第 40 节
作者:
小秋 更新:2021-03-11 17:56 字数:9322
offered a word of advice。
〃How kind of you to come so soon! Excuse my receiving you in my
housekeeping…room; we shall not be interrupted here。 Very plainly
furnished; is it not? I dislike ostentation and display。
Ornaments are out of place in a room devoted to domestic
necessities。 I hate domestic necessities。 You notice the
looking…glass? It's a present。 I should never have put such a
thing up。 Perhaps my vanity excuses it。〃
She pointed the last remark by a look at herself in the glass;
using it; while she despised it。 Yes: there was a handsome face;
paying her its reflected complimentbut not so well matched as
it might have been by a handsome figure。 Her feet were too large;
her shoulders were too high; the graceful undulations of a
well…made girl were absent when she walked; and her bosom was; to
my mind; unduly developed for her time of life。
She sat down by me with her back to the light。 Happening to be
opposite to the window; I offered her the advantage of a clear
view of my face。 She waited for me; and I waited for herand
there was an awkward pause before we spoke。 She set the example。
〃Isn't it curious?〃 she remarked。 〃When two people have something
particular to say to each other; and nothing to hinder them; they
never seem to know how to say it。 You are the oldest; sir。 Why
don't you begin?〃
〃Because I have nothing particular to say。〃
〃In plain words; you mean that I must begin?〃
〃If you please。〃
〃Very well。 I want to know whether I have given you (and Miss
Jillgall; of course) as much time as you want; and as many
opportunities as you could desire?〃
〃Pray go on; Miss Helena。〃
〃Have I not said enough already?〃
〃Not enough; I regret to say; to convey your meaning to me。〃
She drew her chair a little further away from me。 〃I am sadly
disappointed;〃 she said。 〃I had such a high opinion of your
perfect candor。 I thought to myself: There is such a striking
expression of frankness in his face。 Another illusion gone! I
hope you won't think I am offended; if I say a bold word。 I am
only a young girl; to be sure; but I am not quite such a fool as
you take me for。 Do you really think I don't know that Miss
Jillgall has been telling you everything that is bad about me;
putting every mistake that I have made; every fault that I have
committed; in the worst possible point of view? And you have
listened to herquite naturally! And you are prejudiced;
strongly prejudiced; against mewhat else could you be; under
the circumstances? I don't complain; I have purposely kept out of
your way; and out of Miss Jillgall's way; in short; I have
afforded you every facility; as the prospectuses say。 I only want
to know if my turn has come at last。 Once more; have I given you
time enough; and opportunities enough?〃
〃A great deal more than enough。〃
〃Do you mean that you have made up your mind about me without
stopping to think?〃
〃That is exactly what I mean。 An act of treachery; Miss Helena;
_is_ an act of treachery; no honest person need hesitate to
condemn it。 I am sorry you sent for me。〃
I got up to go。 With an ironical gesture of remonstrance; she
signed to me to sit down again。
〃Must I remind you; dear sir; of our famous native virtue? Fair
play is surely due to a young person who has nobody to take her
part。 You talked of treachery just how。 I deny the treachery。
Please give me a hearing。〃
I returned to my chair。
〃Or would you prefer waiting;〃 she went out; 〃till my sister
comes here later in the day; and continues what Miss Jillgall has
begun; with the great advantage of being young and nice…looking?〃
When the female mind gets into this state; no wise man answers
the female questions。
〃Am I to take silence as meaning Go on?〃 Miss Helena inquired。
I begged her to interpret my silence in the sense most agreeable
to herself。
This naturally encouraged her。 She made a proposal:
〃Do you mind changing places; sir?〃
〃Just as you like; Miss Helena。〃
We changed chairs; the light now fell full on her face。 Had she
deliberately challenged me to look into her secret mind if I
could? Anything like the stark insensibility of that young girl
to every refinement of feeling; to every becoming doubt of
herself; to every customary timidity of her age and sex in the
presence of a man who had not disguised his unfavorable opinion
of her; I never met with in all my experience of the world and of
women。
〃I wish to be quite mistress of myself;〃 she explained; 〃your
face; for some reason which I really don't know; irritates me。
The fact is; I have great pride in keeping my temper。 Please make
allowances。 Now about Miss Jillgall。 I suppose she told you how
my sister first met with Philip Dunboyne?〃
〃Yes。〃
〃She also mentioned; perhaps; that he was a highly…cultivated
man?〃
〃She did。〃
〃Now we shall get on。 When Philip came to our town here; and saw
me for the first timeDo you object to my speaking familiarly of
him; by his Christian name?〃
〃In the case of any one else in your position; Miss Helena; I
should venture to call it bad taste。〃
I was provoked into saying that。 It failed entirely as a
well…meant effort in the way of implied reproof。 Miss Helena
smiled。
〃You grant me a liberty which you would not concede to another
girl。〃 That was how she viewed it。 〃We are getting on better
already。 To return to what I was saying。 When Philip first saw
meI have it from himself; mindhe felt that I should have been
his choice; if he had met with me before he met with my sister。
Do you blame him?〃
〃If you will take my advice;〃 I said; 〃you will not inquire too
closely into my opinion of Mr。 Philip Dunboyne。〃
〃Perhaps you don't wish me to say anymore?〃 she suggested。
〃On the contrary; pray go on; if you like。〃
After that concession; she was amiability itself。 〃Oh; yes;〃 she
assured me; 〃that's easily done。〃 And she went on accordingly:
〃Philip having informed me of the state of his affections; I
naturally followed his example。 In fact; we exchanged
confessions。 Our marriage engagement followed as a matter of
course。 Do you blame me?〃
〃I will wait till you have done。〃
〃I have no more to say。〃
She made that amazing reply with such perfect composure; that I
began to fear there must have been some misunderstanding between
us。 〃Is that really all you have to say for yourself?〃 I
persisted。
Her patience with me was most exemplary。 She lowered herself to
my level。 Not trusting to words only on this occasion; she (so to
say) beat her meaning into my head by gesticulating on her
fingers; as if she was educating a child。
〃Philip and I;〃 she began; 〃are the victims of an accident; which
kept us apart when we ought to have met togetherwe are not
responsible for an accident。〃 She impressed this on me by
touching her forefinger。 〃Philip and I fell in love with each
other at first sightwe are not responsible for the feelings
implanted in our natures by an all…wise Providence。〃 She assisted
me in understanding this by touching her middle finger。 〃Philip
and I owe a duty to each other; and accept a responsibility under
those circumstancesthe responsibility of getting married。〃 A
touch on her third finger; and an indulgent bow; announced that
the lesson was ended。 〃I am not a clever man like you;〃 she
modestly acknowledged; 〃but I ask you to help us; when you next
see my father; with some confidence。 You know exactly what to say
to him; by this time。 Nothing has been forgotten。〃
〃Pardon me;〃 I said; 〃a person has been forgotten。〃
〃Indeed? What person?〃
〃Your sister。〃
A little perplexed at first; Miss Helena reflected; and recovered
herself。
〃Ah; yes;〃 she said; 〃I was afraid I might be obliged to trouble
you for an explanationI see it now。 You are shocked (very
properly) when feelings of enmity exist between near relations;
and you wish to be assured that I bear no malice toward Eunice。
She is violent; she is sulky; she is stupid; she is selfish ; and
she cruelly refuses to live in the same house with me。 Make your
mind easy; sir; I forgive my sister。〃
Let me not attempt to disguise itMiss Helena Gracedieu
confounded me。
Ordinary audacity is one of those forms of insolence which mature
experience dismisses with contempt。 This girl's audacity struck
down all resistance; for one shocking reason: it was
unquestionably sincere。 Strong conviction of her own virtue
stared at me in her proud and daring eyes。 At that time; I was
not aware of what I have learned since。 The horrid hardening of
her moral sense had been accomplished by herself。 In her diary;
there has been found the confession of a secret course of
readingwith supplementary reflections flowing from it; which
need only to be described as worthy of their source。
A person capable of repentance and reform would; in her place;
have seen that she had disgusted me。 Not a suspicion of this
occurred to Miss Helena。 〃I see you are embarrassed;〃 she
remarked; 〃and I am at no loss to account for it。 You are too
polite to acknowledge that I have not made a friend of you yet。
Oh; I mean to do it!〃
〃No;〃 I said; 〃I think not。〃
〃We shall see;〃 she replied。 〃Sooner or later; you will find
yourself say