第 97 节
作者:不受约束      更新:2021-05-04 17:23      字数:9186
  yielded to my self…reproach and shame; and—in short; made a fool
  of myself。 I cannot deny that I shed tears。 To this hour I am
  undecided whether it was upon the whole the wisest thing I could
  have done; or the most ridiculous。
  ‘If it had been anyone but you; Agnes;’ said I; turning away my
  head; ‘I should not have minded it half so much。 But that it should
  have been you who saw me! I almost wish I had been dead; first。’
  She put her hand—its touch was like no other hand—upon my
  arm for a moment; and I felt so befriended and comforted; that I
  could not help moving it to my lips; and gratefully kissing it。
  ‘Sit down;’ said Agnes; cheerfully。 ‘Don’t be unhappy;
  Trotwood。 If you cannot confidently trust me; whom will you
  trust?’
  ‘Ah; Agnes!’ I returned。 ‘You are my good Angel!’
  She smiled rather sadly; I thought; and shook her head。
  ‘Yes; Agnes; my good Angel! Always my good Angel!’
  ‘If I were; indeed; Trotwood;’ she returned; ‘there is one thing
  that I should set my heart on very much。’
  I looked at her inquiringly; but already with a foreknowledge of
  her meaning。
  ‘On warning you;’ said Agnes; with a steady glance; ‘against
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  your bad Angel。’
  ‘My dear Agnes;’ I began; ‘if you mean Steerforth—’
  ‘I do; Trotwood;’ she returned。 ‘Then; Agnes; you wrong him
  very much。 He my bad Angel; or anyone’s! He; anything but a
  guide; a support; and a friend to me! My dear Agnes! Now; is it not
  unjust; and unlike you; to judge him from what you saw of me the
  other night?’
  ‘I do not judge him from what I saw of you the other night;’ she
  quietly replied。
  ‘From what; then?’
  ‘From many things—trifles in themselves; but they do not seem
  to me to be so; when they are put together。 I judge him; partly
  from your account of him; Trotwood; and your character; and the
  influence he has over you。’
  There was always something in her modest voice that seemed
  to touch a chord within me; answering to that sound alone。 It was
  always earnest; but when it was very earnest; as it was now; there
  was a thrill in it that quite subdued me。 I sat looking at her as she
  cast her eyes down on her work; I sat seeming still to listen to her;
  and Steerforth; in spite of all my attachment to him; darkened in
  that tone。
  ‘It is very bold in me;’ said Agnes; looking up again; ‘who have
  lived in such seclusion; and can know so little of the world; to give
  you my advice so confidently; or even to have this strong opinion。
  But I know in what it is engendered; Trotwood;—in how true a
  remembrance of our having grown up together; and in how true
  an interest in all relating to you。 It is that which makes me bold。 I
  am certain that what I say is right。 I am quite sure it is。 I feel as if it
  were someone else speaking to you; and not I; when I caution you
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  that you have made a dangerous friend。’
  Again I looked at her; again I listened to her after she was
  silent; and again his image; though it was still fixed in my heart;
  darkened。
  ‘I am not so unreasonable as to expect;’ said Agnes; resuming
  her usual tone; after a little while; ‘that you will; or that you can; at
  once; change any sentiment that has become a conviction to you;
  least of all a sentiment that is rooted in your trusting disposition。
  You ought not hastily to do that。 I only ask you; Trotwood; if you
  ever think of me—I mean;’ with a quiet smile; for I was going to
  interrupt her; and she knew why; ‘as often as you think of me—to
  think of what I have said。 Do you forgive me for all this?’
  ‘I will forgive you; Agnes;’ I replied; ‘when you come to do
  Steerforth justice; and to like him as well as I do。’
  ‘Not until then?’ said Agnes。
  I saw a passing shadow on her face when I made this mention
  of him; but she returned my smile; and we were again as
  unreserved in our mutual confidence as of old。
  ‘And when; Agnes;’ said I; ‘will you forgive me the other night?’
  ‘When I recall it;’ said Agnes。
  She would have dismissed the subject so; but I was too full of it
  to allow that; and insisted on telling her how it happened that I
  had disgraced myself; and what chain of accidental circumstances
  had had the theatre for its final link。 It was a great relief to me to
  do this; and to enlarge on the obligation that I owed to Steerforth
  for his care of me when I was unable to take care of myself。
  ‘You must not forget;’ said Agnes; calmly changing the
  conversation as soon as I had concluded; ‘that you are always to
  tell me; not only when you fall into trouble; but when you fall in
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  love。 Who has succeeded to Miss Larkins; Trotwood?’
  ‘No one; Agnes。’
  ‘Someone; Trotwood;’ said Agnes; laughing; and holding up her
  finger。
  ‘No; Agnes; upon my word! There is a lady; certainly; at Mrs。
  Steerforth’s house; who is very clever; and whom I like to talk to—
  Miss Dartle—but I don’t adore her。’
  Agnes laughed again at her own penetration; and told me that if
  I were faithful to her in my confidence she thought she should
  keep a little register of my violent attachments; with the date;
  duration; and termination of each; like the table of the reigns of
  the kings and queens; in the History of England。 Then she asked
  me if I had seen Uriah。
  ‘Uriah Heep?’ said I。 ‘No。 Is he in London?’
  ‘He comes to the office downstairs; every day;’ returned Agnes。
  ‘He was in London a week before me。 I am afraid on disagreeable
  business; Trotwood。’
  ‘On some business that makes you uneasy; Agnes; I see;’ said I。
  ‘What can that be?’
  Agnes laid aside her work; and replied; folding her hands upon
  one another; and looking pensively at me out of those beautiful
  soft eyes of hers:
  ‘I believe he is going to enter into partnership with papa。’
  ‘What? Uriah? That mean; fawning fellow; worm himself into
  such promotion!’ I cried; indignantly。 ‘Have you made no
  remonstrance about it; Agnes? Consider what a connexion it is
  likely to be。 You must speak out。 You must not allow your father to
  take such a mad step。 You must prevent it; Agnes; while there’s
  time。’
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  Still looking at me; Agnes shook her head while I was speaking;
  with a faint smile at my warmth: and then replied:
  ‘You remember our last conversation about papa? It was not
  long after that—not more than two or three days—when he gave
  me the first intimation of what I tell you。 It was sad to see him
  struggling between his desire to represent it to me as a matter of
  choice on his part; and his inability to conceal that it was forced
  upon him。 I felt very sorry。’
  ‘Forced upon him; Agnes! Who forces it upon him?’
  ‘Uriah;’ she replied; after a moment’s hesitation; ‘has made
  himself indispensable to papa。 He is subtle and watchful。 He has
  mastered papa’s weaknesses; fostered them; and taken advantage
  of them; until—to say all that I mean in a word; Trotwood;—until
  papa is afraid of him。’
  There was more that she might have said; more that she knew;
  or that she suspected; I clearly saw。 I could not give her pain by
  asking what it was; for I knew that she withheld it from me; to
  spare her father。 It had long been going on to this; I was sensible:
  yes; I could not but feel; on the least reflection; that it had been
  going on to this for a long time。 I remained silent。
  ‘His ascendancy over papa;’ said Agnes; ‘is very great。 He
  professes humility and gratitude—with truth; perhaps: I hope so—
  but his position is really one of power; and I fear he makes a hard
  use of his power。’
  I said he was a hound; which; at the moment; was a great
  satisfaction to me。
  ‘At the time I speak of; as the time when papa spoke to me;’
  pursued Agnes; ‘he had told papa that he was going away; that he
  was very sorry; and unwilling to leave; but that he had better
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  prospects。 Papa was very much depressed then; and more bowed
  down by care than ever you or I have seen him; but he seemed
  relieved by this expedient of the partnership; though at the same
  time he seemed hurt by it and ashamed of it。’
  ‘And how did you receive it; Agnes?’
  ‘I did; Trotwood;’ she replied; ‘what I hope was right。 Feeling
  sure that it was necessary for papa’s peace that the sacrifice
  should be made; I entreated him to make it。 I said it would lighten
  the load of his life—I hope it will!—and that it would give me
  increased opportunities of being his companion。 Oh; Trotwood!’
  cried Agnes; putting her hands before her face; as her tears started
  on it; ‘I almost feel as if I had been papa’s enemy; instead of his
  loving child。 For I know how he has altered; in his devotion to me。
  I know how he has narrowed the circle of his sympathies and
  duties; in the concentration of his whole mind upon me。 I know
  wha