第 97 节
作者:
不受约束 更新:2021-05-04 17:23 字数:9186
yielded to my self…reproach and shame; and—in short; made a fool
of myself。 I cannot deny that I shed tears。 To this hour I am
undecided whether it was upon the whole the wisest thing I could
have done; or the most ridiculous。
‘If it had been anyone but you; Agnes;’ said I; turning away my
head; ‘I should not have minded it half so much。 But that it should
have been you who saw me! I almost wish I had been dead; first。’
She put her hand—its touch was like no other hand—upon my
arm for a moment; and I felt so befriended and comforted; that I
could not help moving it to my lips; and gratefully kissing it。
‘Sit down;’ said Agnes; cheerfully。 ‘Don’t be unhappy;
Trotwood。 If you cannot confidently trust me; whom will you
trust?’
‘Ah; Agnes!’ I returned。 ‘You are my good Angel!’
She smiled rather sadly; I thought; and shook her head。
‘Yes; Agnes; my good Angel! Always my good Angel!’
‘If I were; indeed; Trotwood;’ she returned; ‘there is one thing
that I should set my heart on very much。’
I looked at her inquiringly; but already with a foreknowledge of
her meaning。
‘On warning you;’ said Agnes; with a steady glance; ‘against
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
your bad Angel。’
‘My dear Agnes;’ I began; ‘if you mean Steerforth—’
‘I do; Trotwood;’ she returned。 ‘Then; Agnes; you wrong him
very much。 He my bad Angel; or anyone’s! He; anything but a
guide; a support; and a friend to me! My dear Agnes! Now; is it not
unjust; and unlike you; to judge him from what you saw of me the
other night?’
‘I do not judge him from what I saw of you the other night;’ she
quietly replied。
‘From what; then?’
‘From many things—trifles in themselves; but they do not seem
to me to be so; when they are put together。 I judge him; partly
from your account of him; Trotwood; and your character; and the
influence he has over you。’
There was always something in her modest voice that seemed
to touch a chord within me; answering to that sound alone。 It was
always earnest; but when it was very earnest; as it was now; there
was a thrill in it that quite subdued me。 I sat looking at her as she
cast her eyes down on her work; I sat seeming still to listen to her;
and Steerforth; in spite of all my attachment to him; darkened in
that tone。
‘It is very bold in me;’ said Agnes; looking up again; ‘who have
lived in such seclusion; and can know so little of the world; to give
you my advice so confidently; or even to have this strong opinion。
But I know in what it is engendered; Trotwood;—in how true a
remembrance of our having grown up together; and in how true
an interest in all relating to you。 It is that which makes me bold。 I
am certain that what I say is right。 I am quite sure it is。 I feel as if it
were someone else speaking to you; and not I; when I caution you
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
that you have made a dangerous friend。’
Again I looked at her; again I listened to her after she was
silent; and again his image; though it was still fixed in my heart;
darkened。
‘I am not so unreasonable as to expect;’ said Agnes; resuming
her usual tone; after a little while; ‘that you will; or that you can; at
once; change any sentiment that has become a conviction to you;
least of all a sentiment that is rooted in your trusting disposition。
You ought not hastily to do that。 I only ask you; Trotwood; if you
ever think of me—I mean;’ with a quiet smile; for I was going to
interrupt her; and she knew why; ‘as often as you think of me—to
think of what I have said。 Do you forgive me for all this?’
‘I will forgive you; Agnes;’ I replied; ‘when you come to do
Steerforth justice; and to like him as well as I do。’
‘Not until then?’ said Agnes。
I saw a passing shadow on her face when I made this mention
of him; but she returned my smile; and we were again as
unreserved in our mutual confidence as of old。
‘And when; Agnes;’ said I; ‘will you forgive me the other night?’
‘When I recall it;’ said Agnes。
She would have dismissed the subject so; but I was too full of it
to allow that; and insisted on telling her how it happened that I
had disgraced myself; and what chain of accidental circumstances
had had the theatre for its final link。 It was a great relief to me to
do this; and to enlarge on the obligation that I owed to Steerforth
for his care of me when I was unable to take care of myself。
‘You must not forget;’ said Agnes; calmly changing the
conversation as soon as I had concluded; ‘that you are always to
tell me; not only when you fall into trouble; but when you fall in
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
love。 Who has succeeded to Miss Larkins; Trotwood?’
‘No one; Agnes。’
‘Someone; Trotwood;’ said Agnes; laughing; and holding up her
finger。
‘No; Agnes; upon my word! There is a lady; certainly; at Mrs。
Steerforth’s house; who is very clever; and whom I like to talk to—
Miss Dartle—but I don’t adore her。’
Agnes laughed again at her own penetration; and told me that if
I were faithful to her in my confidence she thought she should
keep a little register of my violent attachments; with the date;
duration; and termination of each; like the table of the reigns of
the kings and queens; in the History of England。 Then she asked
me if I had seen Uriah。
‘Uriah Heep?’ said I。 ‘No。 Is he in London?’
‘He comes to the office downstairs; every day;’ returned Agnes。
‘He was in London a week before me。 I am afraid on disagreeable
business; Trotwood。’
‘On some business that makes you uneasy; Agnes; I see;’ said I。
‘What can that be?’
Agnes laid aside her work; and replied; folding her hands upon
one another; and looking pensively at me out of those beautiful
soft eyes of hers:
‘I believe he is going to enter into partnership with papa。’
‘What? Uriah? That mean; fawning fellow; worm himself into
such promotion!’ I cried; indignantly。 ‘Have you made no
remonstrance about it; Agnes? Consider what a connexion it is
likely to be。 You must speak out。 You must not allow your father to
take such a mad step。 You must prevent it; Agnes; while there’s
time。’
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
Still looking at me; Agnes shook her head while I was speaking;
with a faint smile at my warmth: and then replied:
‘You remember our last conversation about papa? It was not
long after that—not more than two or three days—when he gave
me the first intimation of what I tell you。 It was sad to see him
struggling between his desire to represent it to me as a matter of
choice on his part; and his inability to conceal that it was forced
upon him。 I felt very sorry。’
‘Forced upon him; Agnes! Who forces it upon him?’
‘Uriah;’ she replied; after a moment’s hesitation; ‘has made
himself indispensable to papa。 He is subtle and watchful。 He has
mastered papa’s weaknesses; fostered them; and taken advantage
of them; until—to say all that I mean in a word; Trotwood;—until
papa is afraid of him。’
There was more that she might have said; more that she knew;
or that she suspected; I clearly saw。 I could not give her pain by
asking what it was; for I knew that she withheld it from me; to
spare her father。 It had long been going on to this; I was sensible:
yes; I could not but feel; on the least reflection; that it had been
going on to this for a long time。 I remained silent。
‘His ascendancy over papa;’ said Agnes; ‘is very great。 He
professes humility and gratitude—with truth; perhaps: I hope so—
but his position is really one of power; and I fear he makes a hard
use of his power。’
I said he was a hound; which; at the moment; was a great
satisfaction to me。
‘At the time I speak of; as the time when papa spoke to me;’
pursued Agnes; ‘he had told papa that he was going away; that he
was very sorry; and unwilling to leave; but that he had better
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
prospects。 Papa was very much depressed then; and more bowed
down by care than ever you or I have seen him; but he seemed
relieved by this expedient of the partnership; though at the same
time he seemed hurt by it and ashamed of it。’
‘And how did you receive it; Agnes?’
‘I did; Trotwood;’ she replied; ‘what I hope was right。 Feeling
sure that it was necessary for papa’s peace that the sacrifice
should be made; I entreated him to make it。 I said it would lighten
the load of his life—I hope it will!—and that it would give me
increased opportunities of being his companion。 Oh; Trotwood!’
cried Agnes; putting her hands before her face; as her tears started
on it; ‘I almost feel as if I had been papa’s enemy; instead of his
loving child。 For I know how he has altered; in his devotion to me。
I know how he has narrowed the circle of his sympathies and
duties; in the concentration of his whole mind upon me。 I know
wha