第 38 节
作者:猫王      更新:2021-02-27 00:40      字数:9313
  149
  … Page 150…
  The Moon and Sixpence
  in the world for me except the one thing I wanted: to leave me alone。〃
  I was silent for a while。
  〃What did you expect her to do when you left her?〃
  〃She   could   have   gone   back   to   Stroeve;〃   he   said   irritably。   〃He   was
  ready to take her。〃
  〃You're   inhuman;〃   I   answered。       〃It's   as   useless   to   talk   to   you   about
  these things as to describe colours to a man who was born blind。〃
  He stopped in front of my chair; and stood looking down at me with an
  expression in which I read a contemptuous amazement。
  〃Do you really care a twopenny damn if Blanche Stroeve is alive or
  dead?〃
  I thought over his question; for I wanted to answer it truthfully; at all
  events to my soul。
  〃It may be a lack of sympathy in myself if it does not make any great
  difference to me that she is dead。           Life had a great deal to offer her。           I
  think it's terrible that she should have been deprived of it in that cruel way;
  and I am ashamed because I do not really care。〃
  〃You   have   not   the   courage   of   your   convictions。    Life   has   no   value。
  Blanche Stroeve didn't commit suicide because I left her; but because she
  was   a   foolish   and   unbalanced   woman。   But   we've   talked   about   her   quite
  enough;   she   was   an   entirely   unimportant   person。       Come;   and   I'll   show
  you my pictures。〃
  He spoke as though I were a child that needed to be distracted。                 I was
  sore; but not with him so much as with myself。 I thought of the happy life
  that pair had led in the cosy studio in Montmartre; Stroeve and his wife;
  their   simplicity;   kindness;   and   hospitality;   it   seemed   to   me   cruel   that   it
  should have been broken to pieces by a ruthless chance; but the cruellest
  thing of all was that in fact it made no great difference。              The world went
  on; and no one was a penny the worse for all that wretchedness。                   I had an
  idea that Dirk; a man of greater emotional reactions than depth of feeling;
  would soon forget; and Blanche's life; begun with who knows what bright
  hopes and what dreams; might just as well have never been lived。                      It all
  seemed useless and inane。
  Strickland had found his hat; and stood looking at me。
  150
  … Page 151…
  The Moon and Sixpence
  〃Are you coming?〃
  〃Why do you seek my acquaintance?〃 I asked him。                   〃You know that I
  hate and despise you。〃
  He chuckled good…humouredly。
  〃Your only quarrel with me really is that I don't care a twopenny damn
  what you think about me。〃
  I   felt   my  cheeks   grow  red   with   sudden   anger。   It   was   impossible   to
  make him understand that one might be outraged by his callous selfishness。
  I longed to pierce his armour of complete indifference。                 I knew also that
  in the end there was truth in what he said。              Unconsciously; perhaps; we
  treasure the power we have over people by their regard for our opinion of
  them;    and   we    hate  those   upon    whom   we     have   no   such   influence。    I
  suppose it is the bitterest wound to human pride。              But I would not let him
  see that I was put out。
  〃Is it possible for any man to disregard others entirely?〃 I said; though
  more to myself than to him。           〃You're dependent on others for everything
  in existence。      It's   a preposterous   attempt to   try to live only  for   yourself
  and by  yourself。 Sooner or later you'll be ill and tired and old; and then
  you'll crawl back into the herd。          Won't you be ashamed when you feel in
  your     heart   the  desire    for  comfort     and   sympathy?      You're    trying    an
  impossible thing。       Sooner or later the human being in you will yearn for
  the common bonds of humanity。〃
  〃Come and look at my pictures。〃
  〃Have you ever thought of death?〃
  〃Why should I? It doesn't matter。〃
  I   stared   at   him。 He   stood   before   me;   motionless;   with   a   mocking
  smile in his eyes; but for all that; for a moment I had an inkling of a fiery;
  tortured   spirit;   aiming   at   something   greater   than   could   be   conceived   by
  anything that was bound up with the flesh。              I had a fleeting glimpse of a
  pursuit   of   the   ineffable。  I   looked   at   the   man   before   me   in   his   shabby
  clothes; with his great nose and shining eyes; his red beard and untidy hair;
  and I had a strange        sensation that it was only an envelope; and I was in
  the presence of a disembodied spirit。
  〃Let us go and look at your pictures;〃 I said。
  151
  … Page 152…
  The Moon and Sixpence
  152
  … Page 153…
  The Moon and Sixpence
  Chapter XLII
  I did not know why Strickland had suddenly offered to show them to
  me。     I welcomed the opportunity。           A man's work reveals him。 In social
  intercourse   he gives   you   the   surface   that   he   wishes   the   world   to   accept;
  and you can only gain a true knowledge of him by inferences from little
  actions; of which he is unconscious; and from fleeting expressions; which
  cross    his   face   unknown      to   him。    Sometimes        people    carry   to  such
  perfection   the   mask   they   have   assumed   that   in   due   course   they   actually
  become the person they seem。            But in his book or his picture the real man
  delivers    himself    defenceless。     His  pretentiousness      will  only   expose    his
  vacuity。     The lathe painted to look like iron is seen to be but a lathe。 No
  affectation of peculiarity can conceal a commonplace mind。 To the acute
  observer no one can produce the most casual work without disclosing the
  innermost secrets of his soul。
  As   I   walked   up   the   endless   stairs   of   the   house   in   which   Strickland
  lived; I confess that I was a little excited。 It seemed to me that I was on the
  threshold     of   a  surprising    adventure。     I   looked    about    the  room    with
  curiosity。    It   was   even   smaller   and   more   bare   than   I   remembered   it。  I
  wondered       what   those   friends   of  mine    would    say   who    demanded      vast
  studios; and vowed they could not work unless all the conditions were to
  their liking。
  〃You'd   better   stand   there;〃   he   said;   pointing   to   a   spot   from   which;
  presumably; he fancied I could see to best advantage what he had to show
  me。
  〃You don't want me to talk; I suppose;〃 I said。
  〃No; blast you; I want you to hold your tongue。〃
  He placed a picture on the easel; and let me look at it for a minute or
  two; then took it down and put another in its place。 I think he showed me
  about thirty canvases。        It was the result of the six years during which he
  had been painting。        He had never sold a picture。           The canvases were of
  different sizes。 The smaller were pictures of still…life and the largest were
  landscapes。      There were about half a dozen portraits。
  〃That is the lot;〃 he said at last。
  153
  … Page 154…
  The Moon and Sixpence
  I wish I could say that I recognised at once their beauty and their great
  originality。     Now   that   I   have   seen   many  of   them  again   and   the   rest   are
  familiar to me   in reproductions; I   am astonished   that at first   sight I   was
  bitterly   disappointed。   I   felt   nothing   of   the   peculiar   thrill   which   it   is   the
  property of art to give。        The impression that Strickland's pictures gave me
  was   disconcerting;   and   the   fact   remains;   always   to   reproach   me;   that   I
  never even thought of buying any。 I missed a wonderful chance。                         Most of
  them have found their   way into museums; and   the rest are the   treasured
  possessions   of   wealthy   amateurs。          I   try   to   find   excuses   for   myself。   I
  think that my taste is good; but I am conscious that it has no originality。 I
  know very little about painting; and I wander along trails that others have
  blazed     for   me。    At     that  time    I  had    the  greatest    admiration      for   the
  impressionists。         I   longed     to  possess     a   Sisley    and    a  Degas;     and    I
  worshipped Manet。 His