第 15 节
作者:
白寒 更新:2021-04-30 16:59 字数:9320
picture of the tilted little coaxing mouth。 The gurgle of her laughter called
to him for hours before he left the office。
He got into the habit of talking to her about the things that were
troubling himthe tactics of the enemy; the desertion of friends; the
dubious issue of the campaign。 Curled up in a big chair; her whole
attention absorbed in what he was saying Nellie made a good listener。 If
she did not show a full understanding of the situation; he could always
sense her ready sympathy。 Her naive; indignant loyalty was touching。
〃I read what the _Advocate_ said about you today;〃 she told him one
night; a tide of color in her cheeks。 〃It was horrid。 As if anybody would
believe it。〃
〃I'm afraid a good many people do;〃 he said gravely。
〃Nobody who knows you;〃 she protested stoutly。
〃Yes; some who know me。〃
He let his eyes dwell on her。 It was easy to see how undisciplined of
life she was; save where its material aspects had come into impact with her
on the economic side。
〃None of your real friends。〃
〃How many real friends has a manfriends who will stand by him no
matter how unpopular he is?〃
〃I don't know。 I should think you'd have lots of them。〃
He shook his head; a hint of a smile in his eyes。 〃Not many。 They keep
their chocolate and sandwiches for folks whose trolley do'esn't fly the
wire。〃
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〃What wire?〃 she asked; her forehead knitted to a question。
〃Oh; the wire that's over the tracks of respectability and vested
interests and special privilege。〃
She had been looking at him; but now her gaze went to the fire with
that slow tilt of the chin he liked。 Another color wave swept the oval of the
soft cheeks。
〃You've got more friends than you think;〃 she said in a low voice。
〃I've got one little friend I wouldn't like to lose。〃
She did not speak and his hand moved forward to cover hers。 Instantly
a wild and insurgent emotion tingled through him。 He felt himself
trembling and could not steady his nerves。
Without a word Nellie looked up and their eyes met。 Something
electric flashed from one to another。 Her shy fear of him was adorable。
〃Oh; don't; don't!〃 she murmured。 〃What will you think of me now?〃
He had leaned forward and kissed her on the lips。
Jeff sprang to his feet; the muscles in his lean cheeks standing out。
Some bell of warning was ringing in him。 He was a man; young and
desirous; subject to all the frailties of his sex; holding experiences in his
past that had left him far from a puritan。 And she was a woman; of
unschooled impulses; with unsuspected banked passions; an innocent
creature in whom primeval physical life rioted。
He moved toward the door; his left fist beating into the palm of his
right hand。 He must protect her; against himselfand against her innocent
affection for him。
She fluttered past him; barring the way。 Her cheeks were flaming with
shame。
〃You despise me。 Why did I let you?〃 A sob swelled up into her soft
round throat。
〃You blessed lamb;〃 he groaned。
〃You're going to leave me。 Youyou don't want me for a friend any
longer。〃
Her lips trembledthe red little lips that always reminded him of a
baby's with its Cupid's bow。 She was on the verge of breaking down。 Jeff
could not stand that。 He held out his hands; intending to take hers and
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explain that he was not angry or disappointed at her。 But somehow he
found her in his arms instead; supple and warm; vital youth flowing in the
soft cheeks' rich coloring and in the eyes quick and passionate with the
tender abandon of her sex。
He set his teeth against the rush of desire that flooded him as her soft
body clung to his。 The emotional climax he had vaguely feared had leaped
upon them like an uncaged tiger。 He fought to stamp down the fires that
blazed up in him。 Time to thinkhe must have time to think。
〃You don't despise me then;〃 she cried softly; a little catch in her
breath。
〃No;〃 he protested; and again 〃No。〃
〃But you think I've done wrong。〃
〃No。 I've been to blame。 You're a dear girland I've abused your
kindness。 I must go awaynow。〃
〃Then youyou do hate me;〃 she accused with a quivering lip。
〃No 。 。 。 no。 I'm very fond of you。〃
〃But you're going to leave me。 It's because I've done wrong。〃
〃Don't blame yourself; dear。 It has been all my fault。 I ought to have
known。〃
Her hands fell from him。 The life seemed to die out of her whole
figure。 〃You do despise me。〃
Desire of her throbbed through him; but he spoke very quietly。 〃Listen;
dear。 There is nobody I respect more 。 。 。 and none I like so much。 I can't
tell you how。 。 。 fond of you I am。 But I must go now。 You don't
understand。〃
She bit her lip to repress the sobs that would come and turned away to
hide her shame。 Jeff caught her in his arms; kissed her passionately on the
lips; the eyes; the soft round throat。
〃You do 。 。 。 like me;〃 she purred happily。
Abruptly he pushed her from him。 Where were they drifting? He must
get his anchors down before it was too late。
Somehow he broke away; leaving her there hurt and bewildered at his
apparent fickleness; at the stiffness with which he had beaten back the
sweet delight inviting them。
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Jeff went to his rooms; his mind in a blind chaotic surge。 He sat before
the table for hours; fighting grimly to persuade himself he need not put
away this joy that had come to him。 Surely friendship was a good thing 。 。 。
and love。 A man ought not to turn his back on them。
It was long past midnight when he rose; took his father's sword from
the wall where it hung; and unsheathed it。 A vision of an open fireplace in
a log house rose before him; his father in the foreground looking like a
picture of Stonewall Jackson。 The kind brave eyes that were the soul of
honor gazed at him。
〃You damned scoundrel! You damned scoundrel!〃 Jeff accused himself
in a low voice。
He knew his little friend was good and innocent; but he knew too she
had inherited a temperament that made her very innocence a anger to her。
Every instinct of chivalry called upon him to protect her from the
weakness she did not even guess。 She had given him her kindness and her
friendship; the dear child! It was up to him to be worthy of them。 If he
failed her he would be a creature forever lost to decency。
There was a sob in his throat as Jeff pushed the blade back into the
worn scabbard and rehung the sword upon the wall。 But the eyes in his
lifted face were very bright。 He too would keep his sword unstained and
the flag of honor flying。
All through the next day and the next his resolution held。 He took
pains not to see her alone; though there was not an hour of the day when
he could get away from the thought of her。 The uneasy consciousness was
with him that the issue was after all only postponed; that decisions of this
kind must be made again and again so long as opportunity and desire go
together。 And there were moments of reaction when his will was like a
rope of sand; when the longing for her swept over him like a great wave。
As Jeff slipped quietly into the hall the door of her room opened。 Their
eyes met; and presently hers fell。 She was troubled and ashamed at what
she had done; but plainly eager in her innocence to be forgiven。
Jeff spoke gently。 〃Nellie。〃
Her eyes suddenly filled with tears。 〃Aren't we ever going to be friends
again?〃
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Through the open door he could see the fire glowing in the grate and
the chocolate set on