第 24 节
作者:
浮游云中 更新:2021-02-24 23:06 字数:9322
else。 Where had Lise been? In whose company had she become drunk? Of late;
in contrast to a former communicativeness; Lise had been singuarly secretive as
to her companions; and the manner in which her evenings were spent; and she;
Janet; had grown too self…absorbed to be curious。 Lise; with her shopgirl's
cynical knowledge of life and its pitfalls and the high valuation at which she
held her charms; had seemed secure from danger; but Janet recalled her
discouragement; her threat to leave the Bagatelle。 Since then there had been
something furtive about her。 Now; because that odour of alcohol Lise exhaled
had destroyed in Janet the sense of exhilaration; of life on a higher plane she
had begun to feel; and filled her with degradation; she hated Lise; felt for
her sister no strain of pity。 A proof; had she recognized it; that immorality
is not a matter of laws and decrees; but of individual emotions。 A few hours
before she had seen nothing wrong in her relationship with Ditmar: now she
beheld him selfish; ruthless; pursuing her for one end; his own gratification。
As a man; he had become an enemy。 Ditmar was like all other men who exploited
her sex without compunction; but the thought that she was like Lise; asleep in
a drunken stupor; that their cases differed only in degree; was insupportable。
At last she fell asleep from sheer weariness; to dream she was with Ditmar at
some place in the country under spreading trees; Silliston; perhapsSilliston
Common; cleverly disguised: nor was she quite sure; always; that the man was
Ditmar; he had a way of changing; of resembling the man she had met in
Silliston whom she had mistaken for a carpenter。 He was pleading with her; in
his voice was the peculiar vibrancy that thrilled her; that summoned some
answering thing out of the depths of her; and she felt herself yielding with a
strange ecstasy in which were mingled joy and terror。 The terror was
conquering the joy; and suddenly he stood transformed before her eyes;
caricatured; become a shrieking monster from whom she sought in agony to
escape。。。。 In this paralysis of fear she awoke; staring with wide eyes at the
flickering flame of the lamp; to a world filled with excruciating soundthe
siren of the Chippering Mill! She lay trembling with the horror of the
dreamspell upon her; still more than half convinced that the siren was Ditmar's
voice; his true expression。 He was waiting to devour her。 Would the sound
never end?。。。
Then; remembering where she was; alarmed lest her mother might come in and find
her there; she left the sofa; turned out the sputtering lamp; and ran into the
bedroom。 Rain was splashing on the bricks of the passage…way outside; the
shadows of the night still lurked in the corners; by the grey light she gazed
at Lise; who breathed loudly and stirred uneasily; her mouth open; her lips
parched。 Janet touched her。
〃Liseget up!〃 she said。 〃It's time to get up。〃 She shook her。
〃Leave me alonecan't you?〃
〃It's time to get up。 The whistle has sounded。〃
Lise heavily opened her eyes。 They were bloodshot。
〃I don't want to get up。 I won't get up。〃
〃But you must;〃 insisted Janet; tightening her hold。 〃You've got toyou've
got to eat breakfast and go to work。〃
〃I don't want any breakfast; I ain't going to work any more。〃
A gust of wind blew inward the cheap lace curtains; and the physical effect of
it emphasized the chill that struck Janet's heart。 She got up and closed the
window; lit the gas; and returning to the bed; shook Lise again。
〃Listen;〃 she said; 〃if you don't get up I'll tell mother what happened last
night。〃
〃Say; you wouldn't!〃 exclaimed Lise; angrily。
〃Get up!〃 Janet commanded; and watched her rather anxiously; uncertain as to
the after effects of drunkenness。 But Lise got up。 She sat on the edge of the
bed and yawned; putting her hand to her forehead。
〃I've sure got a head on me;〃 she remarked。
Janet was silent; angrier than ever; shocked that tragedy; degradation; could
be accepted thus circumstantially。 Lise proceeded to put up her hair。 She
seemed to be mistress of herself; only tired; gaping frequently。 Once she
remarked:
〃I don't see the good of getting nutty over a highball。〃
Seeing that Janet was not to be led into controversy; she grew morose。
Breakfast in Fillmore Street; never a lively meal; was more dismal than usual
that morning; eaten to the accompaniment of slopping water from the roofs on
the pavement of the passage。 The indisposition of Lise passed unobserved by
both Hannah and Edward; and at twenty minutes to eight the two girls; with
rubbers and umbrellas; left the house together; though it was Janet's custom to
depart earlier; since she had farther to go。 Lise; suspicious; maintained an
obstinate silence; keeping close to the curb。 They reached the corner by the
provision shop with the pink and orange chromos of jellies in the window。
〃Lise; has anything happened to you?〃 demanded Janet suddenly。 〃I want you to
tell me。〃
〃Anything happenedwhat do you mean? Anything happened?〃
〃You know very well what I mean。〃
〃Well; suppose something has happened?〃 Lise's reply was pert; defiant。
〃What's it to you? If anything's happened; it's happened to mehasn't it?〃
Janet approached her。
〃What are you trying to do?〃 said Lise。 〃Push me into the gutter?〃
〃I guess you're there already;〃 said Janet。
Lise was roused to a sudden pitch of fury。 She turned on Janet and thrust her
back。
〃Well; if I am who's going to blame me?〃 she cried。 〃If you had to work all
day in that hole; standing on your feet; picked on by yaps for six a week; I
guess you wouldn't talk virtuous; either。 It's easy for you to shoot off your
mouth; you've got a soft snap with Ditmar。〃
Janet was outraged。 She could not restrain her anger。
〃How dare you say that?〃 she demanded。
Lise was cowed。
〃Well; you drove me to ityou make me mad enough to say anything。 Just
because I went to Gruber's with Neva Lorrie and a couple of gentlementhey
were gentlemen all right; as much gentlemen as Ditmaryou come at me and tell
me I'm all to the bad。〃 She began to sob。 〃I'm as straight as you are。 How
was I to know the highball was stiff? Maybe I was tiredanyhow; it put me on
the queer; and everything in the joint began to tango 'round meand Neva came
home with me。〃
Janet felt a surge of relief; in which were mingled anxiety and resentment:
relief because she was convinced that Lise was telling the truth; anxiety
because she feared for Lise's future; resentment because Ditmar had been
mentioned。 Still; what she had feared most had not come to pass。 Lise left
her abruptly; darting down a street that led to a back entrance of the
Bagatelle; and Janet pursued her way。 Where; she wondered; would it all end?
Lise had escaped so far; but drunkenness was an ominous sign。 And 〃gentlemen〃?
What kind of gentlemen had taken her sister to Gruber's? Would Ditmar do that
sort of thing if he had a chance?
The pavement in front of the company boarding…houses by the canal was plastered
with sodden leaves whipped from the maples by the driving rain in the night。
The sky above the mills was sepia。 White lights were burning in the loom
rooms。 When she reached the vestibule Simmons; the watchman; informed her that
Mr。 Ditmar had already been there; and left for Boston。
Janet did not like to acknowledge to herself her disappointment on learning
that Ditmar had gone to Boston。 She knew he had had no such intention the
night before; an accumulated mail and many matters demanding decisions were
awaiting him; and his sudden departure seemed an act directed personally
against her; in the nature of a retaliation; since she had offended and
repulsed him。 Through Lise's degrading act she had arrived at the conclusion
that all adventure and consequent suffering had to do with Mana conviction
peculiarly maddening to such temperaments as Janet's。 Therefore she
interpreted her suffering in terms of Ditmar; she had looked forward to
tormenting him again; and by departing he had deliberately balked and cheated
her。 The rain fell ceaselessly out of black skies; night seemed ever ready to
descend on the river; a darknessaccording to young Mr。 Caldwelldue not to
the clouds alone; but to forest fires many hundreds of miles away; in Canada。
As the day wore on; however; her anger gradually gave place to an extreme
weariness and depression; and yet she dreaded going home; inventing things for
herself to do; arranging and rearranging Ditmar's papers that he might have
less trouble in sorting them; putting those uppermost which she thought he
would deem the most important。 Perhaps he would come in; late! In a world of
impending chaos the brilliantly lighted office was a tiny refuge to which she
clung。 At last she put on her coat and rubbers; faring forth reluctantly into
the wet。
At first when she entered the bedroom she thought it empty; though the gas was
burning; and them she saw Lise lying face downward on the bed。 For a moment
she stood still; then closed the door softly。
〃Lise;〃 she said。
〃What?〃
Janet sat down on the bed; putting out her hand。 Unconsc