第 13 节
作者:
圈圈 更新:2021-02-21 16:11 字数:9322
about the sale; before I got there; and asked me what I had fetched; and
who had bought me; and hooted at me; 〃Going; going; gone!〃 I never
whispered in that wretched place that I had been Haroun; or had had a
Seraglio: for; I knew that if I mentioned my reverses; I should be so
worried; that I should have to drown myself in the muddy pond near the
playground; which looked like the beer。
Ah me; ah me! No other ghost has haunted the boy's room; my friends;
since I have occupied it; than the ghost of my own childhood; the ghost of
my own innocence; the ghost of my own airy belief。 Many a time have I
pursued the phantom: never with this man's stride of mine to come up with
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it; never with these man's hands of mine to touch it; never more to this
man's heart of mine to hold it in its purity。 And here you see me working
out; as cheerfully and thankfully as I may; my doom of shaving in the
glass a constant change of customers; and of lying down and rising up
with the skeleton allotted to me for my mortal companion。
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THE TRIAL FOR MURDER。
I have always noticed a prevalent want of courage; even among
persons of superior intelligence and culture; as to imparting their own
psychological experiences when those have been of a strange sort。 Almost
all men are afraid that what they could relate in such wise would find no
parallel or response in a listener's internal life; and might be suspected or
laughed at。 A truthful traveller; who should have seen some extraordinary
creature in the likeness of a sea…serpent; would have no fear of mentioning
it; but the same traveller; having had some singular presentiment; impulse;
vagary of thought; vision (so…called); dream; or other remarkable mental
impression; would hesitate considerably before he would own to it。 To this
reticence I attribute much of the obscurity in which such subjects are
involved。 We do not habitually communicate our experiences of these
subjective things as we do our experiences of objective creation。 The
consequence is; that the general stock of experience in this regard appears
exceptional; and really is so; in respect of being miserably imperfect。
In what I am going to relate; I have no intention of setting up;
opposing; or supporting; any theory whatever。 I know the history of the
Bookseller of Berlin; I have studied the case of the wife of a late
Astronomer Royal as related by Sir David Brewster; and I have followed
the minutest details of a much more remarkable case of Spectral Illusion
occurring within my private circle of friends。 It may be necessary to state
as to this last; that the sufferer (a lady) was in no degree; however distant;
related to me。 A mistaken assumption on that head might suggest an
explanation of a part of my own case;but only a part;which would be
wholly without foundation。 It cannot be referred to my inheritance of any
developed peculiarity; nor had I ever before any at all similar experience;
nor have I ever had any at all similar experience since。
It does not signify how many years ago; or how few; a certain murder
was committed in England; which attracted great attention。 We hear more
than enough of murderers as they rise in succession to their atrocious
eminence; and I would bury the memory of this particular brute; if I could;
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as his body was buried; in Newgate Jail。 I purposely abstain from giving
any direct clue to the criminal's individuality。
When the murder was first discovered; no suspicion fellor I ought
rather to say; for I cannot be too precise in my facts; it was nowhere
publicly hinted that any suspicion fellon the man who was afterwards
brought to trial。 As no reference was at that time made to him in the
newspapers; it is obviously impossible that any description of him can at
that time have been given in the newspapers。 It is essential that this fact be
remembered。
Unfolding at breakfast my morning paper; containing the account of
that first discovery; I found it to be deeply interesting; and I read it with
close attention。 I read it twice; if not three times。 The discovery had been
made in a bedroom; and; when I laid down the paper; I was aware of a
flashrushflowI do not know what to call it;no word I can find is
satisfactorily descriptive;in which I seemed to see that bedroom passing
through my room; like a picture impossibly painted on a running river。
Though almost instantaneous in its passing; it was perfectly clear; so clear
that I distinctly; and with a sense of relief; observed the absence of the
dead body from the bed。
It was in no romantic place that I had this curious sensation; but in
chambers in Piccadilly; very near to the corner of St。 James's Street。 It was
entirely new to me。 I was in my easy…chair at the moment; and the
sensation was accompanied with a peculiar shiver which started the chair
from its position。 (But it is to be noted that the chair ran easily on castors。)
I went to one of the windows (there are two in the room; and the room is
on the second floor) to refresh my eyes with the moving objects down in
Piccadilly。 It was a bright autumn morning; and the street was sparkling
and cheerful。 The wind was high。 As I looked out; it brought down from
the Park a quantity of fallen leaves; which a gust took; and whirled into a
spiral pillar。 As the pillar fell and the leaves dispersed; I saw two men on
the opposite side of the way; going from West to East。 They were one
behind the other。 The foremost man often looked back over his shoulder。
The second man followed him; at a distance of some thirty paces; with his
right hand menacingly raised。 First; the singularity and steadiness of this
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threatening gesture in so public a thoroughfare attracted my attention; and
next; the more remarkable circumstance that nobody heeded it。 Both men
threaded their way among the other passengers with a smoothness hardly
consistent even with the action of walking on a pavement; and no single
creature; that I could see; gave them place; touched them; or looked after
them。 In passing before my windows; they both stared up at me。 I saw
their two faces very distinctly; and I knew that I could recognise them
anywhere。 Not that I had consciously noticed anything very remarkable in
either face; except that the man who went first had an unusually lowering
appearance; and that the face of the man who followed him was of the
colour of impure wax。
I am a bachelor; and my valet and his wife constitute my whole
establishment。 My occupation is in a certain Branch Bank; and I wish that
my duties as head of a Department were as light as they are popularly
supposed to be。 They kept me in town that autumn; when I stood in need
of change。 I was not ill; but I was not well。 My reader is to make the most
that can be reasonably made of my feeling jaded; having a depressing
sense upon me of a monotonous life; and being 〃slightly dyspeptic。〃 I am
assured by my renowned doctor that my real state of health at that time
justifies no stronger description; and I quote his own from his written
answer to my request for it。
As the circumstances of the murder; gradually unravelling; took
stronger and stronger possession of the public mind; I kept them away
from mine by knowing as little about them as was possible in the midst of
the universal excitement。 But I knew that a verdict of Wilful Murder had
been found against the suspected murderer; and that