第 22 节
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辩论 更新:2021-04-30 17:09 字数:9321
nd his dissipation。 He tempered his indulgence in both nowadays with some exercisehis stomach; his heart; his nerves and his doctor had together given him a bad fright。 The evening before he left he saw Pauline and Gladys sitting apart and joined them。
〃Why not invite Scarborough to spend a week up here?〃 he asked; just glancing at his wife。 He never ventured to look at her when there was any danger of their eyes meeting。
Her lips tightened and the color swiftly left her cheeks and swiftly returned。
〃Wouldn't you like it; Gladys?〃 he went on。
〃Oh; DO ask him; Pauline;〃 said Gladys; with enthusiasm。 Like her brother; she always went straight to the pointshe was in the habit of deciding for herself; of thinking what she did was above criticism; and of not especially caring if it was criticised。 〃Please do!〃
Pauline waited longit seemed to her long enough for time to wrinkle her heartbefore answering: 〃We'll need another man。 I'll ask himif you wish。〃
Gladys pressed her hand gratefullyshe was fond of Pauline; and Pauline was liking her again as she had when they were children and playmates and partners in the woes of John Dumont's raids upon their games。 Just then Langdon's sister; Mrs。 Barrow; called Gladys to the other end of the drawing…room。 Dumont's glance followed her。
〃I think it'd be a good match;〃 he said reflectively。
Pauline's heart missed a beat and a suffocating choke contracted her throat。
〃What?〃 she succeeded in saying。
〃Gladys and Scarborough;〃 replied Dumont。 〃She ought to marryshe's got no place to go。 And it'd be good business for herand for him; too; for that matter; if she could land him。 Don't you think she's attractive to men?〃
〃Very;〃 said Pauline; lifelessly。
〃Don't you think it would be a good match?〃 he went on。
〃Very;〃 she said; looking round wildly; as her breath came more and more quickly。
Langdon strolled up。
〃Am I interrupting a family council?〃 he asked。
〃Oh; no;〃 Dumont replied; rising。 〃Take my chair。〃 And he was gone。
〃This room is too warm;〃 said Pauline。 〃No; don't open the window。 Excuse me a moment。〃 She went into the hall; threw a golf cape round her shoulders and stepped out on the veranda; closing the door…window behind her。 It was a moonless; winter nightstars thronging the blue…black sky; the steady lamp of a planet set in the southern horizon。
When she had been walking there for a quarter of an hour the door…window opened and Langdon looked out。 〃Ohthere you are!〃 he said。
〃Won't you join me?〃 Her tone assured him that he would not be intruding。 He got a hat and overcoat and they walked up and down together。
〃Those stars irritate me;〃 he said after a while。 〃They make me appreciate that this world's a tiny grain of sand adrift in infinity; and that I'mthere's nothing little enough to express the human atom where the earth's only a grain。 And then they go on to taunt me with how short…lived I am and how it'll soon be all over for mefor ever。 A futile little insect; buzzing about; waiting to be crushed under the heel of the Great Executioner。〃
〃Sometimes I feel that;〃 answered Pauline。 〃But againoften; as a childand since; when everything has looked dark and ugly for me; I've gone where I could see them。 And they seemed to draw all the fever and the fear out of me; and to put there instead a sort ofnot happiness; not even content; butcourage。〃
They were near the rail now; she gazing into the southern sky; he studying her face。 It seemed to him that he had not seen any one so beautiful。 She was all in black with a diamond star glittering in her hair high above her forehead。 She looked like a splendid plume dropped from the starry wing of night。
〃The stars make you feel that way;〃 he said; in the light tone that disguises a compliment as a bit of raillery; 〃because you're of their family。 And I feel as I do because I'm a blood…relation of the earthworms。〃
Her face changed。 〃Oh; but so am I!〃 she exclaimed; with a passion he had never seen or suspected in her before。 She drew a long breath; closed her eyes and opened them very wide。
〃You don't know; you can't imagine; how I long to LIVE! And KNOW what ‘to live' means。〃
〃Then why don't you?〃 he askedhe liked to catch people in their confidential moods and to peer into the hidden places in their hearts; not impudently but with a sort of scientific curiosity。
〃Because I'm a daughterthat's anchor number one。 Because I'm a motherthat's anchor number two。 Because I'm a wifethat's anchor number three。 And anchor number fourbecause I'm under the spell of inherited instincts that rule me though I don't in the least believe in them。 Tied; hands and feet!〃
〃Inherited instinct。〃 He shook his head sadly。 〃That's the skeleton at life's banquet。 It takes away my appetite。〃
She laughed without mirth; then sighed with some self…mockery。 〃It frightens ME away from the table。〃
XV。
GRADUATED PEARLS。
But Scarborough declined her invitation。 However; he did come to dinner ten days later; and Gladys; who had no lack of confidence in her power to charm when and whom she chose; was elated by his friendliness then and when she met him at other houses。
〃He's not a bit sentimental;〃 she told Pauline; whose silence whenever she tried to discuss him did not discourage her。 〃But if he ever does care for a woman he'll care in the same tremendous way that he sweeps things before him in his career。 Don't you think so?〃
〃Yes;〃 said Pauline。
She had now lingered at Saint X two months beyond the time she originally set。 She told herself she had reached the limit of endurance; that she must fly from the spectacle of Gladys' growing intimacy with Scarborough; she told Gladys it was impossible for her longer to neglect the new house in Fifth Avenue。 With an effort she added: 〃You'd rather stay on here; wouldn't you?〃
〃I detest New York;〃 replied Gladys。 〃And I've never enjoyed myself in my whole life as I'm enjoying it here。〃
So she went East alone; went direct to Dawn Hill; their country place at Manhasset; Long Island; which Dumont never visited。 She invited Leonora Fanshaw down to stand between her thoughts and herself。 Only the society of a human being; one who was light…hearted and amusing; could tide her back to any sort of peace in the old lifeher books and her dogs; her horseback and her drawing and her gardening。 A life so full of events; so empty of event。 It left her hardly time for proper sleep; yet it had not a single one of those vivid threads of intense and continuous interestand one of them is enough to make bright the dullest pattern that issues from the Loom。
In her 〃splendor〃 her nearest approach to an intimacy had been with Leonora。
She had no illusions about the company she was keeping in the East。 To her these 〃friends〃 seemed in no proper sense either her friends or one another's。 Drawn together from all parts of America; indeed of the world; by the magnetism of millions; they had known one another not at all or only slightly in the period of life when thorough friendships are made; even where they had been associates as children; the association had rarely been of the kind that creates friendship's democratic intimacy。 They had no common traditions; no real class…feeling; no common enthusiasmsunless the passion for keeping rich; for getting richer; for enjoying and displaying riches; could be called enthusiasm。 They were mere intimate acquaintances; making small pretense of friendship; having small conception of it or desire for it beyond that surface politeness which enables people whose selfish interests lie in the same direction to get on comfortably together。
She divided them into two classes。 There were those who; like herself; kept up great establishments and entertained lavishly and engaged in the courteous but fierce rivalry of fashionable ostentation。 Then there were those who hung about the courts of the rich; invited because they filled in the large backgrounds and contributed conversation or ideas for new amusements; accepting because they loved the atmosphere of luxury which they could not afford to create for themselves。
Leonora was undeniably in the latter class。 But she was associated in Pauline's mind with the period before her splendor。 She had been friendly when Dumont was unknown beyond Saint X。 The others sought herwell; for the same reasons of desire for distraction and dread of boredom which made her welcome them。 But Leonora; she more than half believed; liked her to a certain extent for herself〃likes me better than I like her。〃 And at times she was self…reproachful for being thus exceeded in self…giving。 Leonora; for example; told her her most intimate secrets; some of them far from creditable to her。 Pauline told nothing in return。 She sometimes longed for a confidant; or; rather; for some person who would understand without being told; some one like Olivia; but her imagination refused to picture Leonora as that kind of friend。 Even more pronounced than her frankness; and she was frank to her own hurt; was her biting cynicismit was undeniably amusing; it did not exactly inspire distrust; but it put Pauline vaguely on guard。 Also; she was candidly