第 100 节
作者:
寻找山吹 更新:2021-02-27 02:13 字数:9321
Krebs was a remarkable man。〃
〃Nineteen twenty…six Fowler Street?〃 I repeated。
〃Yes。〃
I held out my hand mechanically; and he pressed it; and went with me to
the door。
〃Nineteen twenty…six Fowler Street;〃 he repeated。。。
The mean and sordid aspect of Fowler Street emphasized and seemed to
typify my despair; the pungent coal smoke stifled my lungs even as it
stifled my spirit。 Ugly factories; which were little more than
sweatshops; wore an empty; menacing; 〃Sunday〃 look; and the faint
November sunlight glistened on dirty pavements where children were making
a semblance of play。 Monotonous rows of red houses succeeded one
another; some pushed forward; others thrust back behind little plots of
stamped earth。 Into one of these I turned。 It seemed a little cleaner;
better kept; less sordid than the others。 I pulled the bell; and
presently the door was opened by a woman whose arms were bare to the
elbow。 She wore a blue…checked calico apron that came to her throat; but
the apron was clean; and her firm though furrowed face gave evidences of
recent housewifely exertions。 Her eyes had the strange look of the
cheerfulness that is intimately acquainted with sorrow。 She did not seem
surprised at seeing me。
〃I have come to ask about Mr。 Krebs;〃 I told her。
〃Oh; yes;〃 she said; 〃there's been so many here this morning already。
It's wonderful how people love him; all kinds of people。 No; sir; he
don't seem to be in any pain。 Two gentlemen are up there now in his
room; I mean。〃
She wiped her arms; which still bore traces of soap…suds; and then; with
a gesture natural and unashamed; lifted the corner of her apron to her
eyes。
〃Do you think I could see himfor a moment?〃 I asked。 〃I've known him
for a long time。〃
〃Why; I don't know;〃 she said; 〃I guess so。 The doctor said he could see
some; and he wants to see his friends。 That's not strangehe always
did。 I'll ask。 Will you tell me your name?〃
I took out a card。 She held it without glancing at it; and invited me
in。
I waited; unnerved and feverish; pulsing; in the dark and narrow hall
beside the flimsy rack where several coats and hats were hung。 Once
before I had visited Krebs in that lodging…house in Cambridge long ago
with something of the same feelings。 But now they were greatly
intensified。 Now he was dying。。。。
The woman was descending。
〃He says he wants to see you; sir;〃 she said rather breathlessly; and I
followed her。 In the semi…darkness of the stairs I passed the three men
who had been with Krebs; and when I reached the open door of his room he
was alone。 I hesitated just a second; swept by the heat wave that
follows sudden shyness; embarrassment; a sense of folly it is too late to
avert。
Krebs was propped up with pillows。
〃Well; this is good of you;〃 he said; and reached out his hand across the
spread。 I took it; and sat down beside the shiny oak bedstead; in a
chair covered with tobacco…colored plush。
〃You feel better?〃 I asked。
〃Oh; I feel all right;〃 he answered; with a smile。 〃It's queer; but I
do。〃
My eye fell upon the long line of sectional book…cases that lined one
side of the room。 〃Why; you've got quite a library here;〃 I observed。
〃Yes; I've managed to get together some good books。 But there is so much
to read nowadays; so much that is really good and new; a man has the
hopeless feeling he can never catch up with it all。 A thousand writers
and students are making contributions today where fifty years ago there
was one。〃
〃I've been following your speeches; after a fashion;I wish I might have
been able to read more of them。 Your argument interested me。 It's new;
unlike the ordinary propaganda of〃
〃Of agitators;〃 he supplied; with a smile。
〃Of agitators;〃 I agreed; and tried to return his smile。 〃An agitator
who appears to suggest the foundations of a constructive programme and
who isn't afraid to criticise the man with a vote as well as the
capitalist is an unusual phenomenon。〃
〃Oh; when we realize that we've only got a little time left in which to
tell what we think to be the truth; it doesn't require a great deal of
courage; Paret。 I didn't begin to see this thing until a little while
ago。 I was only a crude; hot…headed revolutionist。 God knows I'm crude
enough still。 But I began to have a glimmering of what all these new
fellows in the universities are driving at。〃 He waved his hand towards
the book…cases。 〃Driving at collectively; I mean。 And there are
attempts; worthy attempts; to coordinate and synthesize the sciences。
What I have been saying is not strictly original。 I took it on the
stump; that's all。 I didn't expect it to have much effect in this
campaign; but it was an opportunity to sow a few seeds; to start a sense
of personal dissatisfaction in the minds of a few voters。 What is it
Browning says? It's in Bishop Blougram; I believe。 'When the fight
begins within himself; a man's worth something。' It's an intellectual
fight; of course。〃
His words were spoken quietly; but I realized suddenly that the
mysterious force which had drawn me to him now; against my will; was an
intellectual rather than apparently sentimental one; an intellectual
force seeming to comprise within it all other human attractions。 And yet
I felt a sudden contrition。
〃See here; Krebs;〃 I said; 〃I didn't come here to bother you about these
matters; to tire you。 I mustn't stay。 I'll call in again to see how you
arefrom time to time。〃
〃But you're not tiring me;〃 he protested; stretching forth a thin;
detaining hand。 〃I don't want to rot; I want to live and think as long
as I can。 To tell you the truth; Paret; I've been wishing to talk to
youI'm glad you came in。〃
〃You've been wishing to talk to me?〃 I said。
〃Yes; but I didn't expect you'd come in。 I hope you won't mind my saying
so; under the circumstances; but I've always rather liked you; admired
you; even back in the Cambridge days。 After that I used to blame you for
going out and taking what you wanted; and I had to live a good many years
before I began to see that it's better for a man to take what he wants
than to take nothing at all。 I took what I wanted; every man worth his
salt does。 There's your great banker friend in New York whom I used to
think was the arch…fiend。 He took what he wanted; and he took a good
deal; but it happened to be good for him。 And by piling up his
corporations; Ossa on Pelion; he is paving the way for a logical economic
evolution。 How can a man in our time find out what he does want unless
he takes something and gives it a trial?〃
〃Until he begins to feel that it disagrees with him;〃 I said。 〃But then;〃
I added involuntarily; 〃then it may be too late to try something else;
and he may not know what to try。〃 This remark of mine might have
surprised me had it not been for the feelingnow grown definitethat
Krebs had something to give me; something to pass on to me; of all men。
Indeed; he had hinted as much; when he acknowledged a wish to talk to me。
〃What seems so strange;〃 I said; as I looked at him lying back on his
pillows; 〃is your faith that we shall be able to bring order out of all
this chaosyour belief in Democracy。〃
〃Democracy's an adventure;〃 he replied; 〃the great adventure of mankind。
I think the trouble in many minds lies in the fact that they persist in
regarding it as something to be made safe。 All that can be done is to
try to make it as safe as possible。 But no adventure is safelife
itself is an adventure; and neither is that safe。 It's a hazard; as you
and I have found out。 The moment we try to make life safe we lose all
there is in it worth while。〃
I thought a moment。
〃Yes; that's so;〃 I agreed。 On the table beside the bed in company with
two or three other volumes; lay a Bible。 He seemed to notice that my eye
fell upon it。
〃Do you remember the story of the Prodigal Son?〃 he asked。 〃Well; that's
the parable of democracy; of self…government in the individual and in
society。 In order to arrive at salvation; Paret; most of us have to take
our journey into a far country。〃
〃A far country!〃 I exclaimed。 The words struck a reminiscent chord。
〃We have to leave what seem the safe things; we have to wander and suffer
in order to realize that the only true safety lies in development。 We
have first to cast off the leading strings of authority。 It's a delusion
that we can insure ourselves by remaining within its wallswe have to
risk our lives and our souls。 It is discouraging when we look around us
to…day; and in a way the pessimists are right when they say we don't see
democracy。 We see only what may be called the first stage of it; for
democracy is still in a far country eating the husks of individualism;
materialism。 What we see is not true freedom; but freedom run to riot;
men struggling for themselves; spending on themselves the fruits of their
inheritance; we see a government intent on one object aloneexploitation
of this inheritance in order to achieve what it calls prosperity。 And
God is far away。〃
〃Andwe shall turn?〃 I asked。
〃We shall turn or perish。 I believe that we shall turn。〃 He fixed his
eyes on my face。 〃What is it;〃