第 17 节
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飘雪的季节 更新:2021-04-30 15:50 字数:9322
iful; but the three dimples of her cheeks and chin seemed to laugh; and her whole person; which revealed the awkwardness of innocence; had something in it indescribably good and sincere。
My gaze alternated from the statuette to the young girl; and I saw her blushso frankly and fully!the crimson passing over her face as by waves。
〃Well;〃 said my hostess; who had become sufficiently accustomed to my distracted moods to put the same question to me twice; 〃is that the very same lady who came in to see you through the window that you left open? She was very saucy; but then you were quite imprudent! Anyhow; do you recognise her?〃
〃It is her very self;〃 I replied; 〃I see her now on that pier…table precisely as I saw her on the table in the library。〃
〃Then; if that be so;〃 replied Madame de Gabry; 〃you have to blame for it; in the first place; yourself; as a man who; although devoid of all imagination; to use your own words; knew how to depict your dream in such vivid colours; in the second place; me; who was able to remember and repeat faithfully all your dream; and lastly; Mademoiselle Jeanne; whom I now introduce to you; for she herself modeled that wax figure precisely according to my instructions。〃
Madame de Gabry had taken the young girl's hand as she spoke; but the latter had suddenly broken away from her; and was already running through the park with the speed of a bird。
〃Little crazy creature!〃 Madame de Gabry cried after her。 〃How can one be so shy? Come back here to be scolded and kissed!〃
But it was all of no avail; the frightened child disappeared among the shrubbery。 Madame de Gabry seated herself in the only chair remaining in the dilapidated parlour。
〃I should be much surprised;〃 she said; 〃If my husband had not already spoken to you of Jeanne。 She is a sweet child; and we both lover her very much。 Tell me the plain truth; what do you think of her statuette?〃
I replied that the work was full of good taste and spirit; but that it showed some want of study and practice on the author's part; otherwise I had been extremely touched to think that those young fingers should have thus embroidered an old man's rough sketch of fancy; and given form so brilliantly to the dreams of a dotard like myself。
〃The reason I ask your opinion;〃 replied Madame de Gabry; seriously; 〃is that Jeanne is a poor orphan。 Do you think she could earn her living by modelling statuettes like this one?〃
〃As for that; no!〃 I replied; 〃and I think there is no reason to regret the fact。 You say the girl is affectionate and sensitive; I can well believe you; I could believe it from her face alone。 There are excitements in artist…life which impel generous hearts to act out of all rule and measure。 This young creature is made to love; keep her for the domestic hearth。 There only is real happiness。〃
〃But she has no dowry!〃 replied Madame de Gabry。
Then; extending her hand to me; she continued:
〃You are our friend; I can tell you everything。 The father of this child was a banker; and one of our friends。 He went into a colossal speculation; and it ruined him。 He survived only a few months after his failure; in which; as Paul must have told you; three…fourths of my uncle's fortune were lost; and more than half of our own。
〃We had made his acquaintance at Manaco; during the winter we passed there at my uncle's house。 He had an adventurous disposition; but such an engaging manner! He deceived himself before ever he deceived others。 After all; it is in the ability to deceive oneself that the greatest talent is shown; is it not? Well; we were capturedmy husband; my uncle; and I; and we risked much more than a reasonable amount in a very hazardous undertaking。 But; bah! as Paul says; since we have no children we need not worry about it。 Besides; we have the satisfaction of knowing that the friend in whom we trusted was an honest man。。。。 You must know his name; it was so often in the papers an on public placardsNoel Alexandre。 His wife was a very sweet person。 I knew her only when she was already past her prime; with traces of having once been very pretty; and a taste for fashionable style and display which seemed quite becoming to her。 She was naturally fond of social excitement; but she showed a great deal of courage and dignity after the death of her husband。 She died a year after him; leaving Jeanne alone in the world。〃
〃Clementine!〃 I cried out。
And on thus learning what I had never imaginedthe mere idea of which would have set all the forces of my soul in revoltupon hearing that Clementine was no longer in this world; something like a great silence came upon me; and the feeling which flooded my whole being was not a keen; strong pain; but a quiet and solemn sorrow。 Yet I was conscious of some incomprehensible sense of alleviation; and my thought rose suddenly to heights before unknown。
〃From wheresoever thou art at this moment; Clementine;〃 I said to myself; 〃look down upon this old heart now indeed cooled by age; yet whose blood once boiled for thy sake; and say whether it is not reanimated by the mere thought of being able to love all that remains of thee on earth。 Everything passes away since thou thyself hast passed away; but Life is immortal; it is that Life we must love in its forms eternally renewed。 All the rest is child's play; and I myself; with all my books; am only like a child playing with marbles。 The purpose of lifeit is thou; Clementine; who has revealed it to me!〃。。。
Madame de Gabry aroused me from my thoughts by murmuring;
〃The child is poor。〃
〃The daughter of Clementine is poor!〃 I exclaimed aloud; 〃how fortunate that is so! I would not whish that any one by myself should proved for her and dower her! No! the daughter of Clementine must not have her dowry from any one but me。〃
And; approaching Madame de Gabry as she rose from her chair; I took her right hand; I kissed that hand; and placed it on my arm; and said:
〃You will conduct me to the grave of the widow of Noel Alexandre。〃
And I heard Madame de Gabry asking me:
〃Why are you crying?〃
Chapter IV The Little Saint…George
April 16。
Saint Drocoveus and the early abbots of Saint…Germain…des…Pres have been occupying me for the past forty years; but I do not know if I shall be able to write their history before I go to join them。 It is already quite a long time since I became an old man。 One day last year; on the Pont des Arts; one of my fellow members at the Institute was lamenting before me over the ennui of becoming old。
〃Still;〃 Saint…Beuve replied to him; 〃it is the only way that has yet been found of living a long time。〃
I have tried this way; and I know just what it is worth。 The trouble of it is not that one lasts too long; but that one sees all about him pass awaymother; wife; friends; children。 Nature makes and unmakes all these divine treasures with gloomy indifference; and at last we find that we have not loved; we have only been embracing shadows。 But how sweet some shadows are! If ever creature glided like a shadow through the life of a man; it was certainly that young girl whom I fell in love with whenincredible though it now seemsI was myself a youth。
A Christian sarcophagus from the catacombs of Rome bears a formula of imprecation; the whole terrible meaning of which I only learned with time。 It says: 〃Whatsoever impious man violates this sepulchre; may he die the last of his own people!〃 In my capacity of archaeologist; I have opened tombs and disturbed ashes in order to collect the shreds of apparel; metal ornaments; or gems that were mingled with those ashes。 But I did it only through that scientific curiosity which does not exclude feelings of reverence and of piety。 May that malediction graven by some one of the first followers of the apostles upon a martyr's tomb never fall upon me! I ought not to fear to survive my own people so long as there are men in the world; for there are always some whom one can love。
But the power of love itself weakens and gradually becomes lost with age; like all the other energies of man。 Example proves it; and it is this which terrifies me。 Am I sure that I have not myself already suffered this great loss? I should surely have felt it; but for the happy meeting which has rejuvenated me。 Poets speak of the Fountain of Youth; it does exist; it gushes up from the earth at every step we take。 And one passes by without drinking of it!
The young girl I loved; married of her own choice to a rival; passed; all grey…haired; into the eternal rest。 I have found her daughter so that my life; which before seemed to me without utility; now once more finds a purpose and a reason for being。
To…day I 〃take the sun;〃 as they say in Provence; I take it on the terrace of the Luxembourg; at the foot of the statue of Marguerite de Navarre。 It is a spring sun; intoxicating as young wine。 I sit and dream。 My thoughts escape from my head like the foam from a bottle of beer。 They are light; and their fizzing amuses me。 I dream; such a pastime is certainly permissible to an old fellow who has published thirty volumes of texts; and contributed to the 'Journal des Savants' for twenty…six years。 I have the satisfaction of