第 40 节
作者:猫王      更新:2021-02-27 00:40      字数:9289
  rather than narrating such facts as I know of a curious personality; I should
  have invented much to account for this change of heart。                  I think I should
  have shown a strong vocation in boyhood; crushed by the will of his father
  or   sacrificed to the necessity  of   earning   a living;   I should   have   pictured
  him   impatient   of   the   restraints   of   life;   and   in   the   struggle   between   his
  passion for art and the duties of his station I could have aroused sympathy
  for him。     I should so have made him a more imposing figure。                   Perhaps it
  would have been possible to see in him a new Prometheus。                        There was
  here; maybe; the opportunity for a modern version of the hero who for the
  good   of   mankind   exposes   himself   to   the   agonies   of   the   damned。   It   is
  always a moving subject。
  On the other hand; I might have found his motives in the influence of
  the   married   relation。     There   are   a   dozen   ways   in   which   this   might   be
  managed。       A   latent   gift  might    reveal    itself  on  acquaintance      with   the
  painters     and    writers    whose     society    his   wife    sought;     or   domestic
  incompatability might turn him upon himself; a love affair might fan into
  bright   flame   a   fire   which   I   could   have   shown   smouldering   dimly   in   his
  heart。 I think then I should have drawn Mrs。 Strickland quite differently。
  I   should   have   abandoned   the   facts   and   made   her   a   nagging;   tiresome
  woman; or else a bigoted one with no sympathy for the claims of the spirit。
  I   should   have   made     Strickland's   marriage   a     long   torment   from   which
  escape was the only possible issue。            I think I should have emphasised his
  patience  with   the  unsuitable   mate;  and the   compassion   which   made   him
  unwilling to throw off the yoke that oppressed him。 I should certainly have
  eliminated the children。
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  An   effective   story   might   also   have   been   made   by   bringing   him   into
  contact with some old painter whom the pressure of want or the desire for
  commercial success had made false to the genius of his youth; and who;
  seeing in Strickland the possibilities which himself had wasted; influenced
  him   to   forsake   all   and   follow   the   divine   tyranny   of   art。 I   think   there
  would have been something ironic in the picture of the successful old man;
  rich and honoured; living in another the life which he; though knowing it
  was the better part; had not had the strength to pursue。
  The facts are much duller。          Strickland; a boy fresh from school; went
  into a broker's office without any feeling of distaste。 Until he married he
  led   the   ordinary   life   of   his   fellows;   gambling   mildly   on   the   Exchange;
  interested to the extent of a sovereign or two on the result of the Derby or
  the   Oxford   and   Cambridge   Race。        I   think   he   boxed   a   little   in   his   spare
  time。    On   his   chimney…piece   he   had   photographs   of   Mrs。   Langtry   and
  Mary Anderson。          He   read      and   the   。     He
  went to dances in Hampstead。
  It   matters   less   that   for   so   long   I   should   have   lost   sight   of   him。   The
  years during which he was struggling to acquire proficiency in a difficult
  art   were    monotonous;        and   I  do   not   know     that   there   was    anything
  significant in the shifts to which he was put to earn enough money to keep
  him。     An account of them would be an account of the things he had seen
  happen   to other people。         I   do not think   they  had   any  effect   on his   own
  character。      He     must    have    acquired     experiences      which     would     form
  abundant material for a picaresque novel of modern Paris; but he remained
  aloof; and judging from his conversation there was nothing in those years
  that had made a particular impression on him。                 Perhaps when he went to
  Paris he was too old to fall a victim to the glamour of his   environment。
  Strange as it may seem; he always appeared to me not only practical; but
  immensely       matter…of…fact。      I   suppose     his  life  during    this  period    was
  romantic; but he certainly saw no romance in it。                 It may be that in order
  to realise the romance of life you must have something of the actor in you;
  and; capable of standing outside yourself; you must be able to watch your
  actions with an interest at once detached and absorbed。                   But no one was
  more single…minded than   Strickland。 I   never knew anyone   who   was less
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  self…conscious。        But it is unfortunate that I can give no description of the
  arduous steps by which he reached such   mastery over his art as he   ever
  acquired; for if I could show him undaunted by failure; by an unceasing
  effort of courage holding despair at bay; doggedly persistent in the face of
  self…doubt;      which     is  the  artist's  bitterest   enemy;     I  might     excite   some
  sympathy   for   a   personality   which;   I   am   all   too   conscious;   must   appear
  singularly devoid   of charm。           But   I have  nothing to   go on。  I never  once
  saw Strickland at work; nor do I know that anyone else did。                       He kept the
  secret   of   his   struggles   to   himself。   If   in   the   loneliness   of   his   studio   he
  wrestled desperately with the Angel of the Lord he never allowed a soul to
  divine his anguish。
  When I come to his connection with Blanche Stroeve I am exasperated
  by   the   fragmentariness   of   the   facts   at   my   disposal。   To   give   my   story
  coherence I should describe the progress of their tragic union; but I know
  nothing of the three months during which they lived together。                         I do   not
  know   how   they   got   on   or   what   they   talked   about。       After   all;   there   are
  twenty…four   hours   in   the   day;   and   the   summits   of   emotion   can   only   be
  reached at rare intervals。         I can only imagine how they passed the rest of
  the    time。    While      the   light  lasted    and   so   long    as  Blanche's     strength
  endured; I suppose that Strickland painted; and it must have irritated her
  when she saw him absorbed in his work。                   As a mistress she did not then
  exist   for   him;   but   only   as   a   model;   and   then   there   were   long   hours   in
  which   they   lived   side   by   side   in   silence。    It   must   have   frightened   her。
  When Strickland suggested that in her surrender to him there was a sense
  of   triumph   over   Dirk   Stroeve;   because   he   had   come   to   her   help   in   her
  extremity; he opened the door to many a dark conjecture。                       I hope it was
  not    true。   It  seems    to   me   rather    horrible。     But    who     can   fathom     the
  subtleties of the human heart? Certainly not those who expect from it only
  decorous       sentiments      and   normal     emotions。      When      Blanche     saw    that;
  notwithstanding   his   moments   of   passion;   Strickland   remained   aloof;   she
  must have been filled with dismay; and even in those moments I surmise
  that she realised that to him she was not an individual; but an instrument
  of   pleasure;   he   was   a   stranger   still;   and   she   tried   to   bind   him  to   herself
  with pathetic arts。       She strove to ensnare him with comfort and would not
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  see  that   comfort   meant   nothing to him。  She  was   at pains   to   get   him  the
  things   to   eat   that   he   liked;   and   would   not   see  that   he   was   indifferent   to
  food。      She    was    afraid    to  leave    him    alone。    She     pursued     him    with
  attentions; and when his passion was dormant sought to excite it; for then
  at least she had the illusion of holding him。                Perhaps she knew with her
  intelligence      that   the   chains    she    forged    only    aroused     his   instinct   of
  destruction; as the plate…glass window makes your fingers itch for half a
  brick; but her heart; incapable of reason; made her continue on a course
  she    knew     was    fatal。   She     must    have    been    very    unhappy。      But     the
  blindness of love led her to believe what she wanted