第 30 节
作者:暖暖      更新:2021-02-24 23:00      字数:9322
  regard; self…admiration or conceit may be very high and deeply felt; but though more common than real admiration for others; it seldom reaches the awe and reverence that the projected emotion reaches。 In mental disease; of the type known as Maniac Depressive insanity; there is a curious oscillation of self…love and self…admiration。 This disease is cyclic; in that two opposing groups of symptoms tend to appear and displace each other。 In the manic; or excited state; there is greatly heightened activity with correspondingly heightened feeling of power。 Self…love and admiration reach absurd levels: one is the most beautiful; the richest and wisest of persons; infallible; irresistible; aye; perhaps God or Christ。 Sometimes the feeling of grandeur; the euphoria; is less fantastic and the patient imagines himself a great inventor; a statesman of power and wisdom; a writer of renown; etc。 Suddenly; or perhaps gradually; the change comes; self…feeling drops into an abyss。 〃I am the most miserable of persons; the vilest sinner; hated and rightly by God and man; cause of suffering and misery。 I am no good; no use; a horrible odor issues from me; I am loathsome to look at; etc。; etc。〃 Desperate suicidal attempts are made; and all the desires that tend to preserve the individual disappear; including appetite for food and drink; the power to sleep。 It is the most startling of transitions; one can hardly realize that the dejected; silent person; sitting in a corner; hiding his face and hardly breathing; is the same individual who lately tore around the wards; happy; dancing; singing and boasting of his greatness of power。 Indeed; is he the same individual? No wonder the ancients regarded such insanity as a possession by an evil spirit。 We of a later day who deal with this disease on the whole are inclined to the belief that some internal factor of a physical kind is responsible; some neuronic shift; or some strange; visceral endocrinal disorder。 While self…hate in this pathological aspect is relatively uncommon; in every person there are self…critical; self…condemning activities which sometimes for short periods of time reach self…hatred and disgust。 McDougall makes a good deal of the self…abasing instinct which makes us lower ourselves gladly and willingly。 This seems to me to be an aspect of the emotion of admiration and wonder; for we do not wish ordinarily to kneel at the feet of the insignificant; debased; or it is an aspect of fear and the effort to obtain conciliation and pity。 But the establishment of ideals for ourselves to which we are not faithful brings with it a disgust and loathing for self that is extremely painful and leads to a desire for penance of any kind In order that we may punish ourselves and feel that we have made amends。 The capacity for self…hate and self…disgust depends largely upon the development of these ideals and principles of conscience; of expectation of the self。 Frequently there is an overrigidity; a ceaseless self…examination that now and then produces miracles of character and achievement but more often brings the breakdown of health。 This is the seeker of perfection in himself; who will not compromise with his instincts and his human flesh。 There seekers of perfection are among the noblest of the race; admired in the abstract but condemned by their friends as 〃too good;〃 〃impractical;〃 as possessors of the 〃New England conscience。〃 One of the effects of a Puritanical bringing…up is a belief that pleasure is unworthy; especially in the sex field and even in marriage。 Now and then one meets a patient caught between perfectly proper desire and an obsession that such pleasure is debasing; and a feeling of self…disgust and self…hatred results that is the more tragic since it is useless。 There are those in whom self…love and self…esteem is at a lower pressure than with the average man; just as there are those in whom it is at a much higher pressure。 Such people; when fatigued or when subject to the hostile or even non…friendly opinion of others; become so…called self…conscious; i。 e。; are afflicted with fear and a feeling of inferiority。 This may deepen into self…contempt and self…hatred。 Part of what is called confidence in oneself is self…esteem; and under fatigue; illness; after punishment of a physical or mental nature; it is apt to disappear。 Very distressing is this in those who have been accustomed to courage and self…confidence; perhaps whose occupation makes these qualities necessary。 Soldiers; after gassing or cerebral concussion; men completely without introspection; fearless and gay with assurance; become apprehensive; self…analytical and without the least faith in themselves; so that they approach their work in fear。 So with men who work in high places or where there is risk; such as steeplejacks; bridge builders; iron workers; engineers; let an accident happen to them; or let there occur an exhausting disease with its aftermath of neurasthenia; and the self…esteem and self…confidence disappear so that in many cases they have to give up their job。 Because self…disgust and hatred are so painful; compensatory 〃mechanisms〃 have been set up。 There is in many people a tendency to project outward the blame for those acts or thoughts which they dislike。 In the pathological field we get those delusions of influence that are so common。 Thus a patient will attribute his obscene thoughts and words to a hypnotic effect of some person or group of persons and saves his own face by the delusion。 In lesser pathological measure; men have fiercely preached against the snares and wiles of women; refusing to recognize that the turmoil of unwelcome desire into which they were thrown was internal in the greater part of its origin and that the woman often knew little or not at all of the effect she helped produce。 One of the outstanding features in the history of the race has been this transfer of blame from the desire of men to the agent which aroused them。 Of course; women have played on the desires of men; but even where this was true the blame for VULNERABILITY has seldom been fully accepted。 Whenever any one has been 〃weak〃 or 〃foolish〃 or 〃sinful;〃 his mind at once seeks avenues of escape from the blame; from the painful feeling of inferiority and self…reproach。 The avenue of escape selected may be to blame others as tempting or not warning and not teaching; may become entirely delusional; or it may take the religious form of confession; expiation and repentance。 There are some so hardy in their self…esteem that they never suffer; never seek any escape from self…reproach; largely because they never feel it; and others; though they seek escape; are continually dragged by conscience to self…imposed torture。 Most of us seek explanations for our unwelcome conduct on a plane most favorable to our self…esteem; and there arises an elaborate system of self…disguise; expiation; repentance and confession that is in a large part the real inner life of most of us。 To explain failure especially are the avenues of escape utilized。 Wounded in his self…esteem; rare is the one who frankly acknowledges inferiority。 〃Pull;〃 〃favoritism;〃 〃luck;〃 explain the success of others as do the reverse circumstances explain our failures to ourselves。 Sickness explains it; and so the defeated search in themselves for the explanation which will in part compensate them。 Escape from inferiority follows many avenues; by actual development of superiority; by denying real superiority to others; or by explaining the inferiority on some acceptable basis。 Here (as elsewhere in character) there is evident an organic and a social basis for feeling。 We have not emphasized sufficiently a peculiarity of all human feeling; all emotions; all sentiments。 They have their value to the individual in organizing his conduct; his standard of value。 They are of enormous importance socially。 A great law of feeling of whatever kind; of whatever elaboration; is this; it tends to spread from individual to individual and excites whole groups to the same feeling; tender feeling is contagious; and so is hate。 We are somehow so made that we reverberate at a friendly smile in one way and to the snarl and stern look of hate in another way。 Ordinarily love awakens love and hate awakens hate; though it may bring fear or contempt。 It is true that we may feel so superior or cherish some secret hate that will make another's love odious to us; and also we may admire and worship one who hates us。 These are exceptional cases and are examples of exceptional sentimental stability。 It is of course understood that by love is not meant sex passion。 Here the curious effect of coldness is sometimes to fan the flame of passion。 Desire obstructed often gains in violence; and the desire to conquer and to possess the proud; that we all feel; adds to the fire of lust。 Self…esteem; self…confidence; hateful to others if in excess or if obtrusive; is an essential of the leader。 His feeling is extraordinarily contagious; and the morale of the group is in his keeping。 He must not show fear; or self…distrust or self…lowering in any way。 He must be deliberate; but forceful; vigorous; masterful。 If he has doubts; he must keep them to himself or exhibit them only to one who loves him; who is not a mere follower。 I