arrived　before　him；　and；　since　the　lecture　was　to　be　delivered　by
  a　popular　professor　whom　students　came　to　hear　who　did　not
  usually　attend　such　functions；　I　found　almost　every　seat
  occupied。　Accordingly　I　secured　Operoff's　place　for　myself　by
  spreading　my　notebooks　on　the　desk　before　it；　after　which　I　left
  the　room　again　for　a　moment。　When　I　returned　I　perceived　that　my
  paraphernalia　had　been　relegated　to　the　bench　behind；　and　the
  place　taken　by　Operoff　himself。　I　remarked　to　him　that　I　had
  already　secured　it　by　placing　my　notebooks　there。
  〃I　know　nothing　about　that；〃　he　replied　sharply；　yet　without
  looking　up　at　me。
  〃I　tell　you　I　placed　my　notebooks　there；〃　I　repeated；　purposely
  trying　to　bluster；　in　the　hope　of　intimidating　him。　〃Every　one
  saw　me　do　it；〃　I　added；　including　the　students　near　me　in　my
  glance。　Several　of　them　looked　at　me　with　curiosity；　yet　none　of
  them　spoke。
  〃Seats　cannot　be　booked　here；〃　said　Operoff。　〃Whoever　first　sits
  down　in　a　place　keeps　it；〃　and；　settling　himself　angrily　where　he
  was；　he　flashed　at　me　a　glance　of　defiance。
  〃Well；　that　only　means　that　you　are　a　cad；〃　I　said。
  I　have　an　idea　that　he　murmured　something　about　my　being　〃a
  stupid　young　idiot；〃　but　I　decided　not　to　hear　it。　What　would　be
  the　use；　I　asked　myself；　of　my　hearing　it？　That　we　should　brawl
  like　a　couple　of　manants　over　less　than　nothing？　（I　was　very　fond
  of　the　word　manants；　and　often　used　it　for　meeting　awkward
  junctures。）　Perhaps　I　should　have　said　something　more　had　not；　at
  that　moment；　a　door　slammed　and　the　professor　（dressed　in　a　blue
  frockcoat；　and　shuffling　his　feet　as　he　walked）　ascended　the
  rostrum。
  Nevertheless；　when　the　examination　was　about　to　come　on；　and　I
  had　need　of　some　one's　notebooks；　Operoff　remembered　his　promise
  to　lend　me　his；　and　we　did　our　preparation　together。
  XXXVII
  AFFAIRS　OF　THE　HEART
  Affaires　du　coeur　exercised　me　greatly　that　winter。　In　fact；　I
  fell　in　love　three　times。　The　first　time；　I　became　passionately
  enamoured　of　a　buxom　lady　whom　I　used　to　see　riding　at　Freitag's
  riding…school；　with　the　result　that　every　day　when　she　was　taking
  a　lesson　there　（that　is　to　say；　every　Tuesday　and　Friday）　I　used
  to　go　to　gaze　at　her；　but　always　in　such　a　state　of　trepidation
  lest　I　should　be　seen　that　I　stood　a　long　way　off；　and　bolted
  directly　I　thought　her　likely　to　approach　the　spot　where　I　was
  standing。　Likewise；　I　used　to　turn　round　so　precipitately　whenever
  she　appeared　to　be　glancing　in　my　direction　that　I　never　saw　her
  face　well；　and　to　this　day　do　not　know　whether　she　was　really
  beautiful　or　not。
  Dubkoff；　who　was　acquainted　with　her；　surprised　me　one　day　in　the
  riding…school；　where　I　was　lurking　concealed　behind　the　lady's
  grooms　and　the　fur　wraps　which　they　were　holding；　and；　having
  heard　from　Dimitri　of　my　infatuation；　frightened　me　so　terribly
  by　proposing　to　introduce　me　to　the　Amazon　that　I　fled
  incontinently　from　the　school；　and　was　prevented　by　the　mere
  thought　that　possibly　he　had　told　her　about　me　from　ever　entering
  the　place　again；　or　even　from　hiding　behind　her　grooms；　lest　I
  should　encounter　her。
  Whenever　I　fell　in　love　with　ladies　whom　I　did　not　know；　and
  especially　married　women；　I　experienced　a　shyness　a　thousand
  times　greater　than　I　had　ever　felt　with　Sonetchka。　I　dreaded
  beyond　measure　that　my　divinity　should　learn　of　my　passion；　or
  even　of　my　existence；　since　I　felt　sure　that；　once　she　had　done
  so；　she　would　be　so　terribly　offended　that　I　should　never　be
  forgiven　for　my　presumption。　And　indeed；　if　the　Amazon　referred
  to　above　had　ever　come　to　know　how　I　used　to　stand　behind　the
  grooms　and　dream　of　seizing　her　and　carrying　her　off　to　some
  country　spotif　she　had　ever　come　to　know　how　I　should　have　lived
  with　her　there；　and　how　I　should　have　treated　her；　it　is　probable
  that　she　would　have　had　very　good　cause　for　indignation！　But　I
  always　felt　that；　once　I　got　to　know　her；　she　would　straightway
  divine　these　thoughts；　and　consider　herself　insulted　by　my
  acquaintance。
  As　my　second　affaire　du　coeur；　I；　（for　the　third　time）　fell　in
  love　with　Sonetchka　when　I　saw　her　at　her　sister's。　My　second
  passion　for　her　had　long　since　come　to　an　end；　but　I　became
  enamoured　of　her　this　third　time　through　Lubotshka　sending　me　a
  copy…book　in　which　Sonetchka　had　copied　some　extracts　from
  Lermontoff's　The　Demon；　with　certain　of　the　more　subtly　amorous
  passages　underlined　in　red　ink　and　marked　with　pressed　flowers。
  Remembering　how　Woloda　had　been　wont　to　kiss　his　inamorata's
  purse　last　year；　I　essayed　to　do　the　same　thing　now；　and　really；
  when　alone　in　my　room　in　the　evenings　and　engaged　in　dreaming　as
  I　looked　at　a　flower　or　occasionally　pressed　it　to　my　lips；　I
  would　feel　a　certain　pleasantly　lachrymose　mood　steal　over　me；
  and　remain　genuinely　in　love　（or　suppose　myself　to　be　so）　for　at
  least　several　days。
  Finally；　my　third　affaire　du　coeur　that　winter　was　connected　with
  the　lady　with　whom　Woloda　was　in　love；　and　who　used　occasionally
  to　visit　at　our　house。　Yet；　in　this　damsel；　as　I　now　remember；
  there　was　not　a　single　beautiful　feature　to　be　foundor；　at　all
  events；　none　of　those　which　usually　pleased　me。　She　was　the
  daughter　of　a　well…known　Moscow　lady　of　light　and　leading；　and；
  petite　and　slender；　wore　long　flaxen　curls　after　the　English
  fashion；　and　could　boast　of　a　transparent　profile。　Every　one　said
  that　she　was　even　cleverer　and　more　learned　than　her　mother；　but
  I　was　never　in　a　position　to　judge　of　that；　since；　overcome　with
  craven　bashfulness　at　the　mere　thought　of　her　intellect　and
  accomplishments；　I　never　spoke　to　her　alone　but　once；　and　then
  with　unaccountable　trepidation。　Woloda's　enthusiasm；　however　（for
  the　presence　of　an　audience　never　prevented　him　from　giving　vent
  to　his　rapture）；　communicated　itself　to　me　so　strongly　that　I
  also　became　enamoured　of　the　lady。　Yet；　conscious　that　he　would
  not　be　pleased　to　know　that　two　brothers　were　in　love　with　the
  same　girl；　I　never　told　him　of　my　condition。　On　the　contrary；　I
  took　special　delight　in　the　thought　that　our　mutual　love　for　her
  was　so　pure　that；　though　its　object　was；　in　both　cases；　the　same
  charming　being；　we　remained　friends　and　ready；　if　ever　the
  occasion　should　arise；　to　sacrifice　ourselves　for　one　another。
  Yet　I　have　an　idea　that；　as　regards　self…sacrifice；　he　did　not
  quite　share　my　views；　for　he　was　so　passionately　in　love　with　the
  lady　that　once　he　was　for　giving　a　member　of　the　diplomatic
  corps；　who　was　said　to　be　going　to　marry　her；　a　slap　in　the　face
  and　a　challenge　to　a　duel；　but；　for　my　part；　I　would　gladly　have
  sacrificed　my　feelings　for　his　sake；　seeing　that　the　fact　that
  the　only　remark　I　had　ever　addressed　to　her　had　been　on　the
  subject　of　the　dignity　of　classical　music；　and　that　my　passion；
  for　all　my　efforts　to　keep　it　alive；　expired　the　following　week；
  would　have　rendered　it　the　more　easy　for　me　to　do　so。
  XXXVIII
  THE　WORLD
  As　regards　those　worldly　delights　to　which　I　had　intended；　on
  entering　the　University；　to　surrender　myself　in　imitation　of　my
  brother；　I　underwent　a　complete　disillusionment　that　winter。
  Woloda　danced　a　great　deal；　and　Papa　also　went　to　balls　with　his
  young　wife；　but　I　appeared　to　be　thought　either　too　young　or
  unfitted　for　such　delights；　and　no　one　invited　me　to　the　houses
  where　balls　were　being　given。　Yet；　in　spite　of　my　vow　of
  frankness　with　Dimitri；　I　never　told　him　（nor　any　one　else）　how
  much　I　should　have　liked　to　go　to　those　dances；　and　how　I　felt
  hurt　at　being　forgotten　and　（apparently）　taken　for　the
  philosopher　that　I　pretended　to　be。
  Nevertheless；　a　reception　was　to　be　given　that　winter　at　the
  Princess　Kornakoff's；　and　to　it　she　sent　us　personal　invitations
  to　myself　among　the　rest！　Consequently；　I　was　to　attend　my　first
  ball。　Before　starting；　Woloda　came　into　my　room　to　see　how　I　was
  dressing　myselfan　act　on　his　part　which　greatly　surprised　me　and
  took　me　aback。　In　my　opinion　（it　must　be　understood）　solicitude
  about　one's　dress　was　a　shameful　thing；　and　should　be　kept　under；
  but　he　seemed　to　think　it　a　thing　so　natural　and　necessary　that
  he　said　outright　that　he　was　afraid　I　should　be　put　out　of
  countenance　on　that　score。　Accordingly；　he　bid　me　don　my　patent
  leather　boots；　and　was　horrified　to　find　that　I　wanted　to　put　on
  gloves　of　peau　de　chamois。　Next；　he　adjusted　my　watch…chain　in　a
  particular　manner；　and　carried　me　off　to　a　hairdresser's　near　the
  Kuznetski　Bridge　to　have　my　locks　coiffured。　That　done；　he
  withdrew　to　a　little　distance　and　surveyed　me。
  〃Yes；　he　looks　right　enough　now〃　said　he　to　the　hairdresser。
  〃Onlycouldn't　you　smooth　those　tufts　of　his　in　front　a　little？〃
  Yet；　for　all　that　Monsieur　Charles　treated　my　forelocks　with　one
  essence　and　another；　they　persisted　in　rising　up　again　when　ever
  I　put　on　my　hat。　In　fact；　my　curled　and　tonsured　figure　seemed　to
  me　to　look　far　worse　than　it