第 34 节
作者:猫王      更新:2021-02-27 00:40      字数:9307
  a spare old man; his hands gnarled after the work of a lifetime; silent and
  upright;    in  the   evening    he   read   the  paper   aloud;    while   his  wife   and
  daughter (now married to the captain of a fishing smack); unwilling to lose
  a moment; bent over their sewing。              Nothing ever happened in that little
  town; left behind by the advance of civilisation; and one year followed the
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  next till death came; like a friend; to give rest to those who had laboured
  so diligently。
  〃My   father   wished   me   to   become   a   carpenter   like   himself。   For   five
  generations we've carried on the same trade; from father to son。                      Perhaps
  that is the wisdom of life; to tread in your father's steps; and look neither
  to the right nor to the left。 When I was a little boy I said I would marry the
  daughter of the harness…maker who lived next door。                    She was a little girl
  with blue eyes and a flaxen pigtail。            She would have kept my house like a
  new pin; and I should have had a son to carry on the business after me。〃
  Stroeve   sighed   a   little   and   was   silent。    His   thoughts   dwelt   among
  pictures of what might have been; and the safety of the life he had refused
  filled him with longing。
  〃The world is hard and cruel。             We are here none knows why; and we
  go   none   knows   whither。        We   must   be   very   humble。       We   must   see   the
  beauty   of   quietness。      We   must   go   through   life   so   inconspicuously   that
  Fate   does   not   notice   us。    And   let   us   seek   the   love   of   simple;   ignorant
  people。      Their   ignorance   is   better   than   all   our   knowledge。       Let   us   be
  silent; content in our little corner; meek and gentle like them。                  That is the
  wisdom of life。〃
  To   me   it   was   his   broken   spirit   that   expressed   itself;   and   I   rebelled
  against his renunciation。         But I kept my own counsel。
  〃What made you think of being a painter?〃 I asked。
  He shrugged his shoulders。
  〃It   happened   that   I   had   a   knack   for   drawing。    I   got   prizes   for   it   at
  school。     My poor mother was very proud of my gift; and she gave me a
  box of water…colours as a present。             She showed my sketches to the pastor
  and the doctor and the judge。 And they sent me to Amsterdam to try for a
  scholarship;   and   I   won   it。    Poor   soul;   she   was   so   proud;   and   though   it
  nearly broke her heart to part from me; she smiled; and would not show
  me   her   grief。    She   was   pleased   that   her   son   should   be   an   artist。   They
  pinched and saved so that I should have enough to live on; and when my
  first picture   was   exhibited   they  came   to Amsterdam  to   see   it;   my  father
  and   mother   and   my  sister;   and   my   mother   cried   when   she looked   at   it。〃
  His kind eyes glistened。 〃And now on every wall of the old house there is
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  one of my pictures in a beautiful gold frame。〃
  He glowed with happy pride。          I thought of those cold scenes of his;
  with their picturesque peasants and cypresses and olive…trees。 They must
  look queer in their garish frames on the walls of the peasant house。
  〃The dear soul thought she was doing a wonderful thing for me when
  she made me an artist; but perhaps; after all; it would have been better for
  me    if  my  father's  will  had   prevailed   and  I  were   now   but  an  honest
  carpenter。〃
  〃Now that you know what art can offer; would you change your life?
  Would you have missed all the delight it has given you?〃
  〃Art is the greatest thing in the world;〃 he answered; after a pause。
  He looked at me for a minute reflectively; he seemed to hesitate; then
  he said:
  〃Did you know that I had been to see Strickland?〃
  〃You?〃
  I was astonished。      I should have thought he could not bear to set eyes
  on him。     Stroeve smiled faintly。
  〃You know already that I have no proper pride。〃
  〃What do you mean by that?〃
  He told me a singular story。
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  Chapter XXXIX
  When I left him; after we had buried poor Blanche; Stroeve walked
  into the house with a heavy heart。           Something impelled him to go to the
  studio;    some    obscure     desire   for  self…torture;   and   yet   he  dreaded     the
  anguish     that  he   foresaw。    He     dragged    himself    up   the  stairs;  his  feet
  seemed unwilling to carry him; and outside the door he lingered for a long
  time; trying to summon up courage to go in。                He felt horribly sick。       He
  had an impulse to run down the stairs after me and beg me to go in with
  him;    he   had   a  feeling    that  there   was   somebody       in  the  studio。    He
  remembered how often he had waited for a minute or two on the landing
  to get his breath after the ascent; and how absurdly his impatience to see
  Blanche had taken it away again。 To see her was a delight that never staled;
  and   even   though   he   had   not   been   out   an   hour   he   was   as   excited   at   the
  prospect as if they had been parted for a month。               Suddenly he could not
  believe that she was dead。         What had happened could only be a dream; a
  frightful   dream;   and   when   he   turned   the   key   and   opened   the   door;   he
  would see her bending slightly over the table in the gracious attitude of the
  woman       in  Chardin's    ;     which    always    seemed     to  him   so
  exquisite。 Hurriedly he took the key out of his pocket; opened; and walked
  in。
  The apartment had no look of desertion。              His wife's tidiness was one
  of   the   traits   which   had   so   much   pleased   him;   his   own   upbringing   had
  given him a tender sympathy for the delight in orderliness; and when he
  had seen her instinctive desire to put each thing in its appointed place it
  had given him a little warm feeling in his heart。             The bedroom looked as
  though she had just left it:        the brushes were neatly placed on the toilet…
  table; one on each side of the comb; someone had smoothed down the bed
  on which she had spent her last night in the studio; and her nightdress in a
  little case lay on the pillow。 It was impossible to believe that she would
  never come into that room again。
  But he felt thirsty; and went into the kitchen to get himself some water。
  Here;   too;   was   order。   On   a   rack   were   the   plates   that   she   had   used   for
  dinner   on   the   night   of   her   quarrel   with   Strickland;   and   they   had   been
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  carefully   washed。       The   knives   and   forks   were   put   away   in   a   drawer。
  Under a cover were the remains of a piece of cheese; and in a tin box was
  a crust of   bread。     She had done her marketing   from  day to   day;  buying
  only what was strictly needful; so that nothing was left over from one day
  to   the   next。  Stroeve   knew   from   the   enquiries   made   by   the   police   that
  Strickland had walked out of the house immediately after dinner; and the
  fact that Blanche had washed up the things as usual gave him a little thrill
  of horror。 Her methodicalness made her suicide more deliberate。 Her self…
  possession was frightening。          A sudden pang seized him; and his knees felt
  so weak that he almost fell。           He went back into the bedroom and threw
  himself on the bed。        He cried out her name。
  〃Blanche。      Blanche。〃
  The thought of her suffering was intolerable。             He had a sudden vision
  of   her  standing   in the  kitchen     it   was   hardly  larger  than   a  cupboard
  washing the plates and glasses; the forks and spoons; giving the knives a
  rapid polish on the knife…board; and then putting everything away; giving
  the sink a scrub; and hanging the dish…cloth up to dry  it was there still; a
  gray torn rag; then looking round to see that everything was clean and nice。
  He saw her roll down her sleeves and remove her apron  the apron hung
  on a peg behind the door  and take the bottle of oxalic acid and go with it
  into the bedroom。
  The agony of it drove him up from the bed and out of the room。 He
  went into the s