第 73 节
作者:暖暖      更新:2021-02-24 23:00      字数:9321
  of a good kind。 There are generous…hearted people always ready to give of themselves to anything or anybody that needs help。 Often 〃fooled〃 by the unworthy; they resolve to be calm; judicial and selfish; and then;their generous social natures over…ride caution; and again they plunge into kindness and philanthropy。 F。 L。 is one of these。 As child; boy and young man he was free…hearted to an extraordinary degree。 Ragamuffin; stray dog or cat; tramp; down and outer of every kind or description; these enlisted his sympathy and help despite the expostulation and remonstrance of a series of conventional good people; his mother and father; his best friends and his outraged wife。 The latter never knew; she used to say; what he would bring home for dinner。 〃He always forgot to bring home the steak; but he never forgot to lug along some derelict。〃 More than once he was robbed; often he was imposed upon。 Once he met an interesting vagabond who spoke several languages; quoted the Bible with ease and accuracy; and so fired the heart of our simple man that he bought him clothes and brought him home to stay。 His wife threw up her hands in despair。 〃But; my dear;〃 said F。 L。; 〃he's a scholar who has fallen on evil days。〃 〃Ah;〃 she answered; 〃I fear it will be an evil day for us when you took him home。〃 She had a good chance to say; 〃I told you so;〃 when the rogue eloped with the best of their silver。 Not only is F。 L。 impulsive and uninhibited in his generosity; but his 〃pitch in and help〃 quality is about as well manifested in other matters。 If he sees a man or boy struggling with a load; he immediately forgets that he is over fifty and well dressed and steps right in to help。 He saw an ash and garbage manthis is his wife's star storystruggling to lift a much befouled can into his wagon。 F。 L。 left his wife and some friends without a word and with a cheery word threw the can into the wagon。 Unfortunately some of the contents splashed; and F。 L。 suffered both in dignity and appearance as a consequence。 He had to go home by back alleys and had to endure the mirth of his friends for a long time。 But it did not change his reactions in the least; although he was really vexed with himself and endeavored to be conventional and self…controlled for a while。 The point is that F。 L。 attempts inhibition of generous impulses and fails as ignominiously as a drunkard struggling with the desire to drink。 Of course he is of the salt of the earth。 Upon such uninhibited fellowship feeling as his rests the ethical progress of the world。 A dozen inventors contribute less to their fellow men than does he。 For their contributions may be used to destroy or enslave their fellows; and it is a commonplace that science has outstripped morals。 But his contributions spread kindly feeling and the notion of the brotherhood of man。 The over…inhibited; those whose every impulse and desire is subjected to a scrutiny and a blocking; often come to the attention of the neuropsychiatrist。 But there are many 〃normal〃 people who fall into this group; and whose conduct throughout life is marked by a scrupulosity that is painful to behold。 The over…inhibition may take specific directions; as in the thrifty who check their desires in the wish to save money; or the industrious who hold up their pleasures and recreations in the fear that they are wasting time。 A sub…group of the over…inhibited I call the over…conscientious; and it is one of these whose history is epitomized here。 K。 has always had 〃ingrowing scruples;〃 as his exasperated mother once said。 As a small child he never obeyed the impulse to take a piece of cake without looking around to see if his mother and father approved。 He would not play unreservedly; in the whole…hearted impulsive way of children; but always held back in his enjoyment as if he feared that perhaps he was not doing just right。 When he started to go to school his fear of doing the wrong thing made him appear rather slow; though in reality he was bright。 The other children called him a 〃sissy;〃 mistaking his conscientiousness for cowardice。 This grieved him very much; and his father undertook to educate him in 〃rough〃 ways; in fighting and wrestling。 He succeeded in this to the extent that K。 learned to fight when he believed that he was being wronged; but he never seemed to learn the aggressiveness necessary to get even a fair share of his rights。 His mother; a similar type; rather encouraged him in this virtue; much to the disgust of the father。 Not to spend too long a time over K。's history; we may pass quickly over his school years until he entered college。 He was a 〃grind〃 if there ever was one; studying day and night。 He had developed well physically and because of his hard work stood near the top of his class。 He took no 〃pleasures〃 of any kind;that is; he played no cards; went to no dances; never took in a show and of course was strictly moral。 It seems that the main factor that held him back was the notion he had imbibed early in his career that pleasure itself was somehow not worthy; that an ideal of work made a sort of sin of wasting time。 Whenever he indulged himself by rest or relaxation; even in so innocent a way as to go to a ball game; there was in the back of his mind the idea; 〃I might have been studying this or that; or working on such a subject; I am wasting time;〃 and the pleasure would go。 By nature K。 was sociable and friendly and was well liked; but he avoided friendships and social life because of the unpleasant reproaches of his work conscience and the rigor of his work inhibitions。 He grew tired; developed a neurasthenic set of symptoms; and thus I first came in contact with him。 Once he understood the nature of his trouble; which I labeled for him as a 〃hypertrophied work conscience;〃 he set himself the task of learning to enjoy; of throwing off inhibition; of innocent self…indulgence; and my strong point that he would work the better for pleasure took his fancy at once。 He succeeded in part in his efforts; but of course will always debate over the right and wrong of each step in his life。 This one example of a high type of the over…inhibited must do for the group。 There is a related type who in ordinary speech find it 〃difficult to make up their minds;〃in other words; are unable to choose。 Bleuler has used the term ambivalent; thus comparing these individuals to a chemical element having two bonds and impelled to unite with two substances。 The ambivalent personalities are always brought to a place where they yearn for two opposing kinds of action or they fear to choose one affinity of action as against the other。 They are in the position of the unfortunate swain who sang; 〃How happy I could be with either; were t'other dear charmer away。〃 M。 is one of these helpless ambivalent folk; always running to others for advice and perplexed to a frenzy by the choices of life。 〃What shall I do?〃 is his prime question; largely because he fears to commit himself to any line of action。 Once a man chooses; he shuts a great many doors of opportunity and gambles with Fate that he has chosen right。 M。 knows this and lacks self… confidence; i。e。; the belief that he will choose for the best or be able to carry it through。 He lacks the gambling spirit; the willingness to put his destiny to fortune。 Often M。 deliberates or rather oscillates for so long a time that the matter is taken from his hands。 Thus; when he fell in love; the fear of being refused; of making a mistake; prevented him from action; and the young woman accepted another; less ambivalent suitor。 M。 is in business with his father and is entirely a subordinate; because he cannot choose。 He carries out orders well; is very amiable and gentle; is liked and at the same time held in a mild contempt。 He has physical courage but has not the hardihood of soul to take on responsibility for choosing。 Sometimes he gets good ideas; but never dares to put them into execution and shifts that to others。 He hates himself for this weakness in an essential phase of personality but is gradually accepting himself as an inferior person; despite intelligence; training and social connection。 Yet his sister is exactly the opposite type。 She makes decisions with great promptness; never hesitates; is 〃cocksure〃 and aggressive。 If M。 is ambivalent; his sister B。 M。 is univalent。 Choice is an easy matter to her; though she is not impulsive。 She rapidly deliberates。 She never has made any serious errors in judgment; but if she makes a mistake she shrugs her shoulders and says; 〃It's all in the game。〃 Thus she is a leader in her set; for if some difficulty is encountered; her mind is quickly at work and prompt with a solution。 If she is not brilliant; and she is not; she collects the plans of her associates and chooses and modifies until she is ready with her own plan。 Her father sighs as he watches her and regrets that she is not a man。 It does not occur to him or any of his family; including herself; that she might do a man's work in the business world。 In pathological cases the inability to choose becomes so marked as to make it impossible for the patient to choose any line of conduct。 〃To do or not to do〃 extends into every relationship and every situation。 The patient cannot choose as to his dress or his meals; cannot