第 16 节
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不受约束 更新:2021-05-04 17:22 字数:9256
having made a Mulatto of myself by getting the dirt of the slate
into the pores of my skin; I have a slice of bread to help me out
with the cheeses; and am considered in disgrace for the rest of the
evening。
It seems to me; at this distance of time; as if my unfortunate
studies generally took this course。 I could have done very well if I
had been without the Murdstones; but the influence of the
Murdstones upon me was like the fascination of two snakes on a
wretched young bird。 Even when I did get through the morning
with tolerable credit; there was not much gained but dinner; for
Miss Murdstone never could endure to see me untasked; and if I
rashly made any show of being unemployed; called her brother’s
attention to me by saying; ‘Clara; my dear; there’s nothing like
work—give your boy an exercise’; which caused me to be clapped
down to some new labour; there and then。 As to any recreation
with other children of my age; I had very little of that; for the
gloomy theology of the Murdstones made all children out to be a
swarm of little vipers (though there was a child once set in the
midst of the Disciples); and held that they contaminated one
another。
The natural result of this treatment; continued; I suppose; for
some six months or more; was to make me sullen; dull; and
dogged。 I was not made the less so by my sense of being daily
more and more shut out and alienated from my mother。 I believe I
should have been almost stupefied but for one circumstance。
It was this。 My father had left a small collection of books in a
little room upstairs; to which I had access (for it adjoined my own)
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David Copperfield
and which nobody else in our house ever troubled。 From that
blessed little room; Roderick Random; Peregrine Pickle;
Humphrey Clinker; Tom Jones; the Vicar of Wakefield; Don
Quixote; Gil Blas; and Robinson Crusoe; came out; a glorious host;
to keep me company。 They kept alive my fancy; and my hope of
something beyond that place and time;—they; and the Arabian
Nights; and the Tales of the Genii;—and did me no harm; for
whatever harm was in some of them was not there for me; I knew
nothing of it。 It is astonishing to me now; how I found time; in the
midst of my porings and blunderings over heavier themes; to read
those books as I did。 It is curious to me how I could ever have
consoled myself under my small troubles (which were great
troubles to me); by impersonating my favourite characters in
them—as I did—and by putting Mr。 and Miss Murdstone into all
the bad ones—which I did too。 I have been Tom Jones (a child’s
Tom Jones; a harmless creature) for a week together。 I have
sustained my own idea of Roderick Random for a month at a
stretch; I verily believe。 I had a greedy relish for a few volumes of
Voyages and Travels—I forget what; now—that were on those
shelves; and for days and days I can remember to have gone about
my region of our house; armed with the centre…piece out of an old
set of boot…trees—the perfect realization of Captain Somebody; of
the Royal British Navy; in danger of being beset by savages; and
resolved to sell his life at a great price。 The Captain never lost
dignity; from having his ears boxed with the Latin Grammar。 I did;
but the Captain was a Captain and a hero; in despite of all the
grammars of all the languages in the world; dead or alive。
This was my only and my constant comfort。 When I think of it;
the picture always rises in my mind; of a summer evening; the
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boys at play in the churchyard; and I sitting on my bed; reading as
if for life。 Every barn in the neighbourhood; every stone in the
church; and every foot of the churchyard; had some association of
its own; in my mind; connected with these books; and stood for
some locality made famous in them。 I have seen Tom Pipes go
climbing up the church…steeple; I have watched Strap; with the
knapsack on his back; stopping to rest himself upon the wicket…
gate; and I know that Commodore Trunnion held that club with
Mr。 Pickle; in the parlour of our little village alehouse。
The reader now understands; as well as I do; what I was when I
came to that point of my youthful history to which I am now
coming again。
One morning when I went into the parlour with my books; I
found my mother looking anxious; Miss Murdstone looking firm;
and Mr。 Murdstone binding something round the bottom of a
cane—a lithe and limber cane; which he left off binding when I
came in; and poised and switched in the air。
‘I tell you; Clara;’ said Mr。 Murdstone; ‘I have been often
flogged myself。’
‘To be sure; of course;’ said Miss Murdstone。
‘Certainly; my dear Jane;’ faltered my mother; meekly。 ‘But—
but do you think it did Edward good?’
‘Do you think it did Edward harm; Clara?’ asked Mr。
Murdstone; gravely。
‘That’s the point;’ said his sister。
To this my mother returned; ‘Certainly; my dear Jane;’ and said
no more。
I felt apprehensive that I was personally interested in this
dialogue; and sought Mr。 Murdstone’s eye as it lighted on mine。
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‘Now; David;’ he said—and I saw that cast again as he said it—
‘you must be far more careful today than usual。’ He gave the cane
another poise; and another switch; and having finished his
preparation of it; laid it down beside him; with an impressive look;
and took up his book。
This was a good freshener to my presence of mind; as a
beginning。 I felt the words of my lessons slipping off; not one by
one; or line by line; but by the entire page; I tried to lay hold of
them; but they seemed; if I may so express it; to have put skates
on; and to skim away from me with a smoothness there was no
checking。
We began badly; and went on worse。 I had come in with an idea
of distinguishing myself rather; conceiving that I was very well
prepared; but it turned out to be quite a mistake。 Book after book
was added to the heap of failures; Miss Murdstone being firmly
watchful of us all the time。 And when we came at last to the five
thousand cheeses (canes he made it that day; I remember); my
mother burst out crying。
‘Clara!’ said Miss Murdstone; in her warning voice。
‘I am not quite well; my dear Jane; I think;’ said my mother。
I saw him wink; solemnly; at his sister; as he rose and said;
taking up the cane:
‘Why; Jane; we can hardly expect Clara to bear; with perfect
firmness; the worry and torment that David has occasioned her
today。 That would be stoical。 Clara is greatly strengthened and
improved; but we can hardly expect so much from her。 David; you
and I will go upstairs; boy。’
As he took me out at the door; my mother ran towards us。 Miss
Murdstone said; ‘Clara! are you a perfect fool?’ and interfered。 I
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David Copperfield
saw my mother stop her ears then; and I heard her crying。
He walked me up to my room slowly and gravely—I am certain
he had a delight in that formal parade of executing justice—and
when we got there; suddenly twisted my head under his arm。
‘Mr。 Murdstone! Sir!’ I cried to him。 ‘Don’t! Pray don’t beat me!
I have tried to learn; sir; but I can’t learn while you and Miss
Murdstone are by。 I can’t indeed!’
‘Can’t you; indeed; David?’ he said。 ‘We’ll try that。’
He had my head as in a vice; but I twined round him somehow;
and stopped him for a moment; entreating him not to beat me。 It
was only a moment that I stopped him; for he cut me heavily an
instant afterwards; and in the same instant I caught the hand with
which he held me in my mouth; between my teeth; and bit it
through。 It sets my teeth on edge to think of it。
He beat me then; as if he would have beaten me to death。 Above
all the noise we made; I heard them running up the stairs; and
crying out—I heard my mother crying out—and Peggotty。 Then he
was gone; and the door was locked outside; and I was lying;
fevered and hot; and torn; and sore; and raging in my puny way;
upon the floor。
How well I recollect; when I became quiet; what an unnatural
stillness seemed to reign through the whole house! How well I
remember; when my smart and passion began to cool; how wicked
I began to feel!
I sat listening for a long while; but there was not a sound。 I
crawled up from the floor; and saw my face in the glass; so
swollen; red; and ugly that it almost frightened me。 My stripes
were sore and stiff; and made me cry afresh; when I moved; but
they were nothing to the guilt I felt。 It lay heavier on my breast
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David Copperfield
than if I had been a most atrocious criminal; I dare say。
It had begun to grow dark; and I had shut the window (I had
been lying; for the most part; with my head upon the sill; by turns
crying; dozing; and looking listlessly out); when the key was
turned; and Miss Murdstone came in with some bread and meat;
and milk。 These she put do