with her little
bonnets and that。 I couldn’t see one on ’em rough used a
purpose—not fur the whole wureld。 There’s a babby fur you; in
the form of a great Sea Porkypine!’ said Mr。 Peggotty; relieving his
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earnestness with a roar of laughter。
Peggotty and I both laughed; but not so loud。
‘It’s my opinion; you see;’ said Mr。 Peggotty; with a delighted
face; after some further rubbing of his legs; ‘as this is along of my
havin’ played with her so much; and made believe as we was
Turks; and French; and sharks; and every wariety of forinners—
bless you; yes; and lions and whales; and I doen’t know what all!—
when she warn’t no higher than my knee。 I’ve got into the way on
it; you know。 Why; this here candle; now!’ said Mr。 Peggotty;
gleefully holding out his hand towards it; ‘I know wery well that
arter she’s married and gone; I shall put that candle theer; just the
same as now。 I know wery well that when I’m here o’ nights (and
where else should I live; bless your arts; whatever fortun’ I come
into!) and she ain’t here or I ain’t theer; I shall put the candle in
the winder; and sit afore the fire; pretending I’m expecting of her;
like I’m a doing now。 There’s a babby for you;’ said Mr。 Peggotty;
with another roar; ‘in the form of a Sea Porkypine! Why; at the
present minute; when I see the candle sparkle up; I says to myself;
“She’s a looking at it! Em’ly’s a coming!” There’s a babby for you;
in the form of a Sea Porkypine! Right for all that;’ said Mr。
Peggotty; stopping in his roar; and smiting his hands together; ‘fur
here she is!’
It was only Ham。 The night should have turned more wet since
I came in; for he had a large sou’wester hat on; slouched over his
face。
‘Wheer’s Em’ly?’ said Mr。 Peggotty。
Ham made a motion with his head; as if she were outside。 Mr。
Peggotty took the light from the window; trimmed it; put it on the
table; and was busily stirring the fire; when Ham; who had not
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moved; said:
‘Mas’r Davy; will you come out a minute; and see what Em’ly
and me has got to show you?’
We went out。 As I passed him at the door; I saw; to my
astonishment and fr