第 50 节
作者:
浮游云中 更新:2021-02-24 23:06 字数:9322
her lips again; he was pulling her toward a door on the far side of the
room; and suddenly; as he opened it; her resistance ceased。。。。
The snow made automobiling impossible; and at half past nine that evening
Ditmar had escorted Janet to the station in a cab; and she had taken the
train for Hampton。 For a while she sat as in a trance。 She knew that
something had happened; something portentous; cataclysmic; which had
irrevocably changed her from the Janet Bumpus who had left Hampton that
same morningan age ago。 But she was unable to realize the
metamorphosis。 In the course of a single day she had lived a lifetime;
exhausted the range of human experience; until now she was powerless to
feel any more。 The car was filled with all sorts and conditions of
people returning to homes scattered through the suburbs and smaller
cities north of Bostona mixed; Sunday…night crowd; and presently she
began; in a detached way; to observe them。 Their aspects; their speech
and manners had the queer effect of penetrating her consciousness without
arousing the emotional judgments of approval or disapproval which
normally should have followed。 Ordinarily she might have felt a certain
sympathy for the fragile young man on the seat beside her who sat moodily
staring through his glasses at the floor: and the group across the aisle
would surely have moved her to disgust。 Two couples were seated vis…a…
vis; the men apparently making fun of a 〃pony〃 coat one of the girls was
wearing。 In spite of her shrieks; which drew general attention; they
pulled it from her backan operation regarded by the conductor himself
with tolerant amusement。 Whereupon her companion; a big; blond Teuton
with an inane guffaw; boldly thrust an arm about her waist and held her
while he presented the tickets。 Janet beheld all this as one sees
dancers through a glass; without hearing the music。
Behind her two men fell into conversation。
〃I guess there's well over a foot of snow。 I thought we'd have an open
winter; too。〃
〃Look out for them when they start in mild!〃
〃I was afraid this darned road would be tied up if I waited until
morning。 I'm in real estate; and there's a deal on in my town I've got
to watch every minute。。。。〃
Even the talk between two slouch…hatted millhands; foreigners; failed at
the time to strike Janet as having any significance。 They were
discussing with some heat the prospect of having their pay reduced by the
fifty…four hour law which was to come into effect on Monday。 They
denounced the mill owners。
〃They speed up the machine and make work harder;〃 said one。 〃I think we
goin' to have a strike sure。〃
〃Bad sisson too to have strike;〃 replied the second pessimistically。 〃It
will be cold winter; now。〃
Across the black square of the window drifted the stray lights of the
countryside; and from time to time; when the train stopped; she gazed
out; unheeding; at the figures moving along the dim station platforms。
Suddenly; without premeditation or effort; she began to live over again
the day; beginning with the wonders; half revealed; half hidden; of that
journey through the whiteness to Boston。。。。 Awakened; listening; she
heard beating louder and louder on the shores of consciousness the waves
of the storm which had swept her awaywaves like crashing chords of
music。 She breathed deeply; she turned her face to the window; seeming
to behold reflected there; as in a crystal; all her experiences; little
and great; great and little。 She was seated once more leaning back in
the corner of the carriage on her way to the station; she felt Ditmar's
hand working in her own; and she heard his voice pleading forgiveness
for her silence alarmed him。 And she heard herself saying:
〃It was my fault as much as yours。〃
And his vehement reply:
〃It wasn't anybody's faultit was natural; it was wonderful; Janet。 I
can't bear to see you sad。〃
To see her sad! Twice; during the afternoon and evening; he had spoken
those wordsor was it three times? Was there a time she had forgotten?
And each time she had answered: 〃I'm not sad。〃 What she had felt indeed
was not sadness;but how could she describe it to him when she herself
was amazed and dwarfed by it? Could he not feel it; too? Were men so
different?。。。 In the cab his solicitation; his tenderness were only to
be compared with his bewilderment; his apparent awe of the feeling he
himself had raised up in her; and which awed her; likewise。 She had
actually felt that bewilderment of his when; just before they had reached
the station; she had responded passionately to his last embrace。 Even as
he returned her caresses; it had been conveyed to her amazingly by the
quality of his touch。 Was it a lack all women felt in men? and were
these; even in supreme moments; merely the perplexed transmitters of
life?not life itself? Her thoughts did not gain this clarity; though
she divined the secret。 And yet she loved himloved him with a
fierceness that frightened her; with a tenderness that unnerved her。。。。
At the Hampton station she took the trolley; alighting at the Common;
following the narrow path made by pedestrians in the heavy snow to
Fillmore Street。 She climbed the dark stairs; opened the dining…room
door; and paused on the threshold。 Hannah and Edward sat there under the
lamp; Hannah scanning through her spectacles the pages of a Sunday
newspaper。 On perceiving Janet she dropped it hastily in her lap。
〃Well; I was concerned about you; in all this storm!〃 she exclaimed。
〃Thank goodness you're home; anyway。 You haven't seen Lise; have you?〃
〃Lise?〃 Janet repeated。 〃Hasn't she been home?〃
〃Your father and I have been alone all day long。 Not that it is so
uncommon for Lise to be gone。 I wish it wasn't! But you! When you
didn't come home for supper I was considerably worried。〃
Janet sat down between her mother and father and began to draw off her
gloves。
〃I'm going to marry Mr。 Ditmar;〃 she announced。
For a few moments the silence was broken only by the ticking of the old…
fashioned clock。
〃Mr。 Ditmar!〃 said Hannah; at length。 〃You're going to marry Mr。
Ditmar!〃
Edward was still inarticulate。 His face twitched; his eyes watered as he
stared at her。
〃Not right away;〃 said Janet。
Well; I must say you take it rather cool;〃 declared Hannah; almost
resentfully。 〃You come in and tell us you're going to marry Mr。 Ditmar
just like you were talking about the weather。〃
Hannah's eyes filled with tears。 There had been indeed an unconscious
lack of consideration in Janet's abrupt announcement; which had fallen
like a spark on the dry tinder of Hannah's hope。 The result was a
suffocating flame。 Janet; whom love had quickened; had a swift
perception of this。 She rose quickly and took Hannah in her arms and
kissed her。 It was as though the relation between them were reversed;
and the daughter had now become the mother and the comforter。
〃I always knew something like this would happen!〃 said Edward。 His words
incited Hannah to protest。
〃You didn't anything of the kind; Edward Bumpus;〃 she exclaimed。
〃Just to think of Janet livin' in that big house up in Warren Street!〃
he went on; unheeding; jubilant。 〃You'll drop in and see the old people
once in a while; Janet; you won't forget us?〃
〃I wish you wouldn't talk like that; father;〃 said Janet。
〃Well; he's a fine man; Claude Ditmar; I always said that。 The way he
stops and talks to me when he passes the gate〃
〃That doesn't make him a good man;〃 Hannah declared; and added: 〃If he
wasn't a good man; Janet wouldn't be marrying him。〃
〃I don't know whether he's good or not;〃 said Janet。
〃That's so; too;〃 observed Hannah; approvingly。 〃We can't any of us tell
till we've tried 'em; and then it's too late to change。 I'd like to see
him; but I guess he wouldn't care to come down here to Fillmore Street。〃
The difference between Ditmar's social and economic standing and their
own suggested appalling complications to her mind。 〃I suppose I won't
get a sight of him till after you're married; and not much then。〃
〃There's plenty of time to think about that; mother;〃 answered Janet。
〃I'd want to have everything decent and regular;〃 Hannah insisted。 〃We
may be poor; but we come of good stock; as your father says。〃
〃It'll be all rightMr。 Ditmar will behave like a gentleman;〃 Edward
assured her。
〃I thought I ought to tell you about it;〃 Janet said; 〃but you mustn't
mention it; yet; not even to Lise。 Lise will talk。 Mr。 Ditmar's very
busy now;he hasn't made any plans。〃
〃I wish Lise could get married!〃 exclaimed Hannah; irrelevantly。 〃She's
been acting so queer lately; she's not been herself at all。〃
〃Now there you go; borrowing trouble; mother;〃 Edward exclaimed。 He
could not take his eyes from Janet; but continued to regard her with
benevolence。 〃Lise'll get married some day。 I don't suppose we can
expect another Mr。 Ditmar。。。。〃
〃Well;〃 said Hannah; presently; 〃there's no use sitting up all night。〃
She rose and kissed Janet again。 〃I just can't believe it;〃 she
declared; 〃but I guess it's so if you say it is。〃
〃Of course it's so;〃 said Edward。
〃I so want you should b