第 101 节
作者:散发弄舟      更新:2021-02-21 16:20      字数:9322
  I ought to tell one other little fact; however。  Just before the
  engine whistled; Falconer said to Hugh:
  〃Give me that fourpenny piece; you brave old fellow!〃
  〃There it is;〃 said Hugh。 〃What do you want it for?〃
  〃I am going to make a wedding…present of it to your wife; whoever
  she may happen to be。  I hope she will be worthy of it。〃
  Hugh instantly thought within himself:
  〃What a wife Margaret would make to Falconer!〃
  The thought was followed by a pang; keen and clear。
  Those who are in the habit of regarding the real and the ideal as
  essentially and therefore irreconcileably opposed; will remark that
  I cannot have drawn the representation of Falconer faithfully。
  Perhaps the difficulty they will experience in recognizing its
  truthfulness; may spring from the fact that they themselves are
  un…ideal enough to belong to the not small class of strong…minded
  friends whose chief care; in performing the part of the rock in the
  weary land; isnot to shelter you imprudently。  They are afraid of
  weakening your constitution by it; especially if it is not strong to
  begin with; so if they do just take off the edge of the tempest with
  the sharp corners of their sheltering rock for a moment; the next;
  they will thrust you out into the rain; to get hardy and
  self…denying; by being wet to the skin and well blown about。
  The rich easily learn the wisdom of Solomon; but are unapt scholars
  of him who is greater than Solomon。  It is; on the other hand; so
  easy for the poor to help each other; that they have little merit in
  it: it is no virtueonly a beauty。  But there are a few rich; who;
  rivalling the poor in their own peculiar excellences; enter into the
  kingdom of heaven in spite of their riches; and then find that by
  means of their riches they are made rulers over many cities。  She to
  whose memory this book is dedicated; isI will not say wasone of
  the noblest of such。
  There are two ways of accounting for the difficulty which a reader
  may find in believing in such a character: either that; not being
  poor; he has never needed such a friend; or that; being rich; he has
  never been such a friend。
  Or if it be that; being poor; he has never found such a friend; his
  difficulty is easy to remove:I have。
  CHAPTER XXII。
  DEATH。
  Think then; my soul; that death is but a groom
  Which brings a taper to the outward room;
  Whence thou spy'st first a little glimmering light;
  And after brings it nearer to thy sight:
  For such approaches doth heaven make in death。
  DR。 DONNE。
  Hugh found his mother even worse than he had expected; but she
  rallied a little after his arrival。
  In the evening; he wandered out in the bright moonlit snow。
  How strange it was to see all the old forms with his heart so full
  of new things!  The same hills rose about him; with all the lines of
  their shapes unchanged in seeming。  Yet they were changing as surely
  as himself; nay; he continued more the same than they; for in him
  the old forms were folded up in the new。  In the eyes of Him who
  creates time; there is no rest; but a living sacred change; a
  journeying towards rest。  He alone rests; and he alone; in virtue of
  his rest; creates change。
  He thought with sadness; how all the haunts of his childhood would
  pass to others; who would feel no love or reverence for them; that
  the house would be the same; but sounding with new steps; and
  ringing with new laughter。  A little further thought; however; soon
  satisfied him that places die as well as their dwellers; that; by
  slow degrees; their forms are wiped out; that the new tastes
  obliterate the old fashions; and that ere long the very shape of the
  house and farm would be lapped; as it were; about the tomb of him
  who had been the soul of the shape; and would vanish from the face
  of the earth。
  All the old things at home looked sad。  The look came from this;
  that; though he could sympathize with them and their story; they
  could not sympathize with him; and he suffused them with his own
  sadness。  He could find no refuge in the past; he must go on into
  the future。
  His mother lingered for some time without any evident change。  He
  sat by her bedside the most of the day。  All she wanted was to have
  him within reach of her feeble voice; that she might; when she
  pleased; draw him within touch of her feeble hand。  Once she said:
  〃My boy; I am going to your father。〃
  〃Yes; mother; I think you are;〃 Hugh replied。 〃How glad he will be
  to see you!〃
  〃But I shall leave you alone。〃
  〃Mother; I love God。〃
  The mother looked at him; as only a mother can look; smiled sweetly;
  closed her eyes as with the weight of her contentment; fell asleep
  holding his hand; and slept for hours。
  Meanwhile; in London; Margaret was watching Euphra。  She was dying;
  and Margaret was the angel of life watching over her。
  〃I shall get rid of my lameness there; Margaret; shall I not?〃 said
  Euphra; one day; half playfully。
  〃Yes; dear。〃
  〃It will be delightful to walk again without pain。〃
  〃Perhaps you will not get rid of it all at once; though。〃
  〃Why do you think so?〃 asked Euphra; with some appearance of
  uneasiness。
  〃Because; if it is taken from you before you are quite willing to
  have it as long as God pleases; by and by you will not be able to
  rest; till you have asked for it back again; that you may bear it
  for his sake。〃
  〃I am willing; Margaret; I am willing。  Only one can't like it; you
  know。〃
  〃I know that;〃 answered Margaret。
  She spoke no more; and Margaret heard her weeping gently。  Half an
  hour had passed away; when she looked up; and said:
  〃Margaret; dear; I begin to like my lameness; I think。〃
  〃Why; dear?〃
  〃Why; just because God made it; and bade me bear it。  May I not
  think it is a mark on me from his hand?〃
  〃Yes; I think so。〃
  〃Why do you think it came on me?〃
  〃To walk back to Him with; dear。〃
  〃Yes; yes; I see it all。〃
  Until now; Margaret had not known to what a degree the lameness of
  Euphra had troubled her。  That her pretty ancle should be deformed;
  and her light foot able only to limp; had been a source of real
  distress to her; even in the midst of far deeper。
  The days passed on; and every day she grew weaker。  She did not
  suffer much; but nothing seemed to do her good。  Mrs。 Elton was
  kindness itself。  Harry was in dreadful distress。  He haunted her
  room; creeping in whenever he had a chance; and sitting in corners
  out of the way。  Euphra liked to have him near her。  She seldom
  spoke to him; or to any one but Margaret; for Margaret alone could
  hear with ease what she said。  But now and then she would motion him
  to her bedside; and sayit was always the same
  〃Harry; dear; be good。〃
  〃I will; indeed I will; dear Euphra;〃 was still Harry's reply。
  Once; expressing to Margaret her regret that she should be such a
  trouble to her; she said:
  〃You have to do so much for me; that I am ashamed。〃
  〃Do let me wash the feet of one of his disciples;〃 Margaret replied;
  gently expostulating; after which; Euphra never grumbled at her own
  demands upon her。
  Again; one day; she said:
  〃I am not right at all to…day; Margaret。  God can't love me; I am so
  hateful。〃
  〃Don't measure God's mind by your own; Euphra。  It would be a poor
  love that depended not on itself; but on the feelings of the person
  loved。  A crying baby turns away from its mother's breast; but she
  does not put it away till it stops crying。  She holds it closer。
  For my part; in the worst mood I am ever in; when I don't feel I
  love God at all; I just look up to his love。  I say to him: 'Look at
  me。  See what state I am in。  Help me!〃  Ah! you would wonder how
  that makes peace。  And the love comes of itself; sometimes so
  strong; it nearly breaks my heart。〃
  〃But there is a text I don't like。〃
  〃Take another; then。〃
  〃But it will keep coming。〃
  〃Give it back to God; and never mind it。〃
  〃But would that be right?〃
  〃One day; when I was a little girl; so high; I couldn't eat my
  porridge; and sat looking at it。 'Eat your porridge;' said my
  mother。 'I don't want it;' I answered。 'There's nothing else for
  you;' said my motherfor she had not learned so much from my father
  then; as she did before he died。 'Hoots!' said my fatherI cannot;
  dear Euphra; make his words into English。〃
  〃No; no; don't;〃 said Euphra; 〃I shall understand them perfectly。〃
  〃'Hoots!  Janet; my woman!' said my father。 'Gie the bairn a dish o'
  tay。  Wadna ye like some tay; Maggy; my doo?' 'Ay wad I;' said I。
  'The parritch is guid eneuch;〃 said my mother。 'Nae doot aboot the
  parritch; woman; it's the bairn's stamack; it's no the parritch。'
  My mother said no more; but made me a cup of such nice tea; for
  whenever she gave in; she gave in quite。  I drank it; and; half from
  anxiety to please my mother; half from reviving hunger; attacked the
  porridge next; and ate it up。 'Leuk at that!' said my father。
  'Janet; my woman; gie a body the guid that they can tak'; an'
  they'll sune tak' the guid that they canna。  Ye're better noo;
  Maggy; my doo?'  I never told him that I had taken the porridge too
  soon after all; and had to creep into the wood; and be sick。  But it
  is all the same for the story。〃
  Euphra laughed a feeble but delig