第 2 节
作者:吻火      更新:2021-02-27 00:38      字数:9322
  〃At    that   time;〃   he   used   to   say  to   the  brethren;    〃I  seethed     in  the
  cauldron of false delights。〃
  He    meant     by   that   that  he   had    eaten   food    properly     dressed;    and
  frequented       the  public    baths。   In   fact;  until   his  twentieth     year   he   had
  continued to lead the ordinary existence of those times; which now seemed
  to   him   rather    death   than   life;  but;   owing    to  the   lessons    of  the   priest
  Macrinus; he then became a new man。
  The truth penetrated him through and through; andas he used to say
  entered   his   soul   like   a   sword。   He   embraced   the   faith   of   Calvary;   and
  worshipped   Christ   crucified。   After   his   baptism   he   remained   yet   a   year
  amongst the Gentiles; unable to cast off the bonds of old habits。 But one
  day he entered a church; and heard a deacon read from the Bible; the verse;
  〃If thou wilt be perfect; go and sell that thou hast; and give to the poor。〃
  Thereupon   he   sold   all   that   he   had;   gave   away   the   money   in   alms;   and
  embraced the monastic life。
  During the ten years that he had lived remote from men; he no longer
  seethed in the cauldron of false delights; but more profitably macerated his
  flesh in the balms of penitence。
  One   day   when;   according   to   his   pious   custom;   he   was   recalling   to
  mind the hours he had lived apart from God; and examining his sins one
  by one; that he might the better ponder on their enormity; he remembered
  that he had seen at the theatre at Alexandria a very beautiful actress named
  Thais。     This   woman      showed     herself    in  the  public    games;     and   did   not
  scruple   to   perform   dances;   the   movements   of   which;   arranged   only   too
  cleverly;     brought    to   mind    the  most    horrible    passions。     Sometimes      she
  imitated the horrible deeds which the Pagan fables ascribe to Venus; Leda;
  or    Pasiphae。     Thus    she   fired   all   the  spectators     with    lust;  and    when
  5
  … Page 6…
  THAIS
  handsome young men; or rich old ones; came; inspired with love; to hang
  wreaths of flowers round her door; she welcomed them; and gave herself
  up to them。 So that; whilst she lost her own soul; she also ruined the souls
  of many others。
  She had almost led Paphnutius himself into the sins of the flesh。 She
  had   awakened   desire   in   him;   and   he   had   once   approached   the   house   of
  Thais。   But   he   stopped   on   the   threshold   of   the   courtesan's   house;   partly
  restrained by the natural timidity of extreme youthhe was then but fifteen
  years oldand partly by the fear of being refused on account of his want of
  money;      for   his   parents    took    care    that   he   should    commit      no   great
  extravagances。
  God;   in   His   mercy;   had   used   these   two   means   to   prevent   him   from
  committing a great sin。 But Paphnutius had not been grateful to Him for
  that; because   at   that time   he   was   blind to his  own interests;  and did  not
  know   that   he   was   lusting   after   false   delights。   Now;   kneeling   in   his   cell;
  before   the image   of   that   holy  cross   on   which   hung;   as   in   a   balance;   the
  ransom of the world; Paphnutius began to think of Thais; because Thais
  was a sin to him; and he meditated long; according to ascetic rules; on the
  fearful   hideousness   of   the   carnal   delights   with   which   this   woman   had
  inspired   him   in   the   days   of   his   sin   and   ignorance。 After   some   hours   of
  meditation the image of Thais appeared to him clearly and distinctly。 He
  saw her again; as he had seen her when she tempted him; in all the beauty
  of the flesh。 At first she showed herself like a Leda; softly lying upon a
  bed of hyacinths; her head bowed; her eyes humid and filled with a strange
  light;   her   nostrils   quivering;   her   mouth   half   open;   her   breasts   like   two
  flowers;   and   her   arms      smooth   and     fresh   as   two   brooks。   At   this   sight
  Paphnutius struck his breast and said
  〃I call Thee to witness; my God; that I have considered how heinous
  has been my sin。〃
  Gradually the face of the image changed its expression。 Little by little
  the   lips   of   Thais;   by   lowering   at   the   corners   of   the   mouth;   expressed   a
  mysterious suffering。 Her large eyes were filled with tears and lights; her
  breast    heaved     with   sighs;   like   the  sighing     of  a  wind    that  precedes     a
  tempest。 At this sight Paphnutius was troubled to the bottom of his soul。
  6
  … Page 7…
  THAIS
  Prostrating himself on the floor; he uttered this prayer
  〃Thou who hast put pity in our hearts; like the morning dew upon the
  fields; O just and merciful God; be Thou blessed! Praise! praise be unto
  Thee!   Put   away   from Thy  servant   that   false   tenderness   which   tempts   to
  concupiscence; and grant that I may only love Thy creatures in Thee; for
  they pass away; but Thou endurest for ever。 If I care for this woman; it is
  only  because she is Thy  handiwork。 The   angels themselves   feel   pity  for
  her。 Is she not; O Lord; the breath of Thy mouth? Let her not continue to
  sin   with   many   citizens   and   strangers。   There   is   great   pity   for   her   in   my
  heart。 Her wickednesses are abominable; and but to think of them makes
  my flesh creep。 But the more wicked she is; the more do I lament for her。 I
  weep when I think that the devils will torment her to all eternity。〃
  As he was meditating in this way; he saw a little jackal lying at his feet。
  He felt much surprised; for the door of his cell had been closed since the
  morning。 The animal seemed to read the Abbot's thoughts; and wagged its
  tail   like  a  dog。   Paphnutius     made    the  sign   of  the  cross   and   the  beast
  vanished。 He knew then that; for the first time; the devil had entered his
  cell; and he uttered a short prayer; then he thought again about Thais。
  〃With God's help;〃 he said to himself; 〃I must save her。〃 And he slept。
  The next   morning; when   he had   said his prayers; he   went to see the
  sainted Palemon; a holy hermit who lived some distance away。 He found
  him smiling quietly as he dug the ground; as was his custom。 Palemon was
  an old man; and cultivated a little garden; the wild beasts came and licked
  his hands; and the devils never tormented him。
  〃May God be praised; brother Paphnutius;〃 he said; as he leaned upon
  his spade。
  〃God     be   praised!〃    replied    Paphnutius。     〃And     peace    be   unto   my
  brother。〃
  〃The like peace be unto thee; brother Paphnutius;〃 said Palemon; and
  he wiped the sweat from his forehead with his sleeve。
  〃Brother   Palemon;   all   our   discourse   ought   to   be   solely  the   praise   of
  Him   who      has  promised     to  be   wheresoever      two   or  three   are  gathered
  together in His Name。 That is why I come to you concerning a design I
  have formed to glorify the Lord。〃
  7
  … Page 8…
  THAIS
  〃May   the   Lord   bless   thy   design;   Paphnutius;   as   He   has   blessed   my
  lettuces。 Every morning He spreads His grace with the dew on my garden;
  and His goodness causes me to glorify Him in the cucumbers and melons
  which He gives me。 Let us pray that He may keep us in His peace。 For
  nothing is more to be feared than those unruly passions which trouble our
  hearts。 When these passions disturb us we are like drunken men; and we
  stagger     from   right   to  left  unceasingly;     and   are  like  to  fall  miserably。
  Sometimes these passions plunge us into a turbulent joy; and he who gives
  way to such; sullies the air with brutish laughter。 Such false joy drags the
  sinner into all sorts of excess。 But sometimes also the troubles of the soul
  and of the senses throw us into an impious sadness which is a thousand
  times worse than the joy。 Brother Paphnutius; I am but a miserable sinner;
  but I have found; in my long life; that the cenobite has no foe worse than
  sadness。 I mean by that the obstinate melancholy which envelopes the soul
  as in a mist; and hides from us the light of God。 Nothing is more contrary
  to   salvation;   and   the   devil's   greatest   triumph   is   to   sow   black   and   bitter
  thoughts     in  the   heart   of  a  good    man。   If  he   sent  us   only   pleasurable
  temptations; he would not be half so much to be feared。 Alas! he excels in
  maki