第 3 节
作者:莫再讲      更新:2021-04-30 17:12      字数:9322
  well…brought…up young men; we felt that the right thing to do was for us to
  prevent his gaining any hint that we were not glad to see him; and to make
  him feel as little as possible the awkwardness of his position。
  I   think  we   succeeded。      He   was     singularly   unembarrassed;       and   far
  more   at   his   ease   than   even   we   were。   He   took   but   little   notice   of   our
  flattering   remarks;   but   was   much   drawn   toward   George's   legs。        George
  used   to   be;   I  remember;   rather   proud   of   his   legs。   I   could   never   see
  enough   in   them   myself   to   excuse   George's   vanity;   indeed;   they   always
  struck me   as   lumpy。      It is   only  fair   to acknowledge;  however;  that   they
  quite fascinated that bull…dog。          He walked over and criticized them with
  the air of a long…baffled connoisseur who had at last found his ideal。                    At
  the termination of his inspection he distinctly smiled。
  George; who at that time was modest and bashful; blushed and drew
  them up on to the chair。         On the dog's displaying a desire to follow them;
  George moved up on to the table; and squatted there in the middle; nursing
  his knees。      George's legs being lost to him; the dog appeared inclined to
  console himself with mine。           I went and sat beside George on the table。
  Sitting with your feet drawn up in front of you; on a small and rickety
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  one…legged table; is a most trying exercise; especially if you are not used
  to it。   George and I both felt our position keenly。             We did not like to call
  out for help; and bring the family down。             We were proud young men; and
  we feared lest; to the unsympathetic eye of the comparative stranger; the
  spectacle we should present might not prove imposing。
  We     sat  on   in  silence   for  about    half   an  hour;   the   dog   keeping     a
  reproachful eye upon us from the nearest chair; and displaying elephantine
  delight whenever we made any movement suggestive of climbing down。
  At the end of the half hour we discussed the advisability of 〃chancing
  it;〃   but  decided     not  to。   〃We     should    never;〃   George     said;  〃confound
  foolhardiness with courage。〃
  〃Courage;〃       he   continuedGeorge        had    quite   a   gift  for   maxims
  〃courage is the wisdom of manhood; foolhardiness; the folly of youth。〃
  He said that to get down from the table while that dog remained in the
  room; would clearly prove us to be possessed of the latter quality; so we
  restrained ourselves; and sat on。
  We sat on for over an hour; by which time; having both grown careless
  of   life   and   indifferent   to   the   voice   of   Wisdom;   we   did   〃chance   it;〃   and
  throwing the table…cloth over our would…be murderer; charged for the door
  and got out。
  The next morning we complained to our landlady of her carelessness
  in   leaving   wild   beasts   about   the   place;   and   we   gave   her   a   brief   if   not
  exactly truthful; history of the business。
  Instead of the tender womanly sympathy we had expected; the old lady
  sat down in the easy chair and burst out laughing。
  〃What!   old   Boozer;〃   she   exclaimed;   〃you   was   afraid   of   old   Boozer!
  Why; bless you; he wouldn't hurt a worm!               He ain't got a tooth in his head;
  he ain't; we has to feed him  with   a spoon; and   I'm sure the   way the   cat
  chivies   him  about   must be   enough   to   make   his life   a   burden   to   him。     I
  expect he wanted you to nurse him; he's used to being nursed。〃
  And   that   was   the   brute   that   had   kept   us   sitting   on   a   table;   with   our
  boots off; for over an hour on a chilly night!
  Another  bull…dog   exhibition   that   occurs   to   me   was   one given   by  my
  uncle。     He had had a bulldoga young onegiven to him by a friend。 It
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  was a grand dog; so his friend had told him; all it wanted was trainingit
  had not been properly trained。            My uncle did not profess to know much
  about the training of bull…dogs; but it seemed a simple enough matter; so
  he thanked the man; and took his prize home at the end of a rope。
  〃Have     we    got  to  live   in  the  house    with   _this?_〃    asked    my   aunt;
  indignantly; coming in to the room about an hour after the dog's advent;
  followed   by   the   quadruped   himself;   wearing   an   idiotically   self…satisfied
  air。
  〃That!〃 exclaimed my uncle; in astonishment; 〃why; it's a splendid dog。
  His father was honorably mentioned only last year at the Aquarium。〃
  〃Ah;   well;   all   I   can   say   is;   that   his   son   isn't   going   the   way   to   get
  honorably       mentioned      in   this  neighborhood;〃        replied   my    aunt;    with
  bitterness;   〃he's   just   finished   killing   poor   Mrs。   McSlanger's   cat;   if   you
  want to know what he has been doing。               And a pretty row there'll be about
  it; too!〃
  〃Can't we hush it up?〃 said my uncle。
  〃Hush it up?〃 retorted my aunt。           〃If you'd heard the row; you wouldn't
  sit there and talk like a fool。          And if you'll take my advice;〃 added my
  aunt; 〃you'll set to work on this 'training;' or whatever it is; that has got to
  be done to the dog; before any human life is lost。〃
  My uncle was too busy to devote any time to the dog for the next day
  or so; and all that could be done was to keep the animal carefully confined
  to the house。
  And   a   nice   time   we   had   with   him!  It   was   not   that   the   animal   was
  bad…hearted。       He meant wellhe tried to do his duty。              What was wrong
  with him was that he was too hard…working。                 He wanted to do too much。
  He started with an exaggerated and totally erroneous notion of his duties
  and   responsibilities。      His   idea   was   that   he   had   been   brought   into    the
  house for the purpose of preventing any living human soul from coming
  near it and of preventing any person who might by chance have managed
  to slip in from ever again leaving it。
  We    endeavored      to  induce    him    to  take   a  less  exalted    view   of   his
  position; but in vain。       That was the conception he had formed in his own
  mind concerning his earthly task; and that conception he insisted on living
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  up to with; what appeared to us to be; unnecessary conscientiousness。
  He so effectually frightened away all the trades people; that they at last
  refused to enter the gate。        All that they would do was to bring their goods
  and drop them over the fence into the front garden; from where we had to
  go and fetch them as we wanted them。
  〃I wish you'd run into the garden;〃 my aunt would say to meI was
  stopping with them at the time〃and see if you can find any sugar; I think
  there's some under the big rose…bush。            If not; you'd better go to Jones' and
  order some。〃
  And on the cook's inquiring what she should get ready for lunch; my
  aunt would say:
  〃Well; I'm sure; Jane; I hardly know。            What have we?         Are there any
  chops in the garden; or was it a bit of steak that I noticed on the lawn?〃
  On   the   second   afternoon   the   plumbers   came   to   do   a  little   job   to   the
  kitchen   boiler。     The   dog;   being   engaged   at   the   time   in   the   front   of   the
  house;   driving   away   the   postman;   did   not   notice   their   arrival。   He   was
  broken…hearted        at  finding    them    there   when     he   got   downstairs;     and
  evidently blamed himself most bitterly。              Still; there they were; all owing
  to his carelessness; and the only thing to be done now was to see that they
  did not escape。
  There were three plumbers (it always takes three plumbers to do a job;
  the first man comes on ahead to tell you that the second man will be there
  soon; the second man comes to say that he can't stop; and the third man
  follows   to   ask   if   the   first   man   has   been   there);   and   that   faithful;   dumb
  animal     kept    them    pinned    up   in  the   kitchenfancy      wanting     to  keep
  plumbers in a house longer than is absolutely necessary!for five hours;
  until my uncle came home; and the bill ran:               〃Self and two men engaged
  six hours; repairing boiler…tap; 18s。; material; 2d。; total 18s。 2d。〃
  He took