第 84 节
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散发弄舟 更新:2021-02-21 16:20 字数:9322
larger; that the pews were filled with angels; so crowded together
that they had to tuck up their wings very close indeedand Harry
could not help wondering what they wanted them for; that they were
all singing psalms; that the pulpit by a little change had been
converted into a throne; on which sat God the Father; looking very
solemn and severe; that Jesus was seated in the reading…desk;
looking very sad; and that the Holy Ghost sat on the clerk's desk;
in the shape of a white dove; that a cherub; whose face reminded him
very much of a policeman he knew; took him by the shoulder for
trying to pluck a splendid green feather out of an archangel's wing;
and led him up to the throne; where God shook his head at him in
such a dreadful way; that he was terrified; and then stretched out
his hand to lay hold on him; that he shrieked with fear; and that
Jesus put out his hand and lifted him into the reading…desk; and hid
him down below。 And there Harry lay; feeling so safe; stroking and
kissing the feet that had been weary and wounded for him; till; in
the growing delight of the thought that he actually held those feet;
he came awake and remembered it all。 Truly it was a childish dream;
but not without its own significance。 For surely the only refuge
from heathenish representations of God under Christian forms; the
only refuge from man's blinding and paralysing theories; from the
dead wooden shapes substituted for the living forms of human love
and hope and aspiration; from the interpretations which render
scripture as dry as a speech in Chancerysurely the one refuge from
all these awful evils is the Son of man; for no misrepresentation
and no misconception can destroy the beauty of that face which the
marring of sorrow has elevated into the region of reality; beyond
the marring of irreverent speculation and scholastic definition。
》From the God of man's painting; we turn to the man of God's being;
and he leads us to the true God; the radiation of whose glory we
first see in him。 Happy is that man who has a glimpse of this; even
in a dream such as Harry's!a dream in other respects childish and
incongruous; but not more absurd than the instruction whence it
sprung。
But the troubles returned with the day。 Prayers revived them。 He
sought Euphra in her room。
〃They say I must repent and be sorry for my sins;〃 said he。 〃I have
been trying very hard; but I can't think of any; except once that I
gave Gog〃 (his Welsh pony) 〃such a beating because he would go where
I didn't want him。 But he's forgotten it long ago; and I gave him
two feeds of corn after it; and so somehow I can't feel very sorry
now。 What shall I do?But that's not what I mind most。 It always
seems to me it would be so much grander of God to say: 'Come along;
never mind。 I'll make you good。 I can't wait till you are good; I
love you so much。'〃
His own words were too much for Harry; and he burst into tears at
the thought of God being so kind。 Euphra; instead of trying to
comfort him; cried too。 Thus they continued for some time; Harry
with his head on her knees; and she kindly fondling it with her
distressed hands。 Harry was the first to recover; for his was the
April time; when rain clears the heavens。 All at once he sprung to
his feet; and exclaimed:
〃Only think; Euphra! What if; after all; I should find out that God
is as kind as you are!〃
How Euphra's heart smote her!
〃Dear Harry;〃 answered she; 〃God must be a great deal kinder than I
am。 I have not been kind to you at all。〃
〃Don't say that; Euphra。 I shall be quite content if God is as kind
as you。〃
〃Oh; Harry! I hope God is like what I dreamed about my mother last
night。〃
〃Tell me what you dreamed about her; dear Euphra。〃
〃I dreamed that I was a little child〃
〃Were you a little girl when your mother died?〃
〃Oh; yes; such a tiny! But I can just remember her。〃
〃Tell me your dream; then。〃
〃I dreamed that I was a little girl; out all alone on a wild
mountain…moor; tripping and stumbling on my night…gown。 And the
wind was so cold! And; somehow or other; the wind was an enemy to
me; and it followed and caught me; and whirled and tossed me about;
and then ran away again。 Then I hastened on; and the thorns went
into my feet; and the stones cut them。 And I heard the blood from
them trickling down the hill…side as I walked。〃
〃Then they would be like the feet I saw in my dream last night。〃
〃Whose feet were they?〃
〃Jesus' feet。〃
〃Tell me about it。〃
〃You must finish yours first; please; Euphra。〃
So Euphra went on:
〃I got dreadfully lame。 And the wind ran after me; and caught me
again; and took me in his great blue ghostly arms; and shook me
about; and then dropped me again to go on。 But it was very hard to
go on; and I couldn't stop; and there was no use in stopping; for
the wind was everywhere in a moment。 Then suddenly I saw before me
a great cataract; all in white; falling flash from a precipice; and
I thought with myself; 'I will go into the cataract; and it will
beat my life out; and then the wind will not get me any more。' So I
hastened towards it; but the wind caught me many times before I got
near it。 At last I reached it; and threw myself down into the basin
it had hollowed out of the rocks。 But as I was falling; something
caught me gently; and held me fast; and it was not the wind。 I
opened my eyes; and behold! I was in my mother's arms; and she was
clasping me to her breast; for what I had taken for a cataract
falling into a gulf; was only my mother; with her white
grave…clothes floating all about her; standing up in her grave; to
look after me。 'It was time you came home; my darling;' she said;
and stooped down into her grave with me in her arms。 And oh! I was
so happy; and her bosom was not cold; or her arms hard; and she
carried me just like a baby。 And when she stooped down; then a door
opened somewhere in the grave; I could not find out where
exactlyand in a moment after; we were sitting together in a summer
grove; with the tree…tops steeped in sunshine; and waving about in a
quiet loving windoh; how different from the one that chased me
home!and we underneath in the shadow of the trees。 And then I
said; 'Mother; I've hurt my feet。'〃
〃Did you call her mother when you were a little girl?〃 interposed
Harry。
〃No;〃 answered Euphra。 〃I called her mamma; like other children; but
in my dreams I always call her mother。〃
〃And what did she say?〃
〃She said'Poor child!'and held my feet to her bosom; and after
that; when I looked at them; the bleeding was all gone; and I was
not lame any more。〃
Euphra; paused with a sigh。
〃Oh; Harry! I do not like to be lame。〃
〃What more?〃 said Harry; intent only on the dream。
〃Oh! then I was so happy; that I woke up directly。〃
〃What a pity! But if it should come true?〃
〃How could it come true; dear Harry?〃
〃Why; this world is sometimes cold; and the road is hardyou know
what I mean; Euphra。〃
〃Yes; I do。〃
〃I wish I could dream dreams like that! How clever you must be!〃
〃But you dream dreams; too; Harry。 Tell me yours。〃
〃Oh; no; I never dream dreams; the dreams dream me;〃 answered Harry;
with a smile。
Then he told his dream; to which Euphra listened with an interest
uninjured by the grotesqueness of its fancy。 Each interpreted the
other's with reverence。
They ceased talking; and sat silent for a while。 Then Harry;
putting his arms round Euphra's neck; and his lips close to her ear;
whispered:
〃Perhaps God will say my darling to you some day; Euphra; just as
your mother did in your dream。〃
She was silent。 Harry looked round into her face; and saw that the
tears were flowing fast。
At that instant; a gentle knock came to the door。 Euphra could not
reply to it。 It was repeated。 After another moment's delay; the
door opened; and Margaret walked in。
CHAPTER XII。
A SUNDAY WITH FALCONER。
How happy is he born and taught;
That serveth not another's will;
Whose armour is his honest thought;
And simple truth his utmost skill。
This man is freed from servile bands
Of hope to rise or fear to fall:
Lord of himself; though not of lands;
And; having nothing; yet hath all。
SIR HENRY WOTTON。
It was not often that Falconer went to church; but he seemed to have
some design in going oftener than usual at present。 The Sunday
after the one last mentioned; he went as well; though not to the
same church; and calling for Hugh took him with him。 What they
found there; and the conversation following thereupon; I will try to
relate; because; although they do not immediately affect my outward
story; they greatly influenced Hugh's real history。
They heard the Morning Service and the Litany read in an ordinary
manner; though somewhat more devoutly than usual。 Then; from the
communion…table; rose a voice vibrating with solemn emotion; like
the voice of Abraham pleading for Sodom。 It thrilled through Hugh's
heart。 The sermon which followed affected him no less; although;
when he came out; he confessed to Falconer that he had only caught
flying glimpses of its meaning; scope; and drift。
〃I seldom go to church;〃 said Falconer; 〃b