第 14 节
作者:吻火      更新:2021-02-27 00:38      字数:9321
  between her lips with his mouth。
  Moeroe came to Lollius; and cried and shrieked that Thais should be
  restored to her。
  〃She is my daughter;〃 she said; 〃my daughter; who has been torn from
  me。 My perfumed flowermy own bowels!〃
  Lollius gave her a large sum of money; and sent her away。 But; as she
  came back to demand some more gold staters; the young man had her put
  in   prison;   and   the   magistrates   having   discovered   that   she   was   guilty   of
  many crimes; she was condemned to death; and thrown to the wild beasts。
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  Thais     loved    Lollius   with    all  the   passion    of   her  mind;     and   the
  bewilderment   of   innocence。   She   told   him;   and   told   him   truly   from   the
  bottom of her heart
  〃I have never loved any one but you。〃
  Lollius replied
  〃You are not like any other woman。〃
  The   spell   lasted   six   months;   but   it   broke   at   last。 Thais   suddenly   felt
  that her heart was empty and lonely。 Lollius no longer seemed the same to
  her。 She thought
  〃What can   have thus   changed   me   in   an   instant?   How  is it that he   is
  now like any other man; and no longer like himself?〃
  She    left  him;   not   without    a  secret  desire   to  find   Lollius   again    in
  another; as she no longer found him in himself。 She thought it would be
  less dull to live with someone she had never loved; than with one she had
  ceased to love。 She appeared; in the company of rich debauchees; at those
  sacred feasts at which naked virgins danced in the temples; and troops of
  courtesans swam across the Orontes。 She took part in all the pleasures of
  the   fashionable   and   depraved   city;   and   she   assiduously   frequented   the
  theatres; at which clever mimes from all countries performed amidst the
  applause of a crowd greedy for excitement。
  She carefully observed the mimes; dancers; comedians; and especially
  the   women;   who   in   tragedies   represented   goddesses   in   love   with   young
  men;   or   mortals   loved   by   the   gods。   Having   discovered   the   secrets   by
  which they pleased the audience; she thought to herself that she was more
  beautiful and could act better。 She went to the manager; and asked to be
  admitted into the troupe。 Thanks to her beauty; and to the lessons she had
  received from old Moeroe; she was received; and appeared on the stage in
  the part of Dirce。
  She met with but indifferent success; for she was inexperienced; and
  the   admiration   of   the   spectators   had   not   been   aroused   by   hearing   her
  praises sung。 But after she had played small parts for a few months; the
  power   of   her   beauty   burst   forth   with   such   effect   that   all   the   city   was
  moved。 All Antioch crowded to the theatre。 The imperial magistrates and
  the chief citizens were compelled; by the force of public opinion; to show
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  themselves there。 The porters; sweepers; and dock labourers went without
  bread   and   garlic;   that   they   might   pay   for   their   places。   Poets   composed
  epigrams in her honour。 Bearded philosophers inveighed against her in the
  baths and gymnasia; when her litter passed; Christian priests turned away
  their   heads。   The   threshold   of   her   door   was   wreathed   with   flowers;   and
  sprinkled with blood。 She received so much money from her lovers that it
  was     no  longer    counted;     but  measured      by   the  medimnus;       and   all  the
  treasure hoarded by miserly old men was poured out at her feet。 But she
  was placid and unmoved。 She rejoiced; with quiet pride; in the admiration
  of the public and the favour of the gods; and was so much loved that she
  loved herself。
  After she had several years enjoyed the admiration and affection of the
  Antiochians; she was taken with a desire to revisit Alexandria; and show
  her glory in that city in which; as a child; she had wandered in want and
  shame; hungry  and lean as   a grasshopper in   the   middle of   a dusty  road。
  The golden city joyfully welcomed her; and loaded her with fresh riches;
  when she appeared in the games it was a triumph。 Countless admirers and
  lovers   came   to   her。   She   received   them   with   indifference;   for   she   at   last
  despaired of meeting another Lollius。
  Amongst many others; she met the philosopher Nicias; who desired to
  possess her; although he professed to have no desires。 In spite of his riches;
  he    was    intelligent    and    modest。     But   his   delicate    wit   and    beautiful
  sentiments failed to charm  her。 She did not   love him and sometimes   his
  refined   irony   even     irritated   her。   His  perpetual   doubts   hurt   her;   for   he
  believed in nothing; and she believed in everything。 She believed in divine
  providence;   in   the   omnipotence   of   evil   spirits;   in   spells;   exorcisms;   and
  eternal justice; she believed in Jesus Christ; and in the goddess of good of
  the   Syrians;   she   believed     also   that   bitches   barked   when   black     Hecate
  passed through the streets; and that a woman could inspire love by pouring
  a philtre into a cup wrapped in the bleeding skin of a sheep。 She thirsted
  for   the   unknown;   she   called   on   nameless   gods;   and   lived   in   perpetual
  expectation。 The future frightened her; and yet she wished to know it。 She
  surrounded herself   with   priests   of   Isis;   Chaldean   magi;   pharmacopolists;
  and professors of the black arts; who invariably deceived her; though she
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  never tired of being deceived。 She feared death; and she saw it everywhere。
  When she yielded to pleasure; it seemed to her that an icy finger would
  suddenly  touch   her on   the   bare   shoulder;  and   she   turned   pale;  and   cried
  with terror; in the arms which embraced her。
  Nicias said to her
  〃What does it matter; O my Thais; whether we descend to eternal night
  with    white    locks   and   hollow    cheeks;    or;  whether    this  very    day;  now
  laughing to the vast sky; shall be our last? Let us enjoy life; we shall have
  greatly lived if we have greatly loved。 There is no knowledge except that
  of the senses; to love is to understand。 That which we do not know does
  not exist。 What good is it to worry ourselves about nothing?〃
  She replied angrily
  〃I despise men like you; who hope for nothing and fear nothing。 I wish
  to know! I wish to know!〃
  In   order  to   understand   the  secret   of   life;  she  set   to   work   to   read   the
  books of   the philosophers;  but she  did not   understand them。 The  further
  the years of her childhood receded from her; the more anxious she was to
  recall them。 She loved to traverse at night; in disguise; the alleys; squares;
  and places where she had grown up so miserably。 She was sorry she had
  lost her parents; and   especially that she   had not been   able to love   them。
  When she  met any  Christian priest; she thought   of her baptism; and   felt
  troubled。   One   night;   when   enveloped   in   a   long   cloak;   and   her   fair   hair
  hidden   under   a   black     hood;   she   was   wandering;   according   to   custom;
  about the suburbs of the city; she found herselfwithout knowing how she
  came   therebefore   the   poor   little   church   of   St。   John   the   Baptist。   They
  were singing inside the church; and a bright light glimmered through the
  chinks   of   the   door。   There   was   nothing   strange   in   that;   as;   for   the   past
  twenty years; the Christians; protected by the conqueror of Maxentius; had
  publicly solemnised their festivals。 But these hymns seemed more like an
  ardent appeal to the soul。 As if she had been invited to the mysteries; she
  pushed the door open with her arm; and entered the building。 She found a
  numerous   assembly   of   women;   children;   and   old   men;   on   their   knees
  before a tomb; which stood against the wall。 The tomb was nothing but a
  stone coffer; roughly sculptured with vine tendrils and bunches of grapes;
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  yet it had received great honours; and was covered with green palms and
  wreaths   of   red   roses。  All   round;   innumerable   lights   gleamed   out   of   the
  heavy shadow; in which the smoke of Arabian gums seemed like the folds
  of angels' robes; and the paintings on the walls visions of Paradise。