第 85 节
作者:恐龙王      更新:2021-02-21 15:32      字数:9322
  the wall; and the next moment; stooping down; I would place the
  point of my finger upon the floor:  and so I continued to do day
  after day; frequently I would struggle to resist the impulse; but
  invariably in vain。  I have even rushed away from the object; but I
  was sure to return; the impulse was too strong to be resisted:  I
  quickly hurried back; compelled by the feeling within me to touch
  the object。  Now I need not tell you that what impelled me to these
  actions was the desire to prevent my mother's death; whenever I
  touched any particular object; it was with the view of baffling the
  evil chance; as you would call it … in this instance my mother's
  death。
  'A favourable crisis occurred in my mother's complaint; and she
  recovered; this crisis took place about six o'clock in the morning;
  almost simultaneously with it there happened to myself a rather
  remarkable circumstance connected with the nervous feeling which
  was rioting in my system。  I was lying in bed in a kind of uneasy
  doze; the only kind of rest which my anxiety on account of my
  mother permitted me at this time to take; when all at once I sprang
  up as if electrified; the mysterious impulse was upon me; and it
  urged me to go without delay; and climb a stately elm behind the
  house; and touch the topmost branch; otherwise … you know the rest
  … the evil chance would prevail。  Accustomed for some time as I had
  been; under this impulse; to perform extravagant actions; I confess
  to you that the difficulty and peril of such a feat startled me; I
  reasoned against the feeling; and strove more strenuously than I
  had ever done before; I even made a solemn vow not to give way to
  the temptation; but I believe nothing less than chains; and those
  strong ones; could have restrained me。  The demoniac influence; for
  I can call it nothing else; at length prevailed; it compelled me to
  rise; to dress myself; to descend the stairs; to unbolt the door;
  and to go forth; it drove me to the foot of the tree; and it
  compelled me to climb the trunk; this was a tremendous task; and I
  only accomplished it after repeated falls and trials。  When I had
  got amongst the branches; I rested for a time; and then set about
  accomplishing the remainder of the ascent; this for some time was
  not so difficult; for I was now amongst the branches; as I
  approached the top; however; the difficulty became greater; and
  likewise the danger; but I was a light boy; and almost as nimble as
  a squirrel; and; moreover; the nervous feeling was within me;
  impelling me upward。  It was only by means of a spring; however;
  that I was enabled to touch the top of the tree; I sprang; touched
  the top of the tree; and fell a distance of at least twenty feet;
  amongst the branches; had I fallen to the bottom I must have been
  killed; but I fell into the middle of the tree; and presently found
  myself astride upon one of the boughs; scratched and bruised all
  over; I reached the ground; and regained my chamber unobserved; I
  flung myself on my bed quite exhausted; presently they came to tell
  me that my mother was better … they found me in the state which I
  have described; and in a fever besides。  The favourable crisis must
  have occurred just about the time that I performed the magic touch;
  it certainly was a curious coincidence; yet I was not weak enough;
  even though a child; to suppose that I had baffled the evil chance
  by my daring feat。
  'Indeed; all the time that I was performing these strange feats; I
  knew them to be highly absurd; yet the impulse to perform them was
  irresistible … a mysterious dread hanging over me till I had given
  way to it; even at that early period I frequently used to reason
  within myself as to what could be the cause of my propensity to
  touch; but of course I could come to no satisfactory conclusion
  respecting it; being heartily ashamed of the practice; I never
  spoke of it to any one; and was at all times highly solicitous that
  no one should observe my weakness。'
  CHAPTER LXV
  Maternal anxiety … The baronet … Little zest … Country life … Mr。
  Speaker! … The craving … Spirited address … An author。
  AFTER a short pause my host resumed his narration。  'Though I was
  never sent to school; my education was not neglected on that
  account; I had tutors in various branches of knowledge; under whom
  I made a tolerable progress; by the time I was eighteen I was able
  to read most of the Greek and Latin authors with facility; I was
  likewise; to a certain degree; a mathematician。  I cannot say that
  I took much pleasure in my studies; my chief aim in endeavouring to
  accomplish my tasks was to give pleasure to my beloved parent; who
  watched my progress with anxiety truly maternal。  My life at this
  period may be summed up in a few words:  I pursued my studies;
  roamed about the woods; walked the green lanes occasionally; cast
  my fly in a trout stream; and sometimes; but not often; rode a…
  hunting with my uncle。  A considerable part of my time was devoted
  to my mother; conversing with her and reading to her; youthful
  companions I had none; and as to my mother; she lived in the
  greatest retirement; devoting herself to the superintendence of my
  education; and the practice of acts of charity; nothing could be
  more innocent than this mode of life; and some people say that in
  innocence there is happiness; yet I can't say that I was happy。  A
  continual dread overshadowed my mind; it was the dread of my
  mother's death。  Her constitution had never been strong; and it had
  been considerably shaken by her last illness; this I knew; and this
  I saw … for the eyes of fear are marvellously keen。  Well; things
  went on in this way till I had come of age; my tutors were then
  dismissed; and my uncle the baronet took me in hand; telling my
  mother that it was high time for him to exert his authority; that I
  must see something of the world; for that; if I remained much
  longer with her; I should be ruined。  〃You must consign him to me;〃
  said he; 〃and I will introduce him to the world。〃  My mother sighed
  and consented; so my uncle the baronet introduced me to the world;
  took me to horse…races and to London; and endeavoured to make a man
  of me according to his idea of the term; and in part succeeded。  I
  became moderately dissipated … I say moderately; for dissipation
  had but little zest for me。
  'In this manner four years passed over。  It happened that I was in
  London in the height of the season with my uncle; at his house; one
  morning he summoned me into the parlour; he was standing before the
  fire; and looked very serious。  〃I have had a letter;〃 said he;
  〃your mother is very ill。〃  I staggered; and touched the nearest
  object to me; nothing was said for two or three minutes; and then
  my uncle put his lips to my ear and whispered something。  I fell
  down senseless。  My mother was 。 。 。 I remember nothing for a long
  time … for two years I was out of my mind; at the end of this time
  I recovered; or partly so。  My uncle the baronet was very kind to
  me; he advised me to travel; he offered to go with me。  I told him
  he was very kind; but I would rather go by myself。  So I went
  abroad; and saw; amongst other things; Rome and the Pyramids。  By
  frequent change of scene my mind became not happy; but tolerably
  tranquil。  I continued abroad some years; when; becoming tired of
  travelling; I came home; found my uncle the baronet alive; hearty;
  and unmarried; as he still is。  He received me very kindly; took me
  to Newmarket; and said that he hoped by this time I was become
  quite a man of the world; by his advice I took a house in town; in
  which I lived during the season。  In summer I strolled from one
  watering…place to another; and; in order to pass the time; I became
  very dissipated。
  'At last I became as tired of dissipation as I had previously been
  of travelling; and I determined to retire to the country; and live
  on my paternal estate; this resolution I was not slow in putting
  into effect; I sold my house in town; repaired and refurnished my
  country house; and; for at least ten years; lived a regular country
  life; I gave dinner parties; prosecuted poachers; was charitable to
  the poor; and now and then went into my library; during this time I
  was seldom or never visited by the magic impulse; the reason being
  that there was nothing in the wide world for which I cared
  sufficiently to move a finger to preserve it。  When the ten years;
  however; were nearly ended; I started out of bed one morning in a
  fit of horror; exclaiming; 〃Mercy; mercy! what will become of me?
  I am afraid I shall go mad。  I have lived thirty…five years and
  upwards without doing anything; shall I pass through life in this
  manner?  Horror!'  And then in rapid succession I touched three
  different objects。
  'I dressed myself and went down; determ