第 37 节
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绚烂冬季 更新:2021-02-21 15:23 字数:9322
like church; but Brown says that is the best kind; a religion for every day; and Jack; too; says that Brown is right; but he won't talk much about it。
〃I am going to be a rancher。 Jack says I am a good cattle man already。 He gave me a pony and saddle and a couple of heifers for myself; that I saved last winter out of a snow…drift; and he says that when I grow a little bigger; he will take me for his partner。 Of course; he smiles when he says this; but I think he means it。 Would not that be splendid? I do not care to be a partner; but just to live with Jack always。 He makes every one do what he likes because they love him and they are afraid of him too。 Old Mackenzie would let him walk over his body。 There is only one thing; and I don't like to speak of it; and I would not to any one else; but it makes me sore in my heart。 When Jack and Old Mackenzie go to the Crossing; they bring back whiskey; and until it is done they have a terrible time。 You know; I don't mind seeing the Galicians drink whiskey and beer。 I drink it myself now and then。 But Jack and old Mackenzie just sit down and drink and drink; and afterwards I know Jack feels very bad。 Once we went here to a Galician wedding; and you know what that means。 They all got drinking whiskey and beer; and then we had a terrible time。 The whole roomful got fighting。 They were all against Jack and Mackenzie。 The Galicians had clubs and knives; but Jack just had his hands。 It was fine to see him stand up and knock those Galicians back; and smiling all the time。 Mackenzie had a hand… spike。 Of course; I helped a little with a club。 I thought they were going to kill Jack。 We got away alive; but Jack was badly hurt; and for a week afterwards he did not look at me。 Mackenzie said he was ashamed; but I don't know why。 He made a big fight。 Mackenzie says he did not like to fight with 'them dogs。' Brown heard all about it and came to see Jack; and he too looked ashamed and sorry。 But Brown never fights; no matter what they do to him; he won't fight; and he is a strong man; too; and does not look afraid。
〃Have you heard any word at all of father? I sometimes get so lonely for him and you。 I used to dream I was back with you again; and then I would wake up and find myself alone and far away。 It will not be so long now till I'm a man; and then you will come and live with me。 Oh! I cannot write fast enough to put down the words to say how glad I am to think of that。 But some day that will be。
〃I send my love to Simon Ketzel and Lena and Margaret; and you tell Mrs。 French I do not forget that I owe all I have here to her。 Tell her I wish I could do something for her。 Nothing would be too hard。
〃I kiss this paper for you; my dear sister; my beloved Irma。
〃Your loving and faithful brother;
〃KALMAN。〃
Proud of her brother; Irma read parts of her letter to her friend; leaving out; with a quick sense of what was fitting; every unhappy reference to Jack French; but the little lady was keen of ear and quick of instinct where Jack French was concerned; and Irma's pauses left a deepening shadow upon her face。 When the letter was done; she said: 〃Is it not good to hear of Kalman doing so well? Tell him he can do something for me。 He can grow up a good man; and he can help Jack to be〃 But here her loyal soul held her back。 〃No; don't say that;〃 she said; 〃just tell him I am glad to know he is going to be a good man。 There is nothing I want more for those I love than that。 Tell him too;〃 she added; 〃that I would like him and Jack to help Mr。 Brown all they can;〃 and this message Irma wrote to Kalman with religious care; telling him too how sad the dear sweet face had grown in sending the message。
But when Mrs。 French reached her home; she read again parts out of the letter which the same mail had brought her from the Night Hawk Ranch; read them in the light of Kalman's letter; while the shadows deepened on her face。
〃He is a strange little beggar;〃 she read; 〃though; by Jove; he is little no longer。 He is somewhere about sixteen; is away past my shoulder; and nearly as strong as I am; rides like a cowboy; and is as good after the cattle as I am; is afraid of nothing; and dearly loves a fight; and; I regret to say; he gets lots of it; for the Galicians are always after him for their feasts。 He is a great singer; you know; and dances much too well; and at the feasts; as I suppose you know quite well; there are always fights。 And here I want to consult you。 I very nearly sent him back to you a little while ago; not for his fault; but; I regret to say; for mine。 We went to a fool show among the Galicians; and; I am ashamed to say; played the fool。 There was the deuce of a row; and Mackenzie and I were in a tight box; for a dozen or so of our Galician friends were determined upon blood。 They got some of mine too; for they were using their knives; and; I am bound to say; it looked rather serious。 At this juncture that young beggar; forgetting all my good training in the manly art; and reverting to his Slavic barbaric methods of defence; went in with a hand…spike; yelling; and; I regret to say; cursing; till I thought he had gone drunk or mad。 Drunk; he was not; but mad;well; he was possessed of some kind of demon none too gentle that night。 I must acknowledge it was a good thing for us; and though I hate to think of the whole ghastly business; it was something fine; though; to see him raging up and down that room; taunting them for cowards; hurling defiance; and; by Jove; looking all the while like some Greek god in cowboy outfit; if your imagination can get that。 I am telling you the whole sickening story; because I must treat you with perfect sincerity。 I assure you next morning I was sick enough of myself and my useless life; sick enough to have done with the unhappy and disgraceful farce of living; but for your sake and for the boy's too; I couldn't play the cad; and so I continue to live。
〃But I have come to the opinion that he ought not to stay with me。 As I said before; he is a splendid chap in many ways; but I am afraid in these surroundings he will go bad。 He is clean as yet; I firmly believe; thank God; but with this Colony near us with their low standard of morality; and to be quite sincere; in the care of such a man as I am; the boy stands a poor chance。 I know this will grieve you; but it is best to be honest。 I think he ought to go to you。 I must refuse responsibility for his remaining here。 I feel like a beast in saying this; but whatever shred of honour is left me forces me to say it。〃
In the postscript there was a word that brought not a little hope and comfort。 〃One thing in addition。 No more Galician festivals for me。〃 It was a miserably cruel letter; and it did its miserably cruel work on the heart of the little white…faced lady。 She laid the letter down; drew from a box upon her table a photo; and laid it before her。 It was of two young men in football garb; in all the glorious pride of their young manhood。 Long she gazed upon it till she could see no more; and then went to pray。
It took Irma some days of thought and effort to prepare the answer to her letter; for to her; as to Kalman; English had become easier than her native Russian。 To Jack French a reply went by return mail。 It was not long; but; as Jack French read; the easy smile vanished; and for days he carried in his face the signs of the remorse and grief that gnawed at his heart。 Then he rode alone to Wakota to take counsel with his friend Brown。
As he read; one phrase kept repeating itself in his mind: 〃The responsibility of leaving Kalman with you; I must take。 What else can I do? I have no other to help me。 But the responsibility for what you make him; you must take。 God puts it on you; not I。〃
〃The responsibility for making him is not mine;〃 he said to himself impatiently。 〃I can teach him a lot of things; but I can't teach him morals。 That is Brown's business。 He is a preacher。 If he can't do this; what's he good for?〃
And so he argued the matter with himself with great diligence; and even with considerable heat of mind。 He made no pretence to goodness。 He was no saint; nor would he set up for one。 All who knew him knew this; and none better than Kalman。
〃I may not be a saint; but I am no hypocrite; neither will I play the part for any one。〃 In this thought his mind took eager refuge; and he turned it over in various phrases with increasing satisfaction。 He remembered with some anxiety that Brown's mental processes were to a degree lacking in subtlety。 Brown had a disconcertingly simple and direct method of dealing with the most complex problems。 If a thing was right; it was right; if wrong; it was wrong; and that settled the matter with Brown。 There was little room for argument; and none for compromise。 〃He has a deucedly awkward conscience too;〃 said Jack French; 〃and it is apt to get working long shifts。〃 Would he show his sister…in…law's letter? It might be good tactics; but that last page would not help him much; and besides he shrank from introducing her name into the argument。
As he approached Wakota; he was impatient with himself that he was so keenly conscious of the need of arguments to suppor