myself；　for　myself　alone；　and　whether　I　became　a　benefactor　to　others；
  or　spent　my　life　like　a　spider　catching　men　in　my　web　and　sucking
  the　life　out　of　men；　I　couldn't　have　cared　at　that　moment。。。。　And　it
  was　not　the　money　I　wanted；　Sonia；　when　I　did　it。　It　was　not　so　much
  the　money　I　wanted；　but　something　else。。。。　I　know　it　all　now。。。。
  Understand　me！　Perhaps　I　should　never　have　committed　a　murder　again。　I
  wanted　to　find　out　something　else；　it　was　something　else　led　me　on。
  I　wanted　to　find　out　then　and　quickly　whether　I　was　a　louse　like
  everybody　else　or　a　man。　Whether　I　can　step　over　barriers　or　not；
  whether　I　dare　stoop　to　pick　up　or　not；　whether　I　am　a　trembling
  creature　or　whether　I　have　the　right。。。〃
  〃To　kill？　Have　the　right　to　kill？〃　Sonia　clasped　her　hands。
  〃Ach；　Sonia！〃　he　cried　irritably　and　seemed　about　to　make　some
  retort；　but　was　contemptuously　silent。　〃Don't　interrupt　me；　Sonia。　I
  want　to　prove　one　thing　only；　that　the　devil　led　me　on　then　and　he　has
  shown　me　since　that　I　had　not　the　right　to　take　that　path；　because　I
  am　just　such　a　louse　as　all　the　rest。　He　was　mocking　me　and　here
  I've　come　to　you　now！　Welcome　your　guest！　If　I　were　not　a　louse；
  should　I　have　come　to　you？　Listen：　when　I　went　then　to　the　old　woman's
  I　only　went　to　try。。。。　You　may　be　sure　of　that！〃
  〃And　you　murdered　her！〃
  〃But　how　did　I　murder　her？　Is　that　how　men　do　murders？　Do　men　go
  to　commit　a　murder　as　I　went　then？　I　will　tell　you　some　day　how　I
  went！　Did　I　murder　the　old　woman？　I　murdered　myself；　not　her！　I
  crushed　myself　once　for　all；　for　ever。。。。　But　it　was　the　devil　that
  killed　that　old　woman；　not　I。　Enough；　enough；　Sonia；　enough！　Let　me
  be！〃　he　cried　in　a　sudden　spasm　of　agony；　〃let　me　be！〃
  He　leaned　his　elbows　on　his　knees　and　squeezed　his　head　in　his　hands
  as　in　a　vise。
  〃What　suffering！〃　A　wail　of　anguish　broke　from　Sonia。
  〃Well；　what　am　I　to　do　now？〃　he　asked；　suddenly　raising　his　head　and
  looking　at　her　with　a　face　hideously　distorted　by　despair。
  〃What　are　you　to　do？〃　she　cried；　jumping　up；　and　her　eyes　that　had
  been　full　of　tears　suddenly　began　to　shine。　〃Stand　up！〃　（She　seized
  him　by　the　shoulder；　he　got　up；　looking　at　her　almost　bewildered。）　〃Go
  at　once；　this　very　minute；　stand　at　the　cross…roads；　bow　down；　first
  kiss　the　earth　which　you　have　defiled　and　then　bow　down　to　all　the
  world　and　say　to　all　men　aloud；　'I　am　a　murderer！'　Then　God　will
  send　you　life　again。　Will　you　go；　will　you　go？〃　she　asked　him；
  trembling　all　over；　snatching　his　two　hands；　squeezing　them　tight　in
  hers　and　gazing　at　him　with　eyes　full　of　fire。
  He　was　amazed　at　her　sudden　ecstasy。
  〃You　mean　Siberia；　Sonia？　I　must　give　myself　up？〃　he　asked　gloomily。
  〃Suffer　and　expiate　your　sin　by　it；　that's　what　you　must　do。〃
  〃No！　I　am　not　going　to　them；　Sonia！〃
  〃But　how　will　you　go　on　living？　What　will　you　live　for？〃　cried
  Sonia；　〃how　is　it　possible　now？　Why；　how　can　you　talk　to　your
  mother？　（Oh；　what　will　become　of　them　now！）　But　what　am　I　saying？
  You　have　abandoned　your　mother　and　your　sister　already。　He　has
  abandoned　them　already！　Oh；　God！〃　she　cried；　〃why；　he　knows　it　all
  himself。　How；　how　can　he　live　by　himself！　What　will　become　of　you
  now？〃
  〃Don't　be　a　child；　Sonia；〃　he　said　softly。　〃What　wrong　have　I　done
  them？　Why　should　I　go　to　them？　What　should　I　say　to　them？　That's
  only　a　phantom。。。。　They　destroy　men　by　millions　themselves　and　look　on
  it　as　a　virtue。　They　are　knaves　and　scoundrels；　Sonia！　I　am　not
  going　to　them。　And　what　should　I　say　to　them…　that　I　murdered　her；　but
  did　not　dare　to　take　the　money　and　hid　it　under　a　stone？〃　he　added
  with　a　bitter　smile。　〃Why；　they　would　laugh　at　me；　and　would　call　me　a
  fool　for　not　getting　it。　A　coward　and　a　fool！　They　wouldn't　understand
  and　they　don't　deserve　to　understand。　Why　should　I　go　to　them？　I
  won't。　Don't　be　a　child；　Sonia。。。。〃
  〃It　will　be　too　much　for　you　to　bear；　too　much！〃　she　repeated；
  holding　out　her　hands　in　despairing　supplication。
  〃Perhaps　I've　been　unfair　to　myself；〃　he　observed　gloomily；
  pondering；　〃perhaps　after　all　I　am　a　man　and　not　a　louse　and　I've　been
  in　too　great　a　hurry　to　condemn　myself。　I'll　make　another　fight　for
  it。〃
  A　haughty　smile　appeared　on　his　lips。
  〃What　a　burden　to　bear！　And　your　whole　life；　your　whole　life！〃
  〃I　shall　get　used　to　it；〃　he　said　grimly　and　thoughtfully。　〃Listen；〃
  he　began　a　minute　later；　〃stop　crying；　it's　time　to　talk　of　the　facts：
  I've　come　to　tell　you　that　the　police　are　after　me；　on　my　track。。。。〃
  〃Ach！〃　Sonia　cried　in　terror。
  〃Well；　why　do　you　cry　out？　You　want　me　to　go　to　Siberia　and　now
  you　are　frightened？　But　let　me　tell　you：　I　shall　not　give　myself　up。　I
  shall　make　a　struggle　for　it　and　they　won't　do　anything　to　me。　They've
  no　real　evidence。　Yesterday　I　was　in　great　danger　and　believed　I　was
  lost；　but　to…day　things　are　going　better。　All　the　facts　they　know
  can　be　explained　two　ways；　that's　to　say　I　can　turn　their
  accusations　to　my　credit；　do　you　understand？　And　I　shall；　for　I've
  learnt　my　lesson。　But　they　will　certainly　arrest　me。　If　it　had　not
  been　for　something　that　happened；　they　would　have　done　so　to…day　for
  certain；　perhaps　even　now　they　will　arrest　me　to…day。。。。　But　that's　no
  matter；　Sonia；　they'll　let　me　out　again。。。　for　there　isn't　any　real
  proof　against　me；　and　there　won't　be；　I　give　you　my　word　for　it。　And
  they　can't　convict　a　man　on　what　they　have　against　me。　Enough。。。。　I
  only　tell　you　that　you　may　know。。。。　I　will　try　to　manage　somehow　to
  put　it　to　my　mother　and　sister　so　that　they　won't　be　frightened。。。。　My
  sister's　future　is　secure；　however；　now；　I　believe。。。　and　my
  mother's　must　be　too。。。。　Well；　that's　all。　Be　careful；　though。　Will
  you　come　and　see　me　in　prison　when　I　am　there？〃
  〃Oh；　I　will；　I　will。〃
  They　sat　side　by　side；　both　mournful　and　dejected；　as　though　they
  had　been　cast　up　by　the　tempest　alone　on　some　deserted　shore。　He
  looked　at　Sonia　and　felt　how　great　was　her　love　for　him；　and　strange
  to　say　he　felt　it　suddenly　burdensome　and　painful　to　be　so　loved。　Yes；
  it　was　a　strange　and　awful　sensation！　On　his　way　to　see　Sonia　he　had
  felt　that　all　his　hopes　rested　on　her；　he　expected　to　be　rid　of　at
  least　part　of　his　suffering；　and　now；　when　all　her　heart　turned
  towards　him；　he　suddenly　felt　that　he　was　immeasurably　unhappier
  than　before。
  〃Sonia；〃　he　said；　〃you'd　better　not　come　and　see　me　when　I　am　in
  prison。〃
  Sonia　did　not　answer；　she　was　crying。　Several　minutes　passed。
  〃Have　you　a　cross　on　you？〃　she　asked；　as　though　suddenly　thinking　of
  it。
  He　did　not　at　first　understand　the　question。
  〃No；　of　course　not。　Here；　take　this　one；　of　cypress　wood。　I　have
  another；　a　copper　one　that　belonged　to　Lizaveta。　I　changed　with
  Lizaveta：　she　gave　me　her　cross　and　I　gave　her　my　little　ikon。　I
  will　wear　Lizaveta's　now　and　give　you　this。　Take　it。。。　it's　mine！　It's
  mine；　you　know；〃　she　begged　him。　〃We　will　go　to　suffer　together；　and
  together　we　will　bear　our　cross！〃
  〃Give　it　me；〃　said　Raskolnikov。
  He　did　not　want　to　hurt　her　feelings。　But　immediately　he　drew　back
  the　hand　he　held　out　for　the　cross。
  〃Not　now；　Sonia。　Better　later；〃　he　added　to　comfort　her。
  〃Yes；　yes；　better；〃　she　repeated　with　conviction；　〃when　you　go　to
  meet　your　suffering；　then　put　it　o