第 15 节
作者:白寒      更新:2021-04-30 16:59      字数:9320
  picture of the tilted little coaxing mouth。 The gurgle of her laughter called
  to him for hours before he left the office。
  He   got   into   the   habit   of   talking   to   her   about   the   things   that   were
  troubling     himthe    tactics   of  the  enemy;     the  desertion    of  friends;   the
  dubious     issue   of  the   campaign。     Curled    up   in  a  big  chair;   her  whole
  attention absorbed in what he was saying Nellie made a good listener。 If
  she   did   not   show   a   full   understanding   of   the   situation;   he   could   always
  sense her ready sympathy。 Her naive; indignant loyalty was touching。
  〃I read what the _Advocate_ said about you today;〃 she told him one
  night; a tide of color in her cheeks。 〃It was horrid。 As if anybody would
  believe it。〃
  〃I'm afraid a good many people do;〃 he said gravely。
  〃Nobody who knows you;〃 she protested stoutly。
  〃Yes; some who know me。〃
  He let his eyes dwell on her。 It was easy to see how undisciplined of
  life she was; save where its material aspects had come into impact with her
  on the economic side。
  〃None of your real friends。〃
  〃How many real friends has a manfriends who will stand by him no
  matter how unpopular he is?〃
  〃I don't know。 I should think you'd have lots of them。〃
  He shook his head; a hint of a smile in his eyes。 〃Not many。 They keep
  their   chocolate   and   sandwiches   for   folks   whose   trolley   do'esn't   fly   the
  wire。〃
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  〃What wire?〃 she asked; her forehead knitted to a question。
  〃Oh;     the  wire    that's  over    the  tracks   of   respectability     and   vested
  interests and special privilege。〃
  She had been looking at him; but now her gaze went to the fire with
  that slow tilt of the chin he liked。 Another color wave swept the oval of the
  soft cheeks。
  〃You've got more friends than you think;〃 she said in a low voice。
  〃I've got one little friend I wouldn't like to lose。〃
  She did not speak and his hand moved forward to cover hers。 Instantly
  a   wild    and   insurgent     emotion     tingled    through    him。    He   felt  himself
  trembling and could not steady his nerves。
  Without      a  word    Nellie   looked    up   and   their   eyes   met。   Something
  electric flashed from one to another。 Her shy fear of him was adorable。
  〃Oh; don't; don't!〃 she murmured。 〃What will you think of me now?〃
  He had leaned forward and kissed her on the lips。
  Jeff   sprang   to   his   feet;   the   muscles   in   his   lean   cheeks   standing   out。
  Some   bell   of   warning   was   ringing   in   him。   He   was   a   man;   young   and
  desirous; subject to all the frailties of his sex; holding experiences in his
  past   that   had   left   him   far   from   a   puritan。   And   she   was   a   woman;   of
  unschooled       impulses;     with   unsuspected      banked     passions;    an   innocent
  creature in whom primeval physical life rioted。
  He   moved   toward   the   door;   his   left   fist   beating   into   the   palm  of   his
  right hand。 He must protect her; against himselfand against her innocent
  affection for him。
  She fluttered past him; barring the way。 Her cheeks were flaming with
  shame。
  〃You despise me。 Why did I let you?〃 A sob swelled up into her soft
  round throat。
  〃You blessed lamb;〃 he groaned。
  〃You're going   to   leave   me。 Youyou   don't   want   me   for   a   friend   any
  longer。〃
  Her   lips   trembledthe   red   little   lips   that   always   reminded   him   of   a
  baby's with its Cupid's bow。 She was on the verge of breaking down。 Jeff
  could   not   stand   that。   He   held   out   his   hands;   intending   to   take   hers   and
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  explain   that   he   was   not   angry   or   disappointed   at   her。   But   somehow   he
  found her in his arms instead; supple and warm; vital youth flowing in the
  soft   cheeks'   rich   coloring   and   in   the   eyes   quick   and   passionate   with   the
  tender abandon of her sex。
  He set his teeth against the rush of desire that flooded him as her soft
  body clung to his。 The emotional climax he had vaguely feared had leaped
  upon them like an uncaged tiger。 He fought to stamp down the fires that
  blazed up in him。 Time to thinkhe must have time to think。
  〃You   don't   despise   me   then;〃   she   cried   softly;   a   little   catch   in   her
  breath。
  〃No;〃 he protested; and again 〃No。〃
  〃But you think I've done wrong。〃
  〃No。   I've   been   to   blame。   You're    a   dear   girland   I've   abused  your
  kindness。 I must go awaynow。〃
  〃Then youyou do hate me;〃 she accused with a quivering lip。
  〃No 。 。 。 no。 I'm very fond of you。〃
  〃But you're going to leave me。 It's because I've done wrong。〃
  〃Don't blame yourself; dear。 It has been all my fault。 I ought to have
  known。〃
  Her   hands   fell   from   him。   The   life   seemed   to   die   out   of   her   whole
  figure。 〃You do despise me。〃
  Desire of her throbbed through him; but he spoke very quietly。 〃Listen;
  dear。 There is nobody I respect more 。 。 。 and none I like so much。 I can't
  tell   you   how。   。  。  fond   of  you   I  am。   But   I  must    go  now。    You    don't
  understand。〃
  She bit her lip to repress the sobs that would come and turned away to
  hide her shame。 Jeff caught her in his arms; kissed her passionately on the
  lips; the eyes; the soft round throat。
  〃You do 。 。 。 like me;〃 she purred happily。
  Abruptly he pushed her from him。 Where were they drifting? He must
  get his anchors down before it was too late。
  Somehow he broke away; leaving her there hurt and bewildered at his
  apparent   fickleness;   at   the   stiffness   with   which   he   had   beaten   back   the
  sweet delight inviting them。
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  Jeff went to his rooms; his mind in a blind chaotic surge。 He sat before
  the table   for  hours;   fighting   grimly  to   persuade   himself   he   need   not   put
  away this joy that had come to him。 Surely friendship was a good thing 。 。 。
  and love。 A man ought not to turn his back on them。
  It was long past midnight when he rose; took his father's sword from
  the wall where it hung; and unsheathed it。 A vision of an open fireplace in
  a  log   house   rose before   him;  his   father  in   the  foreground   looking   like   a
  picture of   Stonewall   Jackson。 The   kind brave eyes   that   were the   soul of
  honor gazed at him。
  〃You damned scoundrel! You damned scoundrel!〃 Jeff accused himself
  in a low voice。
  He knew his little friend was good and innocent; but he knew too she
  had inherited a temperament that made her very innocence a anger to her。
  Every     instinct   of   chivalry    called   upon    him    to  protect   her   from    the
  weakness she did not even guess。 She had given him her kindness and her
  friendship; the dear  child!  It   was   up   to   him  to   be   worthy  of   them。  If  he
  failed her he would be a creature forever lost to decency。
  There was   a sob in his  throat   as Jeff pushed the  blade  back   into   the
  worn scabbard   and   rehung   the  sword   upon the  wall。  But the  eyes   in his
  lifted face were very bright。 He too would keep his sword unstained and
  the flag of honor flying。
  All   through   the   next   day   and   the   next   his   resolution   held。   He   took
  pains not to see her alone; though there was not an hour of the day when
  he could get away from the thought of her。 The uneasy consciousness was
  with him that the issue was after all only postponed; that decisions of this
  kind must be made again and again so long as opportunity and desire go
  together。 And   there   were   moments   of   reaction   when   his   will   was   like   a
  rope of sand; when the longing for her swept over him like a great wave。
  As Jeff slipped quietly into the hall the door of her room opened。 Their
  eyes met; and presently hers fell。 She was troubled and ashamed at what
  she had done; but plainly eager in her innocence to be forgiven。
  Jeff spoke gently。 〃Nellie。〃
  Her eyes suddenly filled with tears。 〃Aren't we ever going to be friends
  again?〃
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  Through the open door he could see the fire glowing in the grate and
  the   chocolate   set   on