increase　of　health　did　not　bring　increase　of　spirituality。　My　Father；　fully　occupied　with　moulding　the　will　and　inflaming　the　piety　of　my　stepmother；　left　me　now；　to　a　degree　not　precedented；　inundisturbed　possession　of　my　own　devices。　I　did　not　lose　my　faith；　but　many　other　things　took　a　prominent　place　in　my　mind。
  It　will；　I　suppose；　be　admitted　that　there　is　no　greater　proof　of　complete　religious　sincerity　than　fervour　in　private　prayer。　If　an　individual；　alone　by　the　side　of　his　bed；　prolongs　his　intercessions；　lingers　wrestling　with　his　divine　Companion；　and　will　not　leave　off　until　he　has　what　he　believes　to　be　evidence　of　a　reply　to　his　entreatiesthen；　no　matter　what　the　character　of　his　public　protestations；　or　what　the　frailty　of　his　actions；　it　is　absolutely　certain　that　he　believes　in　what　he　professes。
  My　Father　prayed　in　private　in　what　I　may　almost　call　a　spirit　of　violence。　He　entreated　for　spiritual　guidance　with　nothing　less　than　importunity。　It　might　be　said　that　he　stormed　the　citadels　of　God's　grace；　refusing　to　be　baffled；　urging　his　intercessions　without　mercy　upon　a　Deity　who　sometimes　struck　me　as　inattentive　to　his　prayers　or　wearied　by　them。　My　Father's　acts　of　supplication；　as　I　used　to　witness　them　at　night；　when　I　was　supposed　to　be　asleep；　were　accompanied　by　stretchings　out　of　the　hands；　by　crackings　of　the　joints　of　the　fingers；　by　deep　breathings；　by　murmurous　sounds　which　seemed　just　breaking　out　of　silence；　like　Virgil's　bees　out　of　the　hive；　'magnis　clamoribus'。　My　Father　fortified　his　religious　life　by　prayer　as　an　athlete　does　his　physical　life　by　lung…gymnastics　and　vigorous　rubbings。
  It　was　a　trouble　to　my　conscience　that　I　could　not　emulate　this　fervour。　The　poverty　of　my　prayers　had　now　long　been　a　source　of　distress　to　me；　but　I　could　not　discover　how　to　enrich　them。　My　Father　used　to　warn　us　very　solemnly　against　'lip…service'；　by　which　he　meant　singing　hymns　of　experience　and　joining　in　ministrations　in　which　our　hearts　took　no　vital　or　personal　part。　This　was　an　outward　act；　the　tendency　of　which　I　could　well　appreciate；　but　there　was　a　'lipservice'　even　more　deadly　than　that；　against　which　it　never　occurred　to　him　to　warn　me。　It　assailed　me　when　I　had　come　alone　by　my　bedside；　and　had　blown　out　the　candle；　and　had　sunken　on　my　knees　in　my　night…gown。　Then　it　was　that　my　deadness　made　itself　felt；　in　the　mechanical　address　I　put　up；　the　emptiness　of　my　language；　the　absence　of　all　real　unction。
  I　never　could　contrive　to　ask　God　for　spiritual　gifts　in　the　same　voice　and　spirit　in　which　I　could　ask　a　human　being　for　objects　which　I　knew　he　could　give　me　and　which　I　earnestly　desired　to　possess。　That　sense　of　the　reality　of　intercession　was　for　ever　denied　me；　and　it　was；　I　now　see；　the　stigma　of　my　want　of　faith。　But　at　the　time；　of　course；　I　suspected　nothing　of　the　kind；　and　I　tried　to　keep　up　my　zeal　by　a　desperate　mental　flogging；　as　if　my　soul　had　been　a　peg…top。
  In　nothing　did　I　gain　from　the　advent　of　my　stepmother　more　than　in　the　encouragement　she　gave　to　my　friendships　with　a　group　of　boys　of　my　own　age；　of　whom　I　had　now　lately　formed　the　acquaintance。　These　friendships　she　not　merely　tolerated；　but　fostered；　it　was　even　due　to　her　kind　arrangements　that　they　took　a　certain　set　form；　that　our　excursions　started　from　this　house　or　from　that　on　regular　days。　I　hardly　know　by　what　stages　I　ceased　to　be　a　lonely　little　creature　of　mock…monographs　and　mud…　pies；　and　became　a　member　of　a　sort　of　club　of　eight　or　ten　active　boys。　The　long　summer　holidays　of　1861　were　set　in　an　enchanting　brightness。
  Looking　back；　I　cannot　see　a　cloud　on　the　terrestrial　horizonI　see　nothing　but　a　blaze　of　sunshine；　descents　of　slippery　grass　to　moons　of　snow…white　shingle；　cold　to　the　bare　flesh；　red　promontories　running　out　into　a　sea　that　was　like　sapphire；　and　our　happy　clan　climbing；　bathing；　boating；　lounging；　chattering；　all　the　hot　day　through。　Once　more　I　have　to　record　the　fact；　which　I　think　is　not　without　interest；　that　precisely　as　my　life　ceases　to　be　solitary；　it　ceases　to　be　distinct。　I　have　no　difficulty　in　recalling；　with　the　minuteness　of　a　photograph；　scenes　in　which　my　Father　and　I　were　the　sole　actors　within　the　four　walls　of　a　room；　but　of　the　glorious　life　among　wild　boys　on　the　margin　of　the　sea　I　have　nothing　but　vague　and　broken　impressions；　delicious　and　illusive。
  It　was　a　remarkable　proof　of　my　Father's　temporary　lapse　into　indulgence　that　he　made　no　effort　to　thwart　my　intimacy　with　these　my　new　companions。　He　was　in　an　unusually　humane　mood　himself。　His　marriage　was　one　proof　of　it；　another　was　the　composition　at　this　time　of　the　most　picturesque；　easy　and　graceful　of　all　his　writings；　The　Romance　of　Natural　History；　even　now　a　sort　of　classic。　Everything　combined　to　make　him　believe　that　the　blessing　of　the　Lord　was　upon　him；　and　to　clothe　the　darkness　of　the　world　with　at　least　a　mist　of　rose…colour。　I　do　not　recollect　that　ever　at　this　time　he　bethought　him；　when　I　started　in　the　morning　for　a　long　day　with　my　friends　on　the　edge　of　the　sea；　to　remind　me　that　I　must　speak　to　them；　in　season　and　out　of　season；　of　the　Blood　of　Jesus。　And　I；　young　coward　that　I　was；　let　sleeping　dogmas　lie。
  My　companions　were　not　all　of　them　the　sons　of　saints　in　our　communion；　their　parents　belonged　to　that　professional　class　which　we　were　only　now　beginning　to　attract　to　our　services。　They　were　brought　up　in　religious；　but　not　in　fanatical；　families；　and　I　was　the　only　'converted'　one　among　them。　Mrs。　Paget；　of　whom　I　shall　have　presently　to　speak；characteristically　said　that　it　grieved　her　to　see　'one　lamb　among　so　many　kids'。　But　'kid'　is　a　word　of　varied　significance　and　the　symbol　did　not　seem　to　us　effectively　applied。　As　a　matter　of　fact；　we　made　what　I　still　feel　was　an　excellent　tacit　compromise。　My　young　companions　never　jeered　at　me　for　being　'in　communion　with　the　saints'；　and　I；　on　my　part；　never　urged　the　Atonement　upon　them。　I　began；　in　fact；　more　and　more　to　keep　my　own　religion　for　use　on　Sundays。
  It　will；　I　hope；　have　been　observed　that　among　the　very　curious　grown…up　people　into　whose　company　I　was　thrown；　although　many　were　frail　and　some　were　foolish；　none；　so　far　as　I　can　discern；　were　hypocritical。　I　am　not　one　of　those　who　believe　that　hypocrisy　is　a　vice　that　grows　on　every　bush。　Of　course；　in　religious　more　than　in　any　other　matters；　there　is　a　perpetual　contradiction　between　our　thoughts　and　our　deeds　which　is　inevitable　to　our　social　order；　and　is　bound　to　lead　to　cette　tromperie　mutuelle　of　which　Pascal　speaks。　But　I　have　often　wondered；　while　admiring　the　splendid　portrait　of　Tartuffe；　whether　such　a　monster　ever；　or　at　least　often；　has　walked　the　stage　of　life；　whether　Moliere　observed；　or　only　invented　him。
  To　adopt　a　scheme　of　religious　pretension；　with　no　belief　whatever　in　its　being　true；　merely　for　sensuous　advantage；　openly　acknowledging　to　one's　inner　self　the　brazen　system　of　deceit；　such　a　course　may；　and　doubtless　has　been；　trodden；　yet　surely　much　less　frequently　than　cynics　love　to　suggest。　But　at　the　juncture　which　I　have　now　reached　in　my　narrative；　I　had　the　advantage　of　knowing　a　person　who　was　branded　before　the　whole　world；　and　punished　by　the　law　of　his　country；　as　a　felonious　hypocrite。　My　Father　himself　could　only　sigh　and　admit　the　charge。　And　yetI　doubt。
  About　half…way　between　our　village　and　the　town　there　lay　a　comfortable　villa　inhabited　by　a　retired　solicitor；　or　perhaps　attorney；　whom　I　shall　name　Mr。　Dormant。　We　often　called　at　his　half…way　house；　and；　although　he　was　a　member　of　the　town…　meeting；　he　not　unfrequently　came　up　to　us　for　'the　breaking　of　bread'。　Mr。　Dormant　was　a　solid；　pink　man；　of　a　cosy　habit。　He　had　beautiful　white　hair；　a　very　soft　voice；　and　a　welcoming；　wheedling　manner；　he　was　extremely　fluent　and　zealous　in　using　the　pious　phraseology　of　the　sect。　My　Father　had　never　been　very　much　attracted　to　him；　but　the　man　professed；　and　I　think　felt；　an　overwhelming　admiration　for　my　Father。　Mr。　Dormant　was　not　very　well　off；　and　in　the　previous　year　he　had　persuaded　an　aged　gentleman　of　wealth　to　come　and　board　with　him。　When；　in　the　course　of　the　winter；　this　gentleman　died；　much　surprise　was　felt　at　the　report　that　he　had　left　almost　his　entire　fortune；　which　was　not　inconsiderable；　to　Mr。　Dormant。
  Much　surprisefor　the　old　gentleman　had　a　son　to　whom　he　had　always　been　warmly　attached；　who　was　far　away；　I　think　in　South　America；　practising　a　perfectly　respectable　profession　of　which　his　father　entirely　approved。　My　own　Father　always　preserved　a　delicacy　and　a　sense　of　honour　about　money　which　could　not　have　been　more　sensitive　if　he　had　been　an　ungodly　man；　and　I　am　very　much　pleased　to　remember　that　when　the　legacy　was　first　spoken　of；　he　regretted　that　Mr。　Dormant　should　have　allowed　the　old　gentleman　to　make　this　will。　If　he　knew　the　intention；　my　Father　said；　it　would　have　shown　a　more　proper　sense　of　his　responsibility　if　he　had　dissuaded　the　testator　from　so　unbecoming　a　disposition。　That　was　long　before　any　legal　question　arose；　and　now　Mr。　Dormant　came　into　his　fortune；　and　began　to　make　handsome　gifts　to　missionary　societies；　and　to　his　own　meeting　in　the　town。　If　I　do　not　mi