第 104 节
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不受约束 更新:2021-05-04 17:23 字数:9241
agree in what you propose。’
Miss Murdstone shut her eyes again; and bent her head。 Then;
just touching the back of my hand with the tips of her cold; stiff
fingers; she walked away; arranging the little fetters on her wrists
and round her neck; which seemed to be the same set; in exactly
the same state; as when I had seen her last。 These reminded me; in
reference to Miss Murdstone’s nature; of the fetters over a jail
door; suggesting on the outside; to all beholders; what was to be
expected within。
All I know of the rest of the evening is; that I heard the empress
of my heart sing enchanted ballads in the French language;
generally to the effect that; whatever was the matter; we ought
always to dance; Ta ra la; Ta ra la! accompanying herself on a
glorified instrument; resembling a guitar。 That I was lost in
blissful delirium。 That I refused refreshment。 That my soul
recoiled from punch particularly。 That when Miss Murdstone took
her into custody and led her away; she smiled and gave me her
delicious hand。 That I caught a view of myself in a mirror; looking
perfectly imbecile and idiotic。 That I retired to bed in a most
maudlin state of mind; and got up in a crisis of feeble infatuation。
It was a fine morning; and early; and I thought I would go and
take a stroll down one of those wire…arched walks; and indulge my
passion by dwelling on her image。 On my way through the hall; I
encountered her little dog; who was called Jip—short for Gipsy。 I
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approached him tenderly; for I loved even him; but he showed his
whole set of teeth; got under a chair expressly to snarl; and
wouldn’t hear of the least familiarity。
The garden was cool and solitary。 I walked about; wondering
what my feelings of happiness would be; if I could ever become
engaged to this dear wonder。 As to marriage; and fortune; and all
that; I believe I was almost as innocently undesigning then; as
when I loved little Em’ly。 To be allowed to call her ‘Dora’; to write
to her; to dote upon and worship her; to have reason to think that
when she was with other people she was yet mindful of me;
seemed to me the summit of human ambition—I am sure it was
the summit of mine。 There is no doubt whatever that I was a
lackadaisical young spooney; but there was a purity of heart in all
this; that prevents my having quite a contemptuous recollection of
it; let me laugh as I may。
I had not been walking long; when I turned a corner; and met
her。 I tingle again from head to foot as my recollection turns that
corner; and my pen shakes in my hand。
‘You—are—out early; Miss Spenlow;’ said I。
‘It’s so stupid at home;’ she replied; ‘and Miss Murdstone is so
absurd! She talks such nonsense about its being necessary for the
day to be aired; before I come out。 Aired!’ (She laughed; here; in
the most melodious manner。) ‘On a Sunday morning; when I don’t
practise; I must do something。 So I told papa last night I must
come out。 Besides; it’s the brightest time of the whole day。 Don’t
you think so?’
I hazarded a bold flight; and said (not without stammering) that
it was very bright to me then; though it had been very dark to me a
minute before。
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‘Do you mean a compliment?’ said Dora; ‘or that the weather
has really changed?’
I stammered worse than before; in replying that I meant no
compliment; but the plain truth; though I was not aware of any
change having taken place in the weather。 It was in the state of my
own feelings; I added bashfully: to clench the explanation。
I never saw such curls—how could I; for there never were such
curls!—as those she shook out to hide her blushes。 As to the straw
hat and blue ribbons which was on the top of the curls; if I could
only have hung it up in my room in Buckingham Street; what a
priceless possession it would have been!
‘You have just come home from Paris;’ said I。
‘Yes;’ said she。 ‘Have you ever been there?’
‘No。’
‘Oh! I hope you’ll go soon! You would like it so much!’
Traces of deep…seated anguish appeared in my countenance。
That she should hope I would go; that she should think it possible
I could go; was insupportable。 I depreciated Paris; I depreciated
France。 I said I wouldn’t leave England; under existing
circumstances; for any earthly consideration。 Nothing should
induce me。 In short; she was shaking the curls again; when the
little dog came running along the walk to our relief。
He was mortally jealous of me; and persisted in barking at me。
She took him up in her arms—oh my goodness!—and caressed
him; but he persisted upon barking still。 He wouldn’t let me touch
him; when I tried; and then she beat him。 It increased my
sufferings greatly to see the pats she gave him for punishment on
the bridge of his blunt nose; while he winked his eyes; and licked
her hand; and still growled within himself like a little double…bass。
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At length he was quiet—well he might be with her dimpled chin
upon his head!—and we walked away to look at a greenhouse。
‘You are not very intimate with Miss Murdstone; are you?’ said
Dora。— ‘My pet。’
(The two last words were to the dog。 Oh; if they had only been
to me!)
‘No;’ I replied。 ‘Not at all so。’
‘She is a tiresome creature;’ said Dora; pouting。 ‘I can’t think
what papa can have been about; when he chose such a vexatious
thing to be my companion。 Who wants a protector? I am sure I
don’t want a protector。 Jip can protect me a great deal better than
Miss Murdstone;—can’t you; Jip; dear?’
He only winked lazily; when she kissed his ball of a head。
‘Papa calls her my confidential friend; but I am sure she is no
such thing—is she; Jip? We are not going to confide in any such
cross people; Jip and I。 We mean to bestow our confidence where
we like; and to find out our own friends; instead of having them
found out for us—don’t we; Jip?’
jip made a comfortable noise; in answer; a little like a tea…kettle
when it sings。 As for me; every word was a new heap of fetters;
riveted above the last。
‘It is very hard; because we have not a kind Mama; that we are
to have; instead; a sulky; gloomy old thing like Miss Murdstone;
always following us about—isn’t it; Jip? Never mind; Jip。 We won’t
be confidential; and we’ll make ourselves as happy as we can in
spite of her; and we’ll tease her; and not please her—won’t we;
Jip?’
If it had lasted any longer; I think I must have gone down on my
knees on the gravel; with the probability before me of grazing
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them; and of being presently ejected from the premises besides。
But; by good fortune the greenhouse was not far off; and these
words brought us to it。
It contained quite a show of beautiful geraniums。 We loitered
along in front of them; and Dora often stopped to admire this one
or that one; and I stopped to admire the same one; and Dora;
laughing; held the dog up childishly; to smell the flowers; and if we
were not all three in Fairyland; certainly I was。 The scent of a
geranium leaf; at this day; strikes me with a half comical half
serious wonder as to what change has come over me in a moment;
and then I see a straw hat and blue ribbons; and a quantity of
curls; and a little black dog being held up; in two slender arms;
against a bank of blossoms and bright leaves。
Miss Murdstone had been looking for us。 She found us here;
and presented her uncongenial cheek; the little wrinkles in it filled
with hair powder; to Dora to be kissed。 Then she took Dora’s arm
in hers; and marched us into breakfast as if it were a soldier’s
funeral。
How many cups of tea I drank; because Dora made it; I don’t
know。 But; I perfectly remember that I sat swilling tea until my
whole nervous system; if I had had any in those days; must have
gone by the board。 By and by we went to church。 Miss Murdstone
was between Dora and me in the pew; but I heard her sing; and
the congregation vanished。 A sermon was delivered—about Dora;
of course—and I am afraid that is all I know of the service。
We had a quiet day。 No company; a walk; a family dinner of
four; and an evening of looking over books and pictures; Miss
Murdstone with a homily before her; and her eye upon us; keeping
guard vigilantly。 Ah! little did Mr。 Spenlow imagine; when he sat
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opposite to me after dinner that day; with his pocket…handkerchief
over his head; how fervently I was embracing him; in my fancy; as
his son…in…law! Little did he think; when I took leave of him at
night; that he had just given his full consent to my being engaged
to Dora; and that I was invoking blessings on his head!
We departed early in the morning; for we had a Salvage case
coming on in the Admiralty Court; requiring a rather accurate
knowledge of the whole science of n