第 90 节
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散发弄舟 更新:2021-02-21 16:20 字数:9322
name?〃
〃Yes; but not spoken to him。〃
〃Where?〃
Margaret was silent。 Euphra knew her well enough now not to repeat
the question。
〃I should have been in love with him; I know。〃
Margaret only smiled。
Another day; Euphra said:
〃What a good boy that Harry is! And so clever too。 Ah! Margaret;
I have behaved like the devil to that boy。 I wanted to have him all
to myself; and so kept him a child。 Need I confess all my ugliest
sins?〃
〃Not to me; certainly; dear Miss Cameron。 Tell God to look into
your heart; and take them all out of it。〃
〃I will。 I do。I even enticed Mr。 Sutherland away from him to me;
when he was the only real friend he had; that I might have them
both。〃
〃But you have done your best to make up for it since。〃
〃I have tried a little。 I cannot say I have done my best。 I have
been so peevish and irritable。〃
〃You could not quite help that。〃
〃How kind you are to excuse me so! It makes me so much stronger to
try again。〃
〃My father used to say that God was always finding every excuse for
us that could be found; every true one; you know; not one false
one。〃
〃That does comfort one。〃
After a pause; Euphra resumed:
〃Mr。 Sutherland did me some good; Margaret。〃
〃I do not wonder at that。〃
〃He made me think less about Count Halkar; and that was something;
for he haunted me。 I did not know then how very wicked he was。 I
did love him once。 Oh; how I hate him now!〃
And she started up and paced the room like a tigress in its cage。
Margaret did not judge this the occasion to read her a lecture on
the duty of forgiveness。 She had enough to do to keep from hating
the man herself; I suspect。 But she tried to turn her thoughts into
another channel。
〃Mr。 Sutherland loved you very much; Miss Cameron。〃
〃He loved me once;〃 said poor Euphra; with a sigh。
〃I saw he did。 That was why I began to love you too。〃
Margaret had at last unwittingly opened the door of her secret。 She
had told the other reason for loving Euphra。 But; naturally enough;
Euphra could not understand what she meant。 Perhaps some of my
readers; understanding Margaret's words perfectly; and their
reference too; may be so far from understanding Margaret herself; as
to turn upon me and say:
〃Impossible! You cannot have understood her or any other woman。〃
Well!
〃What do you mean; Margaret?〃
Margaret both blushed and laughed outright。
〃I must confess it;〃 said she; at once; 〃it cannot hurt him now: my
tutor and yours are the same。〃
〃Impossible!〃
〃True。〃
〃And you never spoke all the time you were both at Arnstead?〃
〃Not once。 He never knew I was in the house。〃
〃How strange! And you saw he loved me?〃
〃Yes。〃
〃And you were not jealous?〃
〃I did not say that。 But I soon found that the only way to escape
from my jealousy; if the feeling I had was jealousy; was to love you
too。 I did。〃
〃You beautiful creature! But you could not have loved him much。〃
〃I loved him enough to love you for his sake。 But why did he stop
loving you? I fear I shall not be able to love him so much now。〃
〃He could not help it; Margaret。 I deserved it。〃
Euphra hid her face in her hands。
〃He could not have really loved you; then?〃
〃Which is better to believe; Margaret;〃 said Euphra; uncovering her
face; which two tears were lingering down; and looking up at
her〃that he never loved me; or that he stopped loving me?〃
〃For his sake; the first。〃
〃And for my sake; the second?〃
〃That depends。〃
〃So it does。 He must have found plenty of faults in me。 But I was
not so bad as he thought me when he stopped loving me。〃
Margaret's answer was one of her loving smiles; in which her eyes
had more share than her lips。
It would have been unendurable to Euphra; a little while before; to
find that she had a rival in a servant。 Now she scarcely regarded
that aspect of her position。 But she looked doubtfully at Margaret;
and then said:
〃How is it that you take it so quietly?for your love must have
been very different from mine。 Indeed; I am not sure that I loved
him at all; and after I had made up my mind to it quite; it did not
hurt me so very much。 But you must have loved him dreadfully。〃
〃Perhaps I did。 But I had no anxiety about it。〃
〃But that you could not leave to a father such as yours even to
settle。〃
〃No。 But I could to God。 I could trust God with what I could not
speak to my father about。 He is my father's father; you know; and
so; more to him and me than we could be to each other。 The more we
love God; the more we love each other; for we find he makes the very
love which sometimes we foolishly fear to do injustice to; by loving
him most。 I love my father ten times more because he loves God; and
because God has secrets with him。〃
〃I wish God were a father to me as he is to you; Margaret。〃
〃But he is your father; whether you wish it or not。 He cannot be
more your father than he is。 You may be more his child than you
are; but not more than he meant you to be; nor more than he made you
for。 You are infinitely more his child than you have grown to yet。
He made you altogether his child; but you have not given in to it
yet。〃
〃Oh! yes; I know what you mean。 I feel it is true。〃
〃The Prodigal Son was his father's child。 He knew it; and gave in
to it。 He did not say: 'I wish my father loved me enough to treat
me like a child again。' He did not say that; butI will arise and
go to my father。〃
Euphra made no answer; but wept; Margaret said no more。
Euphra was the first to resume。
〃Mr。 Sutherland was very kind; Margaret。 He promisedand I know he
will keep his promiseto do all he could to help me。 I hope he is
finding out where that wicked count is。〃
〃Write to him; and ask him to come and see you。 He does not know
where you are。〃
〃But I don't know where he is。〃
〃I do。〃
〃Do you?〃 rejoined Euphra with some surprise。
〃But he does not know where I am。 I will give you his address; if
you like。〃
Euphra pondered a little。 She would have liked very much to see
him; for she was anxious to know of his success。 The love she had
felt for him was a very small obstacle to their meeting now; for her
thoughts had been occupied with affairs; before the interest of
which the poor love she had then been capable of; had melted away
and vanishedvanished; that is; in all that was restrictive and
engrossing in its character。 But now that she knew the relation
that had existed between Margaret and him; she shrunk from doing
anything that might seem to Margaret to give Euphra an opportunity
of regaining his preference。 Not that she had herself the smallest
hope; even had she had the smallest desire of doing so; but she
would not even suggest the idea of being Margaret's rival。 At
length she answered:
〃No; thank you; Margaret。 As soon as he has anything to report; he
will write to Arnstead; and Mrs。 Horton will forward me the letter。
Noit is quite unnecessary。〃
Euphra's health was improving a little; though still she was far
from strong。
CHAPTER XVI。
FOREBODINGS。
Faust。 If heaven was made for man; 'twas made for me。
Good Angel。 Faustus; repent; yet heaven will pity thee。
Bad Angel。 Thou art a spirit; God cannot pity thee。
Faust。 Be I a devil; yet God may pity me。
Bad Angel。 Too late。
Good Angel。 Never too late if Faustus will repent。
Bad Angel。 If thou repent; devils will tear thee in pieces。
Old Man。 I see an angel hover o'er thy head;
And with a vial full of precious grace;
Offers to pour the same into thy soul。
MARLOWE。Doctor Faustus。
Mr。 Appleditch had had some business…misfortunes; not of a heavy
nature; but sufficient to cast a gloom over the house in Dervish
Town; and especially over the face of his spouse; who had set her
heart on a new carpet for her drawing…room; and feared she ought not
to procure it now。 It is wonderful how conscientious some people
are towards their balance at the banker's。 How the drawing…room;
however; could come to want a new carpet is something mysterious;
except there is a peculiar power of decay inherent in things
deprived of use。 These influences operating; however; she began to
think that the two scions of grocery were not drawing nine
shillings' worth a week of the sap of divinity。 This she hinted to
Mr。 Appleditch。 It was resolved to give Hugh warning。
As it would involve some awkwardness to state reasons; Mrs。
Appleditch resolved to quarrel with him; as the easiest way of
prefacing his discharge。 It was the way she took with her
maids…of…all…work; for it was grand in itself; and always left her
with a comfortable feeling of injured dignity。
As a preliminary course; she began to treat him with still less
politeness than before。 Hugh was so careless of her behaviour; that
this made no impression upon him。 But he came to understand it all
afterwards; from putting together the remarks of the children; and
the partial communications of Mr。 Appleditch to Miss Talbot; which
that good lady innocently imparted to her lodger。
At length; one day; she came into the room where Hugh was more busy
in teaching than his pupils