第 16 节
作者:不受约束      更新:2021-05-04 17:22      字数:9256
  having made a Mulatto of myself by getting the dirt of the slate
  into the pores of my skin; I have a slice of bread to help me out
  with the cheeses; and am considered in disgrace for the rest of the
  evening。
  It seems to me; at this distance of time; as if my unfortunate
  studies generally took this course。 I could have done very well if I
  had been without the Murdstones; but the influence of the
  Murdstones upon me was like the fascination of two snakes on a
  wretched young bird。 Even when I did get through the morning
  with tolerable credit; there was not much gained but dinner; for
  Miss Murdstone never could endure to see me untasked; and if I
  rashly made any show of being unemployed; called her brother’s
  attention to me by saying; ‘Clara; my dear; there’s nothing like
  work—give your boy an exercise’; which caused me to be clapped
  down to some new labour; there and then。 As to any recreation
  with other children of my age; I had very little of that; for the
  gloomy theology of the Murdstones made all children out to be a
  swarm of little vipers (though there was a child once set in the
  midst of the Disciples); and held that they contaminated one
  another。
  The natural result of this treatment; continued; I suppose; for
  some six months or more; was to make me sullen; dull; and
  dogged。 I was not made the less so by my sense of being daily
  more and more shut out and alienated from my mother。 I believe I
  should have been almost stupefied but for one circumstance。
  It was this。 My father had left a small collection of books in a
  little room upstairs; to which I had access (for it adjoined my own)
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  David Copperfield
  and which nobody else in our house ever troubled。 From that
  blessed little room; Roderick Random; Peregrine Pickle;
  Humphrey Clinker; Tom Jones; the Vicar of Wakefield; Don
  Quixote; Gil Blas; and Robinson Crusoe; came out; a glorious host;
  to keep me company。 They kept alive my fancy; and my hope of
  something beyond that place and time;—they; and the Arabian
  Nights; and the Tales of the Genii;—and did me no harm; for
  whatever harm was in some of them was not there for me; I knew
  nothing of it。 It is astonishing to me now; how I found time; in the
  midst of my porings and blunderings over heavier themes; to read
  those books as I did。 It is curious to me how I could ever have
  consoled myself under my small troubles (which were great
  troubles to me); by impersonating my favourite characters in
  them—as I did—and by putting Mr。 and Miss Murdstone into all
  the bad ones—which I did too。 I have been Tom Jones (a child’s
  Tom Jones; a harmless creature) for a week together。 I have
  sustained my own idea of Roderick Random for a month at a
  stretch; I verily believe。 I had a greedy relish for a few volumes of
  Voyages and Travels—I forget what; now—that were on those
  shelves; and for days and days I can remember to have gone about
  my region of our house; armed with the centre…piece out of an old
  set of boot…trees—the perfect realization of Captain Somebody; of
  the Royal British Navy; in danger of being beset by savages; and
  resolved to sell his life at a great price。 The Captain never lost
  dignity; from having his ears boxed with the Latin Grammar。 I did;
  but the Captain was a Captain and a hero; in despite of all the
  grammars of all the languages in the world; dead or alive。
  This was my only and my constant comfort。 When I think of it;
  the picture always rises in my mind; of a summer evening; the
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  David Copperfield
  boys at play in the churchyard; and I sitting on my bed; reading as
  if for life。 Every barn in the neighbourhood; every stone in the
  church; and every foot of the churchyard; had some association of
  its own; in my mind; connected with these books; and stood for
  some locality made famous in them。 I have seen Tom Pipes go
  climbing up the church…steeple; I have watched Strap; with the
  knapsack on his back; stopping to rest himself upon the wicket…
  gate; and I know that Commodore Trunnion held that club with
  Mr。 Pickle; in the parlour of our little village alehouse。
  The reader now understands; as well as I do; what I was when I
  came to that point of my youthful history to which I am now
  coming again。
  One morning when I went into the parlour with my books; I
  found my mother looking anxious; Miss Murdstone looking firm;
  and Mr。 Murdstone binding something round the bottom of a
  cane—a lithe and limber cane; which he left off binding when I
  came in; and poised and switched in the air。
  ‘I tell you; Clara;’ said Mr。 Murdstone; ‘I have been often
  flogged myself。’
  ‘To be sure; of course;’ said Miss Murdstone。
  ‘Certainly; my dear Jane;’ faltered my mother; meekly。 ‘But—
  but do you think it did Edward good?’
  ‘Do you think it did Edward harm; Clara?’ asked Mr。
  Murdstone; gravely。
  ‘That’s the point;’ said his sister。
  To this my mother returned; ‘Certainly; my dear Jane;’ and said
  no more。
  I felt apprehensive that I was personally interested in this
  dialogue; and sought Mr。 Murdstone’s eye as it lighted on mine。
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  David Copperfield
  ‘Now; David;’ he said—and I saw that cast again as he said it—
  ‘you must be far more careful today than usual。’ He gave the cane
  another poise; and another switch; and having finished his
  preparation of it; laid it down beside him; with an impressive look;
  and took up his book。
  This was a good freshener to my presence of mind; as a
  beginning。 I felt the words of my lessons slipping off; not one by
  one; or line by line; but by the entire page; I tried to lay hold of
  them; but they seemed; if I may so express it; to have put skates
  on; and to skim away from me with a smoothness there was no
  checking。
  We began badly; and went on worse。 I had come in with an idea
  of distinguishing myself rather; conceiving that I was very well
  prepared; but it turned out to be quite a mistake。 Book after book
  was added to the heap of failures; Miss Murdstone being firmly
  watchful of us all the time。 And when we came at last to the five
  thousand cheeses (canes he made it that day; I remember); my
  mother burst out crying。
  ‘Clara!’ said Miss Murdstone; in her warning voice。
  ‘I am not quite well; my dear Jane; I think;’ said my mother。
  I saw him wink; solemnly; at his sister; as he rose and said;
  taking up the cane:
  ‘Why; Jane; we can hardly expect Clara to bear; with perfect
  firmness; the worry and torment that David has occasioned her
  today。 That would be stoical。 Clara is greatly strengthened and
  improved; but we can hardly expect so much from her。 David; you
  and I will go upstairs; boy。’
  As he took me out at the door; my mother ran towards us。 Miss
  Murdstone said; ‘Clara! are you a perfect fool?’ and interfered。 I
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  David Copperfield
  saw my mother stop her ears then; and I heard her crying。
  He walked me up to my room slowly and gravely—I am certain
  he had a delight in that formal parade of executing justice—and
  when we got there; suddenly twisted my head under his arm。
  ‘Mr。 Murdstone! Sir!’ I cried to him。 ‘Don’t! Pray don’t beat me!
  I have tried to learn; sir; but I can’t learn while you and Miss
  Murdstone are by。 I can’t indeed!’
  ‘Can’t you; indeed; David?’ he said。 ‘We’ll try that。’
  He had my head as in a vice; but I twined round him somehow;
  and stopped him for a moment; entreating him not to beat me。 It
  was only a moment that I stopped him; for he cut me heavily an
  instant afterwards; and in the same instant I caught the hand with
  which he held me in my mouth; between my teeth; and bit it
  through。 It sets my teeth on edge to think of it。
  He beat me then; as if he would have beaten me to death。 Above
  all the noise we made; I heard them running up the stairs; and
  crying out—I heard my mother crying out—and Peggotty。 Then he
  was gone; and the door was locked outside; and I was lying;
  fevered and hot; and torn; and sore; and raging in my puny way;
  upon the floor。
  How well I recollect; when I became quiet; what an unnatural
  stillness seemed to reign through the whole house! How well I
  remember; when my smart and passion began to cool; how wicked
  I began to feel!
  I sat listening for a long while; but there was not a sound。 I
  crawled up from the floor; and saw my face in the glass; so
  swollen; red; and ugly that it almost frightened me。 My stripes
  were sore and stiff; and made me cry afresh; when I moved; but
  they were nothing to the guilt I felt。 It lay heavier on my breast
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  David Copperfield
  than if I had been a most atrocious criminal; I dare say。
  It had begun to grow dark; and I had shut the window (I had
  been lying; for the most part; with my head upon the sill; by turns
  crying; dozing; and looking listlessly out); when the key was
  turned; and Miss Murdstone came in with some bread and meat;
  and milk。 These she put do