Little　Travels　and　Roadside　Sketches
  by　William　Makepeace　Thackeray
  I。　　FROM　RICHMOND　IN　SURREY　TO　BRUSSELS　IN　BELGIUM
  II。　　GHENTBRUGES：
  Ghent　（1840）
  Bruges
  III。　　WATERLOO
  LITTLE　TRAVELS　AND　ROADSIDE　SKETCHES
  I。FROM　RICHMOND　IN　SURREY　TO　BRUSSELS　IN　BELGIUM
  。　。　。　I　quitted　the　〃Rose　Cottage　Hotel〃　at　Richmond；　one　of　the
  comfortablest；　quietest；　cheapest；　neatest　little　inns　in　England；
  and　a　thousand　times　preferable；　in　my　opinion；　to　the　〃Star　and
  Garter；〃　whither；　if　you　go　alone；　a　sneering　waiter；　with　his　hair
  curled；　frightens　you　off　the　premises；　and　where；　if　you　are　bold
  enough　to　brave　the　sneering　waiter；　you　have　to　pay　ten　shillings
  for　a　bottle　of　claret；　and　whence；　if　you　look　out　of　the　window；
  you　gaze　on　a　view　which　is　so　rich　that　it　seems　to　knock　you　down
  with　its　splendora　view　that　has　its　hair　curled　like　the
  swaggering　waiter：　I　say；　I　quitted　the　〃Rose　Cottage　Hotel〃　with
  deep　regret；　believing　that　I　should　see　nothing　so　pleasant　as　its
  gardens；　and　its　veal　cutlets；　and　its　dear　little　bowling…green；
  elsewhere。　　But　the　time　comes　when　people　must　go　out　of　town；　and
  so　I　got　on　the　top　of　the　omnibus；　and　the　carpet…bag　was　put
  inside。
  If　I　were　a　great　prince　and　rode　outside　of　coaches　（as　I　should
  if　I　were　a　great　prince）；　I　would；　whether　I　smoked　or　not；　have　a
  case　of　the　best　Havanas　in　my　pocketnot　for　my　own　smoking；　but
  to　give　them　to　the　snobs　on　the　coach；　who　smoke　the　vilest
  cheroots。　　They　poison　the　air　with　the　odor　of　their　filthy　weeds。
  A　man　at　all　easy　in　his　circumstances　would　spare　himself　much
  annoyance　by　taking　the　above　simple　precaution。
  A　gentleman　sitting　behind　me　tapped　me　on　the　back　and　asked　for　a
  light。　　He　was　a　footman；　or　rather　valet。　　He　had　no　livery；　but
  the　three　friends　who　accompanied　him　were　tall　men　in　pepper…and…
  salt　undress　jackets　with　a　duke's　coronet　on　their　buttons。
  After　tapping　me　on　the　back；　and　when　he　had　finished　his　cheroot；
  the　gentleman　produced　another　wind…instrument；　which　he　called　a
  〃kinopium；〃　a　sort　of　trumpet；　on　which　he　showed　a　great
  inclination　to　play。　　He　began　puffing　out　of　the　〃kinopium〃　a　most
  abominable　air；　which　he　said　was　the　〃Duke's　March。〃　　It　was
  played　by　particular　request　of　one　of　the　pepper…and…salt　gentry。
  The　noise　was　so　abominable　that　even　the　coachman　objected
  （although　my　friend's　brother　footmen　were　ravished　with　it）；　and
  said　that　it　was　not　allowed　to　play　toons　on　HIS　'bus。　　〃Very
  well；〃　said　the　valet；　〃WE'RE　ONLY　OF　THE　DUKE　OF　B'S
  ESTABLISHMENT；　THAT'S　ALL。〃　　The　coachman　could　not　resist　that
  appeal　to　his　fashionable　feelings。　　The　valet　was　allowed　to　play
  his　infernal　kinopium；　and　the　poor　fellow　（the　coachman）；　who　had
  lived　in　some　private　families；　was　quite　anxious　to　conciliate　the
  footmen　〃of　the　Duke　of　B。's　establishment；　that's　all；〃　and　told
  several　stories　of　his　having　been　groom　in　Captain　Hoskins's
  family；　NEPHEW　OF　GOVERNOR　HOSKINS；　which　stories　the　footmen
  received　with　great　contempt。
  The　footmen　were　like　the　rest　of　the　fashionable　world　in　this
  respect。　　I　felt　for　my　part　that　I　respected　them。　　They　were　in
  daily　communication　with　a　duke！　　They　were　not　the　rose；　but　they
  had　lived　beside　it。　　There　is　an　odor　in　the　English　aristocracy
  which　intoxicates　plebeians。　　I　am　sure　that　any　commoner　in
  England；　though　he　would　die　rather　than　confess　it；　would　have　a
  respect　for　those　great　big　hulking　Duke's　footmen。
  The　day　before；　her　Grace　the　Duchess　had　passed　us　alone　in　a
  chariot…and…four　with　two　outriders。　　What　better　mark　of　innate
  superiority　could　man　want？　　Here　was　a　slim　lady　who　required
  foursix　horses　to　herself；　and　four　servants　（kinopium　was；　no
  doubt；　one　of　the　number）　to　guard　her。
  We　were　sixteen　inside　and　out；　and　had　consequently　an　eighth　of　a
  horse　apiece。
  A　duchess　=　6；　a　commoner　=　1/8；　that　is　to　say；
  1　duchess　=　48　commoners。
  If　I　were　a　duchess　of　the　present　day；　I　would　say　to　the　duke　my
  noble　husband；　〃My　dearest　grace；　I　think；　when　I　travel　alone　in
  my　chariot　from　Hammersmith　to　London；　I　will　not　care　for　the
  outriders。　　In　these　days；　when　there　is　so　much　poverty　and　so
  much　disaffection　in　the　country；　we　should　not　eclabousser　the
  canaille　with　the　sight　of　our　preposterous　prosperity。
  But　this　is　very　likely　only　plebeian　envy；　and　I　dare　say；　if　I
  were　a　lovely　duchess　of　the　realm；　I　would　ride　in　a　coach…and…
  six；　with　a　coronet　on　the　top　of　my　bonnet　and　a　robe　of　velvet
  and　ermine　even　in　the　dog…days。
  Alas！　these　are　the　dog…days。　　Many　dogs　are　abroadsnarling　dogs；
  biting　dogs；　envious　dogs；　mad　dogs；　beware　of　exciting　the　fury　of
  such　with　your　flaming　red　velvet　and　dazzling　ermine。　　It　makes
  ragged　Lazarus　doubly　hungry　to　see　Dives　feasting　in　cloth…of…
  gold；　and　so　if　I　were　a　beauteous　duchess　。　。　。　　Silence；　vain
  man！　　Can　the　Queen　herself　make　you　a　duchess？　　Be　content；　then；
  nor　gibe　at　thy　betters　of　〃the　Duke　of　B's　establishment
  that's　all。〃
  ON　BOARD　THE　〃ANTWERPEN；〃　OFF　EVERYWHERE。
  We　have　bidden　adieu　to　Billingsgate；　we　have　passed　the　Thames
  Tunnel；　it　is　one　o'clock；　and　of　course　people　are　thinking　of
  being　hungry。　　What　a　merry　place　a　steamer　is　on　a　calm　sunny
  summer　forenoon；　and　what　an　appetite　every　one　seems　to　have！　　We
  are；　I　assure　you；　no　less　than　170　noblemen　and　gentlemen
  together；　pacing　up　and　down　under　the　awning；　or　lolling　on　the
  sofas　in　the　cabin；　and　hardly　have　we　passed　Greenwich　when　the
  feeding　begins。　　The　company　was　at　the　brandy　and　soda…water　in
  an　instant　（there　is　a　sort　of　legend　that　the　beverage　is　a
  preservative　against　sea…sickness）；　and　I　admired　the　penetration
  of　gentlemen　who　partook　of　the　drink。　　In　the　first　place；　the
  steward　WILL　put　so　much　brandy　into　the　tumbler　that　it　is　fit　to
  choke　you；　and；　secondly；　the　soda…water；　being　kept　as　near　as
  possible　to　the　boiler　of　the　engine；　is　of　a　fine　wholesome　heat
  when　presented　to　the　hot　and　thirsty　traveller。　　Thus　he　is
  prevented　from　catching　any　sudden　cold　which　might　be　dangerous　to
  him。
  The　forepart　of　the　vessel　is　crowded　to　the　full　as　much　as　the
  genteeler　quarter。　　There　are　four　carriages；　each　with　piles　of
  imperials　and　aristocratic　gimcracks　of　travel；　under　the　wheels　of
  which　those　personages　have　to　clamber　who　have　a　mind　to　look　at
  the　bowsprit；　and　perhaps　to　smoke　a　cigar　at　ease。　　The　carriages
  overcome；　you　find　yourself　confronted　by　a　huge　penful　of　Durham
  oxen；　lying　on　hay　and　surrounded　by　a　barricade　of　oars。　　Fifteen
  of　these　horned　monsters　maintain　an　incessant　mooing　and
  bellowing。　　Beyond　the　cows　come　a　heap　of　cotton…bags；　beyond　the
  cotton…bags　more　carriages；　more　pyramids　of　travelling　trunks；　and
  valets　and　couriers　bustling　and　swearing　round　about　them。　　And
  already；　and　in　various　corners　and　niches；　lying　on　coils　of　rope；
  black　tar…cloths；　ragged　cloaks；　or　hay；　you　see　a　score　of　those
  dubious　fore…cabin　passengers；　who　are　never　shaved；　who　always
  look　unhappy；　and　appear　getting　ready　to　be　sick。
  At　one；　dinner　begins　in　the　after…cabinboiled　salmon；　boiled
  beef；　boiled　mutton；　boiled　cabbage；　boiled　potatoes；　and　parboiled
  wine　for　any　gentlemen　who　like　it；　and　two　roast…ducks　between
  seventy。　　After　this；　knobs　of　cheese　are　handed　round　on　a　plate；
  and　there　is　a　talk　of　a　tart　somewhere　at　some　end　of　the　table。
  All　this　I　saw　peeping　through　a　sort　of　meat…safe　which　ventilates
  the　top　of　the　cabin；　and　very　happy　and　hot　did　the　people　seem
  below。
  〃How　the　deuce　CAN　people　dine　at　such　an　hour？〃　say　several
  genteel　fellows　who　are　watching　the　manoeuvres。　　〃I　can't　touch　a
  morsel　before　seven。〃
  But　somehow　at　half…past　three　o'clock　we　had　dropped　a　long　way
  down　the　river。　　The　air　was　delightfully　fresh；　the　sky　of　a
  faultless　cobalt；　the　river　shining　and　flashing　like　quicksilver；
  and　at　this　period　steward　runs　against　me　bearing　two　great
  smoking　dishes　covered　by　two　great　glistening　hemispheres　of　tin。
  〃Fellow；〃　says　I；　〃what's　that？〃
  He　lifted　up　the　cover：　it　was　ducks　and　green　pease；　by　jingo！
  〃What！　haven't　they　done　YET；　the　greedy　creatures？〃　I　asked。
  〃Have　the　people　been　feeding　for　three　hours？〃
  〃Law　bless　you；　sir；　it's　the　second　dinner。　　Make　haste；　or　you
  won't　get　a　place。〃　　At　which　words　a　genteel　party；　with　whom　I
  had　been　conversing；　instantly　tumbled　down　the　hatchway；　and　I
  find　myself　one　of　the　second　relay　of　seventy　who　are　attacking
  the　boiled　salmon；　boiled　beef；　boiled　cabbage；　&c。　　As　for　the
  ducks；　I　certainly　had　some　pease；　very　fine　yellow　stiff　pease；
  that　ought　to　have　been　split　before　they　were　boiled；　but；　with
  regard　to　the　ducks；　I　saw　the　animals　gobbled　up　before　my　eyes　by
  an　old