been。　Now　all　these　questions　rushed　at　once　into　her　mind。　And
  again　she　could　not　believe　it：　〃He；　he　is　a　murderer！　Could　it　be
  true？〃
  〃What's　the　meaning　of　it？　Where　am　I？〃　she　said　in　complete
  bewilderment；　as　though　still　unable　to　recover　herself。　〃How　could
  you；　you；　a　man　like　you。。。。　How　could　you　bring　yourself　to　it？。。。
  What　does　it　mean？〃
  〃Oh；　well…　to　plunder。　Leave　off；　Sonia；〃　he　answered　wearily；
  almost　with　vexation。
  Sonia　stood　as　though　struck　dumb；　but　suddenly　she　cried：
  〃You　were　hungry！　It　was。。。　to　help　your　mother？　Yes？〃
  〃No；　Sonia；　no；〃　he　muttered；　turning　away　and　hanging　his　head。
  〃I　was　not　so　hungry。。。。　I　certainly　did　want　to　help　my　mother；
  but。。。　that's　not　the　real　thing　either。。。。　Don't　torture　me；　Sonia。〃
  Sonia　clasped　her　hands。
  〃Could　it；　could　it　all　be　true？　Good　God；　what　a　truth！　Who　could
  believe　it？　And　how　could　you　give　away　your　last　farthing　and　yet　rob
  and　murder！　Ah；〃　she　cried　suddenly；　〃that　money　you　gave　Katerina
  Ivanovna。。。　that　money。。。。　Can　that　money。。。〃
  〃No；　Sonia；〃　he　broke　in　hurriedly；　〃that　money　was　not　it。　Don't
  worry　yourself！　That　money　my　mother　sent　me　and　it　came　when　I　was
  ill；　the　day　I　gave　it　to　you。。。。　Razumihin　saw　it。。。　he　received　it
  for　me。。。。　That　money　was　mine…　my　own。〃
  Sonia　listened　to　him　in　bewilderment　and　did　her　utmost　to
  comprehend。
  〃And　that　money。。。。　I　don't　even　know　really　whether　there　was　any
  money；〃　he　added　softly；　as　though　reflecting。　〃I　took　a　purse　off　her
  neck；　made　of　chamois　leather。。。　a　purse　stuffed　full　of
  something。。。　but　I　didn't　look　in　it；　I　suppose　I　hadn't　time。。。。
  And　the　things…　chains　and　trinkets…　I　buried　under　a　stone　with　the
  purse　next　morning　in　a　yard　off　the　V__　Prospect。　They　are　all
  there　now。。。。。〃
  Sonia　strained　every　nerve　to　listen。
  〃Then　why。。。　why；　you　said　you　did　it　to　rob；　but　you　took　nothing？〃
  she　asked　quickly；　catching　at　a　straw。
  〃I　don't　know。。。。　I　haven't　yet　decided　whether　to　take　that　money
  or　not；〃　he　said；　musing　again；　and；　seeming　to　wake　up　with　a
  start；　he　gave　a　brief　ironical　smile。　〃Ach；　what　silly　stuff　I　am
  talking；　eh？〃
  The　thought　flashed　through　Sonia's　mind；　wasn't　he　mad？　But　she
  dismissed　it　at　once。　〃No；　it　was　something　else。〃　She　could　make
  nothing　of　it；　nothing。
  〃Do　you　know；　Sonia；〃　he　said　suddenly　with　conviction；　〃let　me　tell
  you：　if　I'd　simply　killed　because　I　was　hungry；〃　laying　stress　on
  every　word　and　looking　enigmatically　but　sincerely　at　her；　〃I　should
  be　happy　now。　You　must　believe　that！　What　would　it　matter　to　you；〃
  he　cried　a　moment　later　with　a　sort　of　despair；　〃what　would　it
  matter　to　you　if　I　were　to　confess　that　I　did　wrong！　What　do　you
  gain　by　such　a　stupid　triumph　over　me？　Ah；　Sonia；　was　it　for　that　I've
  come　to　you　to…day？〃
  Again　Sonia　tried　to　say　something；　but　did　not　speak。
  〃I　asked　you　to　go　with　me　yesterday　because　you　are　all　I　have
  left。〃
  〃Go　where？〃　asked　Sonia　timidly。
  〃Not　to　steal　and　not　to　murder；　don't　be　anxious；〃　he　smiled
  bitterly。　〃We　are　so　different。。。。　And　you　know；　Sonia；　it's　only　now；
  only　this　moment　that　I　understand　where　I　asked　you　to　go　with　me
  yesterday！　Yesterday　when　I　said　it　I　did　not　know　where。　I　asked
  you　for　one　thing；　I　came　to　you　for　one　thing…　not　to　leave　me。　You
  won't　leave　me；　Sonia？〃
  She　squeezed　his　hand。
  〃And　why；　why　did　I　tell　her？　Why　did　I　let　her　know？〃　he　cried　a
  minute　later　in　despair；　looking　with　infinite　anguish　at　her。　〃Here
  you　expect　an　explanation　from　me；　Sonia；　you　are　sitting　and
  waiting　for　it；　I　see　that。　But　what　can　I　tell　you？　You　won't
  understand　and　will　only　suffer　misery。。。　on　my　account！　Well；　you　are
  crying　and　embracing　me　again。　Why　do　you　do　it？　Because　I　couldn't
  bear　my　burden　and　have　come　to　throw　it　on　another：　you　suffer　too；
  and　I　shall　feel　better！　And　can　you　love　such　a　mean　wretch？〃
  〃But　aren't　you　suffering；　too？〃　cried　Sonia。
  Again　a　wave　of　the　same　feeling　surged　into　his　heart；　and　again
  for　an　instant　softened　it。
  〃Sonia；　I　have　a　bad　heart；　take　note　of　that。　It　may　explain　a
  great　deal。　I　have　come　because　I　am　bad。　There　are　men　who　wouldn't
  have　come。　But　I　am　a　coward　and。。。　a　mean　wretch。　But。。。　never
  mind！　That's　not　the　point。　I　must　speak　now；　but　I　don't　know　how
  to　begin。〃
  He　paused　and　sank　into　thought。
  〃Ach；　we　are　so　different；〃　he　cried　again；　〃we　are　not　alike。　And
  why；　why　did　I　come？　I　shall　never　forgive　myself　that。〃
  〃No；　no；　it　was　a　good　thing　you　came；〃　cried　Sonia。　〃It's　better
  I　should　know；　far　better！〃
  He　looked　at　her　with　anguish。
  〃What　if　it　were　really　that？〃　he　said；　as　though　reaching　a
  conclusion。　〃Yes；　that's　what　it　was！　I　wanted　to　become　a　Napoleon；
  that　is　why　I　killed　her。。。。　Do　you　understand　now？〃
  〃N…no；〃　Sonia　whispered　naively　and　timidly。　〃Only　speak；　speak；　I
  shall　understand；　I　shall　understand　in　myself！〃　she　kept　begging　him。
  〃You'll　understand？　Very　well；　we　shall　see！〃　He　paused　and　was
  for　some　time　lost　in　meditation。
  〃It　was　like　this：　I　asked　myself　one　day　this　question…　what　if
  Napoleon；　for　instance；　had　happened　to　be　in　my　place；　and　if　he
  had　not　had　Toulon　nor　Egypt　nor　the　passage　of　Mont　Blanc　to　begin
  his　career　with；　but　instead　of　all　those　picturesque　and　monumental
  things；　there　had　simply　been　some　ridiculous　old　hag；　a　pawnbroker；
  who　had　to　be　murdered　too　to　get　money　from　her　trunk　（for　his
  career；　you　understand）。　Well；　would　he　have　brought　himself　to
  that；　if　there　had　been　no　other　means？　Wouldn't　he　have　felt　a　pang
  at　its　being　so　far　from　monumental　and。。。　and　sinful；　too？　Well；　I
  must　tell　you　that　I　worried　myself　fearfully　over　that　'question'
  so　that　I　was　awfully　ashamed　when　I　guessed　at　last　（all　of　a　sudden；
  somehow）　that　it　would　not　have　given　him　the　least　pang；　that　it
  would　not　even　have　struck　him　that　it　was　not　monumental。。。　that　he
  would　not　have　seen　that　there　was　anything　in　it　to　pause　over；　and
  that；　if　he　had　had　no　other　way；　he　would　have　strangled　her　in　a
  minute　without　thinking　about　it！　Well；　I　too。。。　left　off　thinking
  about　it。。。　murdered　her；　following　his　example。　And　that's　exactly
  how　it　was！　Do　you　think　it　funny？　Yes；　Sonia；　the　funniest　thing　of
  all　is　that　perhaps　that's　just　how　it　was。〃
  Sonia　did　not　think　it　at　all　funny。
  〃You　had　better　tell　me　straight　out。。。　without　examples；〃　she
  begged；　still　more　timidly　and　scarcely　audibly。
  He　turned　to　her；　looked　sadly　at　her　and　took　her　hands。
  〃You　are　right　again；　Sonia。　Of　course　that's　all　nonsense；　it's
  almost　all　talk！　You　see；　you　know　of　course　that　my　mother　has
  scarcely　anything；　my　sister　happened　to　have　a　good　education　and　was
  condemned　to　drudge　as　a　governess。　All　their　hopes　were　centered　on
  me。　I　was　a　student；　but　I　couldn't　keep　myself　at　the　university
  and　was　forced　for　a　time　to　leave　it。　Even　if　I　had　lingered　on
  like　that；　in　ten　or　twelve　years