第 10 节
作者:低诉      更新:2021-02-27 01:23      字数:9321
  of benefactor; I turned my attention to the children also; being
  desirous to save these innocent beings from perishing in that lair of
  vice; and noting them down in order to attend to them AFTERWARDS。
  Among the children; I was especially struck with a twelve…year…old
  lad named Serozha。  I was heartily sorry for this bold; intelligent
  lad; who had lived with a cobbler; and who had been left without a
  shelter because his master had been put in jail; and I wanted to do
  good to him。
  I will here relate the upshot of my benevolence in his case; because
  my experience with this child is best adapted to show my false
  position in the role of benefactor。  I took the boy home with me and
  put him in the kitchen。  It was impossible; was it not; to take a
  child who had lived in a den of iniquity in among my own children?
  And I considered myself very kind and good; because he was a care;
  not to me; but to the servants in the kitchen; and because not I but
  the cook fed him; and because I gave him some cast…off clothing to
  wear。  The boy staid a week。  During that week I said a few words to
  him as I passed on two occasions and in the course of my strolls; I
  went to a shoemaker of my acquaintance; and proposed that he should
  take the lad as an apprentice。  A peasant who was visiting me;
  invited him to go to the country; into his family; as a laborer; the
  boy refused; and at the end of the week he disappeared。  I went to
  the Rzhanoff house to inquire after him。  He had returned there; but
  was not at home when I went thither。  For two days already; he had
  been going to the Pryesnensky ponds; where he had hired himself out
  at thirty kopeks a day in some procession of savages in costume; who
  led about elephants。  Something was being presented to the public
  there。  I went a second time; but he was so ungrateful that he
  evidently avoided me。  Had I then reflected on the life of that boy
  and on my own; I should have understood that this boy was spoiled
  because he had discovered the possibility of a merry life without
  labor; and that he had grown unused to work。  And I; with the object
  of benefiting and reclaiming him; had taken him to my house; where he
  sawwhat?  My children;both older and younger than himself; and of
  the same age;who not only never did any work for themselves; but
  who made work for others by every means in their power; who soiled
  and spoiled every thing about them; who ate rich; dainty; and sweet
  viands; broke china; and flung to the dogs food which would have been
  a tidbit to this lad。  If I had rescued him from the abyss; and had
  taken him to that nice place; then he must acquire those views which
  prevailed in the life of that nice place; but by these views; he
  understood that in that fine place he must so live that he should not
  toil; but eat and drink luxuriously; and lead a joyous life。  It is
  true that he did not know that my children bore heavy burdens in the
  acquisition of the declensions of Latin and Greek grammar; and that
  he could not have understood the object of these labors。  But it is
  impossible not to see that if he had understood this; the influence
  of my children's example on him would have been even stronger。  He
  would then have comprehended that my children were being educated in
  this manner; so that; while doing no work now; they might be in a
  position hereafter; also profiting by their diplomas; to work as
  little as possible; and to enjoy the pleasures of life to as great an
  extent as possible。  He did understand this; and he would not go with
  the peasant to tend cattle; and to eat potatoes and kvas with him;
  but he went to the zoological garden in the costume of a savage; to
  lead the elephant at thirty kopeks a day。
  I might have understood how clumsy I was; when I was rearing my
  children in the most utter idleness and luxury; to reform other
  people and their children; who were perishing from idleness in what I
  called the den of the Rzhanoff house; where; nevertheless; three…
  fourths of the people toil for themselves and for others。  But I
  understood nothing of this。
  There were a great many children in the Rzhanoff house; who were in
  the same pitiable plight; there were the children of dissolute women;
  there were orphans; there were children who had been picked up in the
  streets by beggars。  They were all very wretched。  But my experience
  with Serozha showed me that I; living the life I did; was not in a
  position to help them。
  While Serozha was living with us; I noticed in myself an effort to
  hide our life from him; in particular the life of our children。  I
  felt that all my efforts to direct him towards a good; industrious
  life; were counteracted by the examples of our lives and by that of
  our children。  It is very easy to take a child away from a
  disreputable woman; or from a beggar。  It is very easy; when one has
  the money; to wash; clean and dress him in neat clothing; to support
  him; and even to teach him various sciences; but it is not only
  difficult for us; who do not earn our own bread; but quite the
  reverse; to teach him to work for his bread; but it is impossible;
  because we; by our example; and even by those material and valueless
  improvements of his life; inculcate the contrary。  A puppy can be
  taken; tended; fed; and taught to fetch and carry; and one may take
  pleasure in him:  but it is not enough to tend a man; to feed and
  teach him Greek; we must teach the man how to live;that is; to take
  as little as possible from others; and to give as much as possible;
  and we cannot help teaching him to do the contrary; if we take him
  into our houses; or into an institution founded for this purpose。
  CHAPTER X。
  This feeling of compassion for people; and of disgust with myself;
  which I had experienced in the Lyapinsky house; I experienced no
  longer。  I was completely absorbed in the desire to carry out the
  scheme which I had concocted;to do good to those people whom I
  should meet here。  And; strange to say; it would appear; that; to do
  goodto give money to the needyis a very good deed; and one that
  should dispose me to love for the people; but it turned out the
  reverse:  this act produced in me ill…will and an inclination to
  condemn people。  But during our first evening tour; a scene occurred
  exactly like that in the Lyapinsky house; and it called forth a
  wholly different sentiment。
  It began by my finding in one set of apartments an unfortunate
  individual; of precisely the sort who require immediate aid。  I found
  a hungry woman who had had nothing to eat for two days。
  It came about thus:  in one very large and almost empty night…
  lodging; I asked an old woman whether there were many poor people who
  had nothing to eat?  The old woman reflected; and then told me of
  two; and then; as though she had just recollected; 〃Why; here is one
  of them;〃 said she; glancing at one of the occupied bunks。  〃I think
  that woman has had no food。〃
  〃Really?  Who is she?〃
  〃She was a dissolute woman:  no one wants any thing to do with her
  now; so she has no way of getting any thing。  The landlady has had
  compassion on her; but now she means to turn her out 。 。 。 Agafya;
  hey there; Agafya!〃 cried the woman。
  We approached; and something rose up in the bunk。  It was a woman
  haggard and dishevelled; whose hair was half gray; and who was as
  thin as a skeleton; dressed in a ragged and dirty chemise; and with
  particularly brilliant and staring eyes。  She looked past us with her
  staring eyes; clutched at her jacket with one thin hand; in order to
  cover her bony breast which was disclosed by her tattered chemise;
  and oppressed; she cried; 〃What is it? what is it?〃  I asked her
  about her means of livelihood。  For a long time she did not
  understand; and said; 〃I don't know myself; they persecute me。〃  I
  asked her;it puts me to shame; my hand refuses to write it;I
  asked her whether it was true that she had nothing to eat?  She
  answered in the same hurried; feverish tone; staring at me the
  while;〃No; I had nothing yesterday; and I have had nothing to…day。〃
  The sight of this woman touched me; but not at all as had been the
  case in the Lyapinsky house; there; my pity for these people made me
  instantly feel ashamed of myself:  but here; I rejoiced because I had
  at last found what I had been seeking;a hungry person。
  I gave her a ruble; and I recollect being very glad that others saw
  it。  The old woman; on seeing this; immediately begged money of me
  also。  It afforded me such pleasure to give; that; without finding
  out whether it was necessary to give or not; I gave something to the
  old woman too。  The old woman accompanied me to the door; and the
  people standing in the corridor heard her blessing me。  Probably the
  questions which I had put with regard to poverty; had aroused
  expectation; and several persons followed us。  In the corridor also;
  they began to ask me for money。  Among those who begged were some
  drunken men; who aroused an unpleasant feeling in me; but; having
  once given to the old woman; I had no might to refuse these people;
  and I began to give。  As long as I continued to give; people kept
  coming up; and excitement ran through all the lodgings。  People made
  them appearance on