第 101 节
作者:寻找山吹      更新:2021-02-27 02:13      字数:9322
  God is far away。〃
  〃Andwe shall turn?〃 I asked。
  〃We shall turn or perish。  I believe that we shall turn。〃  He fixed his
  eyes on my face。  〃What is it;〃 he asked; 〃that brought you here to me;
  to…day?〃
  I was silent。
  〃The motive; Paretthe motive that sends us all wandering into  is
  divine; is inherited from God himself。  And the same motive; after our
  eyes shall have been opened; after we shall have seen and known the
  tragedy and misery of life; after we shall have made the mistakes and
  committed the sins and experienced the emptinessthe same motive will
  lead us back again。  That; too; is an adventure; the greatest adventure
  of all。  Because; when we go back we shall not find the same Godor
  rather we shall recognize him in ourselves。  Autonomy is godliness;
  knowledge is godliness。  We went away cringing; superstitious; we saw
  everywhere omens and evidences of his wrath in the earth and sea and sky;
  we burned candles and sacrificed animals in the vain hope of averting
  scourges and other calamities。  But when we come back it will be with a
  knowledge of his ways; gained at a price;the price he; too; must have
  paidand we shall be able to stand up and look him in the face; and all
  our childish superstitions and optimisms shall have been burned away。〃
  Some faith indeed had given him strength to renounce those things in life
  I had held dear; driven him on to fight until his exhausted body failed
  him; and even now that he was physically helpless sustained him。  I did
  not ask myself; then; the nature of this faith。  In its presence it could
  no more be questioned than the light。  It was light; I felt bathed in it。
  Now it was soft; suffused: but I remembered how the night before in the
  hall; just before he had fallen; it had flashed forth in a smile and
  illumined my soul with an ecstasy that yet was anguish。。。。
  〃We shall get back;〃 I said at length。  My remark was not a questionit
  had escaped from me almost unawares。
  〃The joy is in the journey;〃 he answered。  〃The secret is in the search。〃
  〃But for me?〃 I exclaimed。
  〃We've all been lost; Paret。  It would seem as though we have to be。〃
  〃And yet you aresaved;〃 I said; hesitating over the word。
  〃It is true that I am content; even happy;〃 he asserted; 〃in spite of my
  wish to live。  If there is any secret; it lies; I think; in the struggle
  for an open mind; in the keeping alive of a desire to know more and more。
  That desire; strangely enough; hasn't lost its strength。  We don't know
  whether there is a future life; but if there is; I think it must be a
  continuation of this。〃  He paused。  〃I told you I was glad you came in
  I've been thinking of you; and I saw you in the hall last night。  You ask
  what there is for youI'll tell you;the new generation。〃
  〃The new generation。〃
  〃That's the task of every man and woman who wakes up。  I've come to see
  how little can be done for the great majority of those who have reached
  our age。  It's hardbut it's true。  Superstition; sentiment; the habit
  of wrong thinking or of not thinking at all have struck in too deep; the
  habit of unreasoning acceptance of authority is too paralyzing。  Some may
  be stung back into life; spurred on to find out what the world really is;
  but not many。  The hope lies in those who are coming after uswe must do
  for them what wasn't done for us。  We really didn't have much of a
  chance; Paret。  What did our instructors at Harvard know about the age
  that was dawning? what did anybody know?  You can educate yourselfor
  rather reeducate yourself。  All this〃and he waved his hand towards his
  bookshelves〃all this has sprung up since you and I were at Cambridge;
  if we don't try to become familiar with it; if we fail to grasp the point
  of view from which it's written; there's little hope for us。  Go away
  from all this and get straightened out; make yourself acquainted with the
  modern trend in literature and criticism; with modern history; find out
  what's being done in the field of education; read the modern sciences;
  especially biology; and psychology and sociology; and try to get a
  glimpse of the fundamental human needs underlying such phenomena as the
  labour and woman's movements。  God knows I've just begun to get my
  glimpse; and I've floundered around ever since I left college。。。。  I
  don't mean to say we can ever see the whole; but we can get a clew; an
  idea; and pass it on to our children。  You have children; haven't you?〃
  〃Yes;〃 I said。。。。
  He said nothinghe seemed to be looking out of the window。
  〃Then the scientific point of view in your opinion hasn't done away with
  religion?〃 I asked presently。
  〃The scientific point of view is the religious point of view;〃 he said
  earnestly; 〃because it's the only self…respecting point of view。  I can't
  believe that God intended to make a creature who would not ultimately
  weigh his beliefs with his reason instead of accepting them blindly。
  That's immoral; if you likeespecially in these days。〃
  〃And are there; then; no 'over…beliefs'?〃 I said; remembering the
  expression in something I had read。
  〃That seems to me a relic of the method of ancient science; which was
  upside down;a mere confusion with faith。  Faith and belief are two
  different things; faith is the emotion; the steam; if you like; that
  drives us on in our search for truth。  Theories; at a stretch; might be
  identified with 'over…beliefs' but when it comes to confusing our
  theories with facts; instead of recognizing them as theories; when it
  comes to living by 'over…beliefs' that have no basis in reason and
  observed facts;that is fatal。  It's just the trouble with so much of
  our electorate to…dayunreasoning acceptance without thought。〃
  〃Then;〃 I said; 〃you admit of no other faculty than reason?〃
  〃I confess that I don't。  A great many insights that we seem to get from
  what we call intuition I think are due to the reason; which is
  unconsciously at work。  If there were another faculty that equalled or
  transcended reason; it seems to me it would be a very dangerous thing for
  the world's progress。  We'd come to rely on it rather than on ourselves
  the trouble with the world is that it has been relying on it。  Reason is
  the mindit leaps to the stars without realizing always how it gets
  there。  It is through reason we get the self…reliance that redeems us。〃
  〃But you!〃 I exclaimed。  〃You rely on something else besides reason?〃
  〃Yes; it is true;〃 he explained gently; 〃but that Thing Other…than…
  Ourselves we feel stirring in us is power; and that power; or the Source
  of it; seems to have given us our reason for guidanceif it were not so
  we shouldn't have a semblance of freedom。  For there is neither virtue
  nor development in finding the path if we are guided。  We do rely on that
  power for movementand in the moments when it is withdrawn we are
  helpless。  Both the power and the reason are God's。〃
  〃But the Church;〃 I was moved by some untraced thought to ask; 〃you
  believe there is a future for the Church?〃
  〃A church of all those who disseminate truth; foster open…mindedness;
  serve humanity and radiate faith;〃 he repliedbut as though he were
  speaking to himself; not to me。。。。
  A few moments later there was a knock at the door; and the woman of the
  house entered to say that Dr。 Hepburn had arrived。  I rose and shook
  Krebs's hand: sheer inability to express my emotion drove me to
  commonplaces。
  〃I'll come in soon again; if I may;〃 I told him。
  〃Do; Paret;〃 he said; 〃it's done me good to talk to youmore good than
  you imagine。〃
  I was unable to answer him; but I glanced back from the doorway to see
  him smiling after me。  On my way down the stairs I bumped into the doctor
  as he ascended。  The dingy brown parlour was filled with men; standing in
  groups and talking in subdued voices。  I hurried into the street; and on
  the sidewalk stopped face to face with Perry Blackwood。
  〃Hugh!〃 he exclaimed。  〃What are you doing here?〃
  〃I came to inquire for Krebs;〃 I answered。  〃I've seen him。〃
  〃Youyou've been talking to him?〃 Perry demanded。
  I nodded。  He stared at me for a moment with an astonishment to which I
  was wholly indifferent。  He did not seem to know just how to act。
  〃Well; it was decent of you; Hugh; I must say。  How does he seem?〃
  〃Not at all likelike what you'd expect; in his manner。〃
  〃No;〃 agreed Perry agitatedly; 〃no; he wouldn't。  My God; we've lost a
  big man in him。〃
  〃I think we have;〃 I said。
  He stared at me again; gave me his hand awkwardly; and went into the
  house。  It was not until I had walked the length of the block that I
  began to realize what a shock my presence there must have been to him;
  with his head full of the contrast between this visit and my former
  attitude。  Could it be that it was only the night before I had made a
  speech against him and his associates?  It is interesting that my mind
  rejected all sense of anomaly and inconsistency。  Krebs possessed me; I
  must have been in reality extremely agitated; but this sense of being
  possessed seemed a quiet one。  An amazing thing had happenedand yet I
  was not amazed。  The Krebs I had seen was the man I had known for many
  years; the man I had ridiculed; despised and oppressed; but it seemed to
  me then that he ha