第 66 节
作者:不言败      更新:2021-02-21 15:47      字数:9322
  the elementary; so to speak; fundamental causes tending to produce
  your morbid condition: in that case you will be cured; if not; it will
  go from bad to worse。 These fundamental causes I don't know; but
  they must be known to you。 You are an intelligent man; and must have
  observed yourself; of course。 I fancy the first stage of your
  derangement coincides with your leaving the university。 You must not
  be left without occupation; and so; work and a definite aim set before
  you might; I fancy; be very beneficial。〃
  〃Yes; yes; you are perfectly right。。。。 I will make haste and
  return to the university: and then everything will go smoothly。。。。〃
  Zossimov; who had begun his sage advice partly to make an effect
  before the ladies; was certainly somewhat mystified; when; glancing at
  his patient; he observed unmistakable mockery on his face。 This lasted
  an instant; however。 Pulcheria Alexandrovna began at once thanking
  Zossimov; especially for his visit to their lodging the previous
  night。
  〃What! he saw you last night?〃 Raskolnikov asked; as though
  startled。 〃Then you have not slept either after your journey。〃
  〃Ach; Rodya; that was only till two o'clock。 Dounia and I never go
  to bed before two at home。〃
  〃I don't know how to thank him either;〃 Raskolnikov went on suddenly
  frowning and looking down。 〃Setting aside the question of payment…
  forgive me for referring to it (he turned to Zossimov)… I really don't
  know what I have done to deserve such special attention from you! I
  simply don't understand it。。。 and。。。 and。。。 it weighs upon me; indeed;
  because I don't understand it。 I tell you so candidly。〃
  〃Don't be irritated。〃 Zossimov forced himself to laugh。 〃Assume that
  you are my first patient… well… we fellows just beginning to
  practise love our first patients as if they were our children; and
  some almost fall in love with them。 And; of course; I am not rich in
  patients。〃
  〃I say nothing about him;〃 added Raskolnikov; pointing to Razumihin;
  〃though he has had nothing from me either but insult and trouble。〃
  〃What nonsense he is talking! Why; you are in a sentimental mood
  to…day; are you?〃 shouted Razumihin。
  If he had had more penetration he would have seen that there was
  no trace of sentimentality in him; but something indeed quite the
  opposite。 But Avdotya Romanovna noticed it。 She was intently and
  uneasily watching her brother。
  〃As for you; mother; I don't dare to speak;〃 he went on; as though
  repeating a lesson learned by heart。 〃It is only to…day that I have
  been able to realise a little how distressed you must have been here
  yesterday; waiting for me to come back。〃
  When he had said this; he suddenly held out his hand to his
  sister; smiling without a word。 But in this smile there was a flash of
  real unfeigned feeling。 Dounia caught it at once; and warmly pressed
  his hand; overjoyed and thankful。 It was the first time he had
  addressed her since their dispute the previous day。 The mother's
  face lighted up with ecstatic happiness at the sight of this
  conclusive unspoken reconciliation。 〃Yes; that is what I love him
  for;〃 Razumihin; exaggerating it all; muttered to himself; with a
  vigorous turn in his chair。 〃He has these movements。〃
  〃And how well he does it all;〃 the mother was thinking to herself。
  〃What generous impulses he has; and how simply; how delicately he
  put an end to all the misunderstanding with his sister… simply by
  holding out his hand at the right minute and looking at her like
  that。。。。 And what fine eyes he has; and how fine his whole face is!。。。
  He is even better looking than Dounia。。。。 But; good heavens; what a
  suit… how terribly he's dressed!。。。 Vasya; the messenger boy in
  Afanasy Ivanitch's shop; is better dressed! I could rush at him and
  hug him。。。 weep over him… but I am afraid。。。。 Oh; dear; he's so
  strange! He's talking kindly; but I'm afraid! Why; what am I afraid
  of?。。。〃
  〃Oh; Rodya; you wouldn't believe;〃 she began suddenly; in haste to
  answer his words to her; 〃how unhappy Dounia and I were yesterday! Now
  that it's all over and done with and we are quite happy again… I can
  tell you。 Fancy; we ran here almost straight from the train to embrace
  you and that woman… ah; here she is! Good morning; Nastasya!。。。 She
  told us at once that you were lying in a high fever and had just run
  away from the doctor in delirium; and they were looking for you in the
  streets。 You can't imagine how we felt! I couldn't help thinking of
  the tragic end of Lieutenant Potanchikov; a friend of your father's…
  you can't remember him; Rodya… who ran out in the same way in a high
  fever and fell into the well in the courtyard and they couldn't pull
  him out till next day。 Of course; we exaggerated things。 We were on
  the point of rushing to find Pyotr Petrovitch to ask him to help。。。。
  Because we were alone; utterly alone;〃 she said plaintively and
  stopped short; suddenly; recollecting it was still somewhat
  dangerous to speak of Pyotr Petrovitch; although 〃we are quite happy
  again。〃
  〃Yes; yes。。。。 Of course it's very annoying。。。。〃 Raskolnikov muttered
  in reply; but with such a preoccupied and inattentive air that
  Dounia gazed at him in perplexity。
  〃What else was it I wanted to say;〃 he went on trying to
  recollect。 〃Oh; yes; mother; and you too; Dounia; please don't think
  that I didn't mean to come and see you to…day and was waiting for
  you to come first。〃
  〃What are you saying; Rodya?〃 cried Pulcheria Alexandrovna。 She;
  too; was surprised。
  〃Is he answering us as a duty?〃 Dounia wondered。 〃Is he being
  reconciled and asking forgiveness as though he were performing a
  rite or repeating a lesson?〃
  〃I've only just waked up; and wanted to go to you; but was delayed
  owing to my clothes; I forgot yesterday to ask her。。。 Nastasya。。。 to
  wash out the blood。。。 I've only just dressed。〃
  〃Blood! What blood?〃 Pulcheria Alexandrovna asked in alarm。
  〃Oh; nothing… don't be uneasy。 It was when I was wandering about
  yesterday; rather delirious; I chanced upon a man who had been run
  over。。。 a clerk。。。〃
  〃Delirious? But you remember everything!〃 Razumihin interrupted。
  〃That's true;〃 Raskolnikov answered with special carefulness。 〃I
  remember everything even to the slightest detail; and yet… why I did
  that and went there and said that; I can't clearly explain now。〃
  〃A familiar phenomenon;〃 interposed Zossimov; 〃actions are sometimes
  performed in a masterly and most cunning way; while the direction of
  the actions is deranged and dependent on various morbid impressions…
  it's like a dream。〃
  〃Perhaps it's a good thing really that he should think me almost a
  madman;〃 thought Raskolnikov。
  〃Why; people in perfect health act in the same way too;〃 observed
  Dounia; looking uneasily at Zossimov。
  〃There is some truth in your observation;〃 the latter replied。 〃In
  that sense we are certainly all not infrequently like madmen; but with
  the slight difference that the deranged are somewhat madder; for we
  must draw a line。 A normal man; it is true; hardly exists。 Among
  dozens… perhaps hundreds of thousands… hardly one is to be met with。〃
  At the word 〃madman;〃 carelessly dropped by Zossimov in his
  chatter on his favourite subject; every one frowned。
  Raskolnikov sat seeming not to pay attention; plunged in thought
  with a strange smile on his pale l