第 11 节
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不受约束 更新:2021-05-04 17:22 字数:9231
‘I should like it very much。 We would all be gentlefolks
together; then。 Me; and uncle; and Ham; and Mrs。 Gummidge。 We
wouldn’t mind then; when there comes stormy weather。—Not for
our own sakes; I mean。 We would for the poor fishermen’s; to be
sure; and we’d help ’em with money when they come to any hurt。’
This seemed to me to be a very satisfactory and therefore not at all
improbable picture。 I expressed my pleasure in the contemplation
of it; and little Em’ly was emboldened to say; shyly;
‘Don’t you think you are afraid of the sea; now?’
It was quiet enough to reassure me; but I have no doubt if I had
seen a moderately large wave come tumbling in; I should have
taken to my heels; with an awful recollection of her drowned
relations。 However; I said ‘No;’ and I added; ‘You don’t seem to be
either; though you say you are;’—for she was walking much too
near the brink of a sort of old jetty or wooden causeway we had
strolled upon; and I was afraid of her falling over。
‘I’m not afraid in this way;’ said little Em’ly。 ‘But I wake when it
blows; and tremble to think of Uncle Dan and Ham and believe I
hear ’em crying out for help。 That’s why I should like so much to
be a lady。 But I’m not afraid in this way。 Not a bit。 Look here!’
She started from my side; and ran along a jagged timber which
protruded from the place we stood upon; and overhung the deep
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water at some height; without the least defence。 The incident is so
impressed on my remembrance; that if I were a draughtsman I
could draw its form here; I dare say; accurately as it was that day;
and little Em’ly springing forward to her destruction (as it
appeared to me); with a look that I have never forgotten; directed
far out to sea。
The light; bold; fluttering little figure turned and came back
safe to me; and I soon laughed at my fears; and at the cry I had
uttered; fruitlessly in any case; for there was no one near。 But
there have been times since; in my manhood; many times there
have been; when I have thought; Is it possible; among the
possibilities of hidden things; that in the sudden rashness of the
child and her wild look so far off; there was any merciful attraction
of her into danger; any tempting her towards him permitted on the
part of her dead father; that her life might have a chance of ending
that day? There has been a time since when I have wondered
whether; if the life before her could have been revealed to me at a
glance; and so revealed as that a child could fully comprehend it;
and if her preservation could have depended on a motion of my
hand; I ought to have held it up to save her。 There has been a time
since—I do not say it lasted long; but it has been—when I have
asked myself the question; would it have been better for little
Em’ly to have had the waters close above her head that morning in
my sight; and when I have answered Yes; it would have been。
This may be premature。 I have set it down too soon; perhaps。
But let it stand。
We strolled a long way; and loaded ourselves with things that
we thought curious; and put some stranded starfish carefully back
into the water—I hardly know enough of the race at this moment
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to be quite certain whether they had reason to feel obliged to us
for doing so; or the reverse—and then made our way home to Mr。
Peggotty’s dwelling。 We stopped under the lee of the lobster…
outhouse to exchange an innocent kiss; and went in to breakfast
glowing with health and pleasure。
‘Like two young mavishes;’ Mr。 Peggotty said。 I knew this
meant; in our local dialect; like two young thrushes; and received
it as a compliment。
Of course I was in love with little Em’ly。 I am sure I loved that
baby quite as truly; quite as tenderly; with greater purity and more
disinterestedness; than can enter into the best love of a later time
of life; high and ennobling as it is。 I am sure my fancy raised up
something round that blue…eyed mite of a child; which
etherealized; and made a very angel of her。 If; any sunny forenoon;
she had spread a little pair of wings and flown away before my
eyes; I don’t think I should have regarded it as much more than I
had had reason to expect。
We used to walk about that dim old flat at Yarmouth in a loving
manner; hours and hours。 The days sported by us; as if Time had
not grown up himself yet; but were a child too; and always at play。
I told Em’ly I adored her; and that unless she confessed she
adored me I should be reduced to the necessity of killing myself
with a sword。 She said she did; and I have no doubt she did。
As to any sense of inequality; or youthfulness; or other difficulty
in our way; little Em’ly and I had no such trouble; because we had
no future。 We made no more provision for growing older; than we
did for growing younger。 We were the admiration of Mrs。
Gummidge and Peggotty; who used to whisper of an evening when
we sat; lovingly; on our little locker side by side; ‘Lor! wasn’t it
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beautiful!’ Mr。 Peggotty smiled at us from behind his pipe; and
Ham grinned all the evening and did nothing else。 They had
something of the sort of pleasure in us; I suppose; that they might
have had in a pretty toy; or a pocket model of the Colosseum。
I soon found out that Mrs。 Gummidge did not always make
herself so agreeable as she might have been expected to do; under
the circumstances of her residence with Mr。 Peggotty。 Mrs。
Gummidge’s was rather a fretful disposition; and she whimpered
more sometimes than was comfortable for other parties in so small
an establishment。 I was very sorry for her; but there were
moments when it would have been more agreeable; I thought; if
Mrs。 Gummidge had had a convenient apartment of her own to
retire to; and had stopped there until her spirits revived。
Mr。 Peggotty went occasionally to a public…house called The
Willing Mind。 I discovered this; by his being out on the second or
third evening of our visit; and by Mrs。 Gummidge’s looking up at
the Dutch clock; between eight and nine; and saying he was there;
and that; what was more; she had known in the morning he would
go there。
Mrs。 Gummidge had been in a low state all day; and had burst
into tears in the forenoon; when the fire smoked。 ‘I am a lone lorn
creetur’;’ were Mrs。 Gummidge’s words; when that unpleasant
occurrence took place; ‘and everythink goes contrary with me。’
‘Oh; it’ll soon leave off;’ said Peggotty—I again mean our
Peggotty—‘and besides; you know; it’s not more disagreeable to
you than to us。’
‘I feel it more;’ said Mrs。 Gummidge。
It was a very cold day; with cutting blasts of wind。 Mrs。
Gummidge’s peculiar corner of the fireside seemed to me to be the
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warmest and snuggest in the place; as her chair was certainly the
easiest; but it didn’t suit her that day at all。 She was constantly
complaining of the cold; and of its occasioning a visitation in her
back which she called ‘the creeps’。 At last she shed tears on that
subject; and said again that she was ‘a lone lorn creetur’ and
everythink went contrary with her’。
‘It is certainly very cold;’ said Peggotty。 ‘Everybody must feel it
so。’
‘I feel it more than other people;’ said Mrs。 Gummidge。
So at dinner; when Mrs。 Gummidge was always helped
immediately after me; to whom the preference was given as a
visitor of distinction。 The fish were small and bony; and the
potatoes were a little burnt。 We all acknowledged that we felt this
something of a disappointment; but Mrs。 Gummidge said she felt it
more than we did; and shed tears again; and made that former
declaration with great bitterness。
Accordingly; when Mr。 Peggotty came home about nine o’clock;
this unfortunate Mrs。 Gummidge was knitting in her corner; in a
very wretched and miserable condition。 Peggotty had been
working cheerfully。 Ham had been patching up a great pair of
waterboots; and I; with little Em’ly by my side; had been reading
to them。 Mrs。 Gummidge had never made any other remark than a
forlorn sigh; and had never raised her eyes since tea。
‘Well; Mates;’ said Mr。 Peggotty; taking his seat; ‘and how are
you?’
We all said something; or looked something; to welcome him;
except Mrs。 Gummidge; who only shook her head over her
knitting。
‘What’s amiss?’ said Mr。 Peggotty; with a clap of his hands。
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‘Cheer up; old Mawther!’ (Mr。 Peggotty meant old girl。)
Mrs。 Gummidge did not appear to be able to cheer up。 She took
out an old black silk handkerchief and wiped her eyes; but instead
of putting it in her pocket; kept it out; and wiped them again; and
still kept it out; ready for use。
‘What’s amiss; dame?’ said Mr。 Peggotty。
‘Nothing;’ returned Mrs。 Gummidge。 ‘You’ve come from The
Willing Mi