第 38 节
作者:吻火      更新:2021-02-27 00:38      字数:9322
  Therefore;      you   shall   put   on  in   heaven    an   armour    of   gold;   and   the
  Archangel Michael shall give you the title of kiliarchs of his hosts。〃
  Perceiving the old man Philemon; he embraced him; and said
  〃Behold; the   kindest   and   best of   all   my  children。  His   soul   exhales   a
  perfume as sweet as the flower of the beans he sows every year。〃
  To Abbot Zozimus he addressed these words
  〃Thou hast never mistrusted divine goodness; and therefore the peace
  of   the   Lord   is   in   thee。   The   lily   of   thy   virtues   has   flowered   upon   the
  dunghill of thy corruption。〃
  To all he spoke words of unerring wisdom。
  To the old hermits he said
  〃The apostle saw; round the throne of God; eighty old men seated; clad
  in white robes; and wearing crowns on their heads。〃
  To the young men
  〃Be joyful; leave sadness to the happy ones of this world。〃
  Thus     he  passed    along   the   front   of  his  filial  army;   exhorting    and
  comforting。 Paphnutius; seeing him approach; fell on his knees; his heart
  torn by fear and hope。
  〃My father! my father!〃 he cried in his agony。 〃My father! come to my
  help; for I perish。 I have given to God the soul of Thais; I have lived upon
  the    top  of  a   column;    and   in  the   chamber     of  a   tomb。   My    forehead;
  unceasingly in the dust; has become horny as a camel's knee。 And yet God
  has gone from  me。 Bless me;   my father; and I shall be saved; shake the
  hyssop; and I shall be washed; and I shall shine as the snow。〃
  Anthony did not reply。 He turned to the monks of Antinoe those eyes
  whose looks no man could sustain。 He gazed for a long time at Paul; called
  the   Fool;   then   he   made   a   sign   to   him   to  approach。   And;   as   all  were
  astonished that the saint should address himself to a man who was not in
  his senses; Anthony said
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  〃God has granted to him more grace than to any of you。 Lift thy eyes;
  my son Paul; and tell me what thou seest in heaven。〃
  Paul   the   Fool   raised   his   eyes;   his   face   shone;   and   his   tongue   was
  unloosed。
  〃I see in heaven;〃 he said; 〃a bed adorned with hangings of purple and
  gold。    Around     it  three  virgins   keep   constant   watch    that  no   soul   may
  approach it; except the chosen one for whom the bed is prepared。〃
  Believing that this bed was the symbol of his glorification; Paphnutius
  had already begun to return thanks to God。 But Anthony made a sign to
  him to be silent; and to listen to the Fool; who murmured in his ecstasy
  〃The three virgins speak to me; they say unto me: 'A saint is about to
  quit the earth; Thais of Alexandria is dying。 And we have prepared the bed
  of her glory; for we are her virtuesFaith; Fear; and Love。' 〃
  Anthony asked
  〃Sweet child; what else seest thou?〃
  Paul gazed vacantly from the zenith to the nadir; and from west to east;
  when suddenly his eyes fell on the Abbot of Antinoe。 His face grew pale
  with a holy terror; and his eyeballs reflected invisible flames。
  〃I see;〃 he murmured。 〃three demons; who; full of joy; prepare to seize
  that man。 One of them is like unto a tower; one to a woman; and one to a
  mage。 All three bear their name; marked with redhot iron; the first on the
  forehead; the second on the belly; the third on the breast; and those names
  arePride; Lust; and Doubt。 I have finished。〃
  Having     spoken     thus;  Paul;   with   haggard     eyes   and   hanging     jaw;
  returned to his old simple ways。
  And; as the monks of Antinoe looked anxiously at Anthony; the saint
  pronounced these words
  〃God has made known His just judgment。 Let us bow to Him and hold
  our peace。〃
  He passed。 He bestowed blessings as he went。 The sun; now descended
  to the horizon; enveloped him in its glory; and his shadow; immeasurably
  elongated   by   a   miracle   from   heaven;   unrolled   itself   behind   him   like   an
  endless carpet; as a sign of the long remembrance this great saint would
  leave amongst men。
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  Upright;  but   thunderstruck;  Paphnutius   saw   and   heard   nothing   more。
  One word alone rang in his ears; 〃Thais is dying!〃 The thought had never
  occurred to him。 Twenty years had he contemplated a mummy's head; and
  yet   the   idea   that   death   would   close   the   eyes   of   Thais   astonished   him
  hopelessly。
  〃Thais   is   dying!〃 An   incomprehensible   saying!   〃Thais   is   dying!〃   In
  those three words what a new and terrible sense! 〃Thais is dying!〃 Then
  why the sun; the flowers; the brooks; and all creation? 〃Thais is dying!〃
  What good was all the universe? Suddenly he sprang forward。 〃To see her
  again; to see her once more!〃 He began to run。 He knew not where he was;
  or whither he went; but instinct conducted him with unerring certainty; he
  went straight to the Nile。 A swarm of sails covered the upper waters of the
  river。 He sprang on board a barque manned by Nubians; and lying in the
  forepart of the boat; his eyes devouring space; he cried; in grief and rage
  〃Fool; fool; that I was; not to have possessed Thais whilst there was
  yet time! Fool to have believed that there was anything else in the world
  but her! Oh; madness! I dreamed of God; of the salvation of my soul; of
  life eternalas if all that counted for anything when I had seen Thais! Why
  did I not feel that blessed eternity was in a single kiss of that woman; and
  that without her life was senseless; and no more than an evil dream? Oh;
  stupid fool! thou hast seen her; and thou hast desired the good things of the
  other world! Oh;  coward! thou hast seen her;  and thou   hast feared   God!
  God! heaven! what are they? And what have they to offer thee which are
  worth     the  least   tittle  of  that  which   she   would    have    given   thee?   Oh;
  miserable; senseless fool; who sought divine goodness elsewhere than on
  the   lips   of   Thais!   What   hand   was   upon   thy   eyes?   Cursed   be   he   who
  blinded thee then! Thou couldst have bought; at the price of thy damnation;
  one moment of her love; and thou hast not done it! She opened to thee her
  armsflesh      mingled     with   the  perfume     of  flowersand     thou   wast    not
  engulfed   in   the   unspeakable   enchantments   of   her   unveiled   breast。   Thou
  hast listened to the jealous voice which said to thee; 'Refrain!' Dupe; dupe;
  miserable dupe!   Oh;   regrets!   Oh;   remorse!   Oh;   despair!   Not to have   the
  joy to carry to hell the memory of that never…to…be…forgotten hour; and to
  cry to God; 'Burn my flesh; dry up all the blood in my veins; break all my
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  bones; thou canst not take from me the remembrance which sweetens and
  refreshes me for ever and ever!' 。 。 。 Thais is dying! Preposterous God; if
  thou knewest how I laugh at Thy hell! Thais is dying; and she will never
  be minenever! never!〃
  And   as   the   boat   came   down   the   river   with   the   current;   he   remained
  whole days lying on his face; and repeating
  〃Never! never! never!〃
  Then; at the idea that she had given herself to others; and not to him;
  that she had poured forth an ocean of love; and he had not wetted his lips
  therein;   he   stood   up;   savagely   wild;   and   howled   with   grief。   He   tore   his
  breast with his nails; and bit the flesh of his arms。 He thought
  〃If I could but kill all those she has loved!〃
  The idea of these murders filled him with delicious fury。 He dreamed
  of killing Nicias slowly and leisurely; looking him full in the eyes whilst
  he    murdered     him。   Then    suddenly   his    fury   melted    away。    He   wept;    he
  sobbed。 He became feeble and meek。 An unknown tenderness softened his
  soul。 He longed to throw his arms round the neck of the companion of his
  childhood and say to him; 〃Nicias; I love thee; because thou hast loved her。
  Talk to   me   about her。 Tell   me   what   she   said   to   thee。〃 And   still;   without
  ceasing; the iron of that phrase entered into his soul〃Thais is dying!〃
  〃Light     of  day;  silvery   shadows      of  night   stars;  heavens;     trees  with
  trembling crests; savage beasts; domestic animals; all the anxious souls of
  men; do you not hear? 'Thais is dying!' Disappear; ye lights; breezes; and
  perfumes! Hide yourselves; ye shapes and thoughts of the universe! 'Thais
  is dying!' She was the beauty of the world; and all that drew near to