第 10 节
作者:
低诉 更新:2021-02-27 01:23 字数:9321
of benefactor; I turned my attention to the children also; being
desirous to save these innocent beings from perishing in that lair of
vice; and noting them down in order to attend to them AFTERWARDS。
Among the children; I was especially struck with a twelve…year…old
lad named Serozha。 I was heartily sorry for this bold; intelligent
lad; who had lived with a cobbler; and who had been left without a
shelter because his master had been put in jail; and I wanted to do
good to him。
I will here relate the upshot of my benevolence in his case; because
my experience with this child is best adapted to show my false
position in the role of benefactor。 I took the boy home with me and
put him in the kitchen。 It was impossible; was it not; to take a
child who had lived in a den of iniquity in among my own children?
And I considered myself very kind and good; because he was a care;
not to me; but to the servants in the kitchen; and because not I but
the cook fed him; and because I gave him some cast…off clothing to
wear。 The boy staid a week。 During that week I said a few words to
him as I passed on two occasions and in the course of my strolls; I
went to a shoemaker of my acquaintance; and proposed that he should
take the lad as an apprentice。 A peasant who was visiting me;
invited him to go to the country; into his family; as a laborer; the
boy refused; and at the end of the week he disappeared。 I went to
the Rzhanoff house to inquire after him。 He had returned there; but
was not at home when I went thither。 For two days already; he had
been going to the Pryesnensky ponds; where he had hired himself out
at thirty kopeks a day in some procession of savages in costume; who
led about elephants。 Something was being presented to the public
there。 I went a second time; but he was so ungrateful that he
evidently avoided me。 Had I then reflected on the life of that boy
and on my own; I should have understood that this boy was spoiled
because he had discovered the possibility of a merry life without
labor; and that he had grown unused to work。 And I; with the object
of benefiting and reclaiming him; had taken him to my house; where he
sawwhat? My children;both older and younger than himself; and of
the same age;who not only never did any work for themselves; but
who made work for others by every means in their power; who soiled
and spoiled every thing about them; who ate rich; dainty; and sweet
viands; broke china; and flung to the dogs food which would have been
a tidbit to this lad。 If I had rescued him from the abyss; and had
taken him to that nice place; then he must acquire those views which
prevailed in the life of that nice place; but by these views; he
understood that in that fine place he must so live that he should not
toil; but eat and drink luxuriously; and lead a joyous life。 It is
true that he did not know that my children bore heavy burdens in the
acquisition of the declensions of Latin and Greek grammar; and that
he could not have understood the object of these labors。 But it is
impossible not to see that if he had understood this; the influence
of my children's example on him would have been even stronger。 He
would then have comprehended that my children were being educated in
this manner; so that; while doing no work now; they might be in a
position hereafter; also profiting by their diplomas; to work as
little as possible; and to enjoy the pleasures of life to as great an
extent as possible。 He did understand this; and he would not go with
the peasant to tend cattle; and to eat potatoes and kvas with him;
but he went to the zoological garden in the costume of a savage; to
lead the elephant at thirty kopeks a day。
I might have understood how clumsy I was; when I was rearing my
children in the most utter idleness and luxury; to reform other
people and their children; who were perishing from idleness in what I
called the den of the Rzhanoff house; where; nevertheless; three…
fourths of the people toil for themselves and for others。 But I
understood nothing of this。
There were a great many children in the Rzhanoff house; who were in
the same pitiable plight; there were the children of dissolute women;
there were orphans; there were children who had been picked up in the
streets by beggars。 They were all very wretched。 But my experience
with Serozha showed me that I; living the life I did; was not in a
position to help them。
While Serozha was living with us; I noticed in myself an effort to
hide our life from him; in particular the life of our children。 I
felt that all my efforts to direct him towards a good; industrious
life; were counteracted by the examples of our lives and by that of
our children。 It is very easy to take a child away from a
disreputable woman; or from a beggar。 It is very easy; when one has
the money; to wash; clean and dress him in neat clothing; to support
him; and even to teach him various sciences; but it is not only
difficult for us; who do not earn our own bread; but quite the
reverse; to teach him to work for his bread; but it is impossible;
because we; by our example; and even by those material and valueless
improvements of his life; inculcate the contrary。 A puppy can be
taken; tended; fed; and taught to fetch and carry; and one may take
pleasure in him: but it is not enough to tend a man; to feed and
teach him Greek; we must teach the man how to live;that is; to take
as little as possible from others; and to give as much as possible;
and we cannot help teaching him to do the contrary; if we take him
into our houses; or into an institution founded for this purpose。
CHAPTER X。
This feeling of compassion for people; and of disgust with myself;
which I had experienced in the Lyapinsky house; I experienced no
longer。 I was completely absorbed in the desire to carry out the
scheme which I had concocted;to do good to those people whom I
should meet here。 And; strange to say; it would appear; that; to do
goodto give money to the needyis a very good deed; and one that
should dispose me to love for the people; but it turned out the
reverse: this act produced in me ill…will and an inclination to
condemn people。 But during our first evening tour; a scene occurred
exactly like that in the Lyapinsky house; and it called forth a
wholly different sentiment。
It began by my finding in one set of apartments an unfortunate
individual; of precisely the sort who require immediate aid。 I found
a hungry woman who had had nothing to eat for two days。
It came about thus: in one very large and almost empty night…
lodging; I asked an old woman whether there were many poor people who
had nothing to eat? The old woman reflected; and then told me of
two; and then; as though she had just recollected; 〃Why; here is one
of them;〃 said she; glancing at one of the occupied bunks。 〃I think
that woman has had no food。〃
〃Really? Who is she?〃
〃She was a dissolute woman: no one wants any thing to do with her
now; so she has no way of getting any thing。 The landlady has had
compassion on her; but now she means to turn her out 。 。 。 Agafya;
hey there; Agafya!〃 cried the woman。
We approached; and something rose up in the bunk。 It was a woman
haggard and dishevelled; whose hair was half gray; and who was as
thin as a skeleton; dressed in a ragged and dirty chemise; and with
particularly brilliant and staring eyes。 She looked past us with her
staring eyes; clutched at her jacket with one thin hand; in order to
cover her bony breast which was disclosed by her tattered chemise;
and oppressed; she cried; 〃What is it? what is it?〃 I asked her
about her means of livelihood。 For a long time she did not
understand; and said; 〃I don't know myself; they persecute me。〃 I
asked her;it puts me to shame; my hand refuses to write it;I
asked her whether it was true that she had nothing to eat? She
answered in the same hurried; feverish tone; staring at me the
while;〃No; I had nothing yesterday; and I have had nothing to…day。〃
The sight of this woman touched me; but not at all as had been the
case in the Lyapinsky house; there; my pity for these people made me
instantly feel ashamed of myself: but here; I rejoiced because I had
at last found what I had been seeking;a hungry person。
I gave her a ruble; and I recollect being very glad that others saw
it。 The old woman; on seeing this; immediately begged money of me
also。 It afforded me such pleasure to give; that; without finding
out whether it was necessary to give or not; I gave something to the
old woman too。 The old woman accompanied me to the door; and the
people standing in the corridor heard her blessing me。 Probably the
questions which I had put with regard to poverty; had aroused
expectation; and several persons followed us。 In the corridor also;
they began to ask me for money。 Among those who begged were some
drunken men; who aroused an unpleasant feeling in me; but; having
once given to the old woman; I had no might to refuse these people;
and I began to give。 As long as I continued to give; people kept
coming up; and excitement ran through all the lodgings。 People made
them appearance on