第 13 节
作者:猫王      更新:2021-02-27 00:39      字数:9292
  coarse。     His   mouth   was   large;   his   lips   were   heavy   and   sensual。   No;   I
  could not have placed him。
  〃You won't go back to your wife?〃 I said at last。
  〃Never。〃
  〃She's   willing   to   forget   everything   that's   happened   and   start   afresh。
  She'll never make you a single reproach。〃
  〃She can go to hell。〃
  〃You don't care if people think you an utter blackguard? You don't care
  if she and your children have to beg their bread?〃
  〃Not a damn。〃
  I   was   silent   for   a   moment   in   order   to   give   greater   force   to   my   next
  remark。      I spoke as deliberately as I could。
  〃You are a most unmitigated cad。〃
  〃Now that you've got that off your chest; let's go and have dinner。〃
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  Chapter XIII
  I dare say it would have been more seemly to decline this proposal。 I
  think perhaps I should have made a show of the indignation I really felt;
  and I am sure that Colonel MacAndrew at least would have thought well
  of me if I had been able to report my stout refusal to sit at the same table
  with a man of such character。            But the fear of not being able to carry it
  through     effectively    has   always    made     me   shy   of   assuming     the   moral
  attitude; and in this case the certainty that my sentiments would be lost on
  Strickland made it peculiarly embarrassing to utter them。                   Only the poet
  or   the  saint   can   water   an   asphalt   pavement   in   the   confident   anticipation
  that lilies will reward his labour。
  I   paid   for   what   we   had   drunk;   and   we   made   our   way   to   a   cheap
  restaurant;   crowded   and   gay;   where   we   dined   with   pleasure。   I   had   the
  appetite   of   youth   and   he   of   a   hardened   conscience。   Then   we   went   to   a
  tavern to have coffee and liqueurs。
  I had said all I had to say on the subject that had brought me to Paris;
  and   though   I   felt   it   in   a   manner   treacherous   to   Mrs。   Strickland   not   to
  pursue   it;   I   could   not   struggle   against   his   indifference。 It   requires   the
  feminine temperament to repeat the same thing three times with unabated
  zest。    I solaced myself by thinking that it would be useful for me to find
  out what I could about Strickland's state of mind。                 It also interested me
  much more。        But this was not an easy thing to do; for Strickland was not
  a fluent talker。      He seemed to express himself with difficulty; as though
  words were not the medium with which his mind worked; and you had to
  guess the intentions of his soul by hackneyed phrases; slang; and vague;
  unfinished   gestures。       But   though   he   said   nothing   of   any   consequence;
  there was something   in  his   personality which   prevented him  from  being
  dull。    Perhaps it was sincerity。 He did not seem to care much about the
  Paris he was now seeing for the first time (I did not count the visit with his
  wife);    and   he   accepted    sights   which     must   have    been   strange    to  him
  without any sense of astonishment。             I have been to Paris a hundred times;
  and it never   fails to give me   a thrill of excitement;   I can never walk   its
  streets    without    feeling   myself    on   the  verge    of  adventure。     Strickland
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  remained       placid。   Looking     back;    I  think   now     that  he   was    blind   to
  everything but to some disturbing vision in his soul。
  One     rather  absurd    incident    took   place。    There     were   a  number     of
  harlots in the tavern:       some were sitting with men; others by themselves;
  and presently I noticed  that one of   these was looking   at us。               When   she
  caught Strickland's eye she smiled。 I do not think he saw her。                   In a little
  while she went out; but in a minute returned and; passing our table; very
  politely   asked   us   to   buy   her   something   to   drink。   She   sat   down   and   I
  began to chat with her; but; it was plain that her interest was in Strickland。
  I explained that he knew no more than two words of French。                     She tried to
  talk   to   him;   partly   by   signs;   partly   in   pidgin   French;   which;   for   some
  reason; she thought   would be more  comprehensible to him;  and she  had
  half a dozen phrases of English。            She made me translate what she could
  only express in her own tongue; and eagerly asked for the meaning of his
  replies。      He     was    quite    good…tempered;        a   little  amused;      but   his
  indifference was obvious。
  〃I think you've made a conquest;〃 I laughed。
  〃I'm not flattered。〃
  In his place I should have been more embarrassed and less calm。 She
  had    laughing     eyes   and   a  most    charming      mouth。    She   was    young。     I
  wondered what she found so attractive in Strickland。                 She made no secret
  of her desires; and I was bidden to translate。
  〃She wants you to go home with her。〃
  〃I'm not taking any;〃 he replied。
  I   put   his   answer   as   pleasantly   as   I   could。 It   seemed   to   me   a   little
  ungracious to decline an invitation of that sort; and I ascribed his refusal to
  lack of money。
  〃But I like him;〃 she said。        〃Tell him it's for love。〃
  When I translated this; Strickland shrugged his shoulders impatiently。
  〃Tell her to go to hell;〃 he said。
  His manner made his answer quite plain; and the girl threw back her
  head with a sudden gesture。           Perhaps she reddened under her paint。             She
  rose to her feet。
  she said。
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  She walked out of the inn。       I was slightly vexed。
  〃There wasn't any need to insult her that I can see;〃 I said。 〃After all; it
  was rather a compliment she was paying you。〃
  〃That sort of thing makes me sick;〃 he said roughly。
  I looked at him curiously。       There was a real distaste in his face; and
  yet it was the face of a coarse and sensual man。 I suppose the girl had been
  attracted by a certain brutality in it。
  I could   have got   all the   women   I wanted   in London。     I   didn't   come
  here for that。〃
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  Chapter XIV
  During the journey back to England I thought much of Strickland。                      I
  tried to set in order what I had to tell his wife。 It was unsatisfactory; and I
  could not imagine that she would be content with me; I was not content
  with     myself。    Strickland     perplexed     me。     I  could    not   understand      his
  motives。 When I had asked him what first gave him  the idea of being   a
  painter; he was unable or unwilling to tell me。              I could make nothing of it。
  I   tried   to   persuade   myself   than   an   obscure   feeling   of   revolt   had   been
  gradually coming to a head in his slow mind; but to challenge this was the
  undoubted       fact   that   he   had    never    shown     any    impatience     with    the
  monotony        of  his   life。  If;  seized   by   an   intolerable    boredom;      he  had
  determined   to   be   a   painter   merely   to   break   with   irksome   ties;   it   would
  have     been    comprehensible;        and   commonplace;         but   commonplace         is
  precisely   what   I   felt   he   was   not。   At   last;   because   I   was   romantic;   I
  devised an explanation which I acknowledged to be far…fetched; but which
  was   the   only   one   that   in   any   way   satisfied   me。  It   was   this:  I   asked
  myself   whether   there   was   not   in   his   soul   some   deep…rooted   instinct   of
  creation; which the circumstances of his life had obscured; but which grew
  relentlessly; as a cancer may grow in the living tissues; till at last it took
  possession of his whole being and forced him irresistibly to action。                     The
  cuckoo lays its egg in the strange bird's nest; and when the young one is
  hatched it shoulders its foster…brothers out and breaks at last the nest that
  has sheltered it。
  But how strange it was that the creative instinct should seize upon this
  dull stockbroker; to his own ruin; perhaps; and to the misfortune of such