第 12 节
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不受约束 更新:2021-05-04 17:22 字数:9167
‘What’s amiss; dame?’ said Mr。 Peggotty。
‘Nothing;’ returned Mrs。 Gummidge。 ‘You’ve come from The
Willing Mind; Dan’l?’
‘Why yes; I’ve took a short spell at The Willing Mind tonight;’
said Mr。 Peggotty。
‘I’m sorry I should drive you there;’ said Mrs。 Gummidge。
‘Drive! I don’t want no driving;’ returned Mr。 Peggotty with an
honest laugh。 ‘I only go too ready。’
‘Very ready;’ said Mrs。 Gummidge; shaking her head; and
wiping her eyes。 ‘Yes; yes; very ready。 I am sorry it should be
along of me that you’re so ready。’
‘Along o’ you! It an’t along o’ you!’ said Mr。 Peggotty。 ‘Don’t ye
believe a bit on it。’
‘Yes; yes; it is;’ cried Mrs。 Gummidge。 ‘I know what I am。 I know
that I am a lone lorn creetur’; and not only that everythink goes
contrary with me; but that I go contrary with everybody。 Yes; yes。
I feel more than other people do; and I show it more。 It’s my
misfortun’。’
I really couldn’t help thinking; as I sat taking in all this; that the
misfortune extended to some other members of that family besides
Mrs。 Gummidge。 But Mr。 Peggotty made no such retort; only
answering with another entreaty to Mrs。 Gummidge to cheer up。
‘I an’t what I could wish myself to be;’ said Mrs。 Gummidge。 ‘I
am far from it。 I know what I am。 My troubles has made me
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contrary。 I feel my troubles; and they make me contrary。 I wish I
didn’t feel ’em; but I do。 I wish I could be hardened to ’em; but I
an’t。 I make the house uncomfortable。 I don’t wonder at it。 I’ve
made your sister so all day; and Master Davy。’
Here I was suddenly melted; and roared out; ‘No; you haven’t;
Mrs。 Gummidge;’ in great mental distress。
‘It’s far from right that I should do it;’ said Mrs。 Gummidge。 ‘It
an’t a fit return。 I had better go into the house and die。 I am a lone
lorn creetur’; and had much better not make myself contrary here。
If thinks must go contrary with me; and I must go contrary myself;
let me go contrary in my parish。 Dan’l; I’d better go into the house;
and die and be a riddance!’
Mrs。 Gummidge retired with these words; and betook herself to
bed。 When she was gone; Mr。 Peggotty; who had not exhibited a
trace of any feeling but the profoundest sympathy; looked round
upon us; and nodding his head with a lively expression of that
sentiment still animating his face; said in a whisper:
‘She’s been thinking of the old ’un!’
I did not quite understand what old one Mrs。 Gummidge was
supposed to have fixed her mind upon; until Peggotty; on seeing
me to bed; explained that it was the late Mr。 Gummidge; and that
her brother always took that for a received truth on such
occasions; and that it always had a moving effect upon him。 Some
time after he was in his hammock that night; I heard him myself
repeat to Ham; ‘Poor thing! She’s been thinking of the old ’un!’
And whenever Mrs。 Gummidge was overcome in a similar manner
during the remainder of our stay (which happened some few
times); he always said the same thing in extenuation of the
circumstance; and always with the tenderest commiseration。
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So the fortnight slipped away; varied by nothing but the
variation of the tide; which altered Mr。 Peggotty’s times of going
out and coming in; and altered Ham’s engagements also。 When the
latter was unemployed; he sometimes walked with us to show us
the boats and ships; and once or twice he took us for a row。 I don’t
know why one slight set of impressions should be more
particularly associated with a place than another; though I believe
this obtains with most people; in reference especially to the
associations of their childhood。 I never hear the name; or read the
name; of Yarmouth; but I am reminded of a certain Sunday
morning on the beach; the bells ringing for church; little Em’ly
leaning on my shoulder; Ham lazily dropping stones into the
water; and the sun; away at sea; just breaking through the heavy
mist; and showing us the ships; like their own shadows。
At last the day came for going home。 I bore up against the
separation from Mr。 Peggotty and Mrs。 Gummidge; but my agony
of mind at leaving little Em’ly was piercing。 We went arm…in…arm
to the public…house where the carrier put up; and I promised; on
the road; to write to her。 (I redeemed that promise afterwards; in
characters larger than those in which apartments are usually
announced in manuscript; as being to let。) We were greatly
overcome at parting; and if ever; in my life; I have had a void made
in my heart; I had one made that day。
Now; all the time I had been on my visit; I had been ungrateful
to my home again; and had thought little or nothing about it。 But I
was no sooner turned towards it; than my reproachful young
conscience seemed to point that way with a ready finger; and I felt;
all the more for the sinking of my spirits; that it was my nest; and
that my mother was my comforter and friend。
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This gained upon me as we went along; so that the nearer we
drew; the more familiar the objects became that we passed; the
more excited I was to get there; and to run into her arms。 But
Peggotty; instead of sharing in those transports; tried to check
them (though very kindly); and looked confused and out of sorts。
Blunderstone Rookery would come; however; in spite of her;
when the carrier’s horse pleased—and did。 How well I recollect it;
on a cold grey afternoon; with a dull sky; threatening rain!
The door opened; and I looked; half laughing and half crying in
my pleasant agitation; for my mother。 It was not she; but a strange
servant。
‘Why; Peggotty!’ I said; ruefully; ‘isn’t she come home?’
‘Yes; yes; Master Davy;’ said Peggotty。 ‘She’s come home。 Wait
a bit; Master Davy; and I’ll—I’ll tell you something。’
Between her agitation; and her natural awkwardness in getting
out of the cart; Peggotty was making a most extraordinary festoon
of herself; but I felt too blank and strange to tell her so。 When she
had got down; she took me by the hand; led me; wondering; into
the kitchen; and shut the door。
‘Peggotty!’ said I; quite frightened。 ‘What’s the matter?’
‘Nothing’s the matter; bless you; Master Davy dear!’ she
answered; assuming an air of sprightliness。
‘Something’s the matter; I’m sure。 Where’s mama?’
‘Where’s mama; Master Davy?’ repeated Peggotty。
‘Yes。 Why hasn’t she come out to the gate; and what have we
come in here for? Oh; Peggotty!’ My eyes were full; and I felt as if I
were going to tumble down。
‘Bless the precious boy!’ cried Peggotty; taking hold of me。
‘What is it? Speak; my pet!’
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‘Not dead; too! Oh; she’s not dead; Peggotty?’
Peggotty cried out No! with an astonishing volume of voice; and
then sat down; and began to pant; and said I had given her a turn。
I gave her a hug to take away the turn; or to give her another
turn in the right direction; and then stood before her; looking at
her in anxious inquiry。
‘You see; dear; I should have told you before now;’ said
Peggotty; ‘but I hadn’t an opportunity。 I ought to have made it;
perhaps; but I couldn’t azackly’—that was always the substitute
for exactly; in Peggotty’s militia of words—‘bring my mind to it。’
‘Go on; Peggotty;’ said I; more frightened than before。
‘Master Davy;’ said Peggotty; untying her bonnet with a shaking
hand; and speaking in a breathless sort of way。 ‘What do you
think? You have got a Pa!’
I trembled; and turned white。 Something—I don’t know what;
or how—connected with the grave in the churchyard; and the
raising of the dead; seemed to strike me like an unwholesome
wind。
‘A new one;’ said Peggotty。
‘A new one?’ I repeated。
Peggotty gave a gasp; as if she were swallowing something that
was very hard; and; putting out her hand; said:
‘Come and see him。’
‘I don’t want to see him。’
—‘And your mama;’ said Peggotty。
I ceased to draw back; and we went straight to the best parlour;
where she left me。 On one side of the fire; sat my mother; on the
other; Mr。 Murdstone。 My mother dropped her work; and arose
hurriedly; but timidly I thought。
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‘Now; Clara my dear;’ said Mr。 Murdstone。 ‘Recollect! control
yourself; always control yourself! Davy boy; how do you do?’
I gave him my hand。 After a moment of suspense; I went and
kissed my mother: she kissed me; patted me gently on the
shoulder; and sat down again to her work。 I could not look at her; I
could not look at him; I knew quite well that he was looking at us
both; and I turned to the window and looked out there; at some
shrubs that were drooping their heads in the cold。
As soon as I could creep away; I crept upstairs。 My old dear
bedroom was changed; and I was to lie a long way