vain；　and　that　his　remedy　is　good　for　nothing。
  CHAPTER　XI。
  This　visit　dealt　the　final　blow　to　my　self…delusion。　　It　now　appeared
  indisputable　to　me；　that　what　I　had　undertaken　was　not　only　foolish
  but　loathsome。
  But；　in　spite　of　the　fact　that　I　was　aware　of　this；　it　seemed　to　me
  that　I　could　not　abandon　the　whole　thing　on　the　spot。　　It　seemed　to
  me　that　I　was　bound　to　carry　out　this　enterprise；　in　the　first　place；
  because　by　my　article；　by　my　visits　and　promises；　I　had　aroused　the
  expectations　of　the　poor；　in　the　second；　because　by　my　article　also；
  and　by　my　talk；　I　had　aroused　the　sympathies　of　benevolent　persons；
  many　of　whom　had　promised　me　their　co…operation　both　in　personal
  labor　and　in　money。　　And　I　expected　that　both　sets　of　people　would
  turn　to　me　for　an　answer　to　this。
  What　happened　to　me；　so　far　as　the　appeal　of　the　needy　to　me　is
  concerned；　was　as　follows：　　By　letter　and　personal　application　I
  received　more　than　a　hundred；　these　applications　were　all　from　the
  wealthy…poor；　if　I　may　so　express　myself。　　I　went　to　see　some　of
  them；　and　some　of　them　received　no　answer。　　Nowhere　did　I　succeed　in
  doing　any　thing。　　All　applications　to　me　were　from　persons　who　had
  once　occupied　privileged　positions　（I　thus　designate　those　in　which
  people　receive　more　from　others　than　they　give）；　who　had　lost　them；
  and　who　wished　to　occupy　them　again。　　To　one；　two　hundred　rubles　were
  indispensable；　in　order　that　he　might　prop　up　a　failing　business；　and
  complete　the　education　of　his　children　which　had　been　begun；　another
  wanted　a　photographic　outfit；　a　third　wanted　his　debts　paid；　and
  respectable　clothing　purchased　for　him；　a　fourth　needed　a　piano；　in
  order　to　perfect　himself　and　support　his　family　by　giving　lessons。
  But　the　majority　did　not　stipulate　for　any　given　sum　of　money；　and
  simply　asked　for　assistance；　and　when　I　came　to　examine　into　what　was
  required；　it　turned　out　that　their　demands　grew　in　proportion　to　the
  aid；　and　that　there　was　not　and　could　not　be　any　way　of　satisfying
  them。　　I　repeat；　that　it　is　very　possible　that　this　arose　from　the
  fact　that　I　did　not　understand　how；　but　I　did　not　help　any　one；
  although　I　sometimes　endeavored　to　do　so。
  A　very　strange　and　unexpected　thing　happened　to　me　as　regards　the　co…
  operation　of　the　benevolently　disposed。　　Out　of　all　the　persons　who
  had　promised　me　financial　aid；　and　who　had　even　stated　the　number　of
  rubles；　not　a　single　one　handed　to　me　for　distribution　among　the　poor
  one　solitary　ruble。　　But　according　to　the　pledges　which　had　been
  given　me；　I　could　reckon　on　about　three　thousand　rubles；　and　out　of
  all　these　people；　not　one　remembered　our　former　discussions；　or　gave
  me　a　single　kopek。　　Only　the　students　gave　the　money　which　had　been
  assigned　to　them　for　their　work　on　the　census；　twelve　rubles；　I
  think。　　So　my　whole　scheme；　which　was　to　have　been　expressed　by　tens
  of　thousands　of　rubles　contributed　by　the　wealthy；　for　hundreds　and
  thousands　of　poor　people　who　were　to　be　rescued　from　poverty　and
  vice；　dwindled　down　to　this；　that　I　gave　away；　haphazard；　a　few
  scores　of　rubles　to　those　people　who　asked　me　for　them；　and　that
  there　remained　in　my　hands　twelve　rubies　contributed　by　the　students；
  and　twenty…five　sent　to　me　by　the　City　Council　for　my　labor　as　a
  superintendent；　and　I　absolutely　did　not　know　to　whom　to　give　them。
  The　whole　matter　came　to　an　end。　　And　then；　before　my　departure　for
  the　country；　on　the　Sunday　before　carnival；　I　went　to　the　Rzhanoff
  house　in　the　morning；　in　order　to　get　rid　of　those　thirty…seven
  rubles　before　I　should　leave　Moscow；　and　to　distribute　them　to　the
  poor。　　I　made　the　round　of　the　quarters　with　which　I　was　familiar；
  and　in　them　found　only　one　sick　man；　to　whom　I　gave　five　rubles。
  There　was　no　one　else　there　to　give　any　to。　　Of　course　many　began　to
  beg　of　me。　　But　as　I　had　not　known　them　at　first；　so　I　did　not　know
  them　now；　and　I　made　up　my　mind　to　take　counsel　with　Ivan　Fedotitch；
  the　landlord　of　the　tavern；　as　to　the　persons　upon　whom　it　would　be
  proper　to　bestow　the　remaining　thirty…two　rubies。
  It　was　the　first　day　of　the　carnival。　　Everybody　was　dressed　up；　and
  everybody　was　full…fed；　and　many　were　already　intoxicated。　　In　the
  court…yard；　close　to　the　house；　stood　an　old　man；　a　rag…picker；　in　a
  tattered　smock　and　bast　shoes；　sorting　over　the　booty　in　his　basket；
  tossing　out　leather；　iron；　and　other　stuff　in　piles；　and　breaking
  into　a　merry　song；　with　a　fine；　powerful　voice。　　I　entered　into
  conversation　with　him。　　He　was　seventy　years　old；　he　was　alone　in　the
  world；　and　supported　himself　by　his　calling　of　a　rag…picker；　and　not
  only　did　he　utter　no　complaints；　but　he　said　that　he　had　plenty　to
  eat　and　drink。　　I　inquired　of　him　as　to　especially　needy　persons。　　He
  flew　into　a　rage；　and　said　plainly　that　there　were　no　needy　people；
  except　drunkards　and　lazy　men；　but；　on　learning　my　object；　he　asked
  me　for　a　five…kopek　piece　to　buy　a　drink；　and　ran　off　to　the　tavern。
  I　too　entered　the　tavern　to　see　Ivan　Fedotitch；　and　commission　him　to
  distribute　the　money　which　I　had　left。　　The　tavern　was　full；　gayly…
  dressed；　intoxicated　girls　were　flitting　in　and　out；　all　the　tables
  were　occupied；　there　were　already　a　great　many　drunken　people；　and　in
  the　small　room　the　harmonium　was　being　played；　and　two　persons　were
  dancing。　　Out　of　respect　to　me；　Ivan　Fedotitch　ordered　that　the　dance
  should　be　stopped；　and　seated　himself　with　me　at　a　vacant　table。　　I
  said　to　him；　that；　as　he　knew　his　tenants；　would　not　he　point　out　to
  me　the　most　needy　among　them；　that　I　had　been　entrusted　with　the
  distribution　of　a　little　money；　and；　therefore；　would　he　indicate　the
  proper　persons？　　Good…natured　Ivan　Fedotitch　（he　died　a　year　later）；
  although　he　was　pressed　with　business；　broke　away　from　it　for　a　time；
  in　order　to　serve　me。　　He　meditated；　and　was　evidently　undecided。　　An
  elderly　waiter　heard　us；　and　joined　the　conference。
  They　began　to　discuss　the　claims　of　persons；　some　of　whom　I　knew；　but
  still　they　could　not　come　to　any　agreement。　　〃The　Paramonovna；〃
  suggested　the　waiter。　　〃Yes；　that　would　do。　　Sometimes　she　has
  nothing　to　eat。　　Yes；　but　then　she　tipples。〃〃Well；　what　of　that？
  That　makes　no　difference。〃〃Well；　Sidoron　Ivanovitch　has　children。
  He　would　do。〃　　But　Ivan　Fedotitch　had　his　doubts　about　Sidoron
  Ivanovitch　also。　　〃Akulina　shall　have　some。　　There；　now；　give
  something　to　the　blind。〃　　To　this　I　responded。　　I　saw　him　at　once。
  He　was　a　blind　old　man　of　eighty　years；　without　kith　or　kin。　　It
  seemed　as　though　no　condition　could　be　more　painful；　and　I　went
  immediately　to　see　him。　　He　was　lying　on　a　feather…bed；　on　a　high
  bedstead；　drunk；　and；　as　he　did　not　see　me；　he　was　scolding　his
  comparatively　youthful　female　companion　in　a　frightful　bass　voice；
  and　in　the　very　worst　kind　of　language。　　They　also　summoned　an
  armless　boy　and　his　mother。　　I　saw　that　Ivan　Fedotitch　was　in　great
  straits；　on　account　of　his　conscientiousness；　for　me　knew　that
  whatever　was　given　would　immediately　pass　to　his　tavern。　　But　I　had
  to　get　rid　of　my　thirty…two　rubles；　so　I　insisted；　and　in　one　way　and
  another；　and　half　wrongfully　to　boot；　we　assigned　and　distributed
  them。　　Those　who　received　them　were　mostly　well　dressed；　and　we　had
  not　far　to　go　to　find　them；　as　they　were　there　in　the　tavern。　　The
  armless　boy　appeared　in　wrinkled　boots；　and　a　red　shirt　and　vest。
  With　this　my　charitable　career　came　to　an　end；　and　I　went　off　to　the
  country；　irritated　at　others；　as　is　always　the　case；　because　I　myself
  had　done　a　stupid　and　a　bad　thing。　　My　benevolence　had　ended　in
  nothing；　and　it　ceased　altogether；　but　the　current　of　thoughts　and
  feelings　which　it　had　called　up　with　me　not　only　did　not　come　to　an
  end；　but　the　inward　work　went　on　with　redoubled　force。
  CHAPTER　XII。
  What　was　its　nature？
  I　had　lived　in　the　country；　and　there　I　was　connected　with　the　rustic
  poor。　　Not　out　of　humility；　which　is　worse　than　pride；　but　for　the
  sake　of　telling　the　truth；　which　is　indispensable　for　the
  understanding　of　the　whole　course　of　my　thoughts　and　sentiments；　I
  will　say　that　in　the　country　I　did　very　little　for　the　poor；　but　the
  demands　which　were　made　upon　me　were　so　modest　that　even　this　little
  was　of　use　to　the　people；　and　formed　around　me　an　atmosphere　of
  affection　and　union　with　the　people；　in　which　it　was　possible　to
  soothe　the　gnawing　sensation　of　remorse　at　the　independence　of　my
  life。　　On　going　to　the　city；　I　had　hoped　to　be　able　to　live　in　the
  same　manner。　　But　here　I　encountered　want　of　an　entirely　different
  sort。　　City　want　was　both　less　real；　and　more　exacting　and　cruel；
  than　country　poverty。　　But　the　principal　point　was；　that　there　was　so
  much　of　it　in　one　spot；　that　it　produced　on　me　a　frightful
  impression。　　The　impression　which　I　experienced　in　the　Lyapinsky
  house　had；　at　the　very　first；　made　me　conscious　of　the　deformity　of
  my　own　life。　　This　feeling　was　genuine　and　very　powerful。　　But；
  notwithstanding　its　genuineness　and　power；　I　was；　at　that　time；　so
  weak　that　I　feared　the　alteration　in　my　life　to　which　this　feeling
  commended　me；　and　I　resorted　to　a　compromise。　　I　believed　what
  everybody　told　me；　and　everybody　has　said；　ever　since　the　world　was
  mad