第 9 节
作者:
津夏 更新:2021-02-24 22:46 字数:9322
… Page 30…
Sketches of Young Couples
THE PLAUSIBLE COUPLE
The plausible couple have many titles。 They are 'a delightful couple;'
an 'affectionate couple;' 'a most agreeable couple; 'a good…hearted couple;'
and 'the best…natured couple in existence。' The truth is; that the plausible
couple are people of the world; and either the way of pleasing the world
has grown much easier than it was in the days of the old man and his ass;
or the old man was but a bad hand at it; and knew very little of the trade。
'But is it really possible to please the world!' says some doubting
reader。 It is indeed。 Nay; it is not only very possible; but very easy。 The
ways are crooked; and sometimes foul and low。 What then? A man need
but crawl upon his hands and knees; know when to close his eyes and
when his ears; when to stoop and when to stand upright; and if by the
world is meant that atom of it in which he moves himself; he shall please it;
never fear。
Now; it will be readily seen; that if a plausible man or woman have an
easy means of pleasing the world by an adaptation of self to all its
twistings and twinings; a plausible man AND woman; or; in other words; a
plausible couple; playing into each other's hands; and acting in concert;
have a manifest advantage。 Hence it is that plausible couples scarcely ever
fail of success on a pretty large scale; and hence it is that if the reader;
laying down this unwieldy volume at the next full stop; will have the
goodness to review his or her circle of acquaintance; and to search
particularly for some man and wife with a large connexion and a good
name; not easily referable to their abilities or their wealth; he or she (that
is; the male or female reader) will certainly find that gentleman or lady; on
a very short reflection; to be a plausible couple。
The plausible couple are the most ecstatic people living: the most
sensitive people … to merit … on the face of the earth。 Nothing clever or
virtuous escapes them。 They have microscopic eyes for such endowments;
and can find them anywhere。 The plausible couple never fawn … oh no!
They don't even scruple to tell their friends of their faults。 One is too
generous; another too candid; a third has a tendency to think all people
like himself; and to regard mankind as a company of angels; a fourth is
30
… Page 31…
Sketches of Young Couples
kind…hearted to a fault。 'We never flatter; my dear Mrs。 Jackson;' say the
plausible couple; 'we speak our minds。 Neither you nor Mr。 Jackson have
faults enough。 It may sound strangely; but it is true。 You have not faults
enough。 You know our way; … we must speak out; and always do。 Quarrel
with us for saying so; if you will; but we repeat it; … you have not faults
enough!'
The plausible couple are no less plausible to each other than to third
parties。 They are always loving and harmonious。 The plausible gentleman
calls his wife 'darling;' and the plausible lady addresses him as 'dearest。' If
it be Mr。 and Mrs。 Bobtail Widger; Mrs。 Widger is 'Lavinia; darling;' and
Mr。 Widger is 'Bobtail; dearest。' Speaking of each other; they observe the
same tender form。 Mrs。 Widger relates what 'Bobtail' said; and Mr。 Widger
recounts what 'darling' thought and did。
If you sit next to the plausible lady at a dinner…table; she takes the
earliest opportunity of expressing her belief that you are acquainted with
the Clickits; she is sure she has heard the Clickits speak of you … she must
not tell you in what terms; or you will take her for a flatterer。 You admit a
knowledge of the Clickits; the plausible lady immediately launches out in
their praise。 She quite loves the Clickits。 Were there ever such true…
hearted; hospitable; excellent people … such a gentle; interesting little
woman as Mrs。 Clickit; or such a frank; unaffected creature as Mr。 Clickit?
were there ever two people; in short; so little spoiled by the world as they
are? 'As who; darling?' cries Mr。 Widger; from the opposite side of the
table。 'The Clickits; dearest;' replies Mrs。 Widger。 'Indeed you are right;
darling;' Mr。 Widger rejoins; 'the Clickits are a very high…minded; worthy;
estimable couple。' Mrs。 Widger remarking that Bobtail always grows quite
eloquent upon this subject; Mr。 Widger admits that he feels very strongly
whenever such people as the Clickits and some other friends of his (here
he glances at the host and hostess) are mentioned; for they are an honour
to human nature; and do one good to think of。 'YOU know the Clickits;
Mrs。 Jackson?' he says; addressing the lady of the house。 'No; indeed; we
have not that pleasure;' she replies。 'You astonish me!' exclaims Mr。
Widger: 'not know the Clickits! why; you are the very people of all others
who ought to be their bosom friends。 You are kindred beings; you are one
31
… Page 32…
Sketches of Young Couples
and the same thing:… not know the Clickits! Now WILL you know the
Clickits? Will you make a point of knowing them? Will you meet them in
a friendly way at our house one evening; and be acquainted with them?'
Mrs。 Jackson will be quite delighted; nothing would give her more
pleasure。 'Then; Lavinia; my darling;' says Mr。 Widger; 'mind you don't
lose sight of that; now; pray take care that Mr。 and Mrs。 Jackson know the
Clickits without loss of time。 Such people ought not to be strangers to each
other。' Mrs。 Widger books both families as the centre of attraction for her
next party; and Mr。 Widger; going on to expatiate upon the virtues of the
Clickits; adds to their other moral qualities; that they keep one of the
neatest phaetons in town; and have two thousand a year。
As the plausible couple never laud the merits of any absent person;
without dexterously contriving that their praises shall reflect upon
somebody who is present; so they never depreciate anything or anybody;
without turning their depreciation to the same account。 Their friend; Mr。
Slummery; say they; is unquestionably a clever painter; and would no
doubt be very popular; and sell his pictures at a very high price; if that
cruel Mr。 Fithers had not forestalled him in his department of art; and
made it thoroughly and completely his own; … Fithers; it is to be observed;
being present and within hearing; and Slummery elsewhere。 Is Mrs。
Tabblewick really as beautiful as people say? Why; there indeed you ask
them a very puzzling question; because there is no doubt that she is a very
charming woman; and they have long known her intimately。 She is no
doubt beautiful; very beautiful; they once thought her the most beautiful
woman ever seen; still if you press them for an honest answer; they are
bound to say that this was before they had ever seen our lovely friend on
the sofa; (the sofa is hard by; and our lovely friend can't help hearing the
whispers in which this is said;) since that time; perhaps; they have been
hardly fair judges; Mrs。 Tabblewick is no doubt extremely handsome; …
very like our friend; in fact; in the form of the features; … but in point of
expression; and soul; and figure; and air altogether … oh dear!
But while the plausible couple depreciate; they are still careful to
preserve their character for amiability and kind feeling; indeed the
depreciation itself is often made to grow out of their excessive sympathy
32
… Page 33…
Sketches of Young Couples
and good will。 The plausible lady calls on a lady who dotes upon her
children; and is sitting with a little girl upon her knee; enraptured by her
artless replies; and protesting that there is nothing she delights in so much
as conversing with these fairies; when the other lady inquires if she has
seen young Mrs。 Finching lately; and whet