第 16 节
作者:
飘雪的季节 更新:2021-04-30 15:50 字数:9322
is YOU who do not exist。 I charm the world; I am everywhereon a moon…beam; in the trembling of a hidden spring; in the moving of leaves that murmur; in the white vapours that rise each morning from the hollow meadow; in the thickets of pink briereverywhere!。。。 I am seen; I am loved。 There are sighs uttered; weird thrills of pleasure felt by those who follow the light print of my feet; as I make the dead leaves whisper。 I make the little children smile; I give wit to the dullest…minded nurses。 Leaning above the cradles; I play; I comfort; I lull to sleepand you doubt whether I exist! Sylvestre Bonnard; your warm coat covers the hide of an ass!〃
She ceased speaking; her delicate nostrils swelled with indignation; and while I admired; despite my vexation; the heroic anger of this little person; hse pushed my pen about in the ink…bottle; backward and forward; like an oar; and then suddenly threw it at my nose; point first。
I rubbed by face; and felt it all covered with ink。 She had disappeared。 My lamp was extinguished。 A ray of moonlight streamed down through a window and descended upon the 〃Cosmography of Munster。〃 A strong cool wind; which had arisen very suddenly without my knowledge; was blowing my papers; pens; and wafers about。 My table was all stained with ink。 I had left my window open during the storm。 What an imprudence!
Chapter III
I wrote to my housekeeper; as I promised; that I was safe and sound。 But I took good care not to tell her that I had caught a cold from going to sleep in the library at night with the window open; for the good woman would have been as unsparing in her remonstrances to me as parliaments to kings。 〃At your age; Monsieur;〃 she would have been sure to say; 〃one ought to have more sense。〃 She is simple enough to believe that sense grows with age。 I seem to her an exception to this rule。
Not having any similar motive for concealing my experiences from Madame de Gabry; I told her all about my vision; which she seemed to enjoy very much。
〃Why; that was a charming dream of yours;〃 she said; 〃and one must have real genius to dream such a dream。〃
〃Then I am a real genius when I am asleep;〃 I responded。
〃When you dream;〃 she replied; 〃and you are always dreaming。〃
I know that Madame de Gabry; in making this remark; only wished to please me; but that intention alone deserves my utmost gratitude; and it is therefore in a spirit of thankfulness and kindliest remembrance that I write down her words; which I will read over and over again until my dying day; and which will never be read by any one save myself。
I passed the next few days in completing the inventory of the manuscripts in the Lusance library。 Certain confidential observations dropped by Monsieur Paul de Gabry; however; caused me some painful surprise; and made me decide to pursue the work after a different manner from that in which I had begun it。 From those few words I learned that the fortune of Monsieur Honore de Gabry; which had been badly managed for many years; and subsequently swept away to a large extent through the failure of a banker whose name I do not know; had been transmitted to the heirs of the old French nobleman only under the form of mortgaged real estate and irrecoverable assets。
Monsieur Paul; by agreement with his joint heirs; had decided to sell the library; and I was intrusted with the task of making arrangements to have the sale effected upon advantageous terms。 But totally ignorant as I was of all the business methods and trade…customs; I thought it best to get the advice of a publisher who was one of my private friends。 I wrote him at once to come and join me at Lusance; and while waiting for his arrival I took my hat and cane and made visits to the different churches of the diocese; in several of which I knew there were certain mortuary inscriptions to be found which had never been correctly copied。
So I left my hosts and departed my pilgrimage。 Exploring the churches and the cemeteries every day; visiting the parish priests and the village notaries; supping at the public inns with peddlers and cattle… dealers; sleeping at night between sheets scented with lavender; I passed one whole week in the quiet but profound enjoyment of observing the living engaged in their various daily occupations even while I was thinking of the dead。 As for the purpose of my researches; I made only a few mediocre discoveries; which caused me only a mediocre joy; and one therefore salubrious and not at all fatiguing。 I copied a few interesting epitaphs; and I added to this little collection a few recipes for cooking country dishes; which a certain good priest kindly gave me。
With these riches; I returned to Lusance; and I crossed the court… of…honour with such secret satisfaction as a bourgeois fells on entering his own home。 This was the effect of the kindness of my hosts; and the impression I received on crossing their threshold proves; better than any reasoning could do; the excellence of their hospitality。
I entered the great parlour without meeting anybody; and the young chestnut…tree there spreading out its broad leaves seemed to me like an old friend。 But the next thing which I sawon the pier…tablecaused me such a shock of surprise that I readjusted my glasses upon my nose with both hands at once; and then felt myself over so as to get at least some superficial proof of my own existence。 In less than one second there thronged from my mind twenty different conjecturesthe most rational of which was that I had suddenly become crazy。 It seemed to me absolutely impossible that what I was looking at could exist; yet it was equally impossible for me not to see it as a thing actually existing。 What caused my surprise was resting on the pier…table; above which rose a great dull speckled mirror。
I saw myself in that mirror; and I can say that I saw for once in my life the perfect image of stupefaction。 But I made proper allowance for myself; I approved myself for being so stupefied by a really stupefying thing。
The object I was thus examining with a degree of astonishment that all my reasoning power failed to lessen; obtruded itself on my attention though quite motionless。 The persistence and fixity of the phenomenon excluded any idea of hallucination。 I am totally exempt from all nervous disorders capable of influencing the sense of sight。 The cause of such visual disturbance is; I think; generally due to stomach trouble; and; thank God! I have an excellent stomach。 Moreover; visual illusions are accompanied with special abnormal conditions which impress the victims of hallucination themselves; and inspire them with a sort of terror。 Now; I felt nothing of this kind; the object which I saw; although seemingly impossible in itself; appeared to me under all the natural conditions of reality。 I observed that it had three dimensions; and colours; and that it cast a shadow。 Ah! how I stared at it! The water came into my eyes so that I had to wipe the glasses of my spectacles。
Finally I found myself obliged to yield to the evidence; and to affirm that I had really before my eyes the Fairy; the very same Fairy I had been dreaming of in the library a few evenings before。 It was she; it was her very self; I assure you! She had the same air of child…queen; the same proud supple poise; she held the same hazel wand in her hand; she still wore her double…peaked head…dress; and the train of her long brocade robe undulated about her little feet。 Same face; same figure。 It was she indeed; and to prevent any possible doubt of it; she was seated on the back of a huge old… fashioned book strongly resembling the 〃Cosmography of Munster。〃 Her immobility but half reassured me; I was really afraid that she was going to take some more nuts out of her alms…purse and throw the shells at my face。
I was standing there; waving my hands and gaping; when the musical and laughing voice of Madame de Gabry suddenly rang in my ears。
〃So you are examining your fairy; Monsieur Bonnard!〃 said my hostess。 〃Well; do you think the resemblance good?〃
It was very quickly said; but even while hearing it I had time to perceive that my fairy was a statuette in coloured wax; modeled with much taste and spirit by some novice hand。 But the phenomenon; even thus reduced by a rational explanation; did not cease to excite my surprise。 How; and by whom; had the Lady of the Cosmography been enabled to assume plastic existence? That was what remained for me to learn。
Turning towards Madame de Gabry; I perceived that she was not alone。 A young girl dressed in black was standing beside her。 She had large intelligent eyes; of a grey as sweet as that of the sky of the Isle of France; and at once artless and characteristic in their expression。 At the extremities of her rather thin arms were fidgeting uneasily two slender hands; supple but slightly red; as it becomes the hands of young girls to be。 Sheathed in her closely fitting merino robe; she had the slim grace of a young tree; and her large mouth bespoke frankness。 I could not describe how much the child pleased me at first sight! She was not beautiful; but the three dimples of her cheeks and chin seemed to laugh; and her whole person; which reve