第 17 节
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不受约束 更新:2021-05-04 17:22 字数:9221
turned; and Miss Murdstone came in with some bread and meat;
and milk。 These she put down upon the table without a word;
glaring at me the while with exemplary firmness; and then retired;
locking the door after her。
Long after it was dark I sat there; wondering whether anybody
else would come。 When this appeared improbable for that night; I
undressed; and went to bed; and; there; I began to wonder
fearfully what would be done to me。 Whether it was a criminal act
that I had committed? Whether I should be taken into custody;
and sent to prison? Whether I was at all in danger of being
hanged?
I never shall forget the waking; next morning; the being
cheerful and fresh for the first moment; and then the being
weighed down by the stale and dismal oppression of
remembrance。 Miss Murdstone reappeared before I was out of
bed; told me; in so many words; that I was free to walk in the
garden for half an hour and no longer; and retired; leaving the
door open; that I might avail myself of that permission。
I did so; and did so every morning of my imprisonment; which
lasted five days。 If I could have seen my mother alone; I should
have gone down on my knees to her and besought her forgiveness;
but I saw no one; Miss Murdstone excepted; during the whole
time—except at evening prayers in the parlour; to which I was
escorted by Miss Murdstone after everybody else was placed;
where I was stationed; a young outlaw; all alone by myself near the
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door; and whence I was solemnly conducted by my jailer; before
any one arose from the devotional posture。 I only observed that
my mother was as far off from me as she could be; and kept her
face another way so that I never saw it; and that Mr。 Murdstone’s
hand was bound up in a large linen wrapper。
The length of those five days I can convey no idea of to any one。
They occupy the place of years in my remembrance。 The way in
which I listened to all the incidents of the house that made
themselves audible to me; the ringing of bells; the opening and
shutting of doors; the murmuring of voices; the footsteps on the
stairs; to any laughing; whistling; or singing; outside; which
seemed more dismal than anything else to me in my solitude and
disgrace—the uncertain pace of the hours; especially at night;
when I would wake thinking it was morning; and find that the
family were not yet gone to bed; and that all the length of night
had yet to come—the depressed dreams and nightmares I had—
the return of day; noon; afternoon; evening; when the boys played
in the churchyard; and I watched them from a distance within the
room; being ashamed to show myself at the window lest they
should know I was a prisoner—the strange sensation of never
hearing myself speak—the fleeting intervals of something like
cheerfulness; which came with eating and drinking; and went
away with it—the setting in of rain one evening; with a fresh smell;
and its coming down faster and faster between me and the church;
until it and gathering night seemed to quench me in gloom; and
fear; and remorse—all this appears to have gone round and round
for years instead of days; it is so vividly and strongly stamped on
my remembrance。 On the last night of my restraint; I was
awakened by hearing my own name spoken in a whisper。 I started
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David Copperfield
up in bed; and putting out my arms in the dark; said:
‘Is that you; Peggotty?’
There was no immediate answer; but presently I heard my
name again; in a tone so very mysterious and awful; that I think I
should have gone into a fit; if it had not occurred to me that it must
have come through the keyhole。
I groped my way to the door; and putting my own lips to the
keyhole; whispered: ‘Is that you; Peggotty dear?’
‘Yes; my own precious Davy;’ she replied。 ‘Be as soft as a
mouse; or the Cat’ll hear us。’
I understood this to mean Miss Murdstone; and was sensible of
the urgency of the case; her room being close by。
‘How’s mama; dear Peggotty? Is she very angry with me?’
I could hear Peggotty crying softly on her side of the keyhole; as
I was doing on mine; before she answered。 ‘No。 Not very。’
‘What is going to be done with me; Peggotty dear? Do you
know?’
‘School。 Near London;’ was Peggotty’s answer。 I was obliged to
get her to repeat it; for she spoke it the first time quite down my
throat; in consequence of my having forgotten to take my mouth
away from the keyhole and put my ear there; and though her
words tickled me a good deal; I didn’t hear them。
‘When; Peggotty?’
‘Tomorrow。’
‘Is that the reason why Miss Murdstone took the clothes out of
my drawers?’ which she had done; though I have forgotten to
mention it。
‘Yes;’ said Peggotty。 ‘Box。’
‘Shan’t I see mama?’
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‘Yes;’ said Peggotty。 ‘Morning。’
Then Peggotty fitted her mouth close to the keyhole; and
delivered these words through it with as much feeling and
earnestness as a keyhole has ever been the medium of
communicating; I will venture to assert: shooting in each broken
little sentence in a convulsive little burst of its own。
‘Davy; dear。 If I ain’t been azackly as intimate with you。 Lately;
as I used to be。 It ain’t because I don’t love you。 just as well and
more; my pretty poppet。 It’s because I thought it better for you。
And for someone else besides。 Davy; my darling; are you listening?
Can you hear?’
‘Ye…ye…ye…yes; Peggotty!’ I sobbed。
‘My own!’ said Peggotty; with infinite compassion。 ‘What I want
to say; is。 That you must never forget me。 For I’ll never forget you。
And I’ll take as much care of your mama; Davy。 As ever I took of
you。 And I won’t leave her。 The day may come when she’ll be glad
to lay her poor head。 On her stupid; cross old Peggotty’s arm
again。 And I’ll write to you; my dear。 Though I ain’t no scholar。
And I’ll—I’ll—’ Peggotty fell to kissing the keyhole; as she couldn’t
kiss me。
‘Thank you; dear Peggotty!’ said I。 ‘Oh; thank you! Thank you!
Will you promise me one thing; Peggotty? Will you write and tell
Mr。 Peggotty and little Em’ly; and Mrs。 Gummidge and Ham; that
I am not so bad as they might suppose; and that I sent ’em all my
love—especially to little Em’ly? Will you; if you please; Peggotty?’
The kind soul promised; and we both of us kissed the keyhole
with the greatest affection—I patted it with my hand; I recollect; as
if it had been her honest face—and parted。 From that night there
grew up in my breast a feeling for Peggotty which I cannot very
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well define。 She did not replace my mother; no one could do that;
but she came into a vacancy in my heart; which closed upon her;
and I felt towards her something I have never felt for any other
human being。 It was a sort of comical affection; too; and yet if she
had died; I cannot think what I should have done; or how I should
have acted out the tragedy it would have been to me。
In the morning Miss Murdstone appeared as usual; and told me
I was going to school; which was not altogether such news to me
as she supposed。 She also informed me that when I was dressed; I
was to come downstairs into the parlour; and have my breakfast。
There; I found my mother; very pale and with red eyes: into whose
arms I ran; and begged her pardon from my suffering soul。
‘Oh; Davy!’ she said。 ‘That you could hurt anyone I love! Try to
be better; pray to be better! I forgive you; but I am so grieved;
Davy; that you should have such bad passions in your heart。’
They had persuaded her that I was a wicked fellow; and she
was more sorry for that than for my going away。 I felt it sorely。 I
tried to eat my parting breakfast; but my tears dropped upon my
bread…and…butter; and trickled into my tea。 I saw my mother look
at me sometimes; and then glance at the watchful Miss Murdstone;
and than look down; or look away。
‘Master Copperfield’s box there!’ said Miss Murdstone; when
wheels were heard at the gate。
I looked for Peggotty; but it was not she; neither she nor Mr。
Murdstone appeared。 My former acquaintance; the carrier; was at
the door。 the box was taken out to his cart; and lifted in。 ‘Clara!’
said Miss Murdstone; in her warning note。
‘Ready; my dear Jane;’ returned my mother。 ‘Good…bye; Davy。
You are going for your own good。 Good…bye; my child。 You will
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come home in the holidays; and be a better boy。’
‘Clara!’ Miss Murdstone repeated。
‘Certainly; my dear Jane;’ replied my mother; who was holding
me。 ‘I forgive you; my dear boy。 God bless you!’
‘Clara!’ Miss Murdstone repeated。
Miss Murdstone was good enough to take me out to the cart;
and to say on the way that she hoped I would repent; before I
came to a bad end; and then I got into the cart; and the lazy horse
walked o